10. A Much Needed Break
"Okay, seriously, you got to tell me what's behind this," I tell Cas. All I got out of him earlier what that we were supposed to be going somewhere. He never said specifics.
So, cautiously, I had dressed to not look homeless. Cas opted for his yellow car, even after I protested that I would rather drive my truck (he'd driven it back the night he brought me back to the bunker). He wasn't having it, and I sure as hell wasn't having him drive my baby, even under my supervision. So, this was the compromise.
The sun sets as Cas continues to drive. I have my arm against the window, rubbing my forehead.
"Well, since Sam and Dean are out on another case, I figured we could get ourselves some fresh air."
"That's the occasion?" I ask.
"What else would it be?"
"Well, we're not going on a case, otherwise we would've taken my truck." I bite down on my thumbnail. "What's this about, Cas?"
"We need a break, from Amara. From what we do."
"I'm glad you clarified." I clear my throat. "I haven't even met her yet."
"Just...trust me on this, okay?"
I steal a look at him. Those big ocean eyes practically bully me with their softness. I sigh through my nose. "Fine."
Cas drives us into a small town, parking the car at a diner. We both get out, and he grabs my hand as we get inside.
The interior is kind of cute. It seems on the busier side too. We're seated at a booth. Older music is playing in the speakers above.
"You look better already," Cas notes.
I give him an inquiring look. "Did I look bad before?"
"N-no, you just—your color looks better."
A waitress comes around, so Cas and I both knock out our drink and food orders. I keep a wary eye on the redhead. I'm not appreciating how she's eyeing Cas up as though he's a slab of meat.
"Something wrong, Josette?" he asks.
I focus onto him. "Nothing."
"Sometimes you can be a terrible liar."
I sigh through my nose.
"Is it because you feel exposed, without any protection?"
"No, it's not that." I rub the back of my head. I don't feel used to the haircut I'd given myself. I feel out of place. Like an outcast. Stupid demon period.
"Oh, what, the waitress? Is that the issue here?" He regards me softly. "Josette, you've got nothing to worry about." Across the table, he grabs my hand. "If I wasn't into you, I would have never done half of the things that I have for you."
"That's comforting, I think."
When our stuff comes, it's basically for me, since Cas has lost is appetite for food since becoming a full-blown angel again. I pick at the fries, chomping on the burger. I must look like a starved, deprived animal, with how I gorge myself. But hey, I'm not exactly about manners right now.
"Oh." Cas looks up. I'm swallowing another bite of burger as I look at him strangely. "It's our song."
"We've got a song?" I ask. Where was I when this happened?
"Listen."
I stop my chewing long enough to hear it. It's faint, mainly due to the noise in the diner, but I still hear it. "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison. It's our song. "Huh."
"I, uh, when you..." Cas clears his throat awkwardly. I briefly ignore my dinner. "When you weren't around, I'd try to listen for it."
"Why?"
Cas looks as though I've just asked the stupidest question on the planet. "Because it reminded me of you."
Wake up, idiot. He's basically saying he missed you, my conscience, who doesn't sound anything like Franco now, but my own voice, snaps. "So, we've got a song, huh? And you didn't think to consult me on this?" I tease him.
Cas looks a little flustered and embarrassed, which causes me to laugh and nearly choke on my food. I'm surprised he doesn't flinch as I cough violently. I beat my chest, as though that's gonna help the food go down. I feel better when the fit slowly stops.
"You know." I cough. "The demon me, she would've had a good sexual innuendo for this moment."
"You refer to that phase as though it was a different person entirely."
I chew on another bite slowly. "It kind of was. It was the, uh...darker parts of me that I choose to not let anyone see." Like the cold-blooded killer, for starters.
When I look at Cas, he looks as though he's in another world. His gaze is slightly transfixed. He doesn't look away shyly like a little kid when we lock eyes. I'll bet he's missing the old me. I miss my old body, too. "Brown Eyed Girl" would be much more appropriate if I still had them.
We enjoy each other's company until I've eaten so much that my stomach bloats out like I'm months pregnant. There's still food left over, so I take some out of the diner in boxes. I'm sure Sam and Dean will more than appreciate some food, since the kitchen inventory is pretty shitty right now.
"This was nice," Cas muses, walking us back to the car in the night. We pass a couple walking the way we came out. "We should try this more often."
I chuckle, then it fades. In another life, a life without hunting, this would be a regular occurrence. Going places, meeting people, having fun. Living life without risk of injury or death.
"Josette?"
"I'm fine, Cassie." I look at him, smiling softly. "Got any other places in mind?"
"Truthfully, I think we're better off going back home. We can hog Sam's room and his Netflix."
"Sounds perfect."
With the leftover boxes in my lap, Cas drives us back to the bunker. The windows are rolled down slightly, allowing some breaths of fresh air. I find myself leaning left, towards Cas.
We hold hands the entire drive back.
* * *
"So, do I get to pick what we watch?" I ask Cas as I go down the bunker steps, into the war room. "Or am I gonna have to fight you for the remote?"
"I might just be nice and let you pick."
I half-turn, giving him a feign look of surprise. "A bit attached to the Netflix, are we, Cassie?"
"It's kind of hard to resist."
"I'll meet you in Sam's room. I need to put these away before they spoil."
Cas and I part ways, me heading for the kitchen. I push the leftovers into the fridge, patting my clothes for my phone. (I'd invested in a new one recently.) I realize that I left it in my room. Cas hadn't answered his phone, either, while we were out.
I find one of the bathrooms in the bunker, quickly jumping into the shower. My hair is warm and clings to my skull when I jump out. Body wrapped in a towel, I head inside my room. As I head for my dresser, I jump aside, seeing Cas sitting on my bed.
"What are you doing?" I stammer.
"I, uh, I'm not feeling Netflix anymore," he says abashedly. "I figured we could, uh...just, lie down and talk."
"Oh. Uh, yeah, sure." I clear my throat, looking away. "Let me just, uh, grab some clothes..." I go back for my dresser, pulling open drawers. I stand straight, feeling the gentlest touch on my hips through the wet towel. "Cas..."
"I won't do anything, I promise," he says sincerely. "I'm just..." His fingers run over the skin of my shoulder blades, where more tattoos mar the skin. "Some of these are extraordinary."
"I'm glad you think so," I mumble. "I want them gone."
"Why?"
"They're...reminders. Of what I was. They remind me of a time where I...I killed, Cas." I turn around, looking at him with fearful, pale green eyes. "I wasn't myself. I don't know who that was. She—she was a monster. She did all of this." I look down both arms.
"I don't see that when I look at these," Cas says softly.
"Then what do you see?"
"I see them as part of you, Josette. Part of who you are, what you've beaten. I see a woman who is stronger than most angels I've encountered. A woman who will have nothing slow her down."
I look down, thumbing the towel. "Can I, uh, get dressed now, Cas?"
"Do you want me to give you privacy?"
"Well, we're together, so, that's up to you." I shrug.
He chuckles. "I wasn't expecting that answer."
"Why?"
"Do you remember when I accidentally flashed you?"
I wince. "Yeah, I remember. I saw things." I shudder in mock horror. Back then, I hadn't realized just how much he was going to mean to me. How far he would be willing to go to try and save my ass even when I was sure I wasn't going to be saved.
"Come on, you had to enjoy it a teeny bit." He grabs my face tenderly.
My mouth parts in surprise. "Who are you and what have you done with Castiel? I've never heard that kind of talk out of your mouth before."
"Let's just say a...friend...exposed me to a whole new world full of innuendos."
I blush furiously. I forget all about the dresser and the clothes as he leads me towards the bed, sitting himself down. I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now. It's nothing bad, I know it's something good. I sigh. "What did I do to deserve you, Cassie?"
"I ask myself that same question about you, all the time." He smiles. I settle onto his lap. "Are you sure about this?"
"I want my first time with you to mean something."
"Shh." His fingers trace my mouth. "Don't speak."
Our eyes stay focused on the other as I undress him. I tackle the shirt layers first, trench coat and all. His skin twitches under my fingertips. I rise a little, getting the pants undone. He squirms, helping me shrug those off him.
I push him down on the bed, planting soft kisses on his mouth. His hands trail down my sides, hooking into the towel. I'm waiting for it to be unraveled off of my body. I brush his hair back, watching his pupils dilate. I smile sheepishly. I go for his neck, nibbling on the skin. I hear him exhale sharply, and I decide to hone in on that spot.
"Josette," he groans.
I let my breath warm his ear before I gently bite down on it. I yip as I'm suddenly thrown underneath Cas, and I see the lust consume those beautiful baby blues. The towel comes off, and we wiggle around to get it on the floor instead of on the sheets. He teases my entrance, and I pull his head down to kiss him hot on the mouth.
"If I hurt you—"
"You won't," I say firmly. "I know you won't."
I stroke his face when he gets himself inside. He doesn't go fast out of the gate, he actually has a smooth, slow stroke. One that makes me want to remain in that pace and not want to up it any. My hands glide around his face, his chest, settling for his back. Some of the thrusts are a bit much, and I find myself seizing up
At these, Cas stops, and I know he thinks that I'm in pain. He continues when he notices me relaxing. He bites on my collarbone, and I push my head back into the pillow, licking my lips in pleasure. I like this slow build, there's no rush to it.
We want it to slow down as much as possible. We want this moment to extend as much as it can.
I feel the heat growing in my stomach, and the thrusts are getting almost too sharp to take. They aren't fast, but they're strong. Like if he goes any harder, he'll shovel me through the headboard and the wall behind it.
His breaths are ragged and heavy in my ear. I gently rake my nails down his back, and the shudders grow violent. The slightest bite on my ear sends a cold chill through me, and a low moan. Cas moves lower, his mouth stuck on the niche where my neck and jawline meet. I squirm, trying to angle myself better. My heart is running, and the heat is burning now in my stomach.
"Cas," I groan heavily. I choke out a noise when he gives an extra hard shove into me. My nails pinch into his skin. Another forceful shove, this one trying to plow me through the mattress. "Castiel."
At the sound of his full name, I feel it. He bites extra hard on the spot he's been focused on as he comes undone. I let out a feeble cry of ecstasy. His mouth wanders, peppering kisses until he stops on my shoulder. He peeks a look at me, a smile warbling on his face.
Words don't need to be said. I turn my head to him, and we kiss softly. He runs a hand through my short hair. He touches his forehead to mine, and I close my eyes, sighing through my nostrils.
I open my eyes, and in this moment, I realize just how blessed I am. To have someone who will do anything even if it's beyond his power to keep me sane, to keep me who I am. To have someone I can lose myself in and not have it affect me in a negative way.
"Easy, Cassie, easy," I croon, wiping the light sweat off his brow. "Settle."
He plants a kiss on the base of my throat, and I hear a thrum in his. "Mm, you're beautiful." Our eyes meet, and I swear I could just look into them all night and not get bored.
"I'm glad this was our first," I say quietly.
"I am too." We both turn on our sides, and I hook a leg around one of his. I have this want to stay connected to him by contact.
"You weren't holding back, were you?"
"No...I...I figured you didn't enjoy rough sex."
"Well, I'm not opposed to it." I wink. I yawn.
"Sometimes I forget that I'm not human."
"Right. You don't sleep." I frown slightly. "Do you miss it, though?"
"Miss what?"
"Being human?"
"Some things I don't miss. Some things I do."
Mindlessly, I skim my fingers up and down his arm. "If things were different, would you consider staying human?"
I feel like I've asked the wrong question, because Cas's answer is silence. I look up at him, suddenly feeling stupid for letting the question get out of my mouth.
"If the circumstances were right, possibly," he finally says. "But right now, there's no chance of that happening."
I nod in understanding.
"It would be nice to taste food again, though."
I chuckle. "That's the thing you miss most, huh? Not the whole being-able-to-sleep-and-dream factor?"
"Well, you have to remember where I was before you nearly ran me over."
I purse my lips. "I wasn't trying to hit you, you had slow reflexes." I wonder when he realized he felt something for me. It took me a damn while, that's for sure. I'm sure it wasn't immediate, because Cas had been focused on surviving as a human at the time. If only our lives allowed us to have more things like this.
His thumb tries to brush the frown lines off of my face. "I'll be here when you wake."
"Normally, I think I'd be creeped out by you watching me sleep," I say tiredly. "But honestly, I'm too tired to give a crap." I scoot closer, pushing my head against Cas's chest. I can feel his heart galloping against my ear. I close my eyes, feeling his rhythmic stroke of my back. "I love you," I whisper into his chest.
"I...I love you too." The hesitance I know isn't from saying it, more so the surprise that I said it first.
But I know how I feel about him, how I always have I guess. That love has just morphed into something more, something deeper in the time that I've come to know him.
**Cassette cuteness I can't.
When Cas said "It's our song." I couldn't not put it in.
And honest to God, originally, before Cassette became this huge thing, "Lost Stars" was, like, my decided ultimate theme for them. But Cassette fits many songs: from their struggles to their love. This song kinda combines both, I think.
I wanted a Cassette date night, a quiet ship chapter before we ease ourselves into the Season 11 chaos.**