Liam: Where are you? The seat I got you is empty.
Liam: Beth?
Liam: The show is nearly over! What could you be doing?"
I grabbed my phone, reading the texts. I was still trying to get off my eye makeup. I was hurrying, but I had things to do after the show. I couldn't just change and run off. I nearly looked normal when I ran for the stage, went around the back, trying to figure out how to get to my seat. I heard the opening notes of 'Little White Lies." It was the second to last song. I needed to get to the seats. I decided to leave the backstage area and jump a wall, running over to the seats, clutching my ticket. I was stopped by a security guard. I showed him my ticket and he pointed to the aisle I needed to go down to get to my seat. I had to go to the back of the crowd, walk up the center, then have a guard let me through a rope. After that, I still had to find my seat. Once again, I ran. The song ended and the opening notes of the last song played. I got to the guard, she let me in and I pushed my way down the rows, trying to find my seat. I looked up. Liam was standing on the stage, just feet away from where I was. I pushed a girl, reached out my hand and yelled, "LIAM!" I saw him look up. I waved my hands, still pushing. By the time I finally got to place he had been standing, he was gone. The song was over and the boys were jumping down though holes in the stage and disappearing. My heart was in my throat and I wanted to cry. I missed it.
Beth: I'm here. I just missed you!
Liam: Ya. Missed it.
Beth: I'm sorry.
Liam: Do you know what I had to do to get that ticket?
Beth: I'm sorry.
Liam: Ya, me, too.
I sat in my seat, waiting for the crowd to leave. I stared at my phone, hoping for another text. It didn't come.
Beth: I am sorry, Liam. I tried.
He still didn't answer. I knew our bus was leaving at midnight. I needed to be on it, or I'd be left behind. It was eleven. Looking around, I pulled a chair over and hopped over the wall. I climbed on the stage and headed backstage. Liam's dressing room was the one farthest away from the stage, of course. He liked it that way. He claimed it was quieter. I started moving down the hall when I was stopped. Paddy held out one hand. "You girls are NOT allowed to fraternize with members of the band. You need to go back where you came from."
"Funny, Paddy. It's me." I said.
"I know, Beth. I'm just following orders." he said.
"Liam doesn't want me? He doesn't want to see...."
The look on Paddy's face told me everything I needed to know. Liam was so angry, he didn't even want me around. I felt my shoulders drop as I turned to walk away. Liam didn't want me. I could feel my heart break and the tears start to fall. We couldn't seem to get this right. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.
I rode on the bus with my own band. Max was excited because she had finally written a love song she was happy with. It was called Prisoner. Plus, she had convinced Benny to let us shoot the cover for our album in Philly, at an old prison, Eastern State Penitentiary. It was a tourist attraction that we had seen last time we went through Pennsylvania. I hadn't seen Max so excited for something like this in a long time. I was glad when she was like this. It made my life so much easier. I only had to worry about myself. I could hide in my own bunk and feel sorry for myself, clutching my phone, hoping for a text or call that never came.
Benny got us permission to shoot, but we only got a few hours. We didn't even stop at the hotel. Our groomer got us ready on the bus. I was dragged out of my bunk and forced into my wig. We took pictures all over the prison and even shot video of the four of us running around, acting silly, for the video that was sure to follow. I did my best to look happy, but I'm pretty sure I didn't. When we finished, we were finally allowed to check into the hotel. I was looking forward to a hot shower and a real bed.
When the elevator door opened, Liam and Louis were standing there, waiting to get off. Everyone on the elevator pushed out as we tried to push in. Liam bumped into my arm and I recoiled in fear. I didn't want him to see me. "Freak." he muttered under his breath. I felt tears form in my eyes as I pushed him and walked into the elevator. Why was he so cruel? I thought all of it was just an act, to look cool, but I was starting to doubt that. Maybe the Liam I thought was falling in love with wasn't the real Liam?
"You know he's not worth if, if he doesn't understand that you have to do your job! You told him you might not make it." Jesse said.
I nodded, staring at my cellphone, begging for it to ring.
Beth: I told you I might not make it. I told you.
Liam: I hoped I was worth you making an effort.
Beth: It's more complicated then you know.
Liam: Then explain it.
Beth: I can't.
Liam: How did I know you'd say that?
Beth: So, you don't miss me at all?
Liam: Nope.
I kept my wig on for both the shows in Philly. I left it on for the bus ride to Detroit. Liam didn't text. He didn't ask where I was. He didn't come looking for me. I was beyond depressed, trying to not think about him but seeming him almost wasn't helping. He seemed fine.
When we go to Ford Field, I couldn't help but be a little excited. We had arranged to meet friends at the Motown Casino in Detroit at their dance club. After the first show, we all changed and made our way to our ride. I had decided to go as myself. My friends weren't fond of Styx.
We entered the club, meeting our friends and having a good time. I nearly forgot about my sadness, losing myself, feeling more like me than I had in nearly a year. I was on the dance floor, forgetting everything, when I looked up at a commotion near the door. One Direction was coming into the club. Of all of the clubs in Michigan, they picked this one. I mean, I knew it was the BEST club, but how did they know that? I turned away, ignoring what had happened, not making eye contact with any of them. I was here to dance and be myself.
I was trying to not think about him when I felt someone was staring at me. It had to be Liam. I could feel his eyes on me. I could feel him moving close to me. I tried to move away, but the dance floor was too crowded. He put a hand on my waist and I sucked in my breath. His large hands pulled me back into his chest. "I'm sorry." he said, whispering in my ear. "I miss you." I pulled away and turned.
"I can't do this, Liam." I said. Walking away, I refused to look back. He followed me. I couldn't shake him, even when I went out the door.
"Please, Beth. Can we talk? I've been looking for you. I haven't seen you around." he begged.
I sighed. "You haven't been looking for me. Don't lie. I think you saw me tonight and are hoping I'm feeling slutty, again. I can't believe I ever slept with you. I shouldn't have tried again with you. I know better! Stay away from me."
Liam grabbed my arm. "I tried to stay away from you, okay? I tried. But, I missed you. Just, come back inside and dance with me, okay? I won't ask you to come back to my room. I just...I want to be around you. I like you. I thought you liked me?"
I didn't even speak. I didn't know what to say. Yes, I liked him, maybe even loved him, but he pissed me off, so many times. And there was still the secret of who I really was. When he found that out, he wouldn't want me anymore anyhow. Plus, he called me a freak. Twice! Turning on my heal, I walked back into the club and onto the dance floor. I wanted to dance. If he danced near me, then he danced near me.
I found my friends and starting dancing. Liam came up behind me putting his hands on my hips, pulling me into his chest. He moved with me, keeping time with the music. His hands moved from my hips and up to my waist. One hand wandered up further, his hand on my rib cage, just under my breasts. He leaned his head down, kissing me just near my hairline. He knew I loved it when he did that. Somehow, I had ended up curved into his body, tucked under his chin with his arms wrapped around me. He smelled so good, smoke and his musky cologne. His head moved lower and his nose was in my hair, his lips on my ear. He knew just what I liked. He knew this would make me melt. I put my hands over his and leaned my head back, inviting him to kiss my neck. He took my invitation putting his lips between my ear and my neck, kissing his way down.
"How do you do this to me?" I asked. "I'm angry at you. You get unreasonably mad. You are mean to me!" He didn't answer. He just held me tighter, kissing me harder. I knew this wasn't going to end well. I needed to stop him, but lord help me, I didn't want to. Instead of stopping him, I turned my body, pressing against him. He looked down at me with those eyes, those deep, dark, brown eyes. When he lowered his lips to mine, l let him kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me. He moved those full lips over mine, setting me on fire. Liam broke the kiss and grabbed my hand, dragging me off the dance floor. He pulled me over to the VIP section, into a private booth. He sat down, dragging me onto him, kissing me again. He had his hands all over me.
"I just can't stay away from you, Beth. I tried. I know you are hiding something from me. I know you are. You say you can't tell me, but I want you to trust me. I want to be close to you." Liam whispered in my ear.
I shook my head. "I can't. When I get close to trusting you, you do something to make me angry."
"What did I do this time? I had the right to be angry when you didn't show." he said.
I pushed off of him, sitting up. "One, you did NOT! I told you I might not make it. Not talking to me when I tried, really tried to see you? It was just mean, Liam. Mean! And two? You called Styx a freak again."
"I can't help it! She doesn't talk or look at people. It's weird."
I pushed myself out of the booth. He stood up, looking at me. "Did you ever think that maybe she has a reason to not talk to people? Maybe she is shy. Maybe she doesn't trust people. Maybe she knows what a jerk you are and just won't talk to you."
Liam put his hands into his hair. He looked frustrated. "Okay. Okay. I'm a jerk. I didn't need to treat you so badly. I should understand that you are busy on show days. I like you. I want to be with you. I am happy just sitting next to you and watching a movie. I want to take you to the zoo and buy you stuffed panda's. I want to hold you hand. Being alone on tour sucks and you make me happy." He reached forward and took my hands into his. "I am just used to getting what I want, when I want it and you are challenging me, not making it easy. Can we just forget everything after the zoo? We had so much fun that day and that is what I want from you, okay? Please?"
I looked up, smiling. "Okay, then. I'll give you a test. Tomorrow. 11:00. Pick me up at my room and wear shoes you can walk around in. I have a place I want to show you. We can see if I feel like giving you a fourth chance. But for now? Leave me alone. I am still angry at you, but you make me not want to be. I'm not giving into you again." Standing on my tiptoes, I kissed him before turning and going back to my friends.
The next day, at 10:59 he knocked on my door. I opened it, ready to spend the day with him. He was standing there, holding a bunch of daisies, with a grin on his face. I smiled back. "Pretty flowers for a pretty lady." he said, holding them out. I took them, bought them up to my nose and inhaled the scent. Nancy walked up behind me.
"I'll just put those in water for you, Beth. I trust Paddy is going with you?" she asked Liam. He nodded and reached for my hand.
"Thank you." I said. I handed the flowers to her and took his hand, letting him lead me out of the room and to the elevator. "First, please remember that this is a test. It's important to me, okay? I'm so done fighting with you. I'm tired of being treated badly by you. I'm worth more than that, okay? If you screw up again, I'm done. I don't need drama. I don't deserve this."
Liam put his hands on my arms and looked into my eyes. "I know. You deserve better. I'm sorry."
I nodded, so glad that he was finally apologizing. I was over thinking that everything was my fault. I wanted him, badly, but I wasn't going to keep degrading myself. I'm better than that. I refused to be a victim. "Good. Now, it's time for our date. I'm excited, Liam. Are you?"
"Yes. But Paddy wants to know where we are going. I don't think he's going to let you drive."
I convinced Paddy to let me drive, because I knew the way and we needed to take the expressway. I drove us to Dearborn, home of the Ford Motor Company. They have a historical site there and a museum. We were going to spend the day at a place called Greenfield Village. It was built by Henry Ford as a way to preserve historical homes. The home where he was born was there along with many other places he had moved to the Village. I parked and walked us up to the main gate, buying our tickets and ride passes. They had a Steam Engine and Model T's that still ran. You could ride in both. There was also a bus that was pulled by horses. I had been in love with this place since my fourth grade teacher took us here when I was a little girl. I made my parents bring me back at least one a year. I explained all this to Liam as we walked into the Village.
We walked though a turnstile and out into the world of long ago. I took him, with Paddy following, to ride in a Model T. It took you on a fast loop of the Village. It was only about ten minutes but it was still fun. We waited in line before being put into a car. Paddy said in the front and we were in the back. The driver started telling us about the different places. He had an English Accent. Liam was thrilled and asked the man where he was from, what he was doing in the states. He asked Liam the same questions. Before we left the car, Liam had taken a picture with the man and tweeted it, excited to have seen a fellow country man.
"Please tell me you didn't tweet your location?" Paddy said.
Liam looked down at his phone. "Well, I said I met him on a car ride, but I didn't say the name of the place. But, I did say it was a Ford Model T?"
"Crap, Liam. Anyone from around here will figure it out!" I said laughing. "Let's just hope they don't have the 22.50 entrance fee!"
We walked farther down the street, seeing Henry Ford's house, the bike shop that belonged to the Wright Brothers, the house that belong to the Heinz ketchup family, and a them I took him into the candy store. "Okay, so, you pick what you like and they put it in a paper bag. You pay by the weight." I explained. Liam then spent ten minutes picking out old fashioned candy. He got candy buttons, candy sticks, candy cigarettes, a candy necklace, bit o honey, wax lips, slo pokes and handfuls of hard candy. Once his bag was full, we walked around to the lollipops that were the size of your hand. He grabbed one of those, then we moved to the baked goods and fresh lemonade. I explained that I needed to buy four molasses cookies the size of your FACE, one for each girl in the band, and a chocolate dipped peanut butter cookie for me. All of the girls love this place as much as I did and the cookies had become a bit of a joke between us. He ordered one of each cookie, plus a brownie and three glasses of lemonade. He insisted on paying for all of it because I paid for the tickets. We walked out of the candy store and he handed Paddy the lemonade and the brownie. We sat at a little, white iron wroth table, drinking the lemonade. He dug through his bag of candy and pulled out the candy necklace, handing it to me.
"Well, it's not diamonds, but it will sure taste good." Liam said as I slipped it over my head.
"I love it." I said. "It's better than any old diamonds. Are you ready? There is a lot more to see."
Liam nodded and stood up, taking my hand. I let him put his candy in my bag, not promising to give it back. "Oh, I'll get it back. I have my ways." he said, winking at me.
"I can't wait to see what they are!" I winked. "Now, we need to ride the carousel. I get the dragon, don't even try to get it." I said, running ahead and getting into line. This carousel was old and didn't have just horses. There was the dragon, a lion, a giraffe, an ostrich and many other fun things. It was built in 1919. When it was our turn, I ran for the dragon. Liam ended up on a rooster and Paddy was behind us in one of those seats that is just a bench. I look pictures of Liam, posing on the rooster and he took some of me on my dragon. I posted the picture of Liam on my twitter and he posted me on his instagram, without my name, just saying he was hanging out with a pretty dragon riding lady. 'Beth' didn't have an instagram. 'Styx' did, but he didn't need to know that yet.
After the carousel, we walked over to the place where Thomas Edison made the light bulb. Liam was fascinated by all of the old fashioned tools. He was impressed that Edison invented the phonograph, which was really the first record player. If not for him, Liam wouldn't have a job. He posed for pictures with everything we were allowed to touch, posting the one of him with a mock up of Edison's Lab.
We kept walking, passing other landmarks, a covered bridge, woman working in old houses and a windmill. We finally came to my favorite place, the Cotswold cottage. It had been moved from England to the village. "I keep finding pieces of my home here!" he said. Again, he wanted pictures of everything, posting some and sending most of them to his mom. She loved the Cotswold area of England.
Tired and hungry, we made our way past a church and town hall, stopping at the Eagle Tavern for dinner. This was another interesting experience. It was run like an old fashion tavern. You were seated at a long table with long benches. Anyone, and I mean anyone, could be seated by you, because that's how it used to be. They served beer and some kinds of wine. They also had hard liquor, ginger beer and lemonade. The dinner choices were limited. Roast chicken or ham, pork stew, or white fish. They only had two kinds of soup and two dessert choices. We had ordered when a group of strangers were seated by us. I scooted closer to Liam. He took my hand and smiled at me. "Want to switch seats?" he asked.
I shook my head. "I'm okay."
Liam starting talking to the man across the table from me. They turned out to be a group of students from France, who were spending the summer studying at the University of Michigan. Liam did end up switching seats with me, talking with them about all the places they had seen and had been. They exchanged stories about traveling. I laughed, thinking how easy going and personable Liam was. He could turn anyone into a friend if he wanted. He even made me feel more comfortable. I didn't feel as shy with him around. I wound my fingers through his, leaning on him. He just made me feel safe.
Paddy interrupted, reminding Liam that we needed to be back at 5 o'clock. It was a quarter to five already. We had to go. "Darn it! We didn't get to ride the train or watch the glass blowing." I said.
"Crap! I want to ride the train. There is a stop right around the corner. It goes in a circle, right? Let's go!" Liam pulled us out of the tavern and to the train stop. We got on just before it left. The ride took twenty five minutes and Paddy was not happy. He kept muttering about sound checks and losing his job. "I pay you, Paddy. I'm not going to fire you." Liam reminded him. He was having far too much fun on the train. He was like a little kid, getting excited when they blew the whistle, leaning down to watch the wheels. It took us right back to the front entrance and a disappointed Liam climbed off. "We can't go once more?" he asked.
"No!" Paddy said. "Let's go." We were walking out the door when Liam spotted the gift shop. He pulled me in and found a train engineer cap to buy. He got one for each of us and made us wear them out of the village. There were a large number of teenage girls standing around the ticket area and the exit. Paddy put him arm around Liam, trying to hide him. It didn't really work. There was a scream, followed by more screams and the sound of feet running. "Beth, get under my other arm. Let's go." Paddy pulled us as close to him as he could, rushing to the SVU. I had the keys and I pressed the unlock button a million times, hoping it was working. Paddy pulled open the back door and shoved us both in, shutting the door. Girls ran up to the car, banging on the windows, screaming his name. Paddy pushed his way into the car and I handed him the keys. He backed up slowly, giving the girls time to move out of the way. We drove at a snails pace trying to shake the girls without killing anyone. Once we left the parking lot and moved onto the main road, Paddy stepped on the gas, following my directions to get us back to Ford Field.
"So, how did I do?" Liam whispered.
I reviewed the day in my head. He was perfect, holding my hand, opening doors and being a gentleman. "Amazing." I said, leaning in for a kiss. He smiled and kissed me back. "But this is it, Liam. I will not let you hurt me again. I swear, last chance."
"I know. I'm sorry." Liam said. "I want to be with you, I swear." He kissed me again and I did my best to believe him, because I wanted to, so badly.
Liam was rushed inside, barely getting to kiss me goodbye. He was missing the sound check. I headed straight to the bus, putting my new hat in 'Beth's' bunk. Then I jumped into the shower, rinsed of the sweat of the day, put on my wig and clothes that 'Styx' would wear. I was being careful to not let their wardrobes cross. 'Styx' was borrowing a lot of clothes from Vi. Then I rushed off the bus and into the venue. I didn't want Beth to be seen in the building.