I was completely ready to get right back to things with A Day To Remember today. Well, I thought I was, until I was halfway to the studio and got a call from Kevin saying that him, Jeremy, and Neil all had food poisoning from their dinner last night and wouldn't be able to record today. So much for that. I figured that I'd still go into work and try to edit the song as much as I could.
When I arrived to the studio, again I heard that song that was playing last night. I knew it was a catchy song because that one line that I heard last night was in my head all night.
I stayed in the lobby so I could hear that song, and hopefully see the musicians responsible for the musical masterpiece. I couldn't believe how much the singer sounded like Alex. Hearing that voice every now and then as I worked away, made me nostalgic to the days where him and I had everything going right with us. Maybe it's about time we talked things out.
About an hour later of working on my own, I decided to treat myself to some ice cream from the shop down the road from work. It had the best rocky road ice cream I've ever tasted, so I craved it often.
While on my way back from the ice cream store, my phone vibrated in my pocket, and I swear more than ever I wanted it to be Alex. Okay Rachel, I guess 6 weeks away from him has made it crystal clear; I can't be without him anymore. Although, it wasn't Alex messaging me. It was just a text from Kevin saying that him and the band would be back tomorrow. Once my phone was back in my pocket, I decided that tonight would be the night that I text Alex that I was ready to talk to him. Just about a minute later I was back at work, going to grab the door handle to pull it open, then, WHAM!
"Fuck" I said to myself as my rocky road ice cream as well as the waffle cone was now on the whole front of my shirt. Someone pushed the door from the inside right at the same time as I was about to pull it open.
"I am so so sorry!" I heard a voice say. Oh my god, I know that voice.
My head shot up, "Alex?"
The figure came out of the building and into the sunlight, "oh my god, Rach. Hi."
We stood there in the middle of the doorway for a few seconds staring in disbelief. Eventually someone had to leave the building so we moved out of the way.
"Um, I'm so sorry for making you spill your ice cream on your shirt" he apologized again.
"Oh, thats fine. It was an honest mistake" I said hoping he wouldn't feel so guilty.
"No, its not fine. I love that shirt and I know that you do too"
I guess he wasn't exactly lying. It was one of my favorite shirts and I knew that he liked it too. Probably because it gave me a good amount, but still appropriate cleavage. But what I couldn't believe was that he had grown a beard? Alex Gaskarth...grow a beard? And he was in sweats. That's not typical of Alex. Even though hes not on tour, he usually doesn't wear sweats even outside of the house.
"Hey so um, do you wanna talk?" he asked.
"I'd like to, but this ice cream is really cold on my skin so maybe another time?" I wanted to talk with him but this spilt ice cream was starting to chill my stomach way more than I wanted.
"Wait! I've got an extra sweater in Zack's car you could wear for the rest of the day!" I could tell that he didn't want me to leave by the sudden happiness in his voice as he suggested I'd wear his extra sweater.
Without a reply from me, he walked over to Zack's car, opened it, and threw me his sweater. Can we say it was a coincidence that it was one of my favorite Baltimore Orioles sweaters I would steal from him?
I told him that I'd just slip into Zack's car for a minute to get out of my old shirt and change into his. As I was doing so, I momentarily turned my head around and noticed Alex take a peak through the window for a second, then quickly turn around as I looked at him. I felt myself get a blush on my cheeks. At least I knew that he was still into me.
Once I was done, Alex and I went around to the back of the building so we could have privacy as we talked. We sat on a curb in the back parking lot on the somewhat cool May afternoon. The feeling of Alex's sweater around me felt like a hug I'd been wanting for longer than I wanted to admit.
I decided to break the silence, "you know, you didn't have to peak in Zack's car while I was changing" I made sure to say it in a joking tone so he knew that I wasn't as hostile now.
He laughed and flashed a smile, "you're wearing the bra I got you" he said nonchalantly.
"Yeah, I guess I am" a small smile played on my lips.
Again, silence between us. Cars passing by were heard often so it wasn't necessarily complete silence.
"We went silver with Nothing Personal" he spoke.
"I know"
"How?"
"Your four dumb faces along with a silver record are hanging up at my work," we both laughed for a second before I said in a more serious tone, "it's hard to get away from you guys."
"It's hard to be away from you when I know you live 15 minutes from Rian's."
"You've been staying at Rian's?"
"Yep. And let me tell you it didn't make things easier seeing him and Cass being a happy couple."
I just nodded in response. I guess Cassadee was visiting Rian for a while. I felt like a jerk for leaving while we were away on the band's tour. But, I definitely had to get out of there for the reasons that occurred.
"So can we talk about the elephant in the room?" he asked cautiously.
"Are you high? There's no elephant's in Baltimore" I said sarcastically.
"Theres that sarcasm we all know and love"
I gave him a smile and then looked down at my feet as I played with a small rock underneath my shoe, "it hurt, Alex."
"I realize that. And I know what you had to do a month ago. You had to leave."
"Yeah, I did have to leave" I turned so I could face directly at him.
He did the same, "well can I tell you how shitty it was losing you like that? Hearing that you wanted us to be on a break was so difficult, and it took a toll on me."
"Were you planning on growing a beard and wearing sweats out of the house? Is this some sort of new fashion statement?" I asked again in a non-serious tone.
"I got lazy as fuck. And you havent even seen my eyes" he paused for a second to take off his sunglasses.
My eyes widened as I saw the bags under his eyes. Sure, everyone naturally had even a little bit of baggage under their eyes, but this was way more than I've ever seen Alex with.
"I havent had a good night's sleep since that night you left...6 weeks ago."
As if I already didn't feel like a big enough jerk, now seeing that made me feel even worse. "I'm sorry for everything I put you through" I said honestly. I never wanted things to get this bad where he stopped caring for himself and wasn't getting any sleep.
"I'm sorry for everything I put you through" he replied.
I felt my walls starting to break down the more we sat out here just being around each other. He makes it hard being mad at him.