What the hell is up with the guys today? Three times, seriously, I've been asked three times about what I did yesterday and they didn't seem to believe my answers. Am I that bad at lying? Would they know what I truly did yesterday? No, right? Okay Milan probably realizes, he's always the first one to notice somethings wrong.
What if he shared his thoughts with the guys? I can't stop working. Damn, I need some peace in my head. What if ...? No, that can't be healthy. But on the other hand, the doctor did say two pills wouldn't hurt me. It does calm my head down. It's not like I would get addicted or something.
I take two pills and half an hour later, at the end of lunchbreak, I feel a lot better. My head just stopped overthinking.
Hmm, I've got one problem left. How in hell am I suppose to focus on school and work like this? Okey Max, Focus. Focus. Focus. Hocus. Hocus. Pocus. Pocus. Hocus pocus pilatus pas. Wait what? What was I thinking about? Oh right, Harry potter, dûh! Wait. No. That's, not right, not at all. I have to get to my class. Erm, which one though? Oh yeah, English. Oh got. No no no. Not English, not right now. This isn't a good time.
****
I walk trough the doors of the classroom and take my seat next to Milan, fort he second time today.
''Hello Max, hello Milan. I hope you both will do a better job at paying attention this time?''
We both nod but don't say a word. Milan won't even look at me. Ussualy he would use those brown eyes to look straight into mine, without blinking or looking away for a minute or so. That always seemed like an eternity, not that I would complain.
This lesson, just like always, I can't keep my focus. But this time it's different, worse.
Why won't he look at me? Is he mad, angry? Why would he be mad? Should I tell him I worked yesterday, and that I'm going to work today too and that I won't stop working the following months? Should I tell him I put my parents debts before my own health. I know I do this. But it doesn't matter. How in hell can I explain that to him? I know I can trust him. And I know he says he won't judge me, but he will. It's unavoidable. And besides I shouldn't make him worry ... HEY Is that a plane? ... ... Wait what? Come one, MAX! FOCUS. It isn't that hard. Can you say with all honesty that you have paid attention once with English? No, thats right. In exactly a week you have your first exam week. And you CAN NOT ruin this. Pay attention. Pay attention. Pay attention.
''PAY ATTENTION!''
Oh crap, was I thinking out loud? No, I can't. That wasn't my voice, was it?
''Would you pay attention already?''
Who was that? I look around me. I don't understand.
But then I look in front of me. Crap. I see the teacher looking at me, straight in the eyes. His head is as red as a tomato. Hmm tomatoes. Now I feel like eating a tomato.
''That's it. I want you to report yourself, right now. I said now. Max, get out of my class.''
Oh damn, this isn't good. Milan looks at me with a confused look. Shit, he probably noticed me being more distracted than normal. I stand up and walk towards the door. Erm, what was I suppose to do?
''Erm, sir? What was I suppose to do again?''
No one probably thought it was possible but his head became even more red and if you told me you saw steam leaving his ears, I would believe you. HAHA he looks like a steam train.
''REPORD yourself. NOW. And if you try to be funny one more yime, I'll will make sure personally you won't be able to be funny inside this building again!'', he screams.
Ouch my ears. Well the message is clear. I am still a bit confused as to why he yelled at me with as result me walking against the door. I stumbled a bit back and looked around me hoping nobody saw. Well, they saw. Everybody in the room was staring at me, but not with a fond expression. Everybody was to scared to laugh.
Oh yeah, right, I needed to report myself...
****
I told the guy I needed to report myself at that I took two pills and how that explained my behaviour. He thankfully understood me and suggested that I should probably not take two of them when in school. I nodded and we made the deal that I won't do it again and he won't send me to detention.
I loved this deal, considering I needed to get to work. And when I start an hour later, I get an hour less payed. We can't have that, can we?
******
I spend my whole Saterday at work. Sunday I said goodbye to my parents who left to Austria for almost a week to follow a rehabilitation program. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I went to school, went to work and made my homework. I haven't talked to my friends since Friday, only said hi. I haven't even told them why I acted so strange on Friday, not even to Milan.
The guys all send some messages to me, but I haven't answered one of them. Right now it's Thursday morning and tomorrow our exam week starts. It's really early but I get out of bed to do my morning paper.
I took a pill and when I finally got back form the papers I felt like crap all over again.
My thougts are a mess, mixed together. I have no idea what to do about it. I don't even know what I am feeling. Then how can I know what to do about it, what do my parents want me to do?
I need to do something about this, I can't go to school like this.
My thoughts keep going faster and faster and it just can't be healthy. I decide to take my second pill of today. After about half an hour my mind slows down a bit, but somehow it's even harder to follow what the hell I'm thinking.
What should I do? Call Milan? NO. I am sorry, Mind, didn't know you'd get mad. I look at my clock. Oh damn, it's already 10 AM, I'm already two hours late. Should I still go to school? Neh.
I feel my phone ringing. I look at it and see Milan is calling me. Why would he call me? I am not going to answer, I don't need to explain myself. Do I? No one wants my explenation. Why would they want anything from me?
***
I walk downstairs and see we've got mail. I take the letters and immediately recognize them as bills, three of them. I drop them on the floor and grap my blonde wavy hair with both my hands in frustration. I spread my fingers acrous my head and tug at my hair. I let myself slide down against the wall. I reach for the envelopes and open the first one.
Damn it, This one is all my fault. GODDAMNIT! Why did I have to overreact? Calm down. Relax. Open the next one.
Crap, this one says our bill has increased. Breath. Calm down. Only one more. I can do this.
I open the third letter and as I do so my eyes widen and becomes watery. Fuck. Abort mission! Abort mission! Mayday! I can't do this. NO no no.
The letter told me we have to pay back a lot of money a year earlier, next month. Damn. How am I going to pay this? Fucking government. They always say there here for you, but when it comes to it...
I run upstairs and grap my medication. I put a few in my hands and take them in. The tears are falling across my face and the numbers are running trough my mind. I keep getting more dizzy.
I should be hungry, shouldn't I? It's already twelve and I haven't eaten since yesterday four in the afternoon. Well, does it matter? I don't need food.
****
The pills are making me feel better and I decide to take a few more.
Wow so many different colours.
I now lay on my bed with my hands in the air trying to catch things that aren't really there and with a pout on my face.
I wanna catch the red one.
''Come on, little red elephant. Come to daddy. Just come to daddy.''
Wait a minute, I am no dad. Well, I must have addopt it than, didn't I?
I take a few more pills and I'm starting to feel really hot and sweaty. I decided I need to do something about it. About half an hour later I finally managed to pull myself out of my clothes and underwear. It's already three pm.
I think Milan should be home by now. OMG I should Facetime him! I mean he did call me like ten times today.
I took one last glance at the many collored elephants in the air before I grabbed my phone to call Milan.
TRING ... TRING ... TRING ... Pick up your phone!
Milan finally answered the phone and his worried face inmediately showed on my screen.
''MAX fricking finally! Where were you today?''
''I was home.'' I tried to say this as nonchalant as possible, but it didn't work. As soon as the last word slipped my mouth I started laughing extremely loud. I don't think I can even call it my laugh cause I haven't heard that horrifing sound before in my life.
Milan looks at his screen with wide eyes. He opens his mout a few times before he hesitantly starts talking again: ''Max? What's going on?''
Somehow another sound I've never heard before left my mouth because I started to giggle like a little schoolgirl and a smug grin made his way to my face.
''Nothing.'' I say as inbelieveble as I could possibly say it.
I don't get an reaction from Milan, he just stares at me thunder-struck.
''There are lots of little elephants here.'', I say still giggling.
''All in different colours.'', I add quickly.
''I have already adopted the red one. You should come look at them.''
Then my eyes widened.
''Come over here, QUICK. Maybe you can still adopt the purple one.'' I say grinning.
''Erm, okay, MAX. Just stay there. I'll be there as soon as possible.'', Milan shouts worried.
''Okay, I'll make sure no one gets the purple one!''
Milan gives me one last worried look before my screen went black, to show the conversation has ended.
****
I throw my phone in the corner of my room and take a few more pills.
I keep feeling better and better.
I am grinning from top to toe and start giggling like a little school girl one more time. And then I, for some reason, start dancing with someone in paticulair in my thoughts.
OH god, this is making me dizzy. This isn't good. Nope. Nope. Nope. What should I do?
My thoughst some how are wandering through each other again. I start to think about the bills again.
Oh fuck. I just realized how many pills I had. Why is it only making me feel dizzier right now? It should make me feel better, not worse. What should I do? Okay. CALM DOWN. Breath. Calm down! My heart keeps racing and I start to walk back and forth through my room. My arms are shaking and I can't keep them still. I can't take it anymore. My head can't take this! HELP!
I keep walking back and forth.
Damn, damn, damn. What should I do? Hey! The elephants are back.
I start to giggle and jump up and down. I grab the bottle with the pills and notice there are only five more in them. I decide to take one more, hoping it would end this weird thing in my head.
I am standing at the end of my bed. I drop the bottle with four pills on the flour.
Erm, maybe this wasn't that good of an idea.
I reach with both hands to my head and tug ad my hair. I am so dizzy, my head hurts and I don't know what to do. The rooms starts to spin and I fell backwards, with my head against the wooden corner of my bed and everything went black.