"Aimes, please! I have a History essay to plan and I've got the Science trip tomorrow. Please just stay tonight," I begged. Amy danced along to a pop song and completely ignored my pleas. My eyelids drooped in exhaustion but I clenched my fists. I needed to hold it together; it looked like I would have to look after Martin yet another night and study, which was probably never going to happen.
"Mum will be back in three hours and I told her that I'm sleeping over at Jessica's! Stop whinging, Paul will probably be back before Mum so you'll have time to study."
"Where's the party going to be?"
"At Ian's."
I rolled my eyes and stomped over to the living room. My sister was telling me that I was the one being ridiculous and acting like a kid but I was getting to the point of shutting down. It didn't help that the February half term was coming up and I had to revise and practise to get the grades I want.
"I'm going now. I'll see you tomorrow in school," Amy announced, slipping on a pair of heeled boots.
"Aimes," I called out. "Why are you so focused on him liking you when he obviously doesn't? Why can't you just accept it and move on?"
Amy's chin jutted out as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Listen, I like him. A lot. So stop digging through my business and mind your own. Do your own thing and let me do mine." she stormed out.
Well I couldn't do my own thing since my whole schedule centered around her moods and whether she'd go out each night. Martin had grown used to Amy going out so he knew how to piss me off at the right time. All I could pray for was that he would get used to it and make my life easier.
I tried to focus on my essay questions but my head ached from the amount of thoughts clogged up in my brain. I had been looking after Martin for over a week; Mum was taking up extra shifts and Amy had only stayed back home during the weekend. The rest of the time, I was on my own. I had to make up lies to cover up for her absence but I was getting fed up.
Opening the door to my small back yard, I stepped out and sat on one of the chairs. Exhaling, a wisp of smoke left my mouth and the cold air whipped my cheeks until they were crimson. The back yard had always been my thinking spot and somewhere where I could relax and reflect on things. Whenever I got grounded, Mum would just send me to the back yard so I could be alone with my thoughts.
I closed my eyes. There was one thing that my Nana had once told me when Mum and Dad got divorced; Life was tough. It's always going to be tough but I can overcome this. I needed to overcome this. I could always think that my problems are the end of the world but I will always get over them. The surface of my pride and dignity might be scratched but I would still survive. If my heart was beating then I was alive. I was just going through a stressful part of my school and social career but I was going to overcome it. I just needed to take tasks one at a time.
***
"Hope!" I shook awake, groaning at the instant ache in my neck. I looked up to see Mum and Paul putting their coats and shoes away. I nestled back into my position, even if I was half-lying on the table, all over my books and papers.
"Good evening," I sat up, rubbing my neck. "How was work?"
"Tiring," Paul yawned and stretched. "You look tired too. Did Martin cause too much trouble?"
His eyes focused on my damp leggings. I had tried to prepare his bath and he got way too excited. My earlier found motivation helped me to not get too angry and I needed to keep it that way. I shook my head and gathered my things. I'd had last the pasta Amy had made in Food Tech for dinner, slept for what looked like an hour and I'd put Martin to bed, now it was time to shower and get back to revising.
Turning the shower on, I massaged shampoo into my scalp and scrubbed my body clean. Whatever makeup I had worn before had gone everywhere, mostly from rubbing my eyes so much. It hurt to even stretch down to clean my feet because PE had tortured the crap out of me. I yawned as I sat down at Amy's desk in my pyjamas.
Are Mum and Paul home?
-A
My fists clenched. I mustn't get angry. Amy needed a night out, she was under a lot of pressure. I sighed. It was like my sister had manipulated me into thinking believing what she believed.
Yeah. Have a good night.
-H
I wanted to be angry. I wanted the bottle of emotions to explode so I could be at peace. But deep down, I knew I couldn't pile my problems on other people's shoulders. I couldn't be selfish, I had to be strong for everyone.
***
My heart's still beating, therefore I am OK.
I repeated the words to myself as I slipped into my casual clothes and attempted at dezombieing myself. I stayed up until midnight revising and working on 'Gorgon's Blood'. I may have missed on a few hours of sleep but at least I was doing what I loved and that's all that mattered. I had felt so suffocated for the past week because of my lack of writing and my smile when I managed to carve out a good 1.5K words was jubilant and victorious.
I was at school early enough to search for Love and apologise. My morning didn't need to be spent in the library because I felt pretty confident about my history essay. I scoured the front of the gates looking for Love but there were only some Year 7s hanging about. . My heart sunk in disappointment and I swallowed.
"Good morning dear sister!" Amy's voice chirped and I looked up to see the Darwins close behind her.
"Morning to you too," I replied sullenly. "How did the party go?"
"Fab," Jessica smiled. "Was Martin alright? Did your night go well?"
"Sure," I nodded to satisfy her. "I've got to go before registration. Have a good day."
I gave her a smile that I hoped wasn't strained and didn't look forced before I dashed to my form room.
"Wait up!" I stopped in my tracks. Fred was by my side in seconds. "Damn you can walk fast when you want to get out of a situation with your sister."
"Why would you think I wanted to get out of the situation?" I demanded, raising an eyebrow.
"One, we're both going on that science trip. Two, we've still got six minutes until the bell goes."
My eyebrow plummeted. I just wanted to find Love and make things right again. "Why the long face?" he walked beside me, hands in jeans.
"I screwed up last week and I need to find Love and apologise but I can't find her. I haven't had the time to do much since Amy has gotten used to the nightlife over the past week,"
"Ahh. Ryan was telling me how he could barely drag both of them out of the party because they were so drunk."
I was silent. A tiny bit of rage expanded in my chest but I pushed it down. I was going to have a good day at this Science Museum and hopefully mend things between me and Love.
"You're pissed off," Fred commented.
"No I'm not!" I scowled and gripped my backpack.
"Yes you are! Come on, tell me what's up!"
"Fred I'm OK. Just tired," It wasn't exactly a lie; I was tired but I was also slightly pissed off. My sister goes to house parties for over a week and I'm left to look after my chaotic eight year-old brother while trying to get some work done. "Come on, we need to go to registration."
***
I made sure to not sit next to the window and try to distract myself in some way when we reached a long street. I had tried approaching Love but Kaydence and Amethyst wouldn't let me talk to her and they were at the back of the coach. The rest of my friends were on a different coach so I was sitting next to a kid I knew nothing about. He was too busy playing a game on his phone to make any conversation so I just decided to listen to some music.
Hey, how are you? How's Gorgon's Blood going? ~Ivison
Good. I've written the first 5K words and I want to write and edit a fair amount before I post the first chapter. ~Me
Great! Arghhhh I'm struggling with this fight scene and it's causing me major writer's block. No amount of death metal and pop punk can make me as angry as Cressida is. ~Ivison
You listen to death metal? ~Me
Yeah, I listen to Slipknot. It calms me down, even if my parents always complain that the music is too loud. I can't play it that loud because I've got roommates but I recommend you listen to it if you want to calm down or you're struggling with a fight scene. ~Ivison
I listen to pop punk occasionally. My favourite boy band is Fall Out Boy but I've also discovered Green Day and Twenty One Pilots. I'll give Slipknot a try. ~Me
My ears throbbed when we got off the coach. Turned out that death metal was strangely calming and entertaining. Ivy had had a spare hour before class so we texted back and forth about writing, music and random things for the whole of my coach journey while the music blared in my ears.
"How's it going headbanger?" Fred smirked.
"Huh?" I felt my eyebrows scrunch in confusion.
"Pete told me you liked Fall Out Boy, Twenty One Pilots, Greenday and Slipknot. I thought you went for something slightly sappier like Kelly Clarkson and Taylor Swift."
"How did he know? And no, Kelly Clarkson and Taylor Swift are not sappy."
"Your music was pretty much blasting out of your phone," I felt my cheeks roast as I pulled my hood over the half-up, half-down space buns I had twisted my hair into this morning.
"Guess I need to invest into new earbuds," I mumbled at Fred's grin.
"I'm a fan of Fall Out Boy as well. Jessica rabbited on about them during her emo stage but I still don't find Patrick that attractive. Sure he's talented but-"
"Don't talk to me ever again!" I said.
"What? Why? What did I do?" Fred frowned in confusion.
"Dare to insult Patrick Stump ever again and I will kill you on the spot!" I warned, raising an eyebrow. I was joking. Maybe.
Fred just groaned and shook his head. "Not another one! Damn it, you're going through your emo stage, aren't you?"
I glared at him and flounced off to try and talk to Love. I hated it how people were labelled as 'emo' if they didn't listen to pop music or dress in bright colours. And it wasn't a stage or a phase for everyone. Some people chose to be that way and that was fine.
The whole trip was just doing experiments and exploring the museum. It wasn't too large and there weren't huge signs that said we couldn't take photos. I followed some of my classmates until we reached a hall where Love and her friends were. Clenching my fists, I inhaled deeply before sauntering over to what they were looking at.
"Hello Love," I greeted awkwardly and she gave me a tight-lipped, side smile. "Listen, I want to apologise for last week. I... I was wrong to moan on and on and degrade your problems. I let all my anger and frustration out on you and I instantly regretted it." Our eye contact wavered as I looked down and fumbled with my wristband. I forced myself to look back up to show her that I meant my apology. "I hope you can forgive me."
There was a moment of silence in which Love opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish. "I-I was wrong too," she admitted. "Friends are there to listen to each other and I just wanted to rant about my life. I'm sorry too."
"You haven't done anything wrong but if it makes you feel better, apology accepted." I tried to smile. "I'll see you at lunch."
"Wait!" I turned around. "Stay with us. Let's check out the light and colour room!"
A/N Ayeee guess who finally updated! I feel like it's been forever since I last updated because school started and so far, it ain't been good. I got hit on the bridge of my nose while I was wearing my metal glasses in PE so the frames just dug into my skin and it was painful. Other than that, I've had writer's block and I've had to send my phone off to repair for two, three weeks which means I can't post all of the new edits I've made. This chapter was choppy and slightly filler-y but things are going downhill in the next chapter so keep yo eyes peeled. Song for this chapter is 'Say Yay' by Barei because you need a positive and dynamic song every once in a while amidst the pop punk and death metal.
Personally, I don't listen to death metal but my friends do and since they've been the ones I've clung to for dear life these past few days, I'll just dedicate the chapter to them (Yolopolorixonator and hufflebadger77). Ya'll are awesome! Follow me on Instagram- antoana0502.
Antoana