The gravel crunches underneath the wheels of my skateboard, the one Justin gave me, as I head to his house for practice. I can feel my heart, heavy in my chest, beating loudly in my ears. With everything that has happened the past two nights, it feels odd to come back to the same place that’s hurting me more.
What am I doing, really? I’m just making everything more dramatic than it should be. I’m ruining someone else’s life, or at least attempting to. How could I ever be a good role model if everything does work out in the end? What will they say about me? That I’m no different than Justin, that we both had hidden agendas in the end? Would they say that it’s good that I finally stood up for myself, or will they say that my motives were all wrong?
Everything seemed so perfect yesterday while planning revenge with a fresh, open wound. However, I can’t help but feel wrong about all of this. I am planning on ruining someone’s possible career just because they hurt me. Is that right? Should I be doing this?
There’s a voice in the back of my head screaming, “Yes!” and another one telling me to be careful.
Swaying slightly, I stop myself at the end of Justin’s driveway. The garage door is wide open. Everyone else looks like they’ve arrived and are mingling inside the garage. Sean notices me first and nods. I take a deep breath and tell myself to act normal.
The walk up the driveway has never felt so long. My eyes keep flicking over to where Justin is changing the batteries in the mics. He still hasn’t noticed that I’m here. Usually, he’s the first one to greet me. I can’t tell if he’s purposely ignoring me or too absorbed in the mics to notice me at all. I secretly hope he never does end up noticing me.
My stomach is churning when I finally make it into the garage. Justin turns and acknowledges my arrival by taking a couple steps forward and kissing me hard on the lips. I try to seem natural about the whole thing, but his fingernails are digging into the back of my neck and his lips are bruising mine. Not to mention that the other boys must be gawking at the whole scene. My fingers clench tighter every time his nails scratch further into my skin. Then, he pulls away, his face turning to the other boys briefly to scan them before going back to the mics.
My fingers instinctively reach up to gingerly feel the marks he’s made on the back of my neck. My fingers barely brush the skin, still, I can feel the crescent-mooned dents left imprinted in my skin. I swallow slowly and then glance up at the others who are looking at me with troubled faces. I smile as cheerfully as I can at them and pull my hand away from my neck.
Sean’s eyes flick away from me to Justin’s back, his lips thinning and his jaw clenching noticeably. Austin looks confused, giving me a look that begs for an explanation. I just shrug. Silence is the only thing that follows, along with eyes meeting eyes and worried expressions being shared.
Kris finally clears his throat and walks away to swing his guitar over his shoulder and practice a few cords. The others take the hint. Austin picks up his guitar, as well, and Alex moves to sit behind his drum set. Sean sends me another concerned glance before going to his keyboard.
After a couple of minutes Justin throws his guitar over his shoulder and tosses me my mic.
“Alright, I was thinking about something really big to do for our next gig, you know, so that our band can really take off,” Justin tells us as he rolls his mic between his hands, “I was thinking of a really hardcore duet with a stage performance to match.”
“Duet?” I ask, “What song?”
Justin smiles at me and steps closer to wrap his arm around my shoulder, “I was thinking we should sing “Bring Me to Life” by Evanescence.
“That’s…a really hard song to sing,” I groan, shifting under the weight of his arm.
“I know,” he says lucidly and goes back to pick up some stacks of sheet music off the table. He begins handing them out, the boys groan as well when they see the head banging, crazy, up-to-interpretation music in front of them.
Alex immediately tosses his sheet music aside and leans forward so that Justin will pay attention to him.
“That’s barely anything. I’ll have to make half of it up myself.”
Justin runs a hand through his gelled hair and grins at him. “You don’t mind, do you?”
“I won’t even know what I’m doing. I’ll have to listen to the song a hundred times just to get the rhythm down.”
“Well then, that’s what you’re going to have to do. I really want to do this song and get the crowd fired up. We’ve got a larger audience to please, don’t we.” Justin says smoothly as he continues to hand out music to everyone but Sean.
“Where’s my music?” Sean asks, unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice.
“Oh, I thought we could do this song without keyboard.”
“But the keyboard is the biggest part in that song,” Sean argues, his hands clenching the sides of his keyboard so hard that his knuckles turn white.
“Well, we aren’t mimicking the song, we’re going to improvise. I thought maybe you’d like to sing,” Justin says, his voice challenging and the heat is evident when their eyes meet on the word “sing”.
“Sing?” Sean scoffs, “We both know I rarely ever sing in this band unless it’s back-up. You heard Reese, this song is hard vocally.”
“I’m giving you a chance to sing, Sean. Take it or leave it,” Justin says quickly, his gaze hard.
Sean’s looks away from Justin to look at me. I shrug helplessly. I don’t know what’s going on. What is going on with Justin? Why is he close to pressuring Sean into singing with me? Sean looks back at Justin and nods. “Fine, I’ll sing.”
“Great,” Justin practically hisses with a snake-like grin.
Sean leaves his keyboard and comes to join Justin and me in the front of the other boys. Austin is motioning to me, trying to get my attention. I ignore him. I can’t answer his questions. I don’t even know what to expect.
“What are you doing, then?” Sean asks Justin suspiciously as he takes Justin’s mic from him.
“Watching and directing,” Justin smirks and then grabs my wrist firmly and pulls me over, pushing me at Sean.
“What’s the point of this?” I ask, slightly terrified of what Justin’s big plan is.
“This is just experimentation. I’m sure Laney won’t mind. You two are over, right?” Justin asks Sean, who nods slowly in reply, “Perfect,”
“What do you mean “Laney won’t mind?” I ask, taking a step back from Sean.
“I told you, we’re putting on a show,” Justin repeats.
“What does that even—“
“Hold her,” Justin yells over the top of mine and Sean’s question.
“What?” Sean asks in surprise, his forehead crinkling in question.
“Hold her. Put your hands around her waist. Go on,” Justin says again, pushing me at Sean once more, “C’mon, she doesn’t bite. She’s about as intimidating as a butterfly.”
I scowl and clench my jaw. Sean doesn’t move. He just stands there with a mic in one hand and the other limp at his side.
“Why?” Sean asks Justin apprehensively.
“We’re putting on a show! Now do it!” Justin barks loudly and the room buzzes with silence. Neither of us dare to move. Justin’s eyes glide over Sean and I and then he growls loudly. “Austin, Kris play the first line. Alex play something. You two know the words, don’t you?” he turns to us.
“Y-yes.” I stutter. Sean nods.
“Fantastic.”
Alex starts wailing on his drums, trying to follow what Austin and Kris are doing. Justin looks at me expectantly.
“Sing and look at him like he’s everything, like he’s the air you breathe. Do it!” he orders at me, the vein in his temple protruding and his face reddening considerably, the ugly showing through his handsome features.
My tongue sticks and my throat seems to swell. I know I’ll have to sing something before Justin really gets mad.
Hesitantly, I look up at Sean, seeing my reflection in his eyes. He looks just as uncomfortable as I feel. Licking my lips, I finally force the first line of the song out.
How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
My voice is scratchy and unsure, the frustration forcing pressure and shakiness in place of the melodious sound that is usually in its place.
“Look at him!” Justin hollers over the instruments. My eyes have left Sean’s, but snap back at Justin’s command. Tears and anger are threatening to boil over. Sean’s hand twitches, wanting to reach forward and comfort me, but holding back because Justin’s controlling gaze is on us.
Leading you down into my core where I’ve become so numb
My voice cracks on the last word and I swallow thickly, unable to take my eyes away from Sean face, soft with worry. I feel like Justin is testing us, although I don’t know why.
I’m about to start the next word of the song when Justin’s voice booms over the instrumentals, again.
“Caress his face, won’t you, Reese?”
I blink multiple times and turn to face Justin, who’s closer than I thought. He leans forward to whisper in my ear. “For the audience, Reese.”
Except there isn’t any audience, but I’m afraid of Justin. My hand is shaky as it comes to touch Sean’s face. His eyes are a piercing blue, watching me. Everything about me is trembling. Justin’s so close to me I can feel the rise and fall of his chest on my back. I’m feeling a kind of pressure I’ve never felt before. One that determines what will happen in the few weeks that are to come. I can’t break, not yet, no matter how badly I just want to run, to catch my breath. I have to stay here and fight back against whatever Justin is doing.
Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Determination crosses my eyes even though my legs shake and my fingers stroke Sean’s cheekbones painfully slow. An internal struggle to fight through the nervousness and the stress.
until you find it there and lead it back home
“Keep going!” Justin orders and my stomach drops further.
Wake me up
Sean sings roughly into Justin’s microphone. His voice is lower and more gravelly then Justin’s. He pulls away from me at Justin’s command and that fraction of a second allows me to catch my breath again, but barely.
Wake me up inside
I sing back, my voice becoming stronger as the urge to carry on becomes greater. I feel Justin push me forward and I almost lose my footing, but Sean catches me and doesn’t let me go.
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
“My god! Show me some true emotion!” Justin urges as he stomps across the room to tear us apart. “Cling to him as you fall to your knees—try to keep her on her feet, press your faces closer, like you can’t live without each other!”
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
Sean’s forehead is pressed against mine, eyes closed, his hand holding onto mine which clings to his shirt. My knees are weak, choking on a strange feeling of guilt and betrayal, my voice beginning to falter, again.
Austin has messed up so many times that he’s given up completely on trying to play his part. Kris’s plucking becomes softer and softer as he struggles to maintain the beat of the song. Alex has long since given up. The only real music is mine and Sean’s voices as we continue to be ordered by Justin—still his puppets.
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
The end of the line is supposed to be strong and crazed, but my voice comes out as barely a whisper, Sean’s eyes now open and watching. His line was too soft as well. He’s breathing hard against my face. My knees finally give away, but the arm he has wrapped around me holds me even closer to him. I can’t feel anything. We stop.
“So much chemistry,” Justin’s seething voice cracks the silence. Sean sucks in his cheeks and drops his head, his whole body becoming rigid. I can’t seem to find my footing and cling to Sean even tighter even though my whole face is blushing a brilliant red.
How can he say that if he’s the one who was ordering us into everything we did? I become rigid as well, my feet finally becoming steady against the cement. Sean and I unwrap ourselves and look away from each other, away from the band. Justin steps between us.
“If only I was really going to give you the singing part,” Justin tells Sean in a sour, yet proud tone of voice, “But, it was interesting to see what will never happen, wasn’t it?”
“I hope it was fun for you,” Sean snaps back coldly, “to see your girlfriend cling to me, to see my lips an inch from hers, to hear the weakness in her voice, and my hands practically groping her. I hope you enjoyed the show, because I sure as hell did.”
You can almost see the flames dancing in Justin’s eyes and the steam billowing out of his ears. His fists clench but then slowly unclench as he regains composure.
“I hope you soaked it up, then, because that is as close as you’ll ever get to having anything with her. I did you a favor.”
“Well then, thank you for allowing me to touch your girlfriend’s ass,” Sean replies smugly.
It was all building up. We all see it coming as Justin stepped forward and punches Sean square in the face. I screech, Kris and Austin throw off their guitars, and Alex jumps around his drum set to step in between them. Sean recoils, stepping back, holding his face. Through the blood pouring out of his nose, though, I see a large smile.
“Justin!” I screech in shock and jog over to where Sean is standing behind Alex, gushing blood.
“He deserved it!”
“You provoked him!”
I’m pushing Sean’s hands away from his nose, which looks completely crushed. Justin probably broke it.
“I’m fine,” Sean gasps off-handedly, while I examine the damage.
“What the hell! You did that to yourself!” Austin growls at Justin as he assists me with Sean.
Kris and Alex are holding Justin back from attacking Sean and damaging him further.
“You all saw it, too! Didn’t you? I’m not stupid! They’re going behind my back!” Justin howls in anger, trying to push Alex off without success because Kris is holding his arms back.
“What are you talking about? You told them to do all of that stuff!” Kris yells in his ear.
“I didn’t think they’d actually do it!”
“Justin! You’re scaring us!” I tell him, my eyes watering. Everything is falling apart. The band is going to break-up before we get a chance to call Justin out. It might not be a bad thing. Everything is violence and secrets.
“I’ve had enough! Sean, get your lousy ass off of my property! Get out of my band!” Justin orders angrily, his eyes ablaze.
“Gladly! Good luck finding another person to do the keyboard!” Sean hollers back as blood drips down his chin. He pulls away from me and turns, walking away briskly.
“You were the most useless one here, anyway!” Justin calls after him. Sean doesn’t stop but drops a hand down to his guitar pick necklace, breaking it off his neck and throwing it to the side as he continues down the street.
“Why would you do that?” Austin asks Justin angrily, sending him an accusing glare.
“He was useless and the source of all our problems. We’re better off without him,” Justin snarls, and pulls away from Kris and Alex roughly, both of them releasing him.
My hand covers my open mouth, watching as Sean makes his way down the street, dripping blood as he goes. I honestly can’t believe what just happened. I don’t even know when I started crying, but there are tears dribbling down my hand.
“We can’t just go on without him! Are you kidding me right now?” Alex chimes in, his hands in his hair, pulling in frustration.
“Do I look like I’m kidding? No! Now, if anyone else would like to get kicked out, then leave! Otherwise, back to practice.” Justin screams at us.
Justin doesn’t really believe anyone will leave. Though, Austin looks like he’s going to throw in the towel, but I shake my head furiously at him. Nobody is leaving. We’re staying. We’re staying and we’re finishing Justin off. He doesn’t deserve fame, fortune, love, money, or respect, and he’s never going to get them. It’s not over, yet.
The other’s see me telling them no and give me questioning looks. With a promise to explain later, we all go back to rehearsal.
Part of me wonders if that whole thing between Sean and I was a way for Justin to get rid of his biggest problem. If it was, then he is sadly mistaken. Little does he know that he’s only made things easier for Karma.