I woke up to the light pooling into the room; my achy limbs were like tired bricks intertwined with Ethan's. Taking a deep breath that led to a yawn, I sat up and stretched out my arms when I realized that my body did not tingle, but there were pains in places that I didn't realize that I could have pain. Bruises and love bites littering my skin, my mark bitten open again–touching it drawing a satisfied smile to my lips at the thought of the memory, and my toes stiff from curling so much–I had a love-hate relationship with 'the heat.'
There was no heat. No pain from the heat. No waves of so much arousal that it made me want to pull my own hair out. Nothing.
It was gone.
I sat back for a moment, wary that it was a false alarm. Yawning again while I rubbed my face and waited for it to lap at me with its hungry tongue. I waited, but nothing happened.
Sliding back down into the bed, my lips turned into a relieved smile while my eyes blinked from the heaviness of sleep calling me back. Something vibrated off of Ethan who was sleeping heavily next to me; I curled back down as his arms subconsciously pulled me to him, close so my head was tucked against his chest where his scent sang me back to sleep like it was a soft lullaby.
A nose was tickling my belly. My skin twitched as the lips attached to the nose grazed over me before the nose inhaled deeply while the lips placed a tender kiss on my stomach.
"What are you doing?" I groaned out, my voice hoarse and raspy from crying out so many times during our previous activities from the last day.
Blinking my eyes open. I rubbed them then looked down to see Ethan with his brows furrowed and his nose pressed to my belly like he was a damn blood hound. "Ethan, what the hell are you doing?"
"Sshh," he replied. "I'm trying to concentrate."
"On what?" I asked with a sleepy brow raised.
He inhaled again, his brows furrowing more before he sighed and rested his cheek on my stomach, looking back at me with tired blue eyes. "Lander said he could smell all three of his."
"His?" I asked, my mind still felt like mush and started to kick slowly into gear. "Oh," I breathed out.
I looked at my belly then at him then at my belly. "Well? Can you?"
My beast pressed forward and cocked her head as Ethan looked down and smelled again, his brows furrowing as his nostrils flared. He looked back up at me and shook his head. "The heat's gone but you just smell like you."
My wolf whined a little as small tendrils of disappointment grasped at me. Ethan sighed while his fingers moved to draw little circles on my stomach. "It sometimes takes a long time. Both Lander and Levi didn't have their pups until later in life."
"Three hundred something?" I slowly repeated back. "God I forgot how old his cranky ass was."
Ethan chuckled and nodded. "I think dad was around the same, maybe a little younger when Eli was born."
My wolf whined, though. I reached out and rubbed her fur mentally, we had to see it as a good thing–we had to be positive. I think she was more pissed that we went through all that pain for nothing, that is until I reminded her of the fantastic orgasms we had from it. That seemed to satisfy her whining.
My fingers mindlessly started to play with Ethan's hair while he continued to lay on my stomach. "Maybe it's a good thing–actually it probably is."
He snapped his eyes to me, his beast laying down with a tired frustration in his eyes. I shrugged while my beast rolled over with her belly out, she was more than exhausted. She needed to hibernate for about a month.
"Baby look at everything around us. It's so dangerous for a child right now, and me pregnant?" I shook my head and sat back. My wolf whined but she agreed. After the last week without our mate, we were both in agreement that we were terrified to bring a pup into this world right now.
He sighed and nodded. "I know. I can't believe those damn witches–" he grumbled. "And rogues here again?"
We hadn't talked much since he got back. We really didn't talk at all. Not that I was complaining but now that the dust from my heat settled we had things to do.
"What happened Ethan? You were gone for nine days, what the hell?" He sighed and looked back up at me, his eyes turned from tired to sad in an instant. My beast lifted her head with her ears flicked forward. "Ethan?"
"You show me first. Please?" he asked quietly.
I nodded. He crawled up and laid next to me, closer so I could scoot back and rest my head on his chest. My eyes closed as I let the events of the last few days pour over the bond; the rogues, the witches, what Lyanna had found, Aaron and Amber, the heat–God that heat. Images of the horrible night and day mares I had poured over the bond, causing him to freeze with anger that started to shake his skin while he bit back growls.
Images of Bernard flooded over; Bernard who found the Mare's Weed and destroyed it. I let the rest of the heat flood over; the images of Lucas and how he stayed with me, the pain, the agony, Evie and Derek fretting over me, and my beast as she cried out to her mate every night.
My eyes fluttered open to look up at him. His fingers where pinching the bridge of his nose and his jaw was so tight I thought it would crack. "Ethan," I sighed out and kissed the corner of his lips. "I'm fine. We'll figure it out."
He let out a sharp breath and pulled me tight to me as a series of more sharp breaths fell out of his lips while his beast reached out to mine, grasping to make sure that she was really alright.
"I'm so sorry baby."
"You're here now," I murmured against his chest.
He nodded and let out another sharp breath. "Lucas?"
"Real asshole, but he did keep me company," I replied with a faint smile.
He shook his head. "Figures," he grumbled.
"Ethan what about you? What happened?"
He kissed my crown then rested his chin on my head, holding me close to him as I felt him reach into the bond. Laying against him, his mind poured out images of his trip; his trip that shattered my heart.
I saw him and his group, the packs and the women they had collared up like animals–my beast growled out and caused a slight vibration to come off of my chest. I saw the sketchy alphas and the dirty alpha who disrespected his pack and mate but philandered around with other females. My beast snapped at the image, he did not deserve to lead a pack or have the moon's gift of a mate.
I saw them go to the caves, the caves that smelled sick. Ethan was walking, his feet were crunching on something that Ryder released to be the black rocks. My breath hitched as they kept going–going until they were looking at a small army of rogues sleeping in a large cave chamber below their feet.
"Ethan!" I gasped out.
He pulled me closer to him and kissed my hair. "That's not all."
More images dumped over the bond. They were leaving the cave and the alphas were waiting, waiting with a group to kill them. My beast growled out but the men ended up in a fight anyways.
We saw Terrance fall and our heart twisted for him, then we saw one of the alphas kill Bailey–the twin with sparkling eyes that was like a little light in the darkness, but then we saw Jaxon–and Billy.
We saw Billy take a blade for Jaxon. We saw Billy kill the alpha before he fell. We saw Billy fall and bleed out on the harsh mountain while my mate cracked around him.
Tears were coming out of my eyes as a sharp sob escaped my lips. I looked up at Ethan who looked just as pained as my heart was starting to feel. "Is he?"
He nodded. "It was silver, there was nothing we could do."
"His body?" I croaked out.
Ethan slowly shook his head. "Just watch," he murmured to me.
I let out a shaky breath while pieces of my heart chipped away as Ethan flooded the bond some more. Images of them running while the sounds of wolves barking grew closer flooded over my mind followed by the choice they had to make after they stumbled on the warriors waiting for them.
I saw them run hard for days, stopping in a cave and resting only a little before they pushed harder. I felt his beast, his beast that was in turmoil when he couldn't reach me or find me; blinking hard as more tears flowed out of my eyes I saw them run harder down the mountain, down to safety where they could shift, where he could hear me before they made it to Lusa–to Andrea.
Andrea.
"Oh my God," I choked out. "Oh my God Ethan."
Sobs broke out of my lips while he pulled me tighter to him as the bond twisted from both our hearts throbbing out in pain. My wolf howled out as she felt the loss of her pack members–of Billy.
Billy.
Images of the first time I met him came to mind, followed by the first time he put me on my ass. He was a gentle giant; a strong warrior with a soft heart that loved this pack and his daughter fiercely. I remembered the time he took me to the log; tossed me in the water until we were both laughing our asses off before I tried to have a go at him again.
Billy.
He had fought hard with us and helped us take this pack. He was one of the first ones to come out and help–to support us. He led the warriors and rallied them behind us and he died at the hands of a filthy alpha on a filthy mountain. He died protecting Andrea because if Jaxon would have fallen on that mountain, then it would have not just be her that would fall–but that pack as well.
"He would have wanted to go that way," Ethan said, his voice cracking as he clung onto me. "He died fighting, it's what he would have wanted."
Sobs escaped out of my mouth and against his chest until I could feel little tears fall onto my skin–his tears. We laid in bed holding each other and letting our tears fall until we had no more left to shed.
Ethan sat up and held his hand out to me, a sad smile on his face. "Let's eat and figure out what we need to do."
I nodded and let him pull me out of the safety of the covers. Quickly, I walked to the closet and tossed on a shirt then slipped on some of his socks; my bottom lips still trembling because all I could think of was Andrea and the pain she must be in.
Ethan wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my shoulder. "We'll eat, sort this out, then go to Lusa. Ok?"
I nodded. "Ok."
"Do you want blobs?"
"Yes," I croaked out as he pulled me closer to his chest, nuzzling my neck before he placed a long kiss against it.
"I love you," he murmured against my skin.
"I love you too, Ethan," I replied, my face turning to him so his lips could meet mine.
He pulled me back and down to the kitchen where he started to make some blobs while I made coffee. We were quiet as the heaviness of the situation, or shit-storm we seemed to find ourselves in settled on us.
The coffee pot gurgled while I pulled out some mugs as Ethan stirred the pancake batter. He scooped some out and poured it into the skillet, not really minding the shape–they were supposed to be blobs anyways.
"Where do we even start?" I asked.
He let out a breathy laugh. "I don't know baby. The whole thing is covered in shit." I nodded as I pulled out my hazelnut Coffeemate. Ethan sighed and looked back at me, his eyes tired while the pancake batter started to bubble in the pan. "Let's just chip away at it, there's not really a good place to start."
I nodded. "So you found the rogues?"
Ethan let out a sharp laugh before he flipped the pancake over. "That we did sunshine. A hell of a lot of them too."
"And the rocks," I added. "If they are making them, then where are they getting the blood and how do they have that many rogues?"
He shrugged. "I don't know Char, we all kept asking ourselves the same thing. I just don't understand what they are waiting for. They have enough rogues to attack, what's the hold-up, you know?"
I nodded. "You're right. They have the support of the north and those numbers. They don't have a reason to be stalling but it seems like they are."
"Exactly," he said as he scooped the first blob out onto a plate. "The thing is, I don't think they intended to kill us."
"Uh, what?" I asked with a raised brow. "Ethan, babe, how hard did you hit your head out there?"
He gave me a long look as I shrugged innocently. He started to pour more batter into the pan before he looked back at me. "Seriously, I think that as long as we just went where they wanted us to and saw where they wanted us to, that nothing would have happened. Do they want to attack us and probably start a war? Yes, but doing it then? Attacking and killing off that many alphas? That wouldn't be smart for them, they want something more than just taking out packs."
"Perhaps," I mused before I started to pour coffee in some mugs. "Ok, so we know they are there, we know they are making the rocks up there, we know that they have to have some kind of blood supply to do it, but do we know if that is the only place they are hiding?"
Ethan shrugged before he flipped the pancake. "No, just because we found them there, it doesn't mean that the mountains are the only place they are. Although, I want everyone to meet before any more trips. We can't afford for them to go like ours did."
"No shit," I grumbled as I handed him a cup. "Derek is worried sick over Elliot as it is."
"As he should be," Ethan replied before he scooped the blob out onto the plate. "That was a camping trip I never want to repeat."
I sighed and took a long sip of my coffee before I set it down and picked the Coffeemate up to return to the refrigerator. Ethan was pouring more batter into the pan, chewing on the inside of his lip before he looked at me. "Alright, well, let's go through here–rogues?"
I growled lowly. "You saw."
"I did," he breathed out as he flipped a blob. "Getting the rocks out was smart baby."
I smiled into my cup. "Thank you."
"But I am going to kill those goddamn witches," he growled out.
I barked out a laugh. "Bernard almost did, he may have beat you to it."
Ethan growled again before he scooped the blob out of the pan. "Remi found nothing?"
I shook my head. "I mean, maybe since I was in heat. Obviously, I wasn't really functional then. The witches came and looked. They could confirm blood magic, but well, you saw," I grumbled out. "We're getting new ones. Bernard said Caleb would be probably interested."
"He swore a blood oath to you," Ethan mused.
"He saved my life, Ethan," I stated, meeting his blue-green eyes that swirled with worry. "Baby all those things I saw, they felt so real. It all felt so real. Like the dream I had where you came home–it was like I could feel the grass under my toes. I could smell you, I could feel you. It–everything was so real. I almost believed it too."
He pulled me to him quickly and placed a long kiss on my forehead, his breath shaky before he kissed his way down to my neck. "Baby, it was just the Mare's Weed."
"I know," I breathed out as he moved down to kiss above my mark.
"You're mine sunshine, and I'm your's. No one is changing that," he breathed against my skin before he kissed my mark.
I started to melt against him when something burning caught my nose. "The blobs!"
Ethan quickly turned and muttered a string of curses under his breath. He scooped out the burnt blob and tossed it in the trash before he smiled at me apologetically. "Sorry sunshine."
I took a sip of coffee and laughed a little. "Just keep making blobs Everette."
"I'm starting to think you just keep me around for my blobs," he whined out playfully.
"I mean, maybe," I teased.
Ethan rolled his eyes and took a long sip of coffee before he poured new batter in the pan. "So he thinks Melinda put it in our mattress?"
I shrugged. "Maybe, but I don't know. Ragna was hiding something, Ethan, it could be either of them. Melinda was summoned, so she had to leave–as convenient as the timing was, but that doesn't mean she necessarily did it."
"You don't suspect Dagny?" he asked before he flipped the blob.
I shook my head. "She seems to just do what the other two wanted. I dislike Melinda less, but she did leave a slight foul taste in my mouth. However, Ragna did too, especially after seeing how she handled the rogues and Mare's Weed."
Ethan growled lowly and nodded. "I ought to lock her in a room with bushels of it."
Walking to him I kissed his shoulder before I took a sip of my coffee. "She'll get what's coming for her, which is probably the wrath of Levi Thorne."
Ethan scooped the blob out and nodded deeply. "I told Evan to speak to Levi about Billy."
"David's going to be devastated," I replied quietly as my heart twisted again.
Ethan kissed my forehead then poured more batter in the pan. "So is Jake."
"Shit," I hissed while I leaned my head against his shoulder. "This is such a mess."
He nodded. "That it is sunshine."
"Aaron and Amber came back," I muttered before I leaned back and walked over to where I had set my coffee down.
Ethan sighed before he flipped the blob. "What do you make of that."
I shook my head while I started to pull some plates out. "I think it's getting more dangerous and they are looking to mobilize anyone who has a bone to pick with us."
"And what about all that shit you and Lyanna found? What the hell is that?" he hissed out.
I set the plates down on the island then moved to grab some silverware. "I don't know Ethan. Levi told us to keep it to ourselves until we know more but after this week I won't keep it from Derek and Evie. It's not right and I actually question whether they know about most of it."
"They are both hundreds of years old sunshine," Ethan replied.
"True but this has all been well hidden. Levi didn't even know about it other than what had happened in this region. Do you remember your dad saying anything?"
He shook his head. "No," he sighed out. "But baby, you know what that means?"
"I know," I breathed out. "I just don't know what they were going to do with the information. I doubt they would have walked into a council meeting with it, you know?"
He nodded. "Well we know the rebels were anti-treaty, and that information you found would support a theory that would suggest that the treaty is really just a band-aid, that parties on both sides were not holding up to the agreement."
"So how does it all connect?" I mused as I pulled some butter and syrup out while Ethan picked up the plate of blobs and set them on the table.
He reached for my mug, kissing my cheek in the process. A soft purr vibrated off me as I leaned into him. My male.
"Well," he breathed out as he filled our mugs up with the steamy black liquid. "We know that they obviously want to get rid of the treaty. Information like that would make a lot of weres start to question the vampires, it makes me question the vampires," he added before he filled up my cup with Coffeemate. "Maybe that's what they are trying to do? Maybe they are trying to naturally stir up discontent with this information."
"They wouldn't have to do anything but let nature take it's course then," I stated while he walked back. Ethan nodded as I forked a few blobs onto my plate, chewing my bottom lips because even still, that didn't feel like it was one hundred percent the case. "But why haven't we heard of this up until now and why build a rogue army if you're going to start, more or less, a coup?
"Would the idea then, and correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't the idea then be to release this information–like some kind of smear campaign, and stir up the populous to rally people together? You wouldn't really need an army then?"
"Well," Ethan pushed back gently. "Maybe or maybe not. Even Napoleon had his own men, as did many other great conquerors before they overthrew government–more or less. It would make sense for them to have some kind of a hard force behind them, but I do think you're right. If they had all this information that could harm the treaty, then why wait? It looks like they don't really need to. If they are wanting to set fire to the whole treaty with our region as the flame, it looks like they have had what they need."
I nodded while my beast and I let the information marinade in our brain. "It just feels like there is more, like we are missing something. I feel like we're close, just not quiet there."
He nodded. "I agree wholeheartedly sunshine," he replied while he forked some blobs onto his plate. "We should talk to Bernard again since he's your new best friend."
"Ethan he saved my life," I stated with a slight scowl.
"I'm not saying I'm ungrateful. He's still a sketchy ass witch, but he did swear a blood oath–so let's see what that relationship can really do for us."
"We need to talk to Derek and Evie," I said before I took a bite of my blob.
Ethan nodded. "I don't think Derek or Elliot really knew. They both have lived up here from what I know; I mean Derek never really wanted to be too far from Elliot who was always out in the wilderness chasing bears. From what I remember my dad saying, he was the youngest progeny of Leo's and really he didn't have a role in running the coven, but I don't think Derek ever wanted it."
"What about Elliot's maker?"
Ethan shook his head. "I don't know, I just know he died and when he did, Elliot joined Derek's coven."
"What about Evie and Barrett? Ethan, she stayed with me that whole time, honestly, I love that little vampire and I don't think Evie has it in her to harbor that much information that would twist her up without feeling incredibly guilty. Barrett too, they're good people, my beast loves them too."
Ethan nodded into his coffee mug. "Then we tell them. We tell them and see what they say, give them a chance to either explain or soak it in and react. They very well may not know sunshine, but we shouldn't hide this from them. I know Levi is skeptical, and he has a right to be, but I won't keep this from them."
I took a few more bites of my pancakes before I looked back up at him. "What of our pack? What of the deaths?"
"We have no bodies for the funeral pyres," he replied, a sad glint in his eyes.
"Maybe they will, I don't know? Give them back?"
Ethan shrugged. "That would be an honorable respectful thing to do and I doubt these wolves know what either of those mean."
"What do we tell them? They will want to know why Billy and Terrance died."
"The truth sunshine, we tell them the truth. It may shake them the hell up, but I won't hide things from them, it's not right."
I nodded then sipped my coffee. "Could we have the pyres without bodies? Maybe it would give everyone a little closure?"
Ethan shrugged. "We can wait a few days and see what happens. See if they do send them down–I doubt they will. After that we can build some pyres," he sighed and shook his head. "I'll see what Levi says."
"Who do you want to go to first?"
He swallowed down his bite and tugged at his hair. "Let's go to Terrance's first. I have a feeling we'll be at Lusa for a while. We can go, pay our respects, then go look for Jake. Let's take him with us, he'll want to go see Andrea."
"Alright," I breathed out before I took another bite of my blob that tasted less sweet as the realness of the day set in.
Ethan and I quickly finished eating then ran first to Terrance's parent's home; we passed Billy's cabin along the way. His cabin that was surrounded by bundles of flowers and candles that wolves were lighting around it; warriors would run up and place a small bundle of white flowers on the steps with the others before lighting a candle, muttering something under their breath as the little flame flickered in the breeze.
My breath caught in my throat and I had to push back the pain so I could focus on the pack–the bond that was starting to dully throb as news of Terrance and Billy's death swept through them.
I pulled on some shorts and a sweatshirt upon arrival at Terrance's parent's home; Gina, his mother opened the door with teary eyes and a brave smile. I rushed to her and hugged her to me, rubbing my cheek against hers while she sobbed on my shoulder.
Ethan went over to George who was standing quietly at the window overlooking his front yard with a somber expression on his face that didn't seem to move. They talked quietly while Gina and I went into the kitchen and had a cup of coffee; she told me happy stories of Terrance from when he was a child, making us both laugh with watery eyes together.
We told them that we were not sure about the bodies and that news didn't sit well with them; mostly because George wanted to march up to the mountains and kill every wolf up there. I didn't blame him, I did as well.
Ethan promised that we would have funeral pyres regardless, which seemed to help their pain but I knew that they wanted nothing more than to put their son's body to rest, a though that tore at my heart because I wasn't sure if we could give that to them.
Debbie, Jake's mother walked out to greet us when we got to their home. Some of our captains were at their house with red eyes and heavy hearts as they helped to share the burden that the family was feeling. Ethan hugged Debbie before I rubbed my cheek against her's.
"How's Jake?" I asked quietly.
She shook her head. I nodded then led her with me back into her home where Ethan hugged Jake's father Jack, while I went to Murphy and Justin who looked like they had been hit by a freight train.
I rubbed my cheek against Nessa, Sam, and Mandy's inside. Drew, Jimmy, and Paul were sitting around Ryder and Jake who just stared out the window together.
"Ryder?" I called out quietly.
He turned to me with big broken eyes and gave me a teary smile. "Hey, Ghostrider."
I bit back a sob and walked quickly to him, hugging him tight while Ethan moved slowly to Jake. Sighing, I pulled away and gave Ryder a small smile. "I'm so glad you're ok. I was so worried about all of you."
He nodded and hugged me again. "We'll be ok Char."
Jake hugged Ethan before I walked over and hugged him to me. "I'm so sorry Jake."
Jake let out a shaky breath and nodded. "I know, me too."
Ryder sat down on a couch with Ethan, rubbing his face before he looked over at him. "Have you heard from Jaxon?"
Ethan shook his head. "Evan said that Ajax and Deryl went home already. We were going to go to Lusa today if you all want to come?"
Ryder nodded. "I think that would be good, Jake?"
Jake dipped his head. "Is she?"
"I don't know Jake," Ethan breathed out. "I think she'll be glad to see us though."
"What about his body?" Jake asked.
Ethan let out a shaky breath while Ryder blinked hard. "Jake we couldn't–"
"We would have died Jake," Ryder added. "We wanted to go back but we couldn't. They were on our asses for days. What of the vampires Ethan? "
"Evan has them in Char's old cabin. We should stop and see Becker today too. Evan also said Alex was coming back here, Bailey was one of his coven members."
"Shit," Ryder hissed out.
Jake rubbed his eyes and looked back up at us. "How did you even get home?"
Ryder scoffed out a laugh. "We rolled in some goddamn mud and hauled as west up the mountain an extra four days to throw them off."
Martin shook his head. "Ethan, what do we do?"
"I don't know yet," Ethan answered honestly. "But we will do something. We'll burn those mountains down if we have to."
I shuddered inwardly and nodded while I rubbed Jake's back. "Do you want to head out to Lusa?"
Jake nodded while Paul stood up. "I'll get some of the guys, I think they will want to pay their respects as well if that's ok?"
"Course," Ethan breathed out.
"Luna?"
"It's just Charlotte, Debbie," I replied with a soft smile.
She nodded and nudged her chin to the kitchen. "I have some food to send to Andrea if you could carry it with you?"
"We can do that, I am sure she'll appreciate it," Ethan replied with a soft smile.
I walked over to Jake and squeezed his shoulder gently. "Ready?"
He nodded then stood up, wiping his eyes before he walked silently to the door. Ryder let out a long sigh and gave me a half smile before he walked to Debbie and took the casserole pan from her hands.
"I'll get you a saddlebag," she sniffled out.
We made our way quickly to the border where Caden met us with a sad smile and tired eyes. He escorted us to Andrea and Jaxon's cabin; a modest two story with a large living room and backyard where I could already picture blonde children running around while Andrea chased after them.
"Let me go first?"
Ethan nodded to me as I looked at the cedar bedroom door in front of me–the door between Andrea and I. Jake and the other captains had paid their respects to Jaxon, who seemed liked his grief and guilt were eating him up from the inside out.
Apparently, Andrea had not come out of her room and she would barely speak to Jaxon. I worried that she blamed him–that she was harboring all her sadness in a bay meant only for him. It wasn't his fault, after seeing the memories over my bond with Ethan, that much was clear to me.
I walked carefully with Ethan on my heel, his wolf pacing slowly as mine reached out to feel out for Andrea. I could see the worry in his eyes and it was well warranted; I wasn't sure if Andrea was going to be in her right mind, but there was no way in hell I was going to leave her alone–not like this.
Twisting the handle, the light from the hallway softly pooled into the dark room that smelled like salt tears. She was buried in the middle of the bed, under the covers and absolutely silent. I couldn't tell if she was sleeping or just trying to avoid us, but my beast didn't care. We walked forward, careful and alert in case she did decide to snap out at us until we stood at the side of her bed.
Ethan was watching the scene from the door while Jaxon hovered not far behind him. I let out a long sigh then reached forward, my hand finding what I think was her shoulder. "Andrea?" I said softly as I gently shook her should.
Something stirred under the covers, giving me a little hope–so I did it again. "Andrea?"
"Charlotte?" a faint voice replied.
"Hey," I breathed out.
She didn't reply. I looked over the bed then quickly walked around to the other side, the side she was not laying on; looking to Ethan with a reassuring nod, I slid under the covers and squirmed my way over so I was laying directly across from her.
"Hi," I breathed out again in the dark cavern that the comforter had created over us.
Andrea looked up at me, blonde hair in disarray and eyes that were red from all the salty tears. Her bottom lip quivered and her wolf was somewhere far in the corner of her mind, howling out lowly and causing her to curl into herself some more.
What do you say in a situation like that? So many times after my parents died, I remember people would tell me different things; things like 'It's ok,' or 'You're going to be alright,' or 'They're in a better place.' I hated those people.
Because it wasn't ok. Losing someone like that wasn't ok and at the time, you were not alright and probably wouldn't be for a while. Saying that they are in a better place can be somewhat comforting, but it only reminds us of the loss. The fact that they are somewhere else that we cannot grasp.
But was is ok is crying–feeling the pain and letting yourself break. I think the day Levi just let me break down and cry it out was the day I started to really live and understand what being a person on this planet meant. I meant that sometimes things were not ok, and neither were we–that in itself is ok.
I scooted towards my friend and hugged her to me. At first, she stilled, her wolf on guard–on edge, and unsure of what I was doing until I nuzzled her cheek and started to run my fingers through her hair while I let my beast come forward with her pain and sadness. We would share this burden with her–this sadness with her.
Sadness that drew soft sobs that turned into sharp ones from her lips; sharp sobs that turned into reckless crying while arms held onto me like I was the life-raft in the middle of a chaotic ocean. My own tears spilled, tears from the pain of loosing two pack members–my beat and I felt the guilt derived from the weight of the responsibility that we carried deep in our souls. It was like there were new holes in our soul. More tears fell though–tears for Andrea. Tears as her contagious sadness seemed to burden me as well, a sadness that could have taken your breath away.
Eventually, our tears turned dry and sobs turned into soft breathing as we both drifted off to sleep. I woke up later to the feeling of something moving beside me; my eyes fluttered open to see green eyes staring back at me.
"Hi," she whispered.
"Hi," I whispered back.
"Thank you," she replied.
I nodded. "You should get something to eat. You need to eat something."
She slowly shook her head. "It makes me sick Charlotte," she said with a grimace as she mindlessly rubbed her stomach.
"Try?" I gently prodded. "I'm sure Jaxon would fix you something."
She sighed and shook her head. "He blames himself."
"It's not his fault," I quickly replied.
Her eyes met mine, eyes that agreed. She nodded. "I know."
"You need him just as much as he needs you right now, you know?"
She sniffled and shook her head. "I need my dad right now, that's who I need."
"Andrea–" my voice was cut off her by her sobbing, sobbing that turned into more crying. I held her close to me and rocked her back and forth, not saying anything but just being there with her–for her.
"I told him not to go," she sobbed out. "I had a feeling all week and I told him and Jaxon not to. I told him you had the feeling too but he didn't listen–he's so damn stubborn. I tried talking to him but he refused. I thought I felt his bond die the other night but Caden told me it was just the silver–"
"Andrea," I softly cooed out to her. "He died protecting his pack–protecting you. He saved Jaxon so the men could come home–so Jaxon could come home to you. That and now we have valuable information we didn't before–Billy saved us."
"I told him not to be a damn hero," she bit out against my shoulder.
I nodded and kissed her hair. "I'm sorry. You know your dad doesn't have it in his nature not to be, he died honorably."
"I know," she croaked out. "He was my rock, Charlotte."
"I know," I breathed back. "But you have a lot of people who need you to be their rock now–we both do. We have packs and mates that need us and we need them. Don't carry this by yourself or let Jaxon carry his sadness by himself–do it together."
"He told me he loved me before he left."
"Who?"
"Jaxon."
I eyed her for a while and gave her a curious brow. "And?"
"I didn't know what to say–it's so soon," she replied. "I know he means it–that he really does. I didn't know what to say so I told him that if he made it back down the mountains in one piece that he may have an answer–I was joking at the time obviously–"
"Andrea," I groaned with a soft laugh.
She shrugged. "I thought that the time away would be good for both of us, it would give me space to think about it all. I never realized, I just–" he voice broke as tears welled up in her eyes.
"What? What is it?"
She shook her head. "There was one night that our bond was so painful, like it was scared–"
"I remember a night like that," I whispered back. "It twisted so hard it almost took my breath away."
She nodded. "It was like that until they came home; up and down–all over the place. I never thought–the thought of losing him kills me. I was so scared. I haven't ever been that scared and I knew I was driving Caden crazy. I was so close to marching our warriors up those damn mountains for him. I kept praying to the moon over and over and over again to bring him home safe to me–I even offered to swear off wine."
"Holy shit," I said with high raised brows.
"I know," she sighed. "Although, considering everything I think she'll understand if I break that one promise."
I smiled softly and nodded in agreement. "I do too. I could use a fat glass right now."
She rolled her eyes. "Shouldn't you be staying away from wine?"
"Uh, no?"
"Are you not?"
I cocked my head until the realization hit. My hand moved to my stomach while I shook my head at her. "No, I mean Ethan said he couldn't smell anything. I can't either. I tried all morning but I just got a back ache from trying to bend my damn nose to my belly."
She rolled her eyes. "Well, if you get your period I guess we'll know."
I groaned. I was hoping that after shifting that my time of the month would no longer plague me. Wrong. Totally wrong. Apparently, like a human, if I wasn't pregnant after my heat that the lining of my uterus would shed and grace me with its bloody presence. Fantastic
Andrea chuckled lightly. She scooted down and lifted my shirt up, pressing her nose to my belly with furrowed brows as she sniffed at it for a few tense moments. Looking back at me she shrugged again. "You just smell like you. If you are you should be able to smell the change in your body, eventually the baby. After a while, you can usually smell the sex of the baby."
"Really?"
"Mhmm," she hummed.
I sighed as my wolf whined. She mostly whined because we went through almost that whole damn heat with nothing to show for it; well, we had love bites and bruises all over us to show for it. Shivering with a sly smile at the memories of our crazed lovemaking, I looked back up at Andrea who was rolling her eyes again at me.
"I'm just glad you're ok," she sighed out. "I was about ready to kill that blue-haired witch."
"Me too," I added. "I don't know. I guess it's a good thing. With everything right now, the last thing Ethan and I need is a kid."
She chuckled lightly with a nod. "You think he's protective of you now, shit–well I don't know, seeing him fret over you like that would be more than humorous for me."
I growled lowly which made her laugh more before I started to laugh with her. Ethan stirred over our link, which made me laugh more–damn male probably knew we were talking about him.
"Is she ok?"
"I think she will be," I replied.
"Jaxon wants to see her. He's in rough shape Char, and the other's want to see her too."
"I'll see what I can do."
"Jaxon wants to see you," I said gently. "And Jake and some of the captains came to see you."
She sighed then slowly nodded. "Send Jaxon in first?"
"Ok," I replied with a soft smile. "We'll make the mountains bleed for him Andrea."
"Oh I know we will," she replied her eyes swirling darkly as they met mine.
"She's ready," I told Ethan.
Pulling the comforter back, we were met with soft light pooling into the room as the door opened to reveal our two males. Jason's eyes were locked onto Andrea's while Ethan looked between her and I curiously.
I kissed her cheek then scooted out of bed, walking quietly to Ethan while
Jaxon stepped aside for me to pass through the doorway.
"We won't be long," he said.
Ethan shook his head. "Just do what you need to. If she's not up for it then we can have everyone come tomorrow."
"Ok," Jaxon sighed out before he slipped into the dark room, closing the door and leaving Ethan and I to ourselves.
He nuzzled my neck and wrapped me up in his arms. We were quiet for a few moments before he pulled away and tenderly kissed my forehead. "We should go check on Jake, I don't know how long they will be."
"Ethan?" I said while he started to gently pull me with him.
"Sunshine?"
"I love you."
He smiled softly then dipped down to kiss me. "I love you too baby."