Chapter twenty-Three:
You know the moment when you are half awake, half asleep? It felt like I was suspended in space, I wasn't living but I wasn't dead. The only thought that brings me to fight is my baby. Is he or she okay? My cheeks feel wet. Am I crying? I open my eyes and look around but everything is blurry. The only thing that I can figure out is that I'm in a white room.
My heart felt like it stopped beating. Why was I in here? What happened? Where am I? My heart is racing, I'm scared.
The sound of a door opening made my head whip to the side. "Who's there?"
“Its mom and dad, sweetie.”
"Mom," my voice cracked. "What happened?"
“You were hit by a car honey.” she says. “We also have to discuss the fact that you're pregnant.”
“Is the baby okay?”
“Yes.”
“Thank God.”
"Honey, you're pregnant?" My dad looked at me closely. "I thought they made a mistake when they told us.
“I am pregnant.” I say.
A shocked expression covered his face. "It’s true. How did my baby girl, end up with a baby?"
“Owen.” I say quietly.
"But, honey, Owen was months ago..." My mother trailed off seeing my expression. "Oh, honey, you didn't." I nod and start crying. Two pairs of arms wrapped around me. My mum had tears slowly falling down her cheeks while my dad put on a brave face.
“He...he hates me...” I tell them.
"Why does he hate you, honey?"
"Do you want me to go break his legs?" My dad asked, his face deadly serious.
“I said I never meant for it to happen. It’s true, I never meant for it to happen, but it did.” I turn to face my dad. “No, but you can talk to him. I don’t think he wants anything to do with me or my baby.”
"Honey...” My mum met my dad’s gaze. "Hearing that from the girl you love obviously has to hurt. He's allowed to feel a little depressed after. And, darling, don't hurt the poor boy."
“A little depressed? You call having sex or about to depressed?!” I exclaim.
Again, my parents exchanged a look. "Darling, we suggest you talk to him."
“He probably won’t even talk to me.”
"Did you tell him that you never wanted it to happen when you were on your own or with other people?" My face must have shown the answer she needed. "Honey, you've obviously hurt his feelings. You need to smooth things over with him - it has got to be hard to be rejected in front of other people."
“Mum, he probably won’t even want to see me.” I say. “He probably doesn’t even care that I'm in the hospital.”
She gave me a crooked smile. "So who’s the boy outside, pacing up and down the hallway, worried whether the girl he loves will wake up or not?"
“What?” I say shocked.
"Do you want to put him out of his misery and invite him in the room?" I nod. She grabbed her husband’s hand and led him out the room. A few minutes later a all-so familiar boy entered the room.
“Hey.” I say.
"Hi, Lani-bear," he murmured, his eyes roaming every available body part he could see. Once satisfied, he walked further in the room and sat down on one of the plastic blue chairs. I don’t say anything because I don’t know what to say.
He rubbed his hand over his jaw. "Is the baby okay?" He asked quietly.
“Yeah, the baby is okay.”
He sighed. "Are you okay?"
“I think so.”
He nodded. "That's good. I guess." Silence settled over us as we looked at each other - him checking over me and me trying to work out what to say to him.
“Why are you here?” I ask curious. Earlier he wanted nothing to do with me.
"Like your mother kept pointing out, I had to check on you." He chuckled darkly. "Not that you really want me here, right? You never wanted me. You made it sound like I forced you," he stood up and started pacing the room.
I feel tears pricking at my eyes. “That’s not true.” I say. “I want you here.”
"Clearly you would prefer Elliott," he snorted. "I want to leave, but I can't." He looked at me dead in the eye. "I just can't," he whispered.
“If you want to leave so badly, what's keeping you here?”
"You." He looked out the window and frowned.
“Owen, I want you here. Out of anyone, even my parents, you're the one that I want here with me.” I say. “What I want is you and if you don’t want me, then fine. But you are going to be involved in your baby's life whether you like it or not.”
"And what about Elliott?" He turned and looked at me. "You love him. I know you do - hell, you told me to my face. You don't understand how much that hurt."
“I'll always love him.” I say. “But Owen, when I found out I that I'm pregnant I was extremely happy that it’s yours and not his. That’s all that I could think about, the fact that I'm carrying your baby.”
He shook his head. "I will be there for the baby as much as possible, Lani, but how am I suppose to be around you? You love him, you don't need me."
“He and I are over Owen.” I say. “But you don’t know how wrong you are. I do need you, way more than you know.”
"Not enough, trust me." He ran a hand over his face.
“Owen I need you, you don’t know how much.”
"How am I supposed to know how much you need me when you don't bother telling me and you tell Elliott you still love him?!" He threw his arms out and narrowed his eyes.
“I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry! I know that all of this is really messed up, but what I’ve realized is that I want you and only you. I need you because I can’t imagine not having you in my life. You've always been here for me and I can’t imagine you not being here.” I say. “I shouldn’t have done that, especially in front of you. I'm sorry, I really am.” I tell him all but crying.
He gritted his teeth and shook his head. "I hate how I can't stay mad at you, Lani." In three quick strides he was in front of me and pulling me into a hug. "I really hate it."
“Ow, ow, ow.” I say. Huh, so that’s why I really couldn’t move. Damn car. Before I could blink, he was gone again. I frowned. I wanted to hug him, even if it did hurt. “Sorry.” I look down.
He shrugged and rubbed the back of his head. "I guess you want to be with your parents for awhile, I'll get going..."
“No!” I exclaim. “Don’t go.”
He stopped, hand on the doorknob. "Is your dad going to kill me?"
“I don’t know.”
"I guess I'll take my chances - for you," he smiled and walked to the chair next to my bed.
“Owen, will you lay with me?” I ask quietly.
"Lay with you?" He blinked and nodded. "Okay, sure. I can lay with you." He climbed onto the bed with me but left too much room between us. I grab his shirt and pull him closer. With our bodies close together, my heart started to slowly increase. I did need Owen, more than I thought I would have a few months ago. I snuggle up to him.
He lightly wrapped his arms around me and buried his head in my hair. "I could get use to this," he murmured. "Not being in hospital, the laying with you part."
I close my eyes, melting onto him. “Me too.” The sound of the door opening made me open my eyes and look over at the door. It’s a doctor. I don’t care though, I'm not letting go of Owen.
"Sweetie, I just need to give you a check up," she smiled at me and looked pointedly at Owen. "He needs to leave the room - if you want."
“No, he can stay.”
She nodded. "Can you stand up, please?" I stood up and winced. "I'm going to need you to lift your shirt so I can check over your rib cage." I grab onto Owen, so I don’t fall. He holds onto my shoulders until I nod for him to let go. "Lift your top up please." I nod and lift it up, feeling a little embarrassed about it. I wince when she touches. It hurts.
"Okay, I'll write down you need some tablets to help with the pain, but other than that, you seem fine," she smiled and walked towards the door. "I'll let you two be alone now."
“Thanks.” Owen helps me get back in bed and I make him get back in with me.
His arms wrap around me and pulled me flush against his chest. "Hopefully we won't get disturbed again," he murmured, kissing my forehead. I wrap my arms around him and lay my head on his chest.
He groaned when the door opened. "Who is it this time?" He asked me.
“My dad.”
Owen groaned, again, and buried his head in my neck. "I'm not here," he murmured against my neck.
“Owen, a word.” My dad says. The tone of his voice tells me he's angry. He sure wasn’t happy when he found out that I'm pregnant, let alone that Owen is the one that got me pregnant.
Owens’s back stiffens as sat up. "Save me," he mouthed.
“I can’t, I'm sorry.”
“Owen, now.” my dad says.
He glared at me but I could see he didn't mean it. "Meany. If I die, just think, our baby will have no daddy," he put his hand to his chest and walked backwards towards the door. I giggle a little bit and watch him leave. The door isn’t closed all the way so I'll be able to hear them.
I cock my head to the side and listen. "I believe there is something you want to tell me?" My dad asked.
“I'm sorry for getting Lani pregnant.”
"You're sorry? So you don't want this baby?"
“No, I want this baby.” he says. “But aren't you going to kill me for getting her pregnant?” I strained my ears but I couldn't hear what my dad said to Owen. I bit my lip, would he say he could only visit on weekends for the baby or something? I want Owen here every day not only weekends. Both the boys walk back in the room, serious expressions on their faces. I felt tears spring to my eyes, it’s bad, I know it is. I look down. I don’t want to know but at the same time I do.
"You okay, darling?" My dad stands next to my bed and raised his eyebrow. They weren't going to tell me? They have to!
“What’s going on?” I ask.
"Nothing," my dad said, his straight face never dropping. "What do you mean, darling?"
“You talked to Owen…” I'm not letting either of them know I heard anything.
They exchanged a look that I didn't understand, then Owen smiled and sat down on my bed. "It was just one of those talks you get when you start dating a girl," he told me. "But in this case, I had the talk about not breaking either of you two hearts."
“Oh.” I say and I turn to Owen. “Don’t you have to tell your parents?”
He blinked and nodded. "Yeah, I do." I look over at my dad, who held his hands up and backed away.
"He's already got you pregnant, nothing worse he can do if I leave you alone now."
“Dad!”
He gave me a wicked grin before walking out. I bit my lip and felt my cheeks burn. Owen held my face between his hands and kissed the tip of my nose.
“He's so embarrassing!”
He chuckled, "Isn't that what dads are for?"
“What did you guys really talk about?” I ask.
He smiled and shook his head. "Don't worry, Lani-bear."
“You're not going to tell me, are you?”
"It was a man talk," he winked and grinned.
“Okay.” I say. “But I think you really need to tell your parents.”
"I will. We will," he smiled.
I nod. “Now you have to tell me and I'm not giving you a choice. What did my dad say to you?” I ask. “Like expectations and all of that?”
He gave me a flat look. "If it was a man-to-man talk, I have to tell you? Your daddy told me not to say anything."
“Why would he tell you not to tell me?” I ask. “If it involves me then I should know.”
He rubbed his eyes. "Like I said, it’s a man-to-man talk, Lani. I don't know how your dad thinks." I close my eyes and bury my head in the pillow.
He sighed and sat down next to me. "I'm sorry, Lani. Please don't be mad at me."
“I'm not mad at you.” I pull him closer to me and have him help me sit up. “Owen, we really have to talk.”
He nodded. "Talk about what?"
“Everything.” I say. “Us, the baby.”
He took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay, shoot."
“What are we?”
He mumbled something then spoke louder; "What do you want us to be, Lani-bear?"
“We’re definitely more than friends. I want to be together.” I tell him. “I never want the baby to go back and forth between us and have two houses and everything. That's not good for a baby.”
He nodded and smiled. "I love how you ask me out," he winked and kissed my forehead.
“We're not done talking about this, not even close.” I tell him. “I still don’t know what we are and how we're going to do all of this. But we have to get all of this figured out. I don’t want to have the baby in my arms and still be trying to figure this all out.”
"I know, I know," he sighed. "Lani, we are going to but first let's get you out of hospital."
“I'm here for a little longer, so let’s talk about it now.”
"Well, let's talk then." He sat down cross legged on my bed and looked expectantly at me.
“What should we start with?”
He shrugged. "Whatever you want to start with, Lani-bear."
I nod. “How about what we're going to be in awhile.”
"Parents?" He said, a smile forming on his face.
“I know that, I meant to each other.”
"Oh," his smile slowly dropped. "I don't know, really. What do you want us to be?"
“See? This is why we have to talk about it. I've already told what I don’t want to happen.”
He looked at me in the eye before looking out the window. "I want to be with you, more than you know. But I don't want to be the boy that stole the girl from the senior and dumped his girlfriend in the same week."
I sigh. “I'm going to tell you this one last time. I never want our baby to have go back and forth between us and have two houses and separate parents. That’s not a family.”
"I know, Lani-bear. I know. But just think of what people will say - I'm not saying I'm embarrassed or anything like that, but just imagine how bad it will look. Of course I want to be with you though, but it just feels like you only want me because of the baby."
“I don’t just want you because of the baby Owen, but that’s my biggest priority right now and for the rest of my life.” I tell him.
He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "But I can't help but think that, Lani-bear. You only just told Elliott you loved him and now you want me?"
“I didn’t just tell him, I told him over two months ago.” I say. “But I'll always love him, but more like a friend. Like Jake, just a really good friend."
"What about at school? You said you'll always love him. He'll think you will go back to him in the end. Say he wants to be with you and help you? You would rather have him than me, trust me."
“I'm not going back to him Owen. I want him to be my friend, but nothing else. I'd rather have the father of my baby and that's you.”
He breathed out through his nose deeply. "Do you want something from the cafe? A drink or something?" He stood up and looked at me.
I look at him confused. “What's wrong?”
"Nothing, I just want a drink. Do you want something or is your mum going to bring something up to you?"
“I'm fine, thanks though.”
He nodded and walked to the door. "I'll be back in a minute, okay, Lani-bear?"
I nod. “Okay.” The door shut quietly behind him. I closed my eyes and leant back. Why didn't he believe me? I take a few breaths. I can’t get stressed out.
Two heads appeared in the doorway and both smiled at me. "You okay, honey?"
“Yeah, I think so.”
My mum sat down on my bed and patted my knee. "A little birdie told me you and Owen was cuddling on the bed."
“Yeah.” I sigh. “Mom, I don’t know what to do anymore. One minute everything is fine and the next, something’s wrong.”
"Honey, that's life." She rolled her eyes. "You must know that by now. You can't expect Owen to jump through hoops - he has to get it through his head he is having a kid, plus that you were with Elliott."
I put my head in my hands. “This is all too much at once.”
My dad’s hand set down on my shoulder. "You know you can talk to us, right?"
“Yeah, I just don’t know what to do, daddy.” I feel tears prick at my eyes.
"Give him time, sweetie," he said, patting my shoulder. "I spoke to him and I know he wants to be there for the two of you."
I squeeze my eyes shut. “I want to go home.”
"Just a few more hours, okay? They want to run a few more checks and then we can go." I nodded and sat back, planning on sleeping the rest of the time away. I close my eyes and go to sleep.
When I open my eyes, the sky is pitch black and there's light snoring coming from my side. I look to see that it’s Owen. A small smile made its way onto my face at the sight of him. He was curled inwards slightly, obviously trying to not touch me. I frown. He doesn’t want to touch me? He rolls over, closer to me, and smiles - it made me wonder what he was dreaming about. I moved closer to him and tucked myself under his arm. I smile and close my eyes. As I fall back into sleep, I could feel Owens’s arms wrapping around me. I smile more. I really like this.
The feeling of someone kissing me lightly woke me up a few hours later, the sun shining brightly through the window.
I open my eyes and see Owen. “Morning.”
He smiled and moved back. "Sorry, I must have rolled over in my sleep. Are you okay?"
“I'm fine.” I smile softly.
"Are you sure? I'm sure I must have squashed you. Shall I get a doctor to check and make sure?" He sat up and looked over my body, checking me.
“Owen, I'm fine I promise.”
He dropped his head back and sighed. "I sound worse than your mother, don't I?" I grinned and nodded.
“You weren’t laying all over me; you just had your arm around me.”
He nodded and blew out a breath. "You're going to get sick of having me around. All I'm going to do is worrying and annoy you."
“It’s sweet, Owen.”
He rolled over so our faces were inches about. "Are you sure?" I nodded. "Am I allowed to kiss you?" He asked in a quiet voice.
“Yes.” I whisper. He smiled and bent his head forward, lightly touching his lips to mine. I smile against his lips.
"Oops, clearly I'm-" I pulled away from Owen to see a familiar friend standing in the doorway. "Lani?"
I blush. “Uh, yeah.”
"I could have sworn... What's going on?" Jake frowned and looked between us. I look at Owen, telling him to give Jake and I few minutes alone.
He swiftly kissed my forehead before walking out the door. I look at Jake and gesture for him to sit down. "Well?" He pressed. "Last time I saw you, you were lip locked with my best friend."
“Jake, El and I....we aren’t together anymore.”
"Why not? And you moved on pretty quickly," he sat back in his chair and avoided my gaze. Sometimes he was like an adorable puppy you just wanted to hug and I couldn't imagine not being friends with me - just like El.
I take a breath. “I'm pregnant, Jake.”
"Wait, what?" His head snapped towards me. "With Elliott's baby? That's why you broke up with him? Lani, I'm sure he wants to be-" I cut him off.
“Its Owens’s baby.”
He began to splutter as he tried to get a proper sentence out. "You and Owen? Again? Lani!"
“I know okay? I know.” I say. “Everything is really messed up and I'm scared and confused and I can’t afford to lose you, too, Jake.”
He rubbed his face and looked at me. "Does Elliott know? Or did you just dump him?"
“He knows and I didn’t end it...it was kind of...I don’t want to say mutual because neither of us really. I don’t know buts it’s over."
"So you automatically jumped to Owen? Don't you think that's a little unfair?" He shook his head and frowned. I look down and start crying.
"Don't cry, Lani. I'm just saying it’s a little unfair on him."
“I know.” I cry.
He bit his lip and looked uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry, Lani."
I wipe some tears away. “It’s okay, I'm just really, really emotional...and now I have to throw up.” His nose scrunched up as he quickly rushed to my side to help me up. I go into the bathroom and throw up for awhile. Once I'm done, I brush my teeth and use mouthwash.
"You okay?" Jake asked, leaning against the door frame. "Want me to get someone?"
“I'm fine, it’s just morning sickness.”
He nodded. "Want Owen back?"
I don’t look at him. “Do you hate me?”
"I guess I can't hate you for nature taking course," he said, rubbing his jaw. I wrap my arm around him, hugging him.
He chuckled and hugged me back. "Now do you want him back?" He smiled and pulled me back.
“A little, but I want you to stay so we can talk.” I smile. “I've missed my really close friend.”
He led me back to the bed and sat us down. "What do you want to talk about?"
“Anything.”
He smiled and shook his head. "How long have you been pregnant for?"
“A little over a month.”
"When do you find out if it’s a boy or girl?" He grinned. "Can I come with you? Oh, that would be so cool; I've always wanted to see a scan!"
I smile and laugh. “Not until I'm five months and yes you can come. Owen will be there, but I need my best friend too.”
"Woohoo!" He pulled me into a hug. "I guess me and Owen better become friends then, your best friend and boyfriend need to get along after all."
I smile. “Yeah.” I say. “But there is something you should know…”
"What is it?" He looked down at me. "It can't be worse than you being pregnant though. Not that it’s a bad thing," he hastily added at the end.
“Owen is still kind of with Erica.…”
"What do you mean kind of?" He frowned.
“He wants to break up but she won’t let him go.”
He rolled his eyes. "You've got to be kidding me. That's just stupid. She does realize high school crushes don't last forever."
“That’s not all. When I tell him I want to be with him, he doesn’t think it’s true. He thinks I'd rather be with Elliott just because I love him. I'll always love El, he's my first love and he's a great guy that I'm hoping will still be my friend.”
"I can understand his point though. You love El, so he probably thinks you'll go back to him if he says he wants you and the baby. You got to do something to show how much you want him in your life - friend or boyfriend."
“But...how do I do that?”
"Well, what would you love him to do to prove how much you mean to him?" He asked.
Only one thing comes to mind. “Be here for the baby, but he's already doing that.”
He rolled his eyes and flicked my forehead. "I mean date wise, silly."
“Um, I don’t know...”
"You're a girl; you are supposed to know these things!" He threw his hands out. "Cinema, dinner, beach?" He suggested.
I smile at the memory and touch my stomach. “Beach.”
He scrunches his nose. "I don't even want to know what you two got up to."
“Sorry…”
He snorted. "I wasn't sure but you just confirmed it. You got pregnant on a beach." Jake got up and started to pace the room. "Okay, so you would want to go to the beach. What about him? What do you think he would want to do?
“I really have no idea Jake.”
"You two have been friends for how long?" He ran a hand through his hair. "Lani, you can't go into a relationship with him if you don't know how to take him out on a date."
“Um,” I bite my lip. “He and I used to have movie nights; we'd watch movies, play card games, board games and eat pizza.”
"What about if you do that then? It'll bring up old memories and show you care enough to do it."
I nod. “Yeah.”
He smiles and stands up. "I'll talk to El about you two being friends. Don't forget to let me know when the scan is," he winked and headed towards the door.
I smile. “Hey, Jake!”
He turns and faces me. “Yeah?”
“You're the best.” He smiles brightly and walks out. I shake my head with a smile on my face and lay down.
"If you want to sleep, I can come back later?" I look over at the door.
“You don’t have to go.”
He walks into the room and sat down. "What did Jake want?"
“Just to see how I am.”
He nods and leans against the pillows. I look at him from the corner of my eye. "What are you doing Friday?" I ask him.
“Nothing, why?”
"Want to do something?" I asked, playing with my fingers. Maybe Jake was right, he'd see how much I need him if I proved it. We shared so many memories together, if I showed him that, he might finally believe me.
“Sure. What did you have in mind? The doctor said you have to take it easy for awhile.”
I smile and nod. "I'll think of something, don't worry." He gave me a skeptical look but nods anyway.
“Do you need anything?” he asks.
"No. When am I allowed to leave?" I shift closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder.
“About an hour or so.”
I nod my head and sigh. "What are you doing after?" I ask him, not really wanting to be on my own.
“I don’t have anything I have to do.”
"Do you, you know, want to come back to mine for a while?" I gave him a hesitant smile. "You don't have to if you don't want to."
He smiles. “I'd love to.”
"Great," I grin.