April 10, 2008
The break-up doesn’t hurt as much as the answers to the question, “What if?”
“Grace! Grace, wait!” Nick shouted as he ran after the girl with whom he had a complicated relationship status.
Damn. Why does she have to be there right when I said those things? Nick thought.
Grace was merely walking fast, trying hard not to take so much attention upon herself and Nick took advantage of that, eventually catching up on her. He immediately grabbed her wrist and pulled her to a stop. He saw her eyes widen in fear and sadness, her body becoming stiff, and his guts rolled over in shame. She immediately tried to struggle out of his grasp but Nick was strong and she gave up the fight. He stared at her, willing her to look at him but she didn’t.
“I’ll let go of you but you have to promise me we’ll talk.” He saw her nod. “Now,” Nick added just in case she ran off, saying that they’ll talk some time in the future. He couldn’t let her continue to over think without knowing everything.
When she nodded again, he released her, trusting her not to go back on her actions. He saw her body turn, probably thinking of escaping but then, changed her mind. If there was one thing that he admired about Grace, it was her set of principles. She remained where she was and sighed with acceptance. He gave her a small smile of thanks and led her to a bench hidden by a huge acacia tree. It wasn’t close to the lake and Nick was thankful for the privacy it offered.
He took a deep breath.
“I know that no matter what I say, I would only end up hurting you. And for that, I’m sorry,” he began.
No answer.
“You probably hate me for asking you out in the first place. It was wrong and I’ve been bothered by my conscience ever since.” He saw her wince and he felt even more ashamed of himself. Grace shouldn’t be hurt like this.
“I wanted us to work, Grace. I really do. It’s just, well…” He paused, unable to organize his thoughts. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” A tear escaped from her eye and rolled down her cheek. He swallowed and tried to apologize again. Before he could open his mouth however, Grace raised her hand.
“Answer a question for me, will you?” She then faced him and he gave a nod. “Did you even try?”
His answer must have registered on his face and he saw the sadness in her eyes deepen.
“I couldn’t seem to do it. I’m sorry,” he said.
Grace turned away again as she struggled to keep the rest of her tears from falling. She then nodded with a smile of acceptance.
“I heard a lot of people say we look good as a couple. But somehow, it didn’t make me happy. I think it’s because deep in my heart, I knew,” her voice broke and she swallowed the lump in her throat, “that we were never really a couple. I guess I just,” a sob escaped from her lips, “I just hoped that maybe I was the only one who thought that way.” She gave a soft, sad laugh. “Turns out, my heart was right. Thank you, Nick. For being honest.”
She slapped her lap as she stood up. Grace took a gulp of air then finally looked at Nick.
“Can you do me a favor?”
Nick nodded.
“Tell Rachelle, will you?”
His eyes widened and he realized that Grace knew of his feelings for his best friend. He hoped she wouldn’t blame Rachelle for this break up. She turned around, ready to walk away.
“Frankly, looking at you a while ago was enough to break even my heart. If you really do love her, you shouldn’t let fear take over. You’re a good guy, Nick. And she’s your best friend. She may have Liam now but really. Keeping it inside you couldn’t be doing you any good. I don’t know how you’re going to do it but I’m sure telling her would make your life easier.”
Nick took a deep breath. He was expecting Grace to lash out at him and blame him for everything and here she was telling him to go and be happy with someone else even though it was breaking her heart. His guilty conscience began to take over and tears formed in his eyes. He was wrong to hurt her. By god, he was wrong.
He gave Grace a small nod and she smiled despite her tears.
“Goodbye, Nick.”
She began to walk and for a moment he thought she would look back. But she didn’t.
“Thank you,” he whispered. Knowing that Grace understood him more than he thought she did.
*****
“I haven’t been able to talk to Grace since she and Nick broke up,” Rachelle told Liam Saturday afternoon while walking around the H&G for their date. She decided to brave the public despite all the things that had happened to her these past few days. Everyone heard of her ‘vacation leave’ from modeling because of the scandals, and stares followed her everywhere she went. Liam told her to simply ignore them—and she did.
It was a bit better in school because the students had a lot to talk about besides her. Nick and Grace, in particular. Everyone seemed to be making up or spreading stories about the break up, some of them saying that they never really dated. Rachelle, for one, wanted to know the entire truth. Nick wouldn’t discuss it and he seemed to prefer not talking to anyone, not even Matt.
She sighed.
“I feel so bad for encouraging those two to be together and now I couldn’t even do anything to help them,” she said with a pout.
“It’s not your fault, Rach. Stop trying to carry everyone’s burden,” Liam replied as he took her hand to lead her inside a pastry shop.
“I know, I know. It’s just that, well, I was hoping I’m the only one with a big problem. I mean, why does everybody else need to suffer too?” Rachelle replied as they fell in line in front of the dessert display.
“I guess we can’t expect everything to turn out the way we want to.” Liam took out his wallet, ready for their upcoming purchase. “What are you having?”
“Blueberry cheesecake, please. You?”
“Brownie a la mode.”
Liam placed their orders and as soon as they got their tray ready, went on to a table by the window.
They ate their desserts quietly for a few minutes then Rachelle began to slow down, immersed in her thoughts. She saw Liam staring at her and she raised an eyebrow.
“What?”
“What are you thinking?”
“Huh?”
Liam pointed towards her hand, holding the fork a few centimeters from her plate.
“You practically stopped eating. What’s bothering you?”
She then dropped her fork and gazed intently at Liam.
“What if there’s a third party?”
Rachelle watched Liam swallow the food in his mouth and waited for him to answer.
“Well,” he began. “Judging from what I know about those two, I don’t think it’s in their characters to cheat on a relationship.” He took another bite. “Unless of course, I’m wrong with my assessment.”
Rachelle shook her head.
“No, you’re right. Those two would be faithful even if it killed them.” She forked down a small part of her cake then placed it in her mouth. The moment she finished with it, she resumed their conversation.
“I just thought that maybe there was something holding them back. Like a past love or a ‘could-be’ love. You know what I mean?”
“You’re overanalyzing again,” Liam snorted. “Maybe this time we shouldn’t meddle. You have a bigger problem, after all.”
“Hmph. Don’t remind me.”
“If you wish,” Liam shrugged.
Perhaps at the back of Rachelle’s mind she wanted to concentrate on Nick and Grace because she didn’t want to remember her problems. She was still trying to come up with a reason for the break up when she suddenly remembered something and her head snapped up. Liam looked back at her attentively.
“My mom’s available tonight. Do you think we can finally have dinner with her? She definitely wants to meet you,” she told Liam with an excited smile.
“Let me check my schedule.”
She observed him as he took out his phone and saw his expression change from expectant to disappointed.
He looked up and said regretfully, “I’m sorry, Rach. I need to call my dad tonight regarding tomorrow’s business with the trading company.”
She gave him a close-lipped smile and said, “Okay.”
I wonder when he’ll be available for my mom, Rachelle thought, disheartened.
He must have realized how upset Rachelle was as he took one of her hands and kissed it softly.
“I promise I’ll make sure I’m available next time,” he assured her with a smile.
She savored the feeling of having him hold her hand as they gazed lovingly at each other. He began to caress it softly too and she wished the moment wouldn’t end.
“I love you, Liam.”
“I love you too. More than my life.”
Rachelle’s breathing calmed down as his words resonated in her mind.
He really was all I was asking for. Dear God, you’re not taking him away from me too, are you?
*****
It was hell. Grace’s life in the past three days, that was. Thursday, she had to deal with the revelation that the person she loved was in love with someone else. And with Rachelle Harlow, at that. How could she possibly compete? Friday, everyone found out that she and Nick was no longer an item. How they knew about it was beyond her. Saturday, she was so distracted that she caused several accidents at her part-time job in McDonald’s. All in all, she was ready to burn in heartache and embarrassment.
She got off the train at the Cultural District Station, intent to make herself look cheerful before she faced her parents and brothers. They knew she had personal problems but they never questioned her about it. As usual, they trusted her enough to know when she could finally tell her family everything. Sometimes, she wished they would force her to tell them what was on her mind. That way, she wouldn’t have the chance to panic because she had no choice.
And fear was all she felt every time she went home since Thursday. She abruptly stopped in her tracks.
I can’t do it. Not today either. God, I need to escape, she thought to herself.
Then and there she decided not to go home yet. The moment she was out on the sidewalk, names of possible places to go ran through her mind like a checklist. Finally, her brain focused on one familiar name.
Moments later, she stood at the entrance of the Pueblo in her rose-printed blouse, jeans and burgundy platforms. She entered and found a place at the corner of the bar counters. She asked for nachos and a glass of tequila sunrise.
Just a few drinks. Then I go home and tell everyone what happened.
It was seven o’clock in the evening, too early to drink by some people’s standards but hell, she was eighteen now and legal. She was tired of being attacked by her conscience and felt that she deserved some rebellious tendencies. Grace further justified her actions by telling herself how she often spotted minors drinking in some alleys all over the Cultural District. Even now, she saw one of her female neighbors who just turned eighteen two weeks ago.
A group of seemingly college students entered the bar and occupied one of the corner set of tables and couches. Based on their loud singing, it was someone’s birthday.
She sighed. She had hoped for some peace and quiet to plan her next actions. Obviously, she wasn’t getting any.
Grace was on her third cocktail when she felt someone’s eyes on her. She turned and roamed her eyes around the bar but found no one of her acquaintances. After another round of inspection, she dismissed the feeling as part of her restless imagination.
The moment the bartender placed her fifth glass in front of her, she felt the need to go to the toilet. She smiled at her sever and asked him to watch over her seat and drink then she stood, swaying a little as she walked towards the ladies’ room.
When she got out of the restroom, her surroundings began to blur and she shook her head.
Okay, I’ll finish that last glass then I’m going home, she told herself.
Before she could sit back down on her stool, someone yanked her wrist to turn her around. The movement made her dizzy and she almost tripped on her feet if not for her assailant’s steady grip.
“What are you doing?” the person demanded in a loud voice.
She blinked several times and tried to identify who this arrogant bastard was. He shook Grace once more which helped her clear her vision.
Her eyes registered surprise. Of all the people who she expected would find her here, she had to come across him. Where did her luck go?
“None of your business,” she answered, angrily jerking her hand off his grasp.
“Nothing annoys me more than a pathetic girl who drowns her problems in alcohol instead of facing them,” Matt Harlow said between his teeth.
His judgment made Grace snap in anger.
“Look, jerk,” she started in an infuriated voice—something she rarely used. “I don’t care what makes you annoyed. We’re nothing close to being friends so don’t you dare yell at me like you’re my fucking boyfriend!”
As soon as she said the word ‘boyfriend’, she grabbed her bag, took out several bills from her wallet and slammed them on the counter. She sneered at Matt then furiously walked away, eager to get out of the bar.
Unfortunately, the asshole didn’t seem to realize that she didn’t want anything to do with him and followed her right before she could get herself out the door. Matt pulled her out of the hallway and backed her against the wall.
He immediately placed one of his hands beside her head, close to her left ear. The rage on his expression broke through the alcohol in her system and she began to feel fear rising up her throat. Matt wouldn’t hurt her, would he?
“What do you want?” she asked, trying to hide her nervousness.
She saw Matt’s eyebrow rise up in mockery.
“Look. I have no time to waste on you so will you please move aside and let me go,” Grace said to avoid getting intimidated further.
He lowered his face then said in a soft yet menacing voice, “I’m sorry for being concerned about your welfare, bitch. I didn’t realize it wasn’t welcome. Next time you’re in a bar, do remind me to allow drunken bastards to rape you.”
Grace did not expect to hear that and her breath caught in shock.
“W-What drunken bastards?”
“The ones standing by the table behind your seat. The ones who almost followed you to the toilet. The ones who I heard were betting on who gets you naked by the end of the night. Those drunken bastards,” Matt described in a deadly voice.
She swallowed.
“You’re just trying to scare me.”
He smirked then straightened his stance.
“Whatever you say, lady. Just to clarify, it will not be my fault if something happens to you,” he said with a shrug.
A few seconds passed.
“You don’t know anything,” Grace said in defense of her decision to drink.
“Don’t I?” Matt answered.
His voice hinted on knowing more than what most people knew and her knees almost gave up on her. Nick had started telling people about what happened. She knew it was bound to happen but she was hoping to buy more time before she faced everyone. It was, however, against her principles to escape like a coward when the situation stares right at her face.
“Fine. So maybe you do know.” She raised her chin. “What? You’re going to tell the world I wasn’t good enough for Nick, that he can’t fall in love with me? You’re going to make everyone pity me, won’t you? Because we are not friends. So what? I don’t care,” Grace blabbered miserably.
Matt gazed at her with what seemed like compassion mixed with a bit of irritation.
“We may not be friends but you’re Rachelle’s. She’ll kill me if she finds out something bad happened to you when I could have done something about it. I don’t really care about your problem with Nick but he’s bound to worry as well, even if we both think he’s stupid for leading you on. I never approved of it but I didn’t expect you to idiotically endanger yourself just because of a broken heart.”
That last sentence made Grace wince. Matt must have realized that his words had gotten to her and he pushed on.
“Go home, Grace. Think about how you’re going to face your problems without alcohol.” He sighed. “God, I’m tired of all these problems around me,” he murmured under his breath.
It was then that Grace really saw his eyes. It was vivid green and as of the moment, it was obviously filled with worries.
And then it hit her. He was right in the middle of all the messes that were currently circulating around Heartlake City. Or at least two of the messes—Rachelle’s recent scandals and Grace’s break up with Nick.
“Okay. I’ll go home now,” she said after a sigh.
“Good. I’ll take you home,” Matt informed her.
“What?” she said, surprised. “No. You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine.”
“You drank four cocktails of different kinds, remember? You can’t go home drunk and alone.”
“Oh come on, Matt,” Grace complained with a roll of her eyes. “After our discussion, do you honestly still think my mind’s still fuzzy from alcohol?”
“I don’t know so why don’t I just make sure and bring you home?” Matt said irritably. He was obviously not used to getting what he wanted when he knew he was right.
“Please, Matt. I can manage. Besides, it’s just,” she glanced down to look at her watch, “eight-thirty. I would hardly get mobbed by thugs this early,” she pleaded.
Matt raised an eyebrow at her.
“Give me your phone.”
When she did, Matt most likely entered his number. Once he had it saved, he returned it to her then said, “You’re giving me a call once you’re home.” He then patted his pockets, looking for something. Once he found it, he handed it to her.
She accepted it and realized it was a small bottle of tear gas.
“Err, thanks,” she told him.
“Don’t keep it in your bag. Just hold it until you’re sure you’re safe.”
She nodded then turned towards the exit. She knew she will be fine tonight. But will her emotions be fine tomorrow?