Morning came too soon. If it had been possible to stay in my dreams for ever I would have taken it. Beau still had hold of me, and I was scared to move, scared to ruin the comfort this bed had provided both of us last night.
But I had to pee.
The second I moved, he groaned and held on even tighter.
“Beau, let me go. I need to get up.” I whispered, hoping I could talk him into it without actually waking up. I really wanted some time to myself to try and process everything.
“No.” He sighed, rolling over onto his back he took me with him. At least this way it was easier to move and I shuffled down his side, grabbing the pillow to tuck into the space I had just filled and as he rolled again, I was free.
It was nearly eight in the morning and grabbing my bag I was surprised to find another bathroom shared between two bedrooms on the other side of the living area. Now able to take in the suite, it was royal with the gold trimmings everywhere and I could only imagine the kind of people who stayed here.
I felt better already after having a shower and dressing in fresh clothes, but it didn’t help me deal with last night. I peeked in Beau’s room where he was once again on his back, totally spread out and still sound asleep. I ordered room service and decided to call John, not sure what to say to him that wasn’t going to make him hate Beau more.
“Hey jetsetter. Getting used to the rich and famous lifestyle?” He was teasing because of how I had demanded he book my flight, but it still bugged me.
“Funny. Do I get any kind of leave yet? I might need tomorrow off.”
“Well of course, but why do I get the feeling I’m being left in the dark about something?”
“Because you are.”
I skimmed on the gritty details, especially the drugs and just how drunk he had been. I had always told him everything and as I carefully chose my words, I realized just how much.
“Bec, I don’t think you seeing him is a good idea.”
“That part isn’t changing, not yet at least John. He deserves a chance, he needs me.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. Already you’re skipping on work because he was upset. I clearly don’t know much about Julia, but I do know it wasn’t a healthy relationship. Don’t lose who you are because of him.” He warned.
It was like Nana’s advice about making sure he wasn’t replacing one addiction with another and I finally understood all of that too. I couldn’t stop my own self-doubt now, was it me he said he loved or the idea of me?
Was I just filling the gap Julia left?
“I won’t John, I just need today and I’ll come back tomorrow.”
“I love you sis, I don’t want to have to say I told you so when it all falls apart.”
I knew he would and that he would love being right, I’d just have to make sure I didn’t give him that satisfaction while making sure Beau and I were the real thing. Thankfully breakfast came then, the trolley being set by the dining table I told the attendant to add a tip to the bill for the room.
Pancakes covered in ice-cream and berries greeted me, followed by bacon and eggs. The smell was divine and I had nearly finished the pancakes when Beau emerged from the room, stopping in the doorway looking confused before his memory caught up with him. The look on his face told me he wished he drunk more so he wouldn’t have had anything to remember and I stopped chewing as he finally walked over.
His eyes scanned the food, smiling slightly before he took a seat beside me. “Any of that for me?”
“You can have the toast?” I pushed the empty plate to the side, slapping his hand away as he went for the bacon. He didn’t doubt that I was joking anymore and before he could protest I smiled. “I’m kidding; I wasn’t as hungry as I thought”
I handed him the bacon and eggs, but stole a piece of bacon in the process which only had him shaking his head. I poured him some coffee when I got my own and we were silent while he ate. I grabbed the paper from the trolley, glancing over it curiously and going through the entertainment section I stopped to read an article with his band.
“Angel, about last night.” He clearly didn’t want to talk about it at all, unable to look at me as he pushed his plate next to mine. “Thank you.”
I put the paper down, watching as he stood up and went back into the bedroom. I decided not to go after him; he was going to have to deal with this and without any help from his liquid friends or me. I put the plates on the trolley and tidied up a little before grabbing my phone and sitting on the sofa to wait.
I had all day.
-
An hour later a maid slipped into the room and collected the trolley. I didn’t even realize she was there until one of the glasses clicked against the plate as she headed towards the door. The soft click of it closing was heard by someone else and Beau quickly appeared, relief appearing on his face.
“I thought you’d gone.”
“Why? Because you’re in there hiding from me?”
“I’m not hiding,” He paused, rubbing the back of his neck before walking over to sit beside me. I moved my legs so he’d have room and sat them back over his lap. “I’m avoiding you”
“Same thing.”
“You told me you loved me last night, even after all that, you told me you loved me.”
“All of what?” I prodded.
“Julia, those stupid books, me being drunk. Again.”
“And what else Beau?”
“I wasn’t going to take it. I just, I dunno. It’s what I used to do, what she used to do. She’d find out, we’d fight and then she’d leave, only to come back again and then we’d both get high and be great until the next thing.” It took me a second to work out what he said, we’d? Clearly the drug issue wasn’t one sided like the book told us.
“I left my phone at Seth’s after we spoke so once you worked it out I would have to hear you say you’re breaking up with me.”
I moved to sit on his lap, holding him like I did last night.
“I’m not going to leave because something bad happens between us. I know you’re going to be seen with other girls and people are going to claim to be pregnant with your kid and you’re going to leave for a tour at a time when I don’t want you to. But Beau, I trust you, you have to trust me not to do what she did.” I kissed his forehead, finally seeing all of walls I still had to climb over. “And then trust me not to write about it.”
“That’s not funny.”
“I wasn’t trying to be.” It was nice just being together, only it wasn’t going to last. “Beau, do you think you need rehab again or at least counseling, anti-depressants maybe? I’m worried about you.”
“I don’t like who the drugs make me, tried it all before. I’ll try harder, I promise.”
“It’s not about trying harder and don’t promise me, promise you. I’m not always going to be able to come to you, we’re going to be apart and you have to learn to deal with that responsibility. You’re not ever on your own. You have the band and your Mum, they love you too. Next time, talk to them, if your too nervous to talk to me get one of them to do it.”
“I understand. Believe me when I say I’m sorry.”
“Beau, just promise me you won’t disappear again. If I hadn’t seen Perry last night we’d all still be looking for you and that’s not fair.”
He tensed, resting his hear harder against my chest as he groaned. “They all know?”
“Not everything, just that you were drunk. I think you should tell them.”
“Later.” He went to kiss me and I pulled away. The sourness of morning breath mixed with the alcohol wasn’t nice. The other thing I wasn’t going to let him fall into the routine of doing was the ‘make-up’ stuff after a fight.
“You stink, go shower.”
He smiled relieved and nodded. “Can you call Perry and get him to bring me some clothes?”
Sure enough by the time he finished Perry was knocking on the door and I took him in his new clothes.
“So, what did you want to do today?” He asked, finally getting permission to kiss me.
“Catch a plane home. I have work in the morning” I had asked for the day off, but I still needed to clear my own mind and he needed to understand what we had just spoken about.
“But you just got here?”
“No, I got here last night because you freaked me out. We’re going to be apart Beau, it’s a fact of life and that’s why you trusting me is as important as me trusting you. I love you, I really do, but I need my own life too. I can’t be lost in yours.”
He was silent after that, not saying a word as we left the hotel leaving Perry to check out for us. Once done, he drove us to Seth’s and I didn’t bother trying to make conversation. He could keep sulking, or avoiding as much as he wanted. I was serious about him needed to start taking responsibility and dealing with things. We were all there for him, but he still had to do it on his own. Jess had called me Queen Tough Love when I texted her about it all and she was right.
The car had just pulled up at Seth’s and I was about to get out when he stopped me.
“You’re right. You’re so right!”
“I am?”
“I really wanted you to take the job Andrew offered, so you could be around more, but you’re right. You have your own life, I have mine.” He sounded excited, and I wondered if he was still drunk. “I just have one tiny request.”
“Ok?”
“Come to the Aviary concert.” I was going to be there anyway, and he should’ve known that.
“I will be there Beau?”
“As my girlfriend. Not as the PA to some controlling corporate dickhead. No offense.” I had to laugh, knowing it would be a while before he and John were able to get on. He climbed over the seat and I eagerly moved into position, desperate for his lips to find mine.
“I’d like that.” I didn’t mean to sound so breathless, and our kiss was quickly interrupted as his passenger door was swung open and Sticks was climbing over Noah to join us. I moved quickly against my door as Beau turned so he had Sticks straddling him.
“What the hell man?” Beau yelled, the pair trying to slap each other’s faces which in the back of the town car didn’t leave much room.
“Me? What about you?” It was then Sticks remembered I was there and grinned cheekily, clearly enjoying himself. “Did I interrupt something here Bec?”
I managed to find the handle and using the door for balance managed to get out of the car. “Not at all Sticks!”
Noah came out of the house as I walked around the car, frowning at the sounds coming from inside before putting his arm over my shoulders and leading me inside.
“So last night?”
“We’re ok, and I made him promise not to keep disappearing if shit happens. I just hope he meant it!”
“No wonder he calls you angel,” Seth met us in the entry and his own stresses were obvious. “We’re heading out for dinner later. Did you guys want to come or want some more alone time?”
“I’m leaving at five, I won’t be staying.”
“Why not?” Seth spoke up, narrowing his eyes slightly.
“Because she has to work in the morning. We can’t all get by on talent alone!” Beaus face was flushed from his ‘fight’ with Sticks, who looked more than pleased with himself coming up behind him.
Noah laughed slightly, and I knew I would be ok to go home. Noah would get out of him the details of last night later and for now, things were back to normal. They were an odd group really, all had their own secrets and issue to deal with. Who didn’t? The difference was, we all deal with them differently and for Beau he goes back to the routine he had created with Julia. Her way to deal was to write a novel depicting the year they had.
Like I said, we all deal with it differently.
-
Leaving Beau at the airport was even harder than before. It would be so easily to let go of my life. I could spend the days hanging with the band, the nights with Beau. Travel where ever they went on tour, sit backstage at every one of those shows and stay together. I may not have had much of an idea on what I wanted to do with my life, but that wasn’t it. For all the glamor I knew enough of the truth and I couldn’t imagine sitting back stage high, waiting for my next hit.
Maybe I had been single to long, as much as I loved and missed him, I needed my own space. At least I could see that now and not six months later when John is trying to piece me back together.
“I’m going to miss you like crazy Angel.” Beau’s breath was warm against my neck as he buried his head in the crook of my shoulder.
“I’m going to miss you too! But next weekend you’ll be coming to see me and, meet my parents.” I cringed remembering the plans we had just made. It was time; after all I’d met his.
“It’s going to be a long week!”
“You’ve got things to keep you busy, we both do.”
“How do you do it? You’re perfect.”
“Nobody is perfect Beau, but I am pretty awesome!” We kissed again, my heart instantly racing as my body started to wake up, wanting more.
“And if you get, lonely, there is always the phone.” He teased, biting my lip a too hard I slapped his chest playfully.
“Never again!” My first was burning at the mention of Friday night, which after this weekend felt like years ago.
“Come on, you know you want to. I bet I get a call tonight and this time, I’ll be prepared!”
“Prepared for what?” Seth walked over and pulled me from Beaus arms to hug me as the attendant called my flight to board.
“Pho…”
“Nothing!” I quickly yelled, not wanting him to share to his bad mates what went on. Then again, while I was there who knew what they talked about?
“Right.” He winked, moving back before the other two said goodbye and left us alone again.
“They’re never coming to the airport again!” Beau promised, glaring at where they sat a few rows over from us.
“To think I used to worry about them hating me?”
“No one could hate you.” I glowed under his praise, kissing him again until Sticks started making whooping noises and I finally gave into the flight attendants demands of boarding. As I passed her it became obvious she realized who he and the guys actually were and her whole attitude changed, no longer glaring at me. Her smile was fake and never left Beau as she checked my ticket and with a final wave I headed down the corridor to the plane.
“I love you angel!”
I turned back grinning and all the guys ran and jumped onto Beau’s back mocking him.
“I love you too!”
The other passengers filled the space, blocking them from view and after one of the most exhausting weekends of my life, I was finally going back home.
-
I was already at my desk when John and Sparky arrived. It took them a few seconds to realize I was there and I didn’t miss the end of the conversation.
“It was good fun until she started going on about next weekend. Chicks are so desperate man, you’re lucky you don’t have to deal with them!”
“Seriously John? Grow up!”
“How are you even here?” He asked amazed, while Sparky only laughed and turned around to go back his office.
“It’s Monday, I have work! Another weekend of being a man whore? Really?”
“I’m a grown man; I can do what I want.” He hesitated, “Are you ok? If you’re here, did you guys. Um, did you guys break up?”
His eyes looked back towards the direction of Sparky, probably wondering why he didn’t tell him the news.
“No, we’re good. You were right; I have to make sure his life doesn’t take over mine. He is coming here on the weekend, going to do dinner with Mum and Dad and you’re not bringing a date!”
Groaning he went into his office and it wasn’t long before Sparky was back to go out for lunch.
“So have a good weekend then?”
“I guess it ended that way,” I sighed, taking a bite of his sushi while I waited for my own. “It’s tough!”
“The sushi or Beau?”
“Funny! Beau. I did tell him I love him and he said it too!”
I couldn’t help smile just thinking about it. We were well on our way to three months and I could hope for many more after that.
“Look at you smiling like that, you’re so cute sometimes.”
“What, my boyfriend isn’t jealous I’m in love with another man?”
“Not that man! The things he could do….” He said dreamily and I had to laugh until he spoke again, “I don’t think I could ever leave a god like that. Just one thing, is he as good as you’d expect?”
I chocked on the mouthful of water I was in the process of drinking, my face going red for completely different reasons as he waited for me to calm down and not die.
“Um…”
“Oh what? He isn’t?” He asked disappointedly.
I froze, unsure what to say to that. Did he expect me to be like my brother and sleep with anything?
“Bec?”
“Um, well I don’t know if he is or not.”
“What do you mean?” he dropped his chopsticks understanding, “You haven’t done it yet?”
I knew his big secret, so I decided to share mine.
“I’ve never done it with anyone.”
“Ever?” His disbelief had me wanting to shrink under the table. “But you’re so pretty and nice. Surely you would have, I know John and your family isn’t religious or anything right?”
“No, nothing like that. I had a bad almost first time and decided to wait for the right guy.”
“You’re adorable! Where do you come from Miss Adams?”
Thankfully he let it go, moving on with lunch.
“Just, can you not tell anyone?”
“Keep my secret, I’ll keep yours?”
“Done!” We shook on it and headed back to work.
John was in the boardroom when we got back and I had no idea who was in there with him. By the time he came out it was nearly five and I got my answer.
“Ah, Miss Adams!” Grayson appeared at the side of my desk and the smirk on his face made me wonder what was going on.
“Oh hi Murray.” I turned to face him as John joined us.
“Bec, can you move everything I have booked in tomorrow for the rest of the week and get all the managers for those involved in Aviary here for nine o’clock. These guys too” He passed me a piece of paper, not noticing Grayson standing there and went back into his office.
“So will you be attending this fine festival?” He sat down in the chair opposite me, watching as I started typing and clicking on John’s calendar to reschedule all his appointments.
“Yes, I can’t wait!” I smiled, looking at him briefly as something seemed to amuse him.
“Oh good, so I might see you there then? You know we’re one of the headliners right?”
“Who doesn’t know that? I’ll probably see you there, might even get a chance to hear you guys perform. You were great at Rock The Planet!”
“I’m glad you noticed! I’ll see you around Bec.” I didn’t watch him go and jumped as Sparky was suddenly in his chair.
“Must be the virgin meat making all the rock stars hungry!” He teased and it took me a second to click on to what he was talking about.
“Oh come on, he’s being friendly. I’ve seen him a bunch of times around here!”
“Grayson isn’t like Beau cupcake, watch yourself.”
He got up and headed into Johns office while I got back to work, positive he was looking more into than necessary. Jess thought the same thing and I decided I’d get John to give her some work at the concert too.
“So is getting me to work at the concert a distraction from the fact I’m not invited to dinner Saturday?” She quizzed as we ate the salad she picked up on the way from work.
“No, of course you’ll be there. I need someone to help me with Dad. I know John won’t!”
“You need to get him dating so he’ll give you a break!” I liked her suggestion, but knew it would be impossible.
“Speaking of dating how’s the male teacher?”
“He’s only three years older than us, but you’d think it was thirty. He is already making eyes at Sally, in the fourth years. I hear they call her Slutty Sally!” She bitched, but I could see her disappointment.
“It’ll happen Jess, just take a step back. How long till the full moon?”
“Another week.”
“See, plenty of time.”
She finished picking at the week old brown stuff the store had decided to call lettuce and nodded.
“You’re right. Besides with Aviary coming up, I could meet a rock star of my own!”
And I didn’t doubt she would, though it was the kind of relationship I wasn’t so sure about.