Panic mode officially set in as I scrambled to decide what I should do. The last message was left at 1:33, I remember looking at the clock when he helped me into bed and it said 2:06."
From my calculations, he was deep inside of me as I shouted out various obscenities and moans by the time it took my parents to drive the ten minutes from their house to mine.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I decided the only thing to do was to call my mom and see what, if anything she heard. Maybe they didn't come by at all.
I took a nervous breath as I dialed my parents number. "Hello?"
"Hi mom, I got your message." I attempted to sound as normal as possible.
The line was completely silent, telling me either her or my dad, or both, got an ear full and possibly and eyeful of their daughter being rammed into the hood of a yellow
BMW, by Prince nonetheless.
My face felt like it was about to melt off from embarrassment.
"Mom?"
"Vivy... I don't even know what to say to you right now. I'm so disappointed in you. Your dad, oh your dad. He's hurt honey."
I sighed, the gig was up, with them at least. I'd kept the problems between Janet and I a secret from everyone except Karen. "Mom, I'm sorry. But there's more to the story th-"
"I don't want to hear it. I didn't raise you to be that type of girl. I'm so ashamed of you right now."
She was acting like I was a kid still, "Mom, I'm 29, with a house of my own, I could do whatever I want on my own property."
"You need to be a respectable woman Vivian, not a whore. How does it make you feel to know you made us see that, huh?"
My parents were very traditional and never warmed up to the fact that I was with a woman. Now, they saw me getting it on on the hood of a car. I guess they had a reason to be ashamed of me.
"I'm sorry mom but I wasn't really expecting visitors at one something in the morning."
"All I have to say is I'm disappointed in you."
"Thanks mom, you already said that though. Oh, and don't forget ashamed too." I was starting to get upset at the judgement my mom so easily cast on me.
Click.
I knew they wouldn't say anything to Janet, they would even be too ashamed to speak about what they witnessed amongst each other. I felt bad for them seeing what they saw, but it was my house.
I sat by the phone, trying to make the guilt and shame that started building up, go away. How was it that a grown ass woman, who owns her own house, still manages to get caught with a guy by her parents?
Within ten minutes, the phone rang. It was Janet. I invite her over so we could talk things over.
I sat in silence, thinking about how I was going to break it to her. I wanted her to know I'd be there for her as a friend, but I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with her.
About an hour later she came walking into my door smelling of the cigarettes I hated so much. "Hey Viv." She gave me a kiss.
"Hey, come here, let's sit down J." I brought her to the couch and sat down next to her.
She grabbed my hand tightly before looking into my eyes, "I just need to tell you something, I just need to get this off my chest before we say anything else. I love you so much Vivian, I really do. I have made a few mistakes. I'm trying to work on the coke and the job and everything else that's fucked up in my life right now. But please, don't leave me now, I need you more than ever right now. You're my rock and I really need you to be there for me."
I really was just about to break up with her, but she needed me. What if I wasn't there for her? What would happen to her? I took in a deep breath, "Ok," I said hesitantly, "But no more chances J. If I see you fucking up again, then that's it."
"Ok, I can work with that." She brought my hand up to her mouth and planted a kiss on the back of it.
We sat in silence for a brief moment before she exclaimed, "Hey, I bought you, well us a present."
I furrowed my brows wondering where she got the money to buy a present, but decided I should just focus on the gift giving instead of how she obtained it. "Oh yeah, what is it?"
"Hold on, it's in my car." She got giddy as she planted a wet kiss on my lips before leaving through the door to retrieve the present from her car.
When she came back, she hadn't wrapped the gift, but instead just tied the black grocery bag it came in at the top to keep it concealed.
"What is it?"
"Open it."
I took the bag from her and ripped through the plastic to find a Hitachi Magic Wand, a vibrator. As a couple, we usually didn't use toys or anything too much, but I'd been wanting one of these for a while.
"Let's try it out." She said.
I was sore from the night before with Prince so there was no way I even remotely wanted to get that thing near me.
"Um... I'm not really in the mood. You wanna go out for a drive instead?"
"Uh, ok, I guess." She sounded disappointed. "Oh, I forgot to ask you, can you lend me like $50.00? I need to pay my registration on my car."
I sighed, "Yeah, just remind me to give it to you later."
"Ok, thanks Viv."
We got into my car, our destination was no where in particular, instead we would drive through the countryside. That was what we used to do almost every weekend. We'd drive around, looking for roadside cafes, or little antique shops to browse through.
The car was silent for at least thirty minutes. I peeked over at her every once in a while to see her staring out of the window, probably looking at all the cows grazing on the grass as we passed. "So, what happened J? Why after six months?"
She sighed, "Honestly, I don't know. I was tired of holding back the cravings. I just wanted to feel the way I felt before, just once. Things just got out of control real fast."
"I wish you would have told me about your cravings, the rehab said you'd get them, remember? They gave you the number to call, do you still have it?"
"Viv, I don't think you understand the feeling you get when you crave something, you need it, no matter what. Even if you know it's gonna end up hurting someone, you don't care, you've just gotta have it."
"Yeah, I kinda do get it. I know everything's easier said than done, but it just feels like you're back at square one and that's hard."
"Tell me about it Vivian!" She sighed through her teeth before going radio silent. The only sounds were the tires hitting the asphalt as we drove down the road lined with greenery.
Pretty soon, my car pulled into a little dairy deep within the countryside. We used to go there, during better times, and look at the animals.
That's what we told everyone anyway. Really, we'd go there because Janet loved their fresh chocolate milk. She'd always get a cute little milk mustache that lined her lip. I wouldn't tell her until she finished her milk, otherwise she'd be constantly wiping her face.
I looked at her as I stopped the car, waiting for a smile to appear. She looked back at me, knowing what I was waiting for. A small, insincere smile lined her pink lips before she turned to open the car door.
Maybe it was the guilt, or maybe I just hated seeing her so depressed, but I tried my hardest to get that girl to laugh or smile or anything.
A smile never appeared, she just casually browsed the isles of various dairy based products. I walked behind her, watching her face, trying to figure out what she was thinking about.
Finally, we set out to go back home. A knot in my stomach formed as I thought about how the long drive home would be.
I turned on the radio in the car to prevent the awkward silence I knew would happen. "So, was your milk good?" I grasped for any sort of conversation.
"Yeah." Her eyes never leaving the view from the passenger window.
I waited a minute to try something else, "Thanks for the gift."
"Welcome." She still said nothing more.
"Why are you mad at me?"
"I'm not mad."
Come on, give me something here Janet!
I gave up any hope for a conversation with her. Instead, my fingers turned the volume dial on the radio. At least I could occupy myself with that. We were fifteen minutes from my house as I tried to gun it the rest of the way home to end this thick tension between us.
I guess I should've known
By the way you parked your car sideways
That it wouldn't last...
Little Red Corvette came on the radio. Janet hated Prince's music, but she loved this song. I looked down to the floor board of the car to see her foot lightly tapping down against the dark grey carpet.
Her head moved to the beat slightly, I could tell she wanted to move more, but her attitude was preventing her. "You want me to turn it up?" I turned the volume dial on the radio up even louder, finally getting a small smile from her as she briefly looked into my eyes.
Little red Corvette
Baby you're much to fast, yes you are
Little red Corvette
You need to find a love that's gonna last, ah huh...
She tried in vain to suppress the urge to belt out the lyrics. I laughed while she sang her little heart out as we made our way back into the familiar territory of Chanhassen.
For that brief moment, it felt like old times again. But soon after the song ended, the car went silent again.
"So how's work?" She asked, breaking the long silence between us.
"It's been good."
"Is Prince still being a misogynistic asshole?"
A faint smile reached my lips as I thought about last night. He seemed to care very much about my wants and needs. There was definitely a love for women there. "No, actually, we've worked things out. He's actually been very cool lately."
"He probably wants to get in between your legs."
"No, I don't think that's it. I think I was always too busy not liking him, I never focused on the nice things he did."
She shot me a look that I was unable to discern. "I don't know." Her head shook.
We finally pulled up into my driveway to find my parents car parked there. My heart sank into the pit of my stomach as I tried to stop my hands from shaking out of nervousness.