Ian POV
Oh crap! Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut.
"I do my research" I stated as a joke that she didn't find funny. Shit was she mad?
"I had my people look into you" More specifically Gideon but I kept that little detail to myself.
"Why the hell would you do that? That's an invasion of privacy."
"You wer-still are a mystery to me. I had a lot of questions about you and before you were to busy hating me to ever talk to me"
"So you figured digging up personal information would help?"
She was right. Fuck. I didn't know how to handle this. What do I do in a situation like this? Honesty is always the best way to go. Right? "If it makes you feel better it didn't. If anything it confused me even more"
"Don't you understand how fucking weird and creepy this is?"
I never saw it that way. I had questions about her and I needed answers, "I didn't see it that way. I just wanted to get to know you better."
She pulled away from me and sat at the edge of the couch. No. Come back, "Maybe if you weren't busy making out with Valentina you could"
Is that what this is about? Valentina?
"Valentina was just business and you know it"
She sighed and ran her fingers over her face. She stuffed more pieces of the chocolate in in her mouth and had a depressed look. I hated to see her stressed about something as small as this.
She finally lifted her head up and asked,"How much do you know?"
You don't want to know the answer to that.Sidetrack her Ian. "My team is very detailed" I pointed at the TV screen, "I think it's the neighbor who killed. He has the motive"
"That's my move" she muttered referring to the distraction technique.
Distraction wasn't going to work,"Everything that I know is from a piece of paper. I want to hear these things from you"
"I wouldn't be telling you anything you didn't know"
"Yes. You actually would. I want to hear it from you" I reached over and flicked the TV screen off, only interested in solving the beautiful mystery next to me.
She started to speak but then recoiled away and mumbled, "This is stupid!"
I rubbed her back soothingly, wishing she was in my arms instead. She took another bar of chocolate and I realized that the the chocolate was like a her liquid courage. It helped her talk.
Give her time Ian. This is hard for her to talk about. Wait. Don't pressure her. We sat in silence for a while till she started to talk.
"My parents died when I was sixteen. But you probably already know that"
"Stop. Just talk to me" She seemed to really struggle with talking about her past and flashbacks of mine went through my head. The worst part was talking about it and I hated how I was forcing her to talk about hers. I didn't want to treat her like those people treated me.
I brought her into my arms just because I couldn't stand her being far away, "We don't have to talk about this now"
She shook her head and started to speak again, "After their deaths I was with a social worker. Everyday she would tell me 'We are calling the family on your mom's side and your dad's side.' So naturally I had hope. Every damn day, I had hope! But no one would answer. No one wanted another addition to the family. Mrs Defrenta tried to hide it from me because she never wanted me to know."
I vaguely remembered reading somewhere that the social worker assigned to her case was Mrs Defrenta.
"So that's when I was admitted into the foster home, for possible adoption. But everyone knew the chances of a 16 year old being adopted was rare. Plus I had baggage. I was the girl who never ate, never slept, and who had dead parents"
I kissed her temple when she said this. It killed me to see her talk about herself like that. She shuddered in my arms seeming to recall a bad memory.
I remember researching the foster home she was sent to. They had rumors of using feeding tubes to force feed the children there. I didn't think that it was actually true since they were rumors.
Anger coursed through my blood. If what I read about that was true then I wouldn't rest till that adoption agency was gone. I will destroy anyone that had anything to do with torturing Delilah. What kind of fucking adoption agency does shit like that. I calmed myself down and let her continue talking.
"I didn't eat and it would be bad business if I died on them. So they tried to force feed me. They shoved tubes down my mouth and slipped drug into my system to make me sleep" her voice cracked and I looked down to see her crying.
All my anger melted as I saw her tears. I kissed them away and hugged her tighter, trying to focus on making her feel better. I finally understood why people gave other that were hurting sympathy. In this moment all I wanted to do was kiss away her pain and apologize to her. But I knew that receiving sympathy was the worse so I kept my mouth shut to let her finish talking.
"Mrs Defrenta caught them doing it." That I did not know. I would definitely have to reward the woman with something. "She threatened them and they stopped. I instead went to therapy. This is so hard to talk about" she sobbed into my chest.
I clenched my arms around her and said, "We can take a break and you will tell me more later" I just needed her to stop crying.
"No. I want to tell you this. It's hard but I want you to know because I trust you Ian. And you need to know all the ugliness about me before you decide you actually want to be with me"
"Baby your past can't keep me away from you. Everyone has a past" Even me. I wanted to add but I kept my mouth shut.
"I went to therapy for a whole year and it was the best thing I ever did. For months during my one hour with Dr Huang I didn't say anything. I just sat there and he did the same. During those months I couldn't sleep. Whenever I would, all I could dream about were their dead bodies." she physically shivered and I looked into her eyes to see them glazed over. She was reliving the moments.
"It was fucking awful. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone. Nobody understood me but Dr. Huang. He was the best damn thing that ever happened to me. He saved me from myself" it pained me to think that the one person who saved my girl was now dead from a heart attack. He died shortly after Delilah first met Wilkins. I didn't say anything since I wasn't sure she knew. The way her eyes lit up when she thought about him made me question whether anyone told her.
"We talked about it all. The nightmares, the eating, the hallucinations. Everything" I remembered reading that Delilah was diagnosed with PTSD. Of course PTSD is not curable but she conquered it to an extent.
"It hurt to talk about it but I felt so much better after. That one hour a day that I got soon became what what looked forward to. I started to slowly build myself up. I learned that I couldn't depend on anyone but myself"
This was why she was so adamant about me not getting her things. She was used to being independent that she didn't want to let anyone support her. Could this be the reason why she refused to use Wilkins money?
"I went to the school they offered. I got a job. Didn't pay much but it was enough for me to be able to be on my own for a while. After I was admitted from the foster home at 18." Then came Wilkins who I will be eternally grateful for taking care of her. In my opinion he should have gotten to her sooner but he still took care of her.
"My uncle came soon after" her voice choked up with tears and I didn't want her to relive the moments. Speaking of Wilkins made me sad too. The man was a generous and smart man. He left this world to soon.
"You don't have to tell me what happened after you met Wilkins. I can tell it's a sensitive topic"
"Okay" she sighed and wiped the tears under her eyes. I gave her another chocolate bar and she quickly accepted it.
I stared at her since the mystery that was Delilah Suren was coming together piece by piece. I read her file thousands of times but now hearing her explain the traumatic events to me, made me understand her a lot more.
A feeling bloomed in my chest as I looked at Delilah. Her eyes were watery and her lips trembled but she still looked beautiful. She abandoned the chocolate bar on the couch and was staring up at me.
My girl was a survivor. She was able to rise up out of the state she was in to where she is now. She didn't let anything stand in her way. I wiped the tears from her eyes and brought her lips to mine.
I kissed her with all the passion inside me and she kissed me back with just as much intensity. Her tears were still falling down her face and I pulled away from her lips and brought her closer to me hoping she would stop crying. She cried into my chest and I whispered words into her ear till the tears stopped coming.
"What are you thinking about?" her soft voice was replaced with with a hoarse tearfilled one, "If my past is too much for you then I won't blame you for ending things with me. I didn't mean to burde-"
I interrupted her with a quick kiss on the lips, "I hate it when you talk about yourself like you are less of person than anyone else. You have been through shit and it doesn't make you less of who you are. I'm with you because I have feelings for you."
Her mouth dropped at my words and I took the opportunity to show her how I really felt. I collided my mouth with hers in a hot embrace. Never have I met someone who captivated me as much as her.
She kissed me deeply and I pulled back before it got intense. All I wanted to do for the rest of the the day was lay with her and forget everything else.
She cuddled herself into my lap as she murmured, "I always wondered what would happen if they never got on that plane. I always thought about how it would be like to have a perfect family like you"
I tensed up under her and revolted from her as if she had slapped me. I forced myself to relax. She doesn't know. Relax.
Delilah didn't stop there. She kept mumbling about how perfect my life was. I kept reminding myself that she didn't know but the more she said we were perfect the more annoyed I got.
"Delilah stop saying that. The McKinleys are not perfect" my voice came out harsher than I intended.
"What?"
"We are not perfect so stop fucking saying that we are. What you see on the outside is not what you see on the inside" I couldn't bear to look at the hurt that I knew would be on her face.
"Okay. I'm sorry for assuming that. Can we talk about this?"
"No" I didn't mean to but I used the the tone I used in the office on her. Calm the fuck down Ian.
"Don't speak to me like that. I'm sorry if I brought up a sensitive topic but don't take out your anger on me"
"Okay then stop bringing it up. I want to move on to another topic"
"I didn't know that you had family problems. Can we talk about this please."
No. We are not going there. My past with my family was something that I locked up in a bottle and swore to never open, for anyone. I managed to move on with that mentality and got to where I am without having to talk about it.
"Delilah drop it" she recoiled back from me. Shit. Did I fuck up again?
"I told you about my past. I told you shit that I haven't told anyone in years. Because I want to be with you and I want you to trust me. But how the hell do you expect me to trust you back if you just shut me out and don't talk."
"I don't want to talk about it!" I yelled
"I didn't want to talk about mine either but I did! You can't shut me out!"
Jesus my girl was persistent. I knew that I have to shut her down. The only way she would stop bringing this up is if I was rude to her. I hated talking about this shit and I channeled that anger into my next words despite how strongly my conscious advised against it.
"I don't want want to talk about it! What the hell don't you understand? That is private and it only stays between my family. So stop fucking asking!"
This time she fell from lap to the couch at the pure intensity of my words. Guilt flooded my stomach at her face and I wanted to reach over and take back the last 5 minutes.
"Shit. I'm-" she quickly got up of the couch and left the living room before I could finish talking.
Delilah POV
I ran into the bedroom slamming it shut behind me. It's so fucking crazy with us. When it going good it's great. But then during moments like this it's awful and terrible.
I told Ian something that I have never told anyone in years. My past was something that I never like to talk about. I moved on from it and I never liked to relive it but I did. I thought that we were finally getting somewhere and he drops a bomb that something is wrong his family?
How did he expect me to react? To not care? Of course I would care about what happened. But instead of talking about it he just yelled at me and shut me out like I was a child.
It hurt more because I just told him about my past. I relived memories that I haven't in years. The only person who knew a little about my past was Jason. He knew everything except the force feeding. He knew it was traumatic and that I don't like to speak about it.
He was the only person who could relate since he had a past just like me. Maria and Kayla couldn't relate nor did I want them to stress about me. But now that I told Ian I thought this would be a step in the right direction for us. But I felt like we just took 5 steps backward.
Shit! This is what I get for letting someone into my life. I walked into the bathroom and threw some cold water on my face. I could barely recognize how badly I looked. My eyes were puffy and red. I heard the bedroom door open and I quickly locked the bathroom door.
"Babe?" Ian called into the empty room. I held my breath in hopes of him leaving.
His footsteps walked towards the bathroom and he tried to open the door but it was locked close.
"Delilah? I know you're in there"
I stayed silent but he didn't, "I'm sorry. I let my anger get the best of me." he paused waiting for me to say something.
I didn't say anything because I was pissed at him but he still continued, "Forgive me. Please. Open the door"
My heart clenched when I heard his voice, "Delilah I need you to say something so I know you're okay."
I quietly went towards the door but I hesitated to open it, "I'm not okay."
I could hear him slump against the door, "I'm sorry babe. I just don't like to talk about it"
"So you think treating me like shit will make me stop asking questions. It just pushes us apart Ian. Yelling at me and speaking to me like I'm a business associate won't do anything but pull us apart"
"No. That's the absolute last thing I want"
I leaned into the door as if it was his chest, "I hate it when you treat me like that. I hate it when you shut me out"
"And I hate it when you run. You always run away from problems"
I was shocked at how correct he was but chose not to speak about that, "We need boundaries. Rules. Limits"
He tried to open the door again but it wouldn't budge, "Delilah open the damn door so we can talk. I feel ridiculous talking to a door."
"This helps me. I can't think clearly when I'm around you."
"And I can't think without you"
I sighed against the door and unlocked it. I opened the door and he seemed relieved to see me. "I'm sorry. I keep fucking up because I don't know how to do this. I'm not a relationship guy"
"I know" I stepped into his embrace. Neither one of us knew how to handle this. What we have is real, intense, and emotional.
"We can get through this. Just be patient with me. Okay?" I looked up at his eyes and nodded my head.
Today was an emotional rollercoaster. I sighed into his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. We stayed wrapped in each other arms till I fell asleep.
I could feel Ian pick me up and move me towards the bed. Arguing takes a toll on your body and right now the only thing I wanted to do was sleep of my exhaustion with Ian.