Justin’s fingers weave through mine as he walks me home from The Lunch Box, skateboards dangling from our opposite hands. The sun is sinking further down in the sky and a cool evening breeze tousles my hair every few minutes.
We walk in comfortable silence, both of us living in our own thoughts. I don’t know what he’s thinking about, but a small, pleased smile sits on his lips. I feel myself trying to force away my own smile—a bad habit—which proves to be rather hard, so I eventually just give in, allowing myself to stop thinking and start grinning like an idiot. After all, Justin and I are officially together, officially starting over, and officially giving each other a break.
This will prove to be hard, my relationship with Justin. I’m used to being cold with him, to overthinking my every move. Now, I’m going to have to accept the fact that I like him and that we’re together, that I can loosen up a bit. Old habits and ways of thinking might wiggle its way in, but I’m determined to make this work—because let’s be honest, I haven’t had a boy like me in years. It’s new and I’m finally letting myself give in.
“How are we going to tell the guys?”
The thought escapes my lips before I can stop it. I meant for it to stay in my head, but it leaves my mouth in a thoughtful mumble. Justin’s surprised by the question, but so am I. Why am I always thinking about them even when I’m supposed to be thinking only about Justin?
“What?” Justin asks, his eyebrows rising and his grip on my hand loosening.
Sighing, I figure I’ll just have to go through with the question instead of telling him to forget it. It was just yesterday that we had a fight and now we’re together? Really, how are we going to explain that?
“The guys,” I repeat, “how are we going to tell them we’re together? We probably seem like the most bipolar couple they’ve ever encountered.”
He chokes on the beginning of a laugh and shakes his head instead, biting down a smile.
“You’re thinking too much, again.” He points out, his hand tightening around mine once again.
I quirk an eyebrow, feeling slightly annoyed by the fact that both my hands are taken so I can’t put a hand on my hip, “It’s a legitimate question, Justin. Yesterday I wanted to punch you out, and now today we’re a couple? How do you even explain that?”
He purses his lips, contemplating the question for a moment before he answers, “Typical couple arguments, that’s how we explain it.”
Rolling my eyes, I decide to drop the subject. I guess he’s right. It’s “typical”, right? Lots of couples fight. Then, I realize my original question never got answered, so I push the subject again.
“But how do we tell them?” I ask again.
He seems annoyed by the question and lets out a deep breath, according to him, the answer is obvious, “We just say it,” he tells me.
Frowning, I argue, “We can’t just say it. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re not the only one that fancies me.”
Justin scoffs, “Sean? He’ll get over it. It’s puppy love, it won’t last long.”
“Still,” I continue, “I think just saying it will only make things worse. He’s told me he’s sorry and that he’s getting over it, but we still need to be sensitive to the fact that he likes me.”
Justin stops, tugging me back. Groaning, I face him, giving him an annoyed look.
“Okay, why is it you’re so afraid of hurting his feelings? You’re only encouraging him by being so nice about it. Why can’t you just flat out say “I don’t like you” and walk away?” Justin interrogates, and I can already see where this is going. Wow Justin, only twenty minutes into this thing and we’re already going to go there?
“Because he’s in our band remember? I don’t want to wreck a good thing. I’m trying to be careful.” I answer as calmly as possible.
“You weren’t this careful about my feelings.” Justin glares, obvious anger apparent in his eyes.
“Well Justin, Sean just happens to be a little more of an issue, okay? He complicates things, so I need to be careful about what I say to him.” I grind out, hoping that by holding his stare I can convince him it’s not what he thinks.
Justin shrugs, “Fine then, you can be as careful as you want because you’re telling him. I’m not getting involved with Sean because half the time I don’t understand it.”
“What?” I shriek, “As in, by myself?”
He nods and shrugs again, “Yep, if I’m the issue Sean has, or at least that’s the vibe I’m getting, I’d like to keep things civil between us, so you can tell him alone.”
“But—“
“Sorry Reese, but I don’t like fighting with other dudes. Chicks, I can handle, but I’m pretty sure Sean can beat me up, so you can do the explaining. I’ll tell the rest of the guys.”
“Coward.” I mutter under my breath, scrunching my nose at him.
“Whatever, this is between you and Sean.”
I let out a long, loud groan, but Justin ignores it and begins walking again, pulling me along until I catch up. Great, just great. Leave Sean to me. Jerk.
The rest of the walk is silent, with Justin swinging our hands slightly and me battling myself in my head, trying to decide a way to tell Sean. This is almost as bad as trying to tell your parents you’re pregnant—at least it feels that way. I have to be strategic and I have to do this fast because Justin won’t wait to tell the other guys and word travels fast when it comes to who Justin’s dating.
Maybe I could text him? Call him? Pay him a little visit?
Ugh!
How am I supposed to do this?
My thoughts are interrupted when Justin stops walking and I realize we’re standing in front of my house.
“Well, thanks for walking me home…and leaving me to deal with Sean.” I say sarcastically, dropping his hand.
A cheeky half-smile flashes across his face. Boy, does he look pleased. Ah, those moments when you remember why you hate someone, but in my case I just can’t hate him enough, because somehow no matter how much I hate him he makes me like him too.
“Anytime, Carrots.” He winks, leaning down to kiss the corner of my mouth.
“That was a pathetic kiss, just to let you know. Not that I care, though, because I’m mad at you anyway.” I huff while crossing my arms.
He chuckles, “You care,” and leans back down to kiss me properly, leaving a sweet, playful kiss on my lips.
Pulling away, I mumble, “Nuh-uh,” against his mouth and then push his face away, causing him to break out in a full-fledge smile, teeth and all.
After jogging to my door, I turn back around to poke my tongue out at him and then push my door open. Once inside, my jaw drops when I see A.J. standing beside the window, his head resting in the hand that’s leaning against the wall. A teasing smirk and a raised eyebrow tell me he had seen everything. He spied on me.
“I so knew it,” he laughs.
“What the heck?” I say angrily, “I’m not your homework assignment! Go find someone else to watch.”
He wiggles his eyebrows at me, watching as my cheeks become redder and redder.
“Well, Reesie, when you go and kiss him right in front of the house anyone can see it. It wasn’t like I was purposefully spying on you. I just happened to walk downstairs when I passed the window and saw my baby sister’s lips attached to her band mate’s.” He says matter-of-factly.
“Reese! Are you home?”
I glance down the hallway at the living room entrance, Mom is poking her head out and when she sees me she smiles.
“Yep!” I answer, waving to her. She nods and disappears again, satisfied that I’m home at the time I said I’d be.
Turning back to A.J. I glower, “Keep it down , would you? I’ll tell her after school ends, that way she won’t be so uptight about my art work being ruined by him.”
“Okay, but I want hush money.” He says with a sneaky smile.
“You’ve got to be joking me.” I say, shaking my head and laughing to myself.
“Nope,” he grins, “at least thirty bucks hush money. I’ve got to buy a new textbook and I’m thirty bucks short.”
My smile drops. I’m broke, and by broke I mean broke. I’m a poor woman. No money in these pockets. Really, the last time I had money it had been for winning an art contest which was months back. I don’t even have a job.
“A.J.,” I say seriously, “I don’t have any money.”
He looks baffled, “What? Don’t you guys get paid for performing at the Lunch Box?”
I blink a few times, my eyebrows knitting together, “Well, I g-guess so…I’ve never got any money though.”
A.J. shuffles forward, making for the staircase. On his way, he stops in front of me, “You should probably look into that,” he winks with a click of his tongue and then leaves me standing there momentarily confused.
Money? Why hadn’t I gotten any money? Do the other boys split it without me? Do the other boys even split it? Doesn’t Justin handle the money? Why haven’t I heard anything about the money? This is kind of important considering my current circumstances. I will be finding out about this later.
~*~
I pull my hair over to one side and adjust my shirt, glancing around the lockers as I search for Sean early Thursday morning. This is probably not the time or place to be announcing such things but I better do my explaining before Justin tells the other boys.
Finally, I come across Sean’s locker. He’s standing with his back to me, unzipping his backpack with one hand and holding it up with the other. Biting my lip, I quickly reach out and tap him, clasping my hands behind my back before he can turn around. He hesitates for a second, as if making sure he was actually touched before cautiously turning around. When he sees me he smiles softly.
“Hey,” he nods, running finger through his hair.
Gulping, I give him a little wave, suddenly nervous about his reaction. I really don’t want to hurt his feelings.
“What’s wrong?” he asks in concern upon seeing the look on my face.
Inhaling deeply, I decide to hug myself and look down at my feet when I stammer out, “Well, um, I thought I should tell you before anyone else found out, but—uh—it’s just that—Justin and I are sort’ve…together…now.”
Biting my cheeks, I slowly lift my head to see his reaction. His eyes have widened and he tilts his head back as he takes in the news.
“Oh,” he breathes and then turns back to his locker to remove a book from his bag.
“I’m sorry, I—“
“Reese,” he swivels around, smiling gently, “I don’t mind, really. It’s not my place anyway, is it?” he sighs, “Besides, I have a date Saturday.”
It’s sort of like whiplash. Can you even get whiplash from words? Never mind, it feels just like it. He has a date Saturday. A date.
Well, he got over me fast.
Not that I should mind, but after all of the trouble he put me through, it surprises me and makes my gut wrench. It’s not jealousy, really, but it is like I’ve been slapped with reality.
Reese Bentley, you are way too full of yourself to think that this boy can’t get over you that fast. What’s your problem?
I shouldn’t be feeling this way at all, but truth of that matter is, it almost feels like I liked that he liked me in this twisted, horrible way, but at the same time I’m relieved? I don’t know what to think, nor what to say, so I don’t say anything at all. I’m hopelessly stunned.
Then, Sean kind of chuckles. I’ve been standing here for a couple moments with my tongue tied and he finds this amusing? I’m having very mixed feelings about this whole date situation.
I’m with Justin. I’m with Justin.
Yet, the fact that Sean has a date Saturday is almost upsetting. I should be happy I no longer have to worry about him, and I am, but at the same time I feel like Sean should like me and me only, even if I am with someone else. Goodness! I should like such a man-eater, but I’m not! I’m just so…dumbfounded.
“Is that okay with you?” he asks, still snickering at my reaction.
Blinking multiple times, it takes me some time to understand what he’s saying, but when I do, my jaw drops.
“Sean Evans, it is perfectly okay with me! I’m just…shocked is all.” I say, my voice tapering a little at the end as I take this news in.
“What? You don’t think I can get other girls? Do you not remember all the numbers I was getting during Karma? Honestly, Reese, it’s not all about you.” He scoffs whilst shaking his head in disbelief.
My mouth snaps shut and I can just feel fresh anger being pumped into my veins.
“I don’t think it’s all about me,” I snap at him, “I just wasn’t expecting it!”
“Yeah,” he sighs, “Well, I’m just done with all the drama. You don’t need any more of it and neither do I, that’s why I’m starting fresh. This girl at the gig last night chatted me up. She seems nice so we’re going out on Saturday. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”
“Sean, you don’t have to be in such a rush to be out of this picture.” I tell him, moving in closer to his locker as the halls begin to fill with more groggy students. The person next to me opens a locker door, and I have to scoot over again before Sean can even say anything back. It’s like musical floor tiles.
“Yes I do, Reese. It’s better for all of us, don’t you agree? It just hurts too much to stay in the picture, so I’m getting out as fast as I can,” he stops to zip up his bag and then adds, “You should be happy.”
“I don’t know what I am.” I mutter numbly.
“Here’s a start,” he says, slamming his locker door, “you’re in love with Justin and forgetting me.”
And with that he’s squeezing past me to get to his first class, leaving me all jelly legged and dizzy. Luckily, though, I have enough sense to call out to him before he’s too far away.
“But, we’re still friends—right?”
He turns, walking backwards, and nods at me. With a small smile he answers, “Of course.”
~*~
“Reese Bentley, explain yourself! I just can’t even begin to wrap my head around your choice in men!” Austin smirks at me through his much rehearsed and very fake lecture session as he meets me at my locker after school. Kris is nowhere to be found, which is strange since they’re usually attached at the hip.
Ah, so Justin did tell the other guys already. I knew he’d be quick. I wouldn’t be surprised if Stephanie knows as well and has spread it through half of the school. The girl has a big mouth.
“Give him a chance!” I plead, dramatically shaking my clasped hands as I play along, “He’s a real pain in the butt, but I really do love him Austin.”
Winking, I slam my locker door and Austin laughs at our cheesy role-play.
Still uttering breezy giggles, he attempts to be serious again as he asks, “But, really, why on Earth would you do this to yourself? You guys are a real card together, but one of you is eventually going to strangle the other. You’re just too much alike.”
“Well so are you and Kris.” I say quickly, while poking him in the chest, “And you guys are just peachy.”
Austin smiles, a rosy blush spreading across his cheeks but he snaps out of it as fast as he snapped in.
“Just putting it out there,” he nudges me softly as we begin walking together, “you’re going to have to open up a little bit.”
“I’m perfectly open!” I argue.
“I mean like, talking about your feelings.” He teases, purposely drawing out the phrase and making me cringe.
“Gross.” I state simply.
Austin purposefully bumps into me, giving me a look.
“Reese!” he whines, “Work with me here!”
I frown. Let’s just say I like to keep my feelings all bottled up inside me. Once those feelings are out you can’t take them back, you can’t unsay anything and to top it off people know things. I don’t like it when people know things. Some things people don’t need to know.
“Things will only work if you talk to him instead of bicker all of the time.” He comments while readjusting the straps of his backpack and sidestepping out of somebody’s way. I can see the other guys waiting by the door just a couple yards away and decide to end this conversation; I don’t like the subject anyway.
“I’ve got things under control.” I reassure him, giving him a goofy smile to end the serious discussion he’s trying to create.
With that, I jog up to the rest of the boys, wrinkling my nose at Justin who mirrors me and then raises his eyebrows with a swift wink. I notice Alex and Austin share a glance and Sean suggests that we be getting to practice, which the other boys agree to, especially Alex who says he’s meeting up with Stephanie after practice. I beam at this bit of news as we all exit the building together.
As we begin skating down sidewalk, Justin slows to board next to me, reaching out for my hand to hold.