Zayn woke up, screaming , as sweat poured down his face. He didn't even register he was awake, he was so terrified. He'd been edgy for days and had finally taken a nap, exhausted from days of not sleeping well.
"Zee, Zee...wake up, for g*d's sake" Gigi caught his shoulders and shook him. He stared into her face, suddenly falling silent. "What's wrong, babe?"she asked, petrified by the expression on Zayn's normally calm face. He shook his head and broke away from her, curling up on his side in a foetal position, and starting to sob again. "Please, Zee. You're scaring me". But Zayn refused to either answer or acknowledge her.
Gigi stood frowning down at the sleeping man. Zayn had finally drifted back to sleep though it looked far from peaceful, he was tossing and turning, talking incoherently and she heard him say 'Niall' . She bent closer, concentrating, hoping she could make out what he could be dreaming about. Dreams were meant to be fun but Zayn looked and sounded tormented. She walked out of the room ,and into the adjoining bathroom, opening the medicine cabinet hurriedly to locate the thermometer. Zayn had been hot so perhaps he was running a fever and was delirious? Seeing what she needed, Gigi was about to grab it quickly when a small bottle caught her attention. It looked full. That wasn't right, it should be half empty. She pulled it out and opened it, tipping the contents into her hand. No, that's not right, she thought. There were too many pills. Suddenly she realised the significance of it all. Zayn hadn't been taking his prescribed medication. Bit by bit , the jigsaw pieces started to fit together. The erratic behaviour, the abruptly changing moods, the strange thoughts he'd expressed...so dark. She'd been so wrapped up with the children, it had crept up on her. She put the pills back and snatched up the thermometer again.
"Zee, I think you should go see the doctor again" Gigi spoke cautiously, not wanting to upset Zayn. "You don't look well."
"I'm fine." was the terse response.
"Zayn, you're not fine. You don't eat, you barely sleep and when you do sleep, you're tossing and turning. You won't even tell me what's wrong." Gigi pulled the bottle of pills from her pocket and held it out "and you've stopped taking your medication". Zayn glared at her then knocked the bottle from her hand and stalked out of the room. She watched as he slammed the door behind him as he walked into the forest behind their home. Sighing, she made a quick phone call , then followed. She knew where he'd headed. Whenever he needed peace, he'd go there. It was his spot, his haven from the world.
Zayn leant his back against a tree and let his thoughts wander to the past. This tree, this particular spot ,was his favourite retreat. He came here when he wanted to be alone, when he needed to think. He closed his eyes and Niall's face floated before him, his bright blue eyes twinkling. Zayn felt tears escape from his closed eyelids and trickle slowly down his face. Niall .....and Niall was gone. Zayn felt soft arms go around him and Gigi whispering quietly to him to go with her, that everything would be fine. He allowed himself to led back to the house but instead of going in, Gigi walked him to the car , opened the passenger door and helped him in, fastening the seatbeat for him. She kissed his forehead then closed the door and jogged around to the drivers side. Zayn remained quiet and unresponsive as she drove towards the secluded part of town where Zayn's doctor had his office.
Gigi looked at the clock as she sat in the luxurious waiting room. It was undoubtedly comfortable but she couldn't settle. She needed to know Zayn would be all right. that she'd done the right thing bringing him here. She turned quickly when the door opened and the doctor stood there, "Mrs Malik, if you'd come in" he smiled at her gravely and indicated a seat next to Zayn who looked confused, rather like a small child watching a magic trick and unable to work out how it had been done. He was sat in a deep armchair, legs drawn up, arms around them, like he was trying to make himself so small he could disappear.
"Gi" Zayn gave her a small smile and reached for her hand which she took then looked at the doctor.
"It appears that Zayn has been reacting to not taking his medication . Some of the side effects of withdrawal make the patient's anxieties take on mammoth proportions. As you are no doubt aware, Zayn has always felt he let a good friend down badly. As Zayn is very sensitive, this has built up in Zayn's mind into a severe guilt complex where he considers himself responsible for everything that goes wrong in that persons life. Are you with me so far?" the doctor asked, eyebrow raised questioningly. Gigi nodded and waited for the doctor to continue."It would appear, from talking with Zayn this afternoon, that his subconscious has turned from thoughts of this person into creating a sort of virtual reality, for want of a better description."
"I don't understand. What do you mean he's created a virtual reality?" Gigi was totally bewildered.
"Niall Horan. He believed that Niall is dead and he's responsible because he couldn't save him" the doctor said simply and watched as Zayn flinched when he said the name .
"Niall? Dead? No, he's fine. I spoke to him just a few hours ago. We're due over there later today." Gigi rubbed her forehead, totally bewildered as to where the doctor was going with this. And why did it concern Niall? "Look, just what is going on?" Gigi asked "What's this to do with Niall?"
"In simple terms, Mrs Malik, I believe Zayn is suffering a psychotic episode. Whatever triggered it, has your husband believing that Niall is dead and he's not coping with the guilt it is causing him." Gigi stared at the man with her mouth open.
"But I spoke to Niall only this morning. He was fine?" Gigi reiterated as she was now totally confused "And you say Zayn believes he's dead?"
"In a nutshell, yes. He believes that he's already seen Niall and found him dead" the doctor replied.
"And this...this psychotic episode...you called it..this is why Zayn's been behaving so strangely lately?" Gigi questioned and got a confirming nod from the doctor. "So what happens now?"
""I've prescribed a change of medication for your husband that will have almost immediate effect. He's already calming down since our session. I think we need to return to our weekly sessions again, it would perhaps prevent another episode. I further suggest that you monitor his medication again. Zayn starts feeling better then he convinces himself he doesn't need help of any kind" the doctor said, somewhat ruefully.
"I don't know what to do. Should we go see Niall today?" Gigi asked hesitantly "Or would that make things worse?"
"If I remember correctly, Niall's wife is a medical doctor?" Gigi nodded " Then I would ring her, explain what's happened and then take Zayn to see Niall. Seeing the reality and not his own 'virtual reality' should help". the doctor advised.
Gigi and the doctor continued to talk with Zayn gradually making the odd contribution. He seemed totally dazed and Gigi was doubting the wisdom of visiting the Horan family with Zayn in his current state but the doctor constantly reassured her it was the right thing. Finally, Gigi reluctantly agreed to trust what she was told and took a subdued Zayn's hand and led him out of the doctor's office and back to the car where she got him situated then strapped in for the journey back to their home.
"I'm going mad, aren't I?" Zayn suddenly whispered, sounding broken.
"No! No, babe. You're not going mad. You've not taken your medication and all the stress and strain you put yourself under just made you twist all the facts about Niall's health into a waking nightmare. You're not mad, just...well...stressed. You'll be fine, Niall will be fine" Gigi spoke comfortingly, her heart hurting for her sensitive husband. He gave her a half smile then turned his head to watch the passing scenery.
"Oh, the poor lamb" Jacey cooed when Gigi stopped speaking. "Yes, please do come. Niall's finished the song Zayn wanted. She listened as Gigi started speaking again. "No, no. It's not a problem, honestly. Ni is just taking a nap with Louis right now but come anytime, we can chat until the pair of them wake up."
"Come in Zayn" Jacey hugged him in welcome and ushered him inside. "Niall's napping in the lounge with Louis. Go straight through Gigi and I will have a girls 'catch up' while you guys talk.. Oh, he must be awake now" Jacey observed as little Louis toddled towards them , holding his hands up to his mother for a cuddle. Zayn ruffled his hair the little lad's hair then headed towards the lounge. Niall was laying still on the couch, his arm dangling over the side and a faint smile on his face. Zayn gulped.He didn't care what the doctor or Gigi had told him. He knew the truth. He walked slowly towards the couch, his heart beating so loudly he thought it would break through his chest wall, sweat poured off his body.
"Nialler?" Zayn said softly, "Ni?" He tentatively grabbed hold of Niall's hand and shook it . Niall's hand felt cold to his touch . The doctor had been wrong, had tricked him. Zayn fell to his knees, hot tears falling onto a face whose bright blue eyes suddenly flew open.
"Zayn! What's wrong, you look terrible" Niall stared at his friend's distraught face. "Jacey" he yelled "Come quickly"
A/N I found I couldn't kill off my beautiful Niall after all.