❝trigger (pronounced ˈtrɪɡə or trig-er), noun
This is it. This is your trigger warning. I think this is how you do it? I dunno. Just... graphic scenes ahead, guys. Please, if you feel uncomfortable at any point, I'll leave a warning before it comes up.❞
"Ellie, it's not important."
"Please. Please, just tell me. I want to know, I need to."
"Even Hunter doesn't-"
"I want to know."
The room was spinning, and she closed her eyes, taking deep breath and turning off the stove. "Okay. But only so that you understand. Only so that you know I understand what it's like to be scared."
Elle watched her, and she took a shaky breath. The mention of Markus' name alone had unhinged her. She took a deep breath, before looking at Elle again. "Darling, the story isn't pretty. And it's not going to be easy for you to hear, either."
"I know."
*********WARNING STARTS HERE*********
She looked into Elle's brown eyes for a moment, before looking down. "I was trying to leave him."
"Markus?"
"Yes. He had... he had been abusing me since I had rejected his proposal. We had dated only a few months, and he was ready to marry me, but I wasn't. I didn't feel that level of love for him yet. He took it personally, and began to hit me. I had finally had enough, and I packed my bags. I don't know where I would've gone, but anywhere was better than that house.
"I got as far as the front hallway until I realised that he wasn't snoring on the couch after drinking again. Suddenly, he slammed me against a wall, choking me. He asked me where I thought I was going, and I lied, said something about school camp, and of course, he didn't believe me. He beat me. Beat me until I couldn't move, until I was coughing up blood. Then he took off his shirt, and began kissing me. I couldn't push him away, it hurt too much, but he lifted me up, carrying me to the couch."
She didn't seem to be in the kitchen anymore. She was back in that house, in the dark, listening to Markus' jeering laughter. "He used something to tie my hands up- I don't remember, I think it was his belt- and he started taking my clothes off, too. I fought him, I fought him as much as I could, but there was nothing I could do. After a point, I just... let him. I let him do it, because it was easier than fighting."
Elle looked like she was about to be sick, and Ryan stared at the table. "When he was done with me, he told me that if I ever tried to leave again, it'd be worse. He didn't untie me- he left me on that couch, completely bare and completely vulnerable. I couldn't move, it hurt so much. I... I don't remember much else of that night. He came back once or twice, came back and... and..."
"Raped you again?"
She nodded wordlessly. "He... eventually let me go. I crawled to the bathroom, threw up into the toilet and cried. I had no idea what to do, where to go. I was so scared that I would never be happy again. That I would have to marry him, have his children, be his mistress forever."
"What happened then?"
********DONE, IT'S ALL DONE********
"I don't know. He left the house that morning, I don't know where he went. That day was parent-teacher night. Your Grandma Lyn saw that I was... off. She asked me what was wrong, but I didn't answer her. That night, I spoke to at least twenty different parents. Not one of them asked me what was wrong." She smiled slightly. "Your dad was the last one. He came in, and he realised that something wasn't right. He asked me what was wrong, and I hadn't realised that my makeup had worn off to the point where he could see the bruise on my eye."
"I remember that night," she said. "You were... you weren't talking. You looked like you were gonna cry. Pa hugged you."
She smiled. "He gave me hope. And that night, when he brought me home-"
"What happened that night, anyway?"
"We kissed, and I was so flustered that I left my jacket in the car. He brought it back for me, and saw him in the act of hitting me again. He fought him, barehanded, and saved me. He looked after me." She smiled slightly. "And he gave me hope. Hope, love and care... that's something I hadn't had for such a long time. It took me a long time, but I trusted him, and fell for him harder than anything."
Elle looked up. "Is it... is it always so painful?"
Ryan shook her head. "When it's with someone who cares about you, it's bliss."
"Really?"
"Truly. I promise you that much." She stood up, putting some macaroni into a bowl and handing it to her. "Here, eat up. You'll feel better."
She took a deep breath and said, "Ma, can I go to Drew's place tonight?"
"Why?"
"I... I dunno. I need him. I just..." She sniffled. "I need him, Ma."
Ryan considered this, then nodded. "I think I'd've been happier if I'd had your dad that night. Eat first, then pack your bags."
"Yep."
She ate her macaroni, before slowly packing her bags, brushing her hair back and going into the kitchen again. She looked at the time- 10:24pm. Drew usually went to bed late anyway, would it matter? It was Saturday night, surely he'd still be awake.
Ryan locked the front door as they left the house, driving to Drew's house, and they got there. Elle looked at her, before hugging her tightly.
"You're the best mom ever," she said softly. "I'm so sorry I can't be a better daughter."
"You're the best daughter I could ever ask for. Don't forget that." She kissed her head, and walked with her to the front door.
Elle knocked, and the door opened, revealing Drew wearing his favourite Jake the Dog shirt and blue pyjama pants. He looked surprised. "Ellie?"
Seeing him suddenly unleashed something inside her, something that reminded her of the horror of the last six hours. She launched herself into his arms with a sob, crying into his chest. "O-Oh... Drew..."
"Elle? Elle, what's wrong?" he asked urgently. "It's okay, it's okay, breathe. I'm here."
Jessie walked in, looking confused. "Ryan?"
"Elle's had a rough day, she wants to stay with Drew tonight."
Jessie narrowed her eyes. "And I can trust you to not do anything stupid because?"
"Mom, I won't- I-"
Ryan took Jessie aside. "I promise you, even if he wanted to, she wouldn't right now. She's had... she made a mistake. Please, trust them, just for tonight. She needs him."
Jessie looked into Ryan's pleading eyes. "Alright. I trust you, Ry. I'll look after her."
"Don't bother," she said, gesturing to Drew, who was already taking her up the stairs to his room. "I think he'll do a better job of it than any of us will."
When she got home, she rolled into bed with a sigh, and Hunter's arms wrapped around her. "Hey."
"Hi."
"You seem tense," he said softly. "Everything okay?"
"I talked to Elle about some stuff. It brought back... memories. Not good ones, either. Just memories. Bad ones."
"About... him?"
She nodded tightly, and Hunter sighed, kissing her once. "It's okay. I'm here now, and he's never coming back. I love you more than anything in the world, alright?"
"We're gonna get through this together, right?"
"Of course. We get through everything together." He kissed her again. "I love you."
"I love you more. Just... hold me, won't you?"
"Of course." He nuzzled his nose against her hair. "It's so much easier to fall asleep when I've got you here, too."
She smiled. "G'night, my darling. Sleep well."
<><><><><><><><>
Drew sat Elle on his bed, and knelt down in front of her, holding her hands. "Ellie, I know you're freaking out, but I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong," he said softly. "Please."
She just kept crying. "D-Drew... I..."
He leaned forward and gave her a small kiss on the lips. "El-"
"No!" She scrambled away from him suddenly, panicking. "No, I- I can't!"
His heart broke into a million pieces. "W-What?"
"I'm filth!" she cried. "I'm dirty, I'm impure, I'm a slut-"
"You're not a slut. Don't you dare say that word about yourself ever again," he said sternly. "Elle, what are you talking about?"
"Chad- he- I had- I-" She began to sob. "Drew, he didn't give me any other choice, he was gonna tell everyone about Pa..."
The words sunk in. "You... you slept..."
"If I hadn't he would've told the world about me," she cried. "That I'm not Pa's daughter. I couldn't let him do that, and... it hurts, Drew, it hurts so much... I don't deserve you..."
"Don't say things like that," he said softly. "You think I'd ever judge you about something like that?"
She was hiccuping at this point, and he gently lay her down, making her panic again. "I can't, I can't-"
"I'm not going to make you have sex with me, Elle," he said, trying to reassure her. "I won't hurt you, I promise."
She kept crying, and he gently brushed her tears away with his thumb. "Come here," he said gently, and he held her. He held her for the longest time, absorbing her sobs and kissing her forehead every now and again. He finally had that privilege, to kiss her wherever and whenever he wanted to.
He felt like he had been deprived of something, now that she had had sex with someone before him. She had been stolen from him, she was no longer his. Was she? He wanted her to be. He could overlook this, that wasn't a problem. But he was angry. How dare Chad Gardner take his Ellie from him?
Elle was breathing shallowly, and he rubbed her back, pulling her closer to him and holding her. "You're safe. He'll never touch you again. I'll kill him."
"Drew... I'm... I'm so sorry..."
"Don't. Don't be sorry. You have nothing to apologise for," he said gently.
"I'm sorry that I'm not... that I'm..."
"I don't care if you're a virgin or not, Elle," he said softly. "You're my best friend. And if you want to be, you're my girlfriend."
"I do. I want to be."
"Then that's all that matters," he said. He kissed her once, and pulled away. "Elle, you mean so much to me. Just sleep. That's all you need to do. Tomorrow's a new day, and I'm here for you. I promise. I pinky promise."
She nodded, and nuzzled into the crook of his neck, making him gulp slightly. "Thank you," she breathed.
"I love you, Elle."
"I love you more."
And as they fell asleep, Elle's silent tears soaking into Drew's shoulder, he dreamed of a world where she wouldn't be hurting.
<><><><><><><><>
She opened her eyes blearily, sensing the sunlight floating in through the window. She was warm, wrapped in a soft duvet that smelled of cologne and a strong scent of woody cinnamon and other spices, making her smile slightly. But then she noticed the colour scheme of the room.
This wasn't her bedroom.
She sat up in shock, looking around. There were posters on the wall of Coldplay, Fall Out Boy, Arctic Monkeys, Panic! At The Disco, Papa Roach, Smashmouth and My Chemical Romance, and the walls were dark grey, with a black bedcover on the queen bed in the centre of the room.
Drew's room.
Last night's memories came rushing back, and she groaned slightly, feeling sick to her stomach. Chad... she had... she and Chad had...
The door opened, and she cried out, pulling the blankets up to her chest in fear. She was wearing her tank top, but the sudden door opening was enough to shock her. "It's me, relax," said Drew, walking in with a stack of pancakes on a tray, topped with an assortment of berries and maple syrup. "I made you breakfast."
"Did you burn the house down, Beanbag?" she asked as she cracked a small smile.
He made a face at her. He wasn't the best chef in the world- when they had been partners during cooking class at school, he somehow set fire to the cake and ended up evacuating the whole school. "I didn't burn anything too badly," he said, putting the plate on her lap.
"Is it okay to eat this on your bed?"
"Sure."
She dug in. The pancakes were dense, and they were slightly burnt, but she appreciated the thought, the fact that he had made any sort of effort at all. She cut a piece for him and offered it to him, and he took the bite from her fork. "Ugh. They're shit."
"No, they're good. I love them. Thank you."
He sat down beside her, tucking a strand of her ear behind her hair. "How do you feel?"
Elle shrugged slightly. "I feel... wrong. Like I did last night."
He looked sad. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Not really."
His dark brown eyes caught hers. His hair had gotten darker over the years, and he hadn't straightened his hair- he looked like he had just taken a shower, actually. It was naturally slightly curly, just like how it had been when he was younger. She preferred that to how it was straightened, but she knew he liked it straight. "Maybe we can go out to lunch or something? My mum says she can drop us off at the movies, I hear the remake of Mulan is out right now."
"You don't have to do all of this-"
"I do." He smiled slightly. "As your boyfriend, I have priorities. You're all of them. You are my priorities, every single one."
"I... I am?"
"Of course you are. Now, why don't we get you home, you can get changed, and then we can go to the movies?"
She nodded. "I'd... like that."
"Good." He smiled slightly, kissed her again, just a small peck on the lips, before pulling away. "Eat. Then we'll get going."
"Drew?"
"Mmm?"
"Thank you."
He smiled. "It's my pleasure."
*A/N: that scene is, undoubtedly, one of the most disturbing things I've ever written.
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Nethii <3*