surprise bitch
Niall sat on the bed where Harry was currently sleeping. He made sure to keep distance between him and Harry. He's been sitting here for 2 hours because he can't sleep or maybe he doesn't want to. He would've been sleeping on the couch tonight but he told Harry he'd be here when he wakes up, even though Harry was drunk or probably won't even remember he said that. Niall is too kind for him and he knows it, but he doesn't want to accept it.
Niall sighed bringing his hand up to his face. He really was tired, he didn't know what to do about it. So he just laid there, for hours. He stared at the ceiling, probably longer than he should have because he noticed that the room was getting lighter and lighter as the time went by. He couldn't sleep.
"Fuck" he whispered when he noticed that it was now morning and the sun was rising. He felt heavy around his eyes and he knew there was going to be hideous purple lines under his eyes. He sat up, ignoring the light feeling in his head. It kind felt like he was dreaming but he knew it was just because he was tired. Niall got up going to go get some aspirin for Harry. He walked softly down the stairs ignoring the cold floor touching his warm feet, touching the rail to guide his way. Niall stopped, gasping. He stopped, in front of a mirror. He hated the site, he didn't like how he looked. Niall looked so tired and stressed, he had hideous purple under his eyes and his hair was a huge mess and resembled a bird nest and he could see the shadows on his face, he looked sick he didn't mean to. He didn't know he had forgotten to eat or sleep. His thoughts are consumed by harry, hoping harry would change, or he would simply think of the old times, where harry was happy. Where he was happy. They were both happy, before, but it's different now.
Niall wiped a tear off his cheek that he didn't even knew fell. He sighed looking away from his reflection, he wanted to do something. He wanted to be happy again, but also wanted harry to be happy. What happened? He wanted to know what changed. Did harry not love him anymore? Did something happen with harry? Did someone hurt him? Niall is curious, he is so so curious. He wants to know, but he's scared to know, what if harry just simply decided to drink everyday and cheat. It could've been that simple, it would've been easy to leave.
Niall does not deserve to be treated this way; he knows that. He knows he's worthy enough to be treated right but sometimes harry gets so bad that niall starts to think he doesn't, but he does. Niall deserves to be treated like a princess, a queen or even a kind. He is a polite, kind and loving guy and he also knows that, but he knows that harry was also a polite kind and loving guy once to; harry would have even sacrificed his life for a stranger. He was that of kind and loving human being. And Niall does not stop worrying and thinking about what went wrong.
Niall walked into the kitchen, opening the cupboard to get some aspirin and a cup, filling the cup with water. Niall was feeling sad honestly, but he didn't show it. He was sad because Niall treats harry so good and nice and all harry does in return is treat Niall like absolute shit. It makes no fucking sense.
Niall walked up the stairs into the shared room. He set the stuff down beside the bed. Niall was considering leaving, but he couldn't just leave- just like that. His mind was making things up, making him believe that things were more complicated then it really was. Harry is an asshole and Niall should just leave, but Niall doesn't feel right about this.
Niall sighed, he needed air. He needed to think, and even though he thinks about harry 24/7. He really needed to really think. He needed to make a decision. Niall walked downstairs, grabbing his jacket and his shoes heading outside. He didn't know where he was going but he didn't really care. Just keep swimming right.
Niall was debating if staying with harry is even worth it. He got forced into sexual activity and got physically forced to stay, but he knew he could've stopped harry both times. Not to mention Harry cheating. He was tired of waiting for Harry to smarten up or actually tell the truth. He will always be a dirty liar, he's a liar. Why was he even still with Harry. He too far up in Harry's ass to notice what Harry's doing to him is absolutely disgusting and terrible.
Niall looked up, confused. He was to into his thoughts that he didn't notice someone was holding him back. "Are you alright?" Niall tilted his head. He doesn't know who this person is and on why he was holding him, but he nodded anyways.
"Are you sure? You look a bit bothered. And plus you almost walked into traffic." Niall looked around to notice he almost did in fact walk onto the road. His face showed realization, makes sense on why this gorgeous man was holding him and still is holding him. So basically, he saved his life.
"I-i, I'm fine. And uh- thanks i guess." Niall said, stepping back. Away from the stranger who saved his life. The man with brown eyes chuckled, putting his hands in his pockets.
"Not to be a creep or anything, but where you heading anyway?" The stranger said, watching the street signs that warn you when it's okay to walk or not.
Niall shrugged, he didn't really know where he was walking. "I-i don't know, to be honest with you." He said, he knows he sounds like a complete idiot. Almost walking into traffic, being completely oblivious to the fact the he almost walked into traffic and having no idea where he's going.
"I was just about to get some coffee, want to come with?" The brown eyes bye said taking a glance at Niall before returning his attention to the signs. Niall didn't really know if he wanted to go, and plus he just met the guy what if he leads him to a dark alley and kills him. What, it could happen.
Niall looked at brown eye boy before sighing. "Uhh- okay, but at least give me your name."
brown eye boy smiled "my name is shawn. Shawn Mendes." He said sticking his hand out for Niall to shake. Niall took his hand, "Niall. Horan."
The sign signalled they were able to walk across. They started walking, across the street. "Great, i was hoping you'd say yes. Because I'm not from here and I've been looking for a coffee shop for the past 15 minutes."
"So basically, you asked me so I could be your navigator?" Niall said, walking besides shawn. Shawn looked back at Niall.
"Basically." Niall gasped, "jerk."
"And also because you looked like a nice person." Niall rolled his eyes, "what if i turned out to be a complete asshole?"
Shawn laughed, "nah" shaking his head. Niall smiled, because shawn is right. Niall could never be anything else but kind, and he hated that. He never knew when to stop being kind, even if Niall was the one that could get hurt. He would give his meal to someone who hasn't eaten yet just so they wouldn't be starving even though he hasn't eaten either. He would stay up with someone if they couldn't sleep even is he hasn't slept yet. He would lend someone pieces of his heart just so they could be whole again. That's the kind of person Niall is, and that's the kind of person he'll always be. He hates himself for that. Niall was to goodhearted.
---
Niall and shawn sat at the coffee shop, talking and talking. They laughed and smiled, got to know each other a little. All and all Niall was just enjoying his time with his new friend, well he was hoping they would become friends. Niall told him a bit about his family and so did he. They talked about their interests and likings. They made each other laugh all morning long. They exchanged numbers. It was all good. Niall was socializing, something he doesn't do that often. Usually he would be either crying, waiting for harry to come home. Mopping in self-loath, questioning everything. Mostly drinking his sorrows away.
But that's all erased from his brain temporarily, he is too busy listening to shawn as he speaks, to think about Harry, to think about all the stuff that has happened at his home. He was smiling brightly, his eyes were shining, he looked like he's never been hurt before, pure and innocent. Eyes glistening with joy, but to be honest. Niall was still sad, just a little.
"So are you seeing anyone?" Shawn asked, genuinely interested to know about his life. Not in a creepy way of course, and no, shawn does not have any intention to hit on Niall. He doesn't see him that way and plus he's straight. Niall knows that to.
"Actually, yes. I have a boyfriend" Niall's eyes widened, he totally forgot. It's lunch and he's been gone since 9. Time does go by when you're having fun. Niall stood up so fast. "I-i need to go now, I'll call you later." And just like that Niall was out of the small coffee shop. Leaving shawn worried and concerned, shawn didn't know if he said something wrong or did something wrong.
Niall walked quickly down the street, he wasn't that far. if you drove with a car. Niall didn't know why he felt the need to rush home, he didn't know why he even had to go home. He was scared of Harry, he didn't want to get hit again- but that only happened one time. He was just worried about Harry, he didn't want to be, but he is just so used to worrying about everything and everyone.
Niall made sure to be careful this time, he watched all the lights and roads. He was walking as fast as he can. He was hoping Harry would still be home, even though Niall doesn't really want to face him, he's done bad things. Unforgivable things, but he still loves him. You can't just un-love someone that fast just because he's hurt him. He could hurt him so many times and Niall would still love him. He hates to admit it, he hates to say that he loves Harry Edward Styles. He hates it so much. Niall loves so deeply and passionately, he falls and falls. He falls and he doesn't know how to get back up. This was Niall's problem when he was younger, in high school. He was so afraid to fall in love, because he knew he was a deep lover. It was kind of sad. He would isolate himself in his room for weeks, the only destination when he went outside of his house was school. He had a fear a falling in love. When he met Harry he knew he shouldn't have gone out. Out of all the nights he decides to go out, he meets Harry. And Niall couldn't help himself to fall in love with the boy with bright emerald green eyes, long curly hair and those deep dimples. It was impossible for Niall to ignore his feelings for Harry at the time. He was so so scared.
Niall sighed, he truly misses the old times, it was more simple. They had dates and hung out with friends. He walked up the porch of his house, turning the knob of his door. Which wasn't locked. It was silent. Just like he expected.
Niall walked up the stairs. Apart of him was hoping Harry would still be here and another part of him is hoping he wouldn't. He walked into the room, empty. Niall sat down on the bed, taking a moment. He was having an amazing time. He doesn't even know why he came home, it's so lonely. Niall flinched when he heard a thud from downstairs. He furrowed his eyebrows. He walked downstairs of course without grabbing something to defend himself, you never know it could be a burglar. Niall frowned when he seen Harry on the floor of the kitchen. "Harry?"
Harry looked up to Niall, his eyes were puffy and red. He was crying. Harry was relieved, he's relieved that Niall is here. He thought he finally realized what a fuck up he is and left him. He swore, he thought Niall realized that he deserved better then a person who can't function properly. Harry smiled brokenly, he was happy to see Niall but he also felt really really bad. He is just so messed up. He went to wipe his eyes, hissing when his hand touched his face.
Niall still had the same facial expression from when he entered. He dropped his hanger on the floor. He seen blood, tears and emotions. Niall rushed to Harry's side, with a face full of concern written all over. Niall didn't even realize the blood all over Harry's hand when he came in. "A-are you okay?"
Harry shrugged "yeah, i guess."
Niall looked at him, confused. Harry was on the floor, crying, bleeding. Niall sighed, kneeling down next to Harry. He hated to see harry hurt. He hated seeing him cry. "but, your hand"
Harry looked down to his hand, sniffling. "Oh, i forgot" he honestly didn't care about his hand. It did hurt, but he didn't care. Niall didn't leave him. He doesn't even know why he hasn't yet.
Niall wanted to cry, Harry looked so sad. He looked so tired. Niall grabbed Harry's hand. He gasped, It looked like he punched something, scratched, scraped and probably bruised. "What did you do?"
"I punched the mirror" he said like it wasn't a big deal. Niall sat beside Harry. Niall wanted to ask so many questions, why are you on the floor? Why are you crying? He had so many more questions to ask, but he didn't. So he just sat there, inspecting Harry's hand. Feeling to see where Harry would hiss or flinch wherever he touched.
"I-i thought you left me." Harrys said between sniffles, Niall looked at Harry. He would never leave Harry, that's a lie. He would have. He would have left Harry, not because he didn't love him anymore, but because their relationship is not healthy. It's toxic. Would Harry have reacted this way? He can't stand the thought of harry being so angry at himself that it causes himself to become destructive. He can't even think about it. They just sat there, for probably a few minutes. A few long stares were exchanged, but mostly Niall was still checking to see if Harry's hand was actually okay. Niall didn't really want to reply to Harry, because he was thinking about leaving Harry. He's not so sure anymore.
"I think you need to go to the hospital, Harry." Niall said, inspecting the hand more. It was still bleeding, he was getting worried. Niall was saddened by the fact that Harry didn't care if he got hurt or not.
"No, no I don't. It's not that bad" Harry said, opening his hand and closing it to show Niall that he was okay. He was lying, it hurt so bad. He didn't care. Niall knew he was lying, he saw how Harry tried to hide his pain. Tried to hide his emotions.
"Are you sure?" Niall said, running his hand on his knuckles. Harry flinching in response. "I know you're lying, we're going." He said, standing up.
Harry stood up quickly, "no, it's okay. I can just go take myself"
"Are you sure? It won't be any trou-"
"I said, it's fine. Just let it be, Niall." Niall flinched at Harry stern voice. He wasn't trying to upset Harry, he wanted to help. Harry stood up, quickly walking out of the kitchen not even bothering to look back at Niall.
Niall thought he would have went to the bathroom to clean the glass and the blood but then he heard the front door slam loudly, and just like that. He was alone again. Alone with the broken glass on the bathroom floor, with some blood drops on the floor. With his thoughts, his memories.
Niall just sat there, on the floor. Still processing what had just happened, he didn't understand. Why would Harry be so angry and sad if Niall left him. It all doesn't make sense. He wondered when Harry became so closed and secretive, emotionless. He wondered how Harry really felt, sad? Angry? Confused? Or if he was just a plain asshole. He got up, walking to the living room. Sighing, sitting on the couch. He stared at the tv, a black screen. He couldn't help but think about the all the memories, the happy ones, the sad ones, and the ones that don't make any sense.
Harry and Niall were on the couch, goofing around. Tickling each other, teasing and laughing. They were cuddling in the couch watching a movie. It was all good, everything was perfect. Just them, completely no filter. Dorky laughs and weird snorts, flushed faces and messy hair. There was no trying to impress anyone, there was no secrets and lies, no fears. It was amazing.
He got up from the couch, not really feeling all good. He was tired, he wouldn't admit out loud, but he was. He was tired of Harry pushing him away, and making him feel so worthless. He was tired of being stepped on, and ran over. He walked up stairs into his bedroom. He couldn't help but wonder if Harry ever brought someone up here, and loved that person the way he was supposed to love Niall. He would have never thought so low of him before, but now maybe he does. maybe.
-
Niall heard a knock downstairs, it was louis. He called him up earlier and decided he was going to tell louis. He needed someone. Niall walked downstairs, opening the front door. Louis stood there with his hands in his pocket.
"Hi"
Niall didn't bother responding before he threw his arms around Louis, he just felt so alone. He couldn't take it anymore. "Woah, uh so what's with this." Louis said, but hugging back.
"I just wanted a hug." Niall did want a hug, but he also needed it. They stood there hugging. Niall closed his eyes, wondering how the simple contact could make him feel less lonely. Secure. He couldn't help but cry, just a little bit. The thought if him being alone in the bedroom, looking up at the plain white ceiling thinking about how he was not good enough made him hold louis tighter. Louis knew something was wrong, so he just held Niall the same amount.
Louis pulled back a bit to look at Niall's face, he noticed the tears and the nasty bruise on his face, a small cut on his face. "Ni-" niall shushed him. He didn't want it to end. He also didn't want louis to question how he got the bruise. Niall finally let go, stepping back inside signalling louis to follow him. He lead them to the couch, turning the tv on so it wouldn't be so quiet. They both sat down, not too close but not to far. It was comfortable, considering they've been friends forever. but it was also just a little awkward, since Niall had been isolating himself in his house, drowning in self-pity. He hasn't really had much time to be with his friends, they may hang out once in a while. He was tired of living like that, so he thought talking to his best friend, confessing his problems would might be helpful.
He didn't know how to start, how what he supposed to tell louis that Harry was out there sleeping with other people? How was he supposed to tell him that Harry has broke his heart. There were no words to explain how he felt, how angry and sad he felt.
"Ni, what's wrong" louis said, he definitely knew something was wrong when he saw that Niall has been just sitting there looking at the tv. Not saying anything. He looked like he just found out some terrible news.
"I need to tell you something Louis.." Niall said, snapping out of his state. Louis was concerned, Niall looked so sad and defeated. "Just, promise me you won't hurt him."
Niall didn't know why he was defending Harry. Maybe it's just because of what happened today, or maybe it's just because he still loves him and couldn't stand the thought of having someone hurting him. Even though he probably deserves it.
"You're confusing me niall."
"I-i just need you to listen okay?" Niall said hugging his legs.
"Okay."
Niall took a deep breath. He didn't know why this was so hard. He felt like crying but he kept it in. "Harry's been cheating on me."
Louis always sensed that something was wrong, but he never bothered. He knew Niall would come to him when he was ready. It just how they worked.
He was also disappointed, disappointed in Harry. Yeah sure he was his friend but Niall is his best friend and he will have no problem giving Harry a piece of his mind. He felt angry, why would someone hurt someone so kind and beautiful? Niall deserves much more, everyone knew he deserves a king that could treat him with all the thing he wanted. Louis thought that was Harry but, maybe not.
"Wait, did he hurt you? Did he give you this? Niall... Don't lie to me" louis said grabbing his face, gently of course. He felt so angry. His best friend has been treated so poorly.
"He was drunk.." Niall said, feeling so small all of a sudden.
"Im going to kill him!" Louis said jumping out of his seat. Pacing around the living room. He hated the thought of someone laying a hand on Niall in a negative way, be he didn't expect that someone to be harry.
"Please don't, lou." The tears he was trying to hold fell down his face. Louis stopped pacing, sitting next to Niall. He was doing his best to stay calm, he wanted to punch harry. So bad. He wanted to hurt him, the way he hurt Niall. If Niall didn't say make him agree to not hurt Harry than he would have not hesitate to beat the shit out of him. He put his arms around Niall, hugging him as if he was the most precious human being in the world, and he is.
They just sat there enjoying each others company. Niall sniffling occasionally and louis rubbing Niall's arm. Niall was still crying but this time Niall wasn't alone, crying in his room. He was with louis, that's the first step to making things better right? Talking.
"Niall, it's going to be okay. Just breathe. Here, I'll get you a glass of water." Louis said standing up. Niall just nodded, wiping his nose with his sleeves. Louis walked out of the living room. Niall let out a deep shaky breath, he didn't know why he was crying so much. He felt ashamed, he made harry sound like such a jerk to louis, but the truth is harry is a jerk. Niall will never accept that, he is still holding on the past.
"Niall! What is this?" Louis yelled, at first he was confused but then he remembered he didn't clean he the glass, and the blood. He honestly didn't even have the energy to clean it up, or explain why the mirror is broken because he barely even knew what happened either. He came back after a walk, found Harry on the floor crying with his hand covered in blood, he tried to help him but he wouldn't let him. Yeah, it doesn't make sense.
"Louis," Niall said, sounding small and vulnerable. Louis came back in the room, looking worried and confused.
"Can we just cuddle?" Niall said quietly, he just wanted to be held. He wanted to go to sleep. He was still tired from not getting any sleep last night. He didn't want to think about Harry right now. He didn't want to feel like an empty void anymore, he was tired of being lonely. Louis just nodded sitting next to niall, laying down with his head on the arm rest and opening his arms wide for niall.
Niall crawled, laying his head on louis arm, curling up next to him. He was and louis were almost the same size, but right now niall felt small. Louis held niall, hugging him tightly. He felt his shirt get wet from the tears that were falling down to from niall eyes to cheek to louis' shirt.
Louis kissed Niall's forehead, wiping Niall's forehead so that all his short hair was swept back away from his face. They were both comfortable with the company pf the other. They both felt the same things but all for different reasons, one being confused.
And so they laid there, Louis telling him the it will be okay, and sure it will. One way or another, tomorrow or a few months or even years, it will be okay. Niall slowly falling asleep, letting out a few sniffles but the waterfall in what seems to be Niall's tears slowing down. They spent that evening falling asleep in each other's arms, Louis of course making sure that Niall was the first one to fall asleep.
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SOMEONE PLEASE BE MY FRIEND
I tried to make the chapter long lol.
It was shit but i wanted to put something out there, for the people that have been waiting
and to the people that has been so patient with me, thank you.
see you next time, might be months before you see me again.
And about the new character, I didn't know who to put so i guess shawn mendes is in here, now i dont fukcing know ok
-jenny.