•Vanna•
10:00am
Slowly opening my eyes I turn on my side in bed and look out the window to see the rainy outside world.
With my break from school I usually have nothing to do, that's why i hope to get this assistant job.
Most people in college go out and party, but I don't really have friends, more like acquaintances I only talk to one or two people in class.
I don't have a boyfriend either. I've never had one. Of course I had crushes in school, I had my first kiss, but it was only cause in middle school my friend dared me to kiss the boy who lived down the street, nothing special.
Being that I am nineteen for some reason I thought I would feel more grown up, more like an adult, but if anything I'm still like a little girl, I've never actually have had fun. I always listened to my parents, I'm still pure, most girls I knew lost their virginities at fifteen.
I've always wanted something special, not just a hook up.
Thinking about this makes me feel lonely I'm going to get up.
Sitting up in bed I stretch my arms above my head.
Standing I walk into the bathroom to take a shower.
~Showering~
After getting out I dry my hair, get dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants seeing as it's raining I am not going any where.
Im just going to watch netflix all day.
•G Dragon•
11:15am
Laying on my couch my body tells me to wake up but my eyes remain closed.
My head hurts, my mouth feels so dry, my nose stuffed up with who knows what.
Groaning I sit up and stare out the window seeing the rain pour down, wishing I could sit here all day.
~Ring~
Pulling my phone from my pocket my manager calling me.
GD: yeoboseyo.
M: GD remember you have an interview today at noon, I'll be there to pick you up soon.
GD: k.
Hanging up I walk into my bathroom looking in the mirror.
The face that looks back at me is a face I don't recognize. The face where I have done too much damage to.
Dark circles rim my sunken in eyes, red lipstick smeared on my mouth all the way to my hollowed cheek from that girl last night, my skin paler than most days.
Washing my face I put a snapback on jeans and a shirt, not feeling up to taking a shower.
Sitting in my room my phone rings.
~Eomma Calling~
Looking at the screen I contemplate whether to answer or not.
I love my mom, but if she knew how I am now it would break her heart and it would kill me.
Deciding against my negative thoughts I answer.
GD: yeoboseyo eomma.
Mom: Hi jiyongie. How are you?
Hearing her voice makes me feel like I'm not so alone. That im not insane but a kid again.
GD: I'm doing well eomma. How are you?
Mom: I'm doing just fine sweetie. When can you visit again.
I hate lying to her but I cant let her see me like this my mom knows everything she'll know I'm drinking more and on drugs.
GD: Not for awhile eomma im very busy.
Mom: Oh w-well okay it's okay hunny I'll just call you more.
Hearing my mom's voice break just a tiny bit hurts me so much. Holding my breath my eyes begin to water. The only person who makes me feel human and alive is my mom yet I never call or visit her.
GD: Mianhaeyo eomma I'll call as much as I can but I got to go. I love you.
Mom: I love you too my jiyongie.
Hanging up I let out the breath I've been holding wiping my eyes.
~Knock Knock~
Wiping the rest of my tears I get up and answer the door seeing my manager stand there.
"Ready?"
"Yeah I'm ready." I said putting sunglasses on.
"Kaja."
As I sit in the car in silence I think about what I'm doing with my life it's like at one moment I'm myself I know who I am but every other second of my days it's like my mind takes over.
I'm this depressed lonley person in my own dark world.
Most days I don't even want to do fan meets or interviews.
I just want to sit in my apartment alone.
The car coming to a stop I hear fans outside the car screaming.
My security stepping out first.
I then get out putting my head down.
Before going in I wave at my fans.
~Interview~
"So G Dragon are you working on any new music? Do you have a comeback in store for us?
"Ani."
"Do you have any other projects your working on?"
"Ani. Actually I'm on a break from music."
"A break is good especially since your busy 24/7."
Nodding my head I just want to be done with this interview.
"So GD do you have anyone special?"
No.... I never will I'm alone I always will be.
"Ani."
I look at my manager ready to be done.
I can't stand that question isn't it obvious I have no one.
Asking me if I have someone just reminds me that I don't have anyone.
~Inside the car~
"I'm done! Im going on hiatus I don't want to do this anymore. All these stupid fucking people always wanting something from me!"
Anger in my voice as I yell at my manager.
"Hiatus?! What do you mean? The interviewer barely asked any questions."
"I don't fucking care!"
"You have to GD this is your life! I'll give you a couple days off then it's back to work. I'm getting you a new assistant so you will have someone that can help you with some organization." My manager says.
I chuckle. "I don't need organization."
"Yes you do Jiyong! lately you've been different, it will be good to get someone to help you."
"You don't know shit!" I yell getting out the car going into my apartment.
I throw my keys at the wall going to my liquor cabinet I find a bottle of tequila not bothering to get a cup I pour some straight into my mouth.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen not even turning the lights on.
The only sound I hear is the heavy rain and my breathing.
My face becoming wet I realize I'm crying. I'm stuck in this dark hole how can I keep doing this. I'd rather die than be alone. I just can't.
This is taking over my life. I never thought my loneliness would get to me. But here I am, a empty shell of a person.
Always fucked up on some messed up shit. At one second I can be fine but switch to insane.
I'm broken.
•Vanna•
Finishing my third bowl of ice cream I realize I'm a pig.
Getting up I walk to the kitchen and grab a bag of chips, as I'm opening the chips to eat some my phone rings.
~Park Heejoon calling~
V: Yeoboseyo?
H: Hello Kim Vanna?
V: Yes?
H: Hi I would like to inform you that you got the job please be at this address at 7:30am.
Park Heejoon hangs up before I can say anything.
But at least I got the job! I wonder what office I'll be working at.
Who will I even be working for?