Austin sits next to me while Sean inhabits the seat facing me in the cafeteria. Sean taps his fingers on the surface of the table, randomly sighing here and there while staring at his food. Austin thinks I don’t notice it, but he keeps snatching chips from my tray. I sit with my head in my hand bouncing my leg. I have never really sat in the cafeteria before, but Sean and Austin insisted that I should today. I think it’s because they didn’t want to look like loners.
“So, this sucks.” Sean grumbles. He pushes his tray away and crosses his arms on the table.
“Yeah, look at them. They act as if nothing happened.” Austin groans. I follow his eyes across the room to Justin, Alex, and Kris, who sit at their own table laughing and talking.
I sigh and slump my shoulders down further.
“They’re pretending.” I say, though I’m not really sure. I’m not really good at comforting people.
Austin’s eyes tear away from the boys across the room and he shakes his head.
“No, they’re not.” He frowns and rests his head on the table.
Sean looks over his shoulder and then looks at me.
“Do you think they are continuing on with the band without us?” he asks, the corners of his mouth turn downward questioningly.
I shrug and eye up the guitar pick necklace he’s wearing. It’s different from Justin’s and has his name written across it in gold. I notice his fingers have come up to fiddle with it as he looks over his shoulder once more.
“They have everyone they need to keep the band going. They’ve got a drummer, guitarist, and singer. I’m sure they aren’t quitting.” I tell him.
It’s unsympathetic but I feel like having the truth out there would benefit them more than if I told them a lie. Austin’s head shoots up. Sean and I are both caught off guard and jump slightly.
“Well, then why should we stop?” he asks, with a raised eyebrow.
“We can’t have a band without Alex, stupid. We can make it without Kris, but not Alex.” Sean objects with a roll of his eyes.
My eyes widen slightly as my head turns to Austin’s scowling features. Great Sean, you just had to say that, didn’t you.
“We can make it. You don’t need drums to be a band, okay? And Kris is still our friend, so lay off.” Austin snaps and sinks down further into his seat while crossing his arms.
Sean narrows his eyes at him through his glasses and huffs.
“Can we not fight, okay?” I beg while popping a chip into my mouth and munching on it thoughtfully.
My eyes find their way back to Justin’s table and I frown. His dark hair is gelled slightly, giving it a wet look and he wears a wide smile as he laughs at something one of the boys have said. How could he be so happy? Just yesterday he was fuming and kicking me out. Why did he kick me out? He’s the one who was practically begging on his knees for me to join and now he kicks me out?
He ruined it. He did it himself. He threw himself at me. Did he really think I’d kiss him back? We were arguing, spilling out our guts about how much we hate each other. To top it off, he had just been with a girl. Does he think I’m stupid?
I realize I’ve crushed the potato chip I’ve been holding into crumbs and whip my hands on my jeans, still glaring at the smiling face. Austin’s voice brings me out of my thoughts and I break eye contact to look at him instead.
“I think we could do it, guys.” He mutters while sloppily spooning his soup out of his bowl and letting the broth splash back down into the dish.
I bite my lip and turn to Sean who sighs and throws his fork down onto his tray noisily.
“I don’t want to talk about this.” He says exasperatedly while standing up and taking his tray with him.
My eyes follow him, watching him spill the uneaten food into the trash and throw the plastic tray on the stack. I glance back at my own tray, still biting my lip.
“How would we do it?” I ask in a barely audible whisper.
Austin’s turns to look at me, my eyes stay trained on the tray, though. For some reason I feel like looking at him would give him too much hope. Sean is taking his decision to leave the band quite hard. I know this isn’t what he wanted. He expected Justin to come crawling back instantly, and he didn’t. Justin’s too difficult, too prideful to ever admit defeat. Now, with this mentioning of a rival band, Sean feels overwhelmed. So am I. How could we ever make this work?
“We do it as though we’ve never broke up. We’ll practice like we used to minus the others, we can do this.” He answers firmly and even though I’m not looking at him I know his eyes are pleading, “We can’t go down without a fight. Justin kicked you out after annoying you for days to join. Aren’t you mad? Don’t you want to do something?”
I chew on my lip nervously. He’s right. I’m not one to just give up. I won’t go down without a fight, not after what he’s been putting me through. Now, after Austin’s said this, it’s made me realize that the Heartbreakers won’t be the same without us. So, why not show them what they’re missing? What do we have to lose?
“Yes.” Is my one word answer and I know Austin is beaming at me right now.
I sneak a glance at him and give him a small smile before standing up right as Sean sits down again. I lift my tray up and take it over to dump the remaining food with Austin following me. While we are walking back I remember something.
“Austin, how are we going to convince Sean to do this?” I say suddenly.
Austin tenses up beside me but then shrugs.
“He’s mad a Justin too, I don’t think it will take much convincing.”
But it does. I spend the remainder of my day whining and pleading for him to say yes, yet he refuses. He’s trying to be rational, saying that fighting won’t solve anything. Maybe he’s right but that’s not the point. Maybe I don’t want to solve anything, maybe I just want to add fuel to the fire. There is this voice inside my head taunting me to do this. I want to fight.
“For the last time, Reese, no!” he grumbles while I jog beside him as he speed walks out of the building after school.
I carry my skateboard roughly with it banging against my leg as I walk. My backpack is painfully full and sinks down my back with unusual heaviness. I push the fringe from my eyes with my free hand and look up into his face which is hidden by his glasses. He frowns as he gives me a light shove. It’s not hard enough to sway me, but hard enough to tell me to back off. I ignore this, though.
“Please, Sean! This would mean everything to me. I just want to sing, please!” I beg desperately.
“Oh, come on. I’m not dumb, Reese. I don’t know you well, but I know you well enough to know this is not just about singing.” He scoffs while pushing the door open. A gust of warm air blows my hair back and feels refreshing compared to the stuffy school building.
I growl and stand in front of him when he throws his skateboard down and prepares to ride off.
“Fine, it’s not just about singing! It’s about me not wanting to go down without a fight! I’m not weak!” I tell him, panting from half screaming and the jog.
“This isn’t a good idea.” He repeats for the tenth time today.
“You’re right, it’s a great idea.” I say with a small smile, “Look, Justin expects us to give up. He expects us to be done. Well, I’m not, in fact, I am really mad about this whole thing, okay?”
“You’re just like him, you know?” Sean mutters, running his fingers through his hair and readjusting his glasses.
I stare daggers at him. He did not just say that.
“I am not!” I argue while pushing his shoulder back.
“You’re both nothing but trouble, and I’m not getting involved in your little war.” He says calmly while pushing me aside.
I watch him push off and start down the sidewalk on his board.
“Well, then why did you leave? Why didn’t you stay with him then?” I ask, feed up with this entire thing.
His foot slams into the concrete, stopping him, and his head snaps back to glare at me.
“Well?” I ask impatiently.
“I don’t know.” He says, shifting uncomfortably.
I scowl at his answer and inhale deeply, acting on impulse.
“You challenged him, that’s what you did. You were practically daring him to get rid of you. You joined me in this war the minute you challenged him, and I’m not losing because of you.” I tell him with a clenched jaw.
There is silence between us for a long time. I wait for his answer while he waits for me to walk away. I dig my heels in, though. I’m not going anywhere.
The wind dances through my hair, playing with it as it laces it over my face. My fists are clenched and my right fist tightens around my skateboard. I can’t see his eyes with the shadow of his glasses but I know his are matching mine, cold and begging.
“Now just isn’t a good time.” He says finally.
I shake my head, “Now is perfect, I want to keep this wound open instead of reopening it later. It’s easier this way.” I say, “The fire is still burning, and I want to keep it that way. There isn’t any time to roast marshmallows and think about it.” I grin.
He chuckles at this, breaking the coldness and replacing it with friendliness.
“Girl, we don’t even have a name.” he chuckles lightly with the feeble argument.
“Are you saying yes?” I ask, the giddiness rushing though my body quicker than I can stop it.
“I’m saying that even if I said yes, our band wouldn’t have a name.” he tries.
“That’s the last of our worries.” I assure him, while bouncing up to him.
“I don’t know-“
“Say yes.” I interrupt quickly, feeling the giddiness leaving.
He rolls his eyes, “I really don’t-“
“Please, for me and Austin.” I jut in again.
He sighs in what I hope is defeat while scratching his head and avoiding eye contact. Finally, after shuffling his feet and having some sort of internal argument with himself he answers.
“Fine.”
I begin to jump up and down squealing and clapping my hands like some hyperactive kid on caffeine. He watches me in amusement while I repeat “thank you” over and over again and then jump on him, squeezing the life out of his chest.
“Good grief, you’re making a scene!” he laughs while pushing me off.
“I’m sorry! I’m just so-“ I begin to squeal again and throw myself back on him again.
He sighs with a small laugh and pushes me off again.
“Settle down! Goodness!”
I bite my cheeks to stop from getting all excited again and focus on what he is going to say.
“I’m in, but this is your idea so you have to name the band now.” He smirks as if it’s a hard job.
“It’s not my idea, it’s Austin’s.” I correct him.
“Well, you two decide on a name then, and don’t make it stupid.” He rolls his eyes.
I scoff, “Well, since you’re so picky I think you should be the one to choose.”
“It’s harder than it looks!” he says defensively.
“Oh come on,” I encourage, “all you have to do is think about what you want the band to stand for.” I shrug.
He raises an eyebrow at me, “Isn’t it obvious?”
I look up at him, confusion written all over my face.
“It’s kind of like karma.”
I inhale sharply and let my excitement bubble over once more, a huge grin spreading across my face.
“Karma!” I repeat, “Heartbreakers versus Karma! This is almost too good!” I giggle, jumping up and down.
“It sounds like irony if you ask me.” Sean smirks.
“Exactly!” I grin.
~*~
The boys picked up their instruments from Justin’s garage this morning and have moved them over to Sean’s house. Apparently, Justin had given them the cold shoulder when they went to pick the stuff up. Austin tried to ask him if he was still planning on keeping the band going but I guess Justin just walked back into his house and didn’t come back out until the boys were leaving. I guess he doesn’t consider himself to be on friendly terms with them, but that’s okay considering they aren’t entirely happy with him as well. Sean compared it to being like a nasty breakup with someone you were dating. Everything was just awkward and uncomfortable. I’m glad I didn’t have to go.
However, they picked me up on their way to Sean’s house in Austin’s car and we drove over to set everything up in his basement. It really wasn’t much to move. Sean’s keyboard was the heaviest, but I’m just glad we don’t have to deal with Alex’s drums. That would have been a nightmare. The only bad thing is that Austin and Sean have their mics but they didn’t want to take the extra one that I had been using just in case Justin got mad. So, I am mic-less.
“You guys suck for not grabbing my mic.” I say grudgingly from my perch on the rickety basement steps.
Austin’s spins on his heel to argue, “I didn’t want to get Justin mad!”
“My lips have touched it, I’m sure he doesn’t want it.” I grumble.
Austin and Sean exchange looks and fall over in laughter. The dim lights of the basement make the shadows on their faces look crazed and the smell is musty.
“Reese, he’ll probably use your mic now since you lips have touched it. Last time I checked, he wanted his lips all over yours.” Sean smiles smugly from across the room once he’s calmed a bit.
I blush furiously at the mention of the kiss and feel a wave of nausea wash over me.
“Shut up!” I yell across the room, making them fall over in laughter again.
“Is she blushing?” Sean muses with a devilish grin.
“Her face is as red as her hair!” Austin agrees.
“Oh, you both can go take a long walk off a short pier.” I hiss as my stomach twists in embarrassment.
They continue on giggling and cracking jokes the entire time they are setting up. I’m genuinely mad now because I’m trying to pretend that dumb kiss never happened and they keep bringing up every ten seconds.
Once they’ve finished they come over and sit with me on the steps, faces flushed with work and laughter.
“Thanks for the help.” Sean says sarcastically.
“I don’t know how to set up your darn keyboard!” I argue.
Austin grins and nudges me, “So, what’s the game plan?”
I let out a deep breath and let my eyes focus on the white wall across the room. I set my head in my hand and think for a few minutes before answering.
“I say we wait for a while and just observe. We have to make sure they are still a band.” I say, weighing my options and deciding in my head, “If we see flyers for Wednesday’s usual gig, then we know.”
“Then what?” Austin asks impatiently, sweeping his hair out of his face.
“I don’t know.” I admit.
Silence falls over us like a blanket, not allowing any conversation to get around it for a while. I stare off into space trying to think of something. Austin begins to tap his knee with his thumb in thought while Sean sighs occasionally.
“Anything?” I ask after I think we’ve had enough time for thought.
“Well, I don’t want to just sit around and watch.” Sean comments.
“Me either.” I agree.
“Well, then we don’t sit around and watch. We do something.” Austin states.
“But what do we do?” I ask more to myself then to them.
“We sing too.”
I look down at Austin, stunned for a moment, as does Sean. We exchange brief a look before returning our attention to Austin.
“What do you mean?” Sean asks curiously.
“Fights get dirty, so why wait? Why don’t we crash their gig?” he asks, a sneaky smile playing on his face in a way I’ve never seen it before.
“Crash their gig?” Sean and I say in unison in complete disbelief.
“I don’t know.” I say, being cautious for once.
“We don’t have too, it’s just an idea.” Austin concludes.
I take this in. Crash their gig? That’s pure genius. It’s not like it’s something new for me. I’ve randomly sang at Justin’s gig before, but now, after all of this? It’s the perfect attack, sure, but do I really want to play that dirty just yet? Yes. Yes I do.
I don’t voice my opinion. Instead, I let the subject drop and help Austin tune his guitar and then leave. I don’t want to be too rash. I want to be strategic. I want to see if Justin makes the first move, and if he doesn’t, I’ll gladly take the invitation.