Chapter 5
“Christian,” I whispered, my face clearly displaying astonishment and disbelief.
He smiled his teeth perfect and white. “The one and only,” he commented, satisfied of my reaction, but suddenly disappeared into something else I couldn’t really comprehended, but at this point, I didn’t really care.
He stood about a few meters from me, but I sprinted to him and jumped in his arms. I’m not sure why I jumped, but I just missed him so much. Christian, my best friend who was in love with me in freshmen year finally moved back. He was one of the many people I had to reject and he was the hardest, because I knew that I might lose him.
I did actually.
I was the reason he left. As soon as I remembered that, I tried to squirm away from his hug, but he held me to his chest. I could feel warm tears streaming down my face, realizing that they weren’t only mine. “I’m sorry,” I tried to utter, but my voice cracked.
I could feel him nod his head. He wasn’t much of a crier, especially if I was with him. He restrained himself from crying when he admitted his love for me and when I told him I could never feel the same way. Now, he was crying. Maybe its tears of joy, I thought to myself.
I don’t know how long we’ve been hugging, but I didn’t want this moment to end. It felt as if we never been together since our past life. It felt like that last time we ever shared a hug was a century ago.
Different emotions roam in mind and every thought of what happened disappeared. All my thoughts were about him. I can’t believe I forgot about him all this time. The thought of him escaped my mind long time ago, and I knew I couldn’t blame myself, because every time I thought about him caused me pain.
He was my best friend, who I cared about deeply, and he left because I didn’t feel the same way he did. I didn’t love him like he wanted me too. I was too picky to see what was in front of me. Still, I thought of him as a brother or a friend who’s a girl. Maybe if I tried to feel deep emotions for him, he could’ve stayed and we would have moments between sophomore year and now.
He finally put me down, but it felt too soon. I wiped the leftover tears in my face and studied him. His dark, brown hair grew longer and his green eyes were still familiar. I thought he cried, because he didn’t look like he shed a tear. When I noticed how he was dress, I couldn’t help to raise my eyebrows, “Halloween is in two months.”
He looked down at his clothes and frowned at me. “What’s wrong with my clothes? A couple of girls checked me out. Don’t you get a sexy bad boy vibe,” he demanded jokingly. “Don’t I look hot?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, you do look hot. It’s just it’s not really you. Common, what happened to simple t-shirts and jeans. Now, you’re wearing a leather jacket and really skinny jeans.”
Christian continued to frown, but shrugged. “I guess I changed.”
“Well, you are not alone in that one,” I said truthfully.
As realization took over his features, he started at me with curiosity. “What happened to you?”
“I don’t really get your question, but if you’re asking why am I wet. It’s diet coke,” I said simply.
“I mean in general. You are the most likeable and loveable person I know and no one would even dare do that to you. I don’t think anyone has the heart to do that to you. Everyone loved you; every guy, every girl. I can’t imagine anyone doing that to you, Paige. What happened?” His green eyes were full of sadness and confusion. He doesn’t really know the whole story to what happened.
I was debating whether if I should tell him or not. Like he said, he changed and I don’t want to pour out all my feeling to someone I might not even know.
When he left, he took everything. It may sound weird when you’re talking about your best friend, but he left and blamed it on me. Everything he said was a slap in the face and I would cry almost every day as I thought about him. Finally, the thought of him disappeared and it was as if he never entered my life. It wasn’t hard to let go, but it was hard to endure the pain he left me with.
“I don’t know if I should tell you,” I muttered.
“Bullshit,” he snapped.
I laughed like it didn’t hurt that he cussed at me. It actually did, because he wouldn’t even cuss when I was near. “I remembered when I’d hit you every time you said a bad word.”
He shook his head, but I saw him smile before he did. He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
He trailed him hand over his hair in frustration. His green eyes looked at me with regret. “I know you hate me,” he said. “I know what I did to you is unforgivable. I forced my parents to move, because I couldn’t endure the pain I had when you told me how you felt. I couldn’t accept it and leaving you caused you pain more than it caused me. I blamed you for everything and I left you, knowing it would trigger you pain.”
“You have no idea how much pain you caused me,” I shouted, unable to cage my feelings. “Did you even think how I’d feel if you left and blame me for you leaving? I loved you. Even though it wasn’t enough for you, it was enough, because you were one of the most important people in my life. You were one of the people I really loved.
“It wasn’t easy to get over you,” I said, a tear escaping. “It wasn’t easy to bear the pain you left me. I loved you so much that it made me eat chocolate ice cream like a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend. You were that important to me and I loved you that much! It felt impossible to get over, but I did. I lived life as if you never existed. And now, you come prancing around as if you never hurt me. “
“Paige,” he said trying to meet my gaze. I kept my head down, incapable to look at his eyes. His hand lifted my chin to look at him. “I know I messed up and every day I regret that decision. I regret hurting you like that. I mostly regret leaving, because I missed out in all the moments we could have had together. Every day I’d imagine as if I never made the decision. I’d imagine we were still together. Finally, I decided to come back, because I missed you.”
Tears flowed down my cheeks as he said those words. He thought of me, but the thought of him never lingered in my mind. “Why didn’t come last year or when you realized it,” I asked.
“Because I was scared,” he whispered, his voice shaking. “I was scared that you wouldn’t dare look at me and that you would hate me. I was afraid that you would reject me again, but this time, you reject me as friend. It isn’t really a good feeling to be rejected.” He laughed. “It’s not like you would know how it feels. I bet no one even met your expectations yet.”
Xavier flashed in mind. “I have to tell you something,” I suddenly said, surprising him. I didn’t wait for his response. “Earlier you asked what happened to me. It started out with a guy.”
I realized he tensed up, because his jaw slightly clenched. He nodded, telling me to continue.
“His name was Xavier,” I said quietly, as I closed my eyes.
I watched as his blue eyes, which was full of admiration and interest, gazed at her. My chest stung and I was burning with jealousy. Jackie doesn’t even like him, I thought annoyed, she doesn’t even acknowledge his presence. The world is cruel. Here I am, sitting in a bench with him, our thighs slightly touching and our hands not so far apart. I wanted to grab is hand and squeeze it slightly, telling him, “I’m here.” I’m much saner than that though. This is reality, sadly. “When do we start,” I uttered unenthusiastically.
Breaking from his stance, he turned to me. “Huh,” he said, shaking his head. “Yeah, we can start today after school. I really like her and I just want to be good for her.”
I rolled my eyes. I think he’s good enough for me, but does he see it? Nope, I thought miserably.
“You know you don’t have to help me,” he said staring out into space. He must have caught me rolling my eyes.
I turned my whole body to him. “Xavier,” I said. “I will help you.” Why? I have no freaking idea. “Why? Because I’m you best friend,” I told him. That loves you and probably doesn’t want you to feel the agonizing pain I endure. I shifted moving away from him in my seat, because I don’t want him to feel me tense up. “I care about you.”
He turned to me, his eyes full of disbelief, but he knew I was telling the truth, well, half the truth. “Is it possible for her to like me?” He looked like he was hopeful, but not desperate. The intense gaze he was giving me told me he really liked her and I wanted to help him, no matter how much it hurts me. “You know I never got a girl before. Not a single girl ever liked me. They all reject me as if I’m a hobo.”
My eyes widen in astonishment. I wonder why a girl wouldn’t fall for his deep blue eyes or his quirky and hilarious personality. I fell for him, but what is it about him that makes girls ignore him?
“I guess I’m a freak.”
I frowned. “Xavier, you are not a freak. People just don’t get you. They don’t look at you charming wit or you unique personality. Maybe it isn’t the way you act, but maybe it the way you put yourself out there.”
He smiled, because the words I said probably comforted him. “I’m a freak though.”
I shrugged. “We can change that.”
Scratching his arm nervously, he turned to me. “Paige, why are you my friend?”
“I have no freaking idea why,” I said jokingly.
He stared at me with curiosity and frustration. “I’m serious, Paige. Why are you helping me? You can hang out with the most popular people here, but you hang out with me. You can hang out with the jerks. The sluts think you’re cool. Every jock wants to be yours, but you hang out with me. Do you have any idea what I can do to your reputation? Do you have any idea you can actually rule this school? Everyone loves you and you are hanging out with the most hated person in this school.
“Hey,” I snapped. “You are not the most hated person in this school! People just don’t understand you.”
Ignoring my comment, he asked, “I’m curious. Why do you hang out with me?”
My eyes widened in astonishment, because he was right. Why do I even hang with him? Well, for one reason is that I am in love with him, but besides that I have no idea why. He’s right, I could have any guy in this school, but I like him. I’ve broke every guy’s heart by rejecting them, but I get rejected by Xavier. How ironic is that?
I didn’t really get reject by Xavier though, he just isn’t interested. Maybe I’m interested in him because he’s the only guy I liked and there’s this forbidden thing that thrives me to want him. You want what you can have. Maybe that applies to me, I thought. I’ve reject guys and broke their hearts and Xavier is breaking mine.
Love sucks.
As I thought for more reasons why I’m helping him get a girl, who is my best friend, I stared at my hands. I’m an idiot, I thought. I could just leave, I told myself. I could walk away from seeing the first guy I’m in love with, trying to win my best friend’s heart. I could away from all this pain, hardships, and aching helping him could cost me, but I can’t. Even though I love him, he is my best friend. I still have this intense and deep feeling towards him. I can’t run away from that.
“Because you’re different,” I said. “That way you act, the way you treat me, the way you do everything makes you an interesting friend. I like hanging out with you because you’re different. It’s good to try different things, right?”
He laughed. “I guess it is.”
I turned to look at him. “I’m curious. Why do you like Jackie? There are other girls in the school.” Me, I thought angrily. “Out of every girl, why do you want Jackie?”
He shrugged like it was no big of a deal. “She’s different, I guess.”
I stared at him with disbelief. He said, ‘I guess’ and by the way he acted was unconvincing. I’m may be stupid when it comes to him, but I am not blind. “Lies,” I said.
Rolling his eyes, he crossed his arms. “I don’t know. I’m just attracted to her.”
“She’s attracted to someone else though,” I muttered. He knew though, because I told him before, hoping it would crush his hopes without me actually doing it – it didn’t though. He’s willing; he likes challenges like this, which I think is completely stupid.
“You don’t have to rub it in,” he pointed out. He shuddered. “What the hell? What does she even see in Liam! The guy is a butt.”
I have no idea, but I’m kind of happy she liked someone else. It would make things less complicated for me, sort of. I shrugged. “Looks, I think.”
He sighed in frustration, trailing his hands through his black hair. “Girls always look at guy’s looks. Why can’t they look at personality? It makes things much easier. Now, I have to change my wardrobe and get a haircut or something.”
I look at his personality, but to him it doesn’t really matter. All what matters to him is what Jackie thinks. The idiot is an idiot.
He stood up from his seat in outrage. “I mean, what’s wrong with the way I look,” he asked me. “You’re a girl.”
I glower at him, insulted. “No shit,” I muttered.
“You know what I mean.”
I stood up from my seat. “No, I don’t,” I hissed. He was putting too much effort in this. I didn’t want to help him, but I had to. Love makes people do stupid things. Apparently, love is making me do this reckless crap I know I’ll regret. I’m doing this for him, whether it’s for love or pity, I care, but this is too overwhelming. I need to calm myself, because I wanted to burst. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Lunch isn’t even over yet,” he protested.
Thankfully the bell rang. I smiled, “Would you look at that. The bell rang. I’ll see you later.
He shook his head, slightly looking disappointed. “We’ll plan later.”
“Whatever,” I murmured, walking away. He’s so complicated, it’s annoying me. Still, I wonder if he is ever going to realize.
***
Yay! I’m done. I don’t know if it was stupid to add a character, but I didn’t “add” the character. He was supposed to be part of this from the very beginning when I wrote this story. I’m sorry I never updated, but I’m focusing on school. It’s my top priority of the moment. Plus, my laziness prevents me from writing in the weekends.
I finally updated, because I remembered about you guys. I haven’t been to wattpad and there’s this book I love to death and she hasn’t updated. I know how you guys feel and I’m sorry for making you keep waiting. Forgive me.
New fans, thank you for making me realize. I’ll update as soon as I’m free or if this chapter gets a lot of votes. Ciao!
-Kat
PS: This wasn't edited. Sorry for the errors! :D