Sunday morning I was able to have the time to stay in bed I’d been wanting all week. It was only made better by the warm body beside me who was still sleeping off his hangover. By eleven I got up, took an uninterrupted shower and packed up my belongings by the time Beau stirred.
“Hey Angel.” He yawned, stretching and looking around the peaceful calm on his face vanished as he must have remembered last night. “I’m so sorry!”
“You can’t keep doing that Beau. How often does this actually happen?” I already felt like a nagging girlfriend, but I preferred to think of it as concerned friend.
“Every other night.” He admitted, shuffling up to sit up in the bed. Patting the space beside him I headed over.
“I think you need help, it’s not healthy. Didn’t you go to rehab last year?” I remember the article about it and also hearing that girl band talking about it at the concert. It also explained Sticks reaction to him drinking on the balcony when we first met.
“That wasn’t for booze, that was for the drugs.” Beau sighed, rubbing eyes.
“You are such a wonderful talented person Beau, why?” I was in over my head. I should have dated more so I could have some idea on what to do. Walking away didn’t seem to be an option and right now, that would only hurt him more.
“It gets hard sometimes,” He shrugged, “I hate myself, a lot. The drugs and booze just block that out for a while. My fans love me, but they love the guy on stage. The band puts up with me because it’s all they’ve ever known. Friends just use you for free passes and the money, the person I thought loved me was just using me and left me once she was done.”
“It’s not like that at all Beau. The band love you, I can tell from the way they defend you. Ten years of routine would have had them breaking a long time ago and I know some people can still see you, not just the rock star.” He didn’t believe me, his eyes glazed over as I tried to find some positivity in his life.
“If you want out, I understand.” It came out like a whisper, “you’re too good to put up with this.”
“I don’t know why you put me on a pedestal Beau. I don’t want out, stop trying to push me away.”
We just sat there in a silence for what felt like an eternity until there was a knock on the door. I knew John was out, so curiously headed over to find Sticks standing there.
“Morning Rebecca.” He greeted cautiously.
“Good morning Sticks” I crossed my arms over my chest, determined that he wasn’t going to push me around.
“Um, can I come in? Please?”
Nodding I moved out of the way and closed the door behind him and I heard him say something quietly to Beau as he entered the main area.
“Sorry about last night, man.” Beau got out of bed, if he had been a dog his tail would be curled under his legs.
“Don’t worry about it.” Sticks shrugged it off, as Beau looked at me.
“No I will worry about it. You guys put up with a lot from me, you shouldn’t have to”
“We don’t care, you’re our brother. If it was the other way around, you’d be doing the same for us.” Clearly they were having a moment and I contemplated leaving. “Ah we need to go, got that interview at one”
“Ok, I’ll be up in a sec.” Sticks nodded and as he passed he whispered sorry under his breath, leaving us alone again. That was more than I ever expected to hear from him and I knew they were starting to accept me.
“I need to go.”
“I know.”
“We’re not over?”
“No Beau. We’re not.”
I was being crushed against his chest in seconds, struggling to move a weird choking sound came from me as I tried to talk and he let me go.
“Can I call you my girlfriend?”
The thought made me smile, “Sure thing boyfriend.”
-
Coming home John went straight to the office and I headed home, glad to see Jess. We had dinner with our Nana tonight and I wanted to try and get through everything with Jess before going out. In a sense of déjà vu I walked in and found our dining table covered in candles only this time they were lavender and if thought the vanilla/raspberry combo was toxic, this was on the same scale as a nuclear bomb.
“What are you doing?” The bags were left in the doorway and I headed into the kitchen to open the windows.
“Your stupid spell thing worked, so I’m doing mine again!” She muttered the last few words and we both paused.
“I don’t think it was because of the spell Jess. We went to a party filled with celebrities, if you hadn’t yacked you could be seeing Grayson right now!” Her concentration was completely focused on pouring the ashes into the red organza bag I had used.
“No, he didn’t match anything on my list and he already told me he was only after a quickie.”
“Beau isn’t Brock.” I pointed out, but she shook her head.
“He so his. He is what I imagined Brock to look like. Emotionally insecure, amazingly talented. ROCK STAR! How can you say they’re not alike?”
The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t deny it. They even had a bad case of the ex.
“The band liked Amelia, they hate me.”
“They don’t know you! Give them time. So sit, tell me about your weekend!” Jess demanded, leaving the candles still burning I could see me having to clean them up again.
“What if I only like him because of Brock?” All my talk about seeing Beau, not the rock star, could have been for nothing if all I could see is a fictional character.
“You don’t. You met him before you knew who he was and when you did, you didn’t care. I heard you talking to him every night, that’s real. Do you even think of Brock when you talk to him?” I shook my head, sometimes I did, but not when we were talking about life. It was when he was on stage that I identified him to Brock the most, the author captured all that perfectly. “Then you’re not comparing them like you would compare a new boyfriend with an old one. I do it all the time. We go out to eat, I judge what they order. He ordered a steak; he orders a salad – what does that mean?”
“You’re special aren’t you?” I teased and she slapped my arm.
“Now spill, tell me about your weekend!”
I held nothing back, if anyone tells me anything – my best friend gets told too. By the time I finished with the flight back home she had opened and closed her mouth a hundred times. I was about to slap her to make sure she was still awake when she got up and ran over to where her stinky spell bag sat on the table.
“Please, please, please work for me!” She yelled at it over and over. “You get this suddenly glamorous life and I’m left working out activities that involve sticking uncooked pasta onto paper! I’m going to say it Bec, I am jealous!”
“Don’t be. Honestly I’m scared. What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if I hurt him? I haven’t even told anyone about us yet!”
“Don’t stress. He clearly likes you and as hard as it is, if you break up – you’ll deal. You have me and your family and we all go through it. You eat your weight in ice cream and chocolate, watch sad movies and find a song that sums up the good and bad of your relationship and listen to it a million times until you can actually leave the house and be normal again.”
“Good point, you’ve done it how many times now?”
“Well I won’t be doing it again because this time my love bag will work!” With that, I was holding my side in tears from laughing when John walked in.
“What did I miss?” He asked cautiously, the look on his face at all the candles setting me off all over again.
“Love bag” I gasped, and even Jess had to giggle.
“Ok, I think the fumes in here have gotten to you both” John disappeared upstairs and once we settled down I headed up to see him.
“Hey, I was just wondering. You’re not, are you, gay too?” I’d wanted to ask him since that night, not sure if I should or if I could. Surely he’d be able to tell me?
“No, no I am not! I got hit on once and the dude ended up being my best friend. I like fashion, I work in the entertainment industry so of course I know the difference between an Armani suit and an off the rack from Target”
“You’d tell me if you were though right?”
“Yes Bec, I trust my family more than he trusts his. I promise I’m not.”
“I don’t care if you are, explains why you don’t have girlfriends” I was teasing now and he didn’t appreciate it.
“I’m too busy for a girlfriend. One day, but not now. Why do you think I’m getting out of here? I can’t bring girls home with my sister a room over and her best friend below me!”
“Too much info!” I cringed, not wanting to imagine him bringing home one night stands.
“Go get ready; we have to be at Nans in an hour.” I gave him a quick hug before leaving him to unpack. Jess was already ready and waiting when I got downstairs and we blew out the candles while we waited for John.
-
Monday morning had John out of the office and I took the free time as a chance to hunt down Sparky. Sure enough he was at his desk, working on some sketches for Pot Lucks new album artwork.
“Good morning lover!” I greeted, putting down the soy cappuccino in front of him.
“You’re awfully chirpy. Thought you hated Mondays?”
“I do, but I need your help on something and you kind of owe me a big one.”
I watched as he sipped his coffee, leaving the sketch to one side he motioned for me to sit.
“I knew I’d regret this, what’s up?”
“Promise you’ll keep it secret?”
“Promise” He extended his pinky finger and we shook on it. I was about to speak when I remembered I left his door open; I got up and closed it before returning to my seat.
“I’m seeing Beau from Taking Back Monday.” I blurted it out quickly, not sure how I was actually going to do this.
“What?” He nearly knocked over the coffee and put it to one side too. “John told me you guys had something going on and I knew it from that meeting!”
“There wasn’t much there then, but we sorted some stuff out on the weekend.”
“Dam, he is gorgeous isn’t he?”
“Yeah, he really is.” He smiled at the dream like tone of my voice and I started going red.
“So why do you need my help if you already got the man?”
“John doesn’t like him and has already told me not to go there. How can I change his mind?”
“You’ll have to be careful about conflict of interest since you work here, people will gossip. John, well yeah, he’ll be worse than anything else. He always talks about you and your friend Jess, I felt like I knew you before I actually met you. If he doesn’t think Beau is right for you, make him think he is. Could you let him meet your parents? If Beau can win your family over, it might help with John?”
Drunken depressed Beau popped up in my mind and I couldn’t imagine introducing that to my parents. He had been great with Nana; maybe I already had an ally there?
“Good idea, thanks Sparky!”
“Bec, be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt either.” Sparky warned.
“I won’t be, don’t worry.” I was already worrying enough for both of us.
The week went by much the same. Days were busy with work and trying to work out how to get John to soften up on the boyfriend topic and nights would be spent talking to Beau leaving me feeling exhausted for those busy days. Noah promised me Beau hadn’t been drinking all week and while they were doing a mini-tour of Canada, I hoped he didn’t go into any more relapses.
I didn’t have to go into work Saturday and for the first time in a few weeks I got to work in Nana’s bookstore. Her office was a mess from where I hadn’t been in and Jess came too, unable to handle the smell of crayons and glue that filled the living room from all her supplies she had bought home.
“Hey Bec, look at this” She appeared in the doorway of the office with a poster in her hands.
“What?” I asked and Nana stopped what she was doing to look too.
“Oh that? We were asked if we wanted to host a book signing. I forgot to put them up, would you mind Jess?”
“Bec, its J.M Trips! She is going to do a ten minute reading, a Q and A session plus book signings! We’re going to get to meet her!” That got my attention and leaving the filing I got up to look at the poster with her.
“Oh so you girls know her? I have never heard of her before. Will I like what she writes?” Nana looked back, now curious.
“Lyrics to my Heart Nana!” Jess whined, running out the front of the store and grabbed a copy off the shelves. “Remember? We made you read it last summer when you went on that cruise!”
“Not enough romance. Give me a Harlequin any day or whatever you girls read these days!” She dismissed the conversation and went back to playing poker online.
“When is it happening?” I asked, scanning the flyer.
“Two weeks today!” Jess jumped up and down a little bit, waving the paper above her head.
“How can we not?” I went back to sorting out the office and Jess started putting up the posters, rearranging the display window in the front to show off the series. “Hey Jess, what does J M actually stand for?”
“Josephine May. How did you not know that?”
“No idea, I just never bothered finding out” I laughed and she shook her head in disappointment.
“I’m going to read them all again, what should we ask her?” Jess came and sat beside me, finding some paper she got her questions ready.
“Everyone will ask about inspiration, we need something to really stump her.” I suggested.
“Ask her why there wasn’t much romance?” Nana joined in, laughing to herself.
“Nana, he writes her love songs and they have the best sex” Jess blurted out, forgetting Nana was just that, a Nana.
“It’s desperate and lacks true passion. It’s just sex, not making love. You girls should know the difference at your age!” We both froze, looking at each other in shock at what just came out of my Nana’s mouth. “I only read the first one and I wanted them to break up!”
She went back to her game and trying not die from holding in her laughter, Jess whispered to me so Nana wouldn’t hear. “Did we just get some kind of sex advice from your Nana?”
“Yeah, I think so!” I thought Amelia and Brock had these amazing scenes, full of lust and need – love, but she was right. They fought, they’d ‘make-up’ never with care or thought. I get being caught up in the passion, but it was more a way of holding on to something that wasn’t there. The roughness that excited me now disappointed.
Nana had a point, where was the romance, the love? None of their scenes would be classified as making love, a union of two people. It was just sex.
“She’s kind of right.” I admitted to Jess as we headed back out into the store.
“What they have is hot. I’d love to be taken backstage or have a guy take control and just go for it like that. Wait until you do it, you’ll understand better.” Jess patted my shoulder and went to finish her display in the window, but I wasn’t so sure I would. I was waiting for love, for an experience I wouldn’t forget with a person I loved and not regret.
Maybe Jess was right; once it’s done it wouldn’t matter so much?
-
Sunday morning and I woke up to a text from Beau, ‘Girlfriend, would like to go on a date?’
‘Boyfriend, of course. When are you back?’
“BEC! You up?” Jess’s footsteps thudded up the hall and she was bursting into my room before I could get out of bed.
“What’s wrong?” The grin on her face told me it wasn’t something bad and she took a second to catch her breath.
“Come downstairs!”
I followed her down to find the entry filled with an assortment of roses, at least twenty different vases covered every surface space we had available.
“What is all this?” I must still be dreaming. The soft fragrance of the flowers met me half way down the stairs and Jess was positively glowing.
“Read the card!” She pointed at the largest bouquet and sure enough a tiny white envelope sat on top of the red roses.
“Pick you up at 10, dress casual. BM xx” I read out and glancing at the clock, it was already nine.
“ I could kill you I’m so jealous! Go shower, I’ll sort out your outfit!” She ran ahead of me and I slipped by her to the bathroom as she raided my closet. It didn’t take her long and she was sitting on the toilet by the shower before I even washed my hair. “This has its perks you know. You get sent a room full of flowers, I get flowers!”
“That’s true, so if you did kill me – you’d get nothing.” I joked back.
“Good point. Clothes are on the bed, I’m going to admire my flowers!” She left me alone and once done, I smiled at the way she folded everything neatly on the bed for me – accessories too.
I’d just done my hair when I heard the car pull up outside and Jess was already standing by the door excited. She gave me the thumbs up as there was a knock and then darted into the lounge room as I opened the door. It had been a week since I said goodbye to him at the hotel and we’d spoken every day since, I was certain he had become even more attractive in our week apart. His hair was no longer just a prickling over his head as it started to get some length back, not long enough to really run your hands through, but it did change his appearance.
“Hey Angel,”
“Hey yourself.”
I stepped forward into his arms, our kiss not as long as I would have liked as Jess joined in on the moment and hugged me from behind. “Group hug!”
“Hey Jess” Beau greeted, stepping back slightly he didn’t let go of my hand as I moved with him onto the doorstep.
“Thanks for my flowers! How did you know I like roses?” She teased, winking at me as Beau looked confused before catching on.
“It was a lucky guess. You ready angel?” I nodded, moving back the lounge room and grabbed my purse.
“Now I want her home by nine, it is a work night you know” Jess lectured seriously and I slapped her ass on the way past.
“Give it a rest; I just got rid of John. You don’t need to take his place as overprotective parent!” I snapped and she stuck her tongue out. If she was trying to embarrass me, she was doing a great job of it and I couldn’t get in the car quick enough.
“Thank you for those flowers, you really didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to, makes up for the lack of romance so far.” We pulled out of the drive and I saw Jess waving from the lounge window like an idiot. I gave her a quick wave and turned away.
“How are you doing?”
“Good, great now!” He winked and started off down my street.
“You’re such a charmer aren’t you?”
“I got you here with me, so I must be doing something right!” We headed towards the city and as the cars all flew by us on the highway I was curious to know what we were doing.
“So care to share with what we're doing today?”
“No it’s a surprise.”
“Good thing I like surprises!”
It wouldn’t matter what he had planned, the second he reached out and took my hand in his my day couldn’t get any better.