The instant his lips touch mine I shove him away. My head swims with emotions as he stumbles backward. Why did he kiss me? The room is dead silent, so silent you could hear a pin drop. I inhale sharply, watching Justin as he regains footing. His head is turned so he’s not facing me, he doesn’t want to look at me. I’m holding my breath and I’m not even meaning to. My eyes dart around the room finding the familiar faces of the band members. They are half-standing, half-sitting, and unsure of whether to do something.
My palms are pressed against the face of the door, my body leaning into it for support. My legs don’t seem to want to move but my mind says otherwise. When my hand slides across the door handle I quickly jerk it open and slide through the opening as fast as I can. My head is clouded as my eyes scan the room, I’m momentarily lost. Where am I? Where’s the door? My stomach twists in panic before I spot the door and jog over to it.
“Reese?”
I jump, turning on my heel to face the person talking to me. My heart speeds up but slows again when my eyes rest on Stephanie’s striped top and shorts. Her braids bounce off her shoulders as she jumps out of a red chair, almost tipping it over, and runs over to me.
“H-Hey.” I greet her shakily while smoothing my hair and wiping the sweat off the side of my face.
She grins and her braces reflect the multicolored lights, hurting my eyes.
“You said you’d rather get eaten by the zombie apocalypse than sing with the Heartbreakers, you fibber!” she teases.
I let out an uneven laugh and glance over at the back door. Nobody has tried to come after me, good thing.
“I-it was accidental…” I stammer, still shooting the door quick glances.
“Or fate!” she says while trying to wink. Half of her face scrunches up and she ends up blinking both eyes, it’s so attractive, not.
“Yeah, fate.” I mumble, my fingers subconsciously touch my lips as I stare at the closed door with a scowl.
“You okay? Cat got your tongue?” she asks, peering at my face with a smug look.
I run my fingers through my hair and break eye contact with the door, “Yeah, fine, we should-um-probably go.” I say hesitantly, my hand reaching out to take her wrist.
“Why? Don’t you want to wait for them? I want to see Justin! Me and him are going to get married one day.” She rambles.
I roll my eyes, breaking out of my trance. Fight or flight runs through my veins as the door cracks open.
“We need to leave, now.”
“But-“
She yelps in surprise as I yank her wrist and she flies forward. I pull her to the front door and push my way through. When we’re outside I look from side to side. Where do I live, again? Two blocks to my right and four blocks to the left, right? I shake my head. Look what that cocky retard did to my head! He’s playing with it, that’s what he’s doing!
Stephanie’s barely recovered from being tugged around when I start down the sidewalk hastily.
“Gosh! Slow down!” she grumbles, “What’s going on?”
I don’t answer but continue to pull her along and try to clear my head.
How could that have just happened? That didn’t just happen! It’s all an illusion! Why would he kiss me anyway? Ugh! I’m so confused! My head hurts from thinking.
“Reese!”
My head snaps to look at the skinny blonde girl I’m dragging. She’s tripping over her feet and looking at me helplessly. I ease up and to allow her to catch up.
“Calm down! What’s your problem? You beat Justin!” she scowls, pulling her wrist from my hand. My heart still beats rapidly.
I know I probably look insane acting the way I am after winning. She just doesn’t understand, though. Too much is happening and I’m so lost and confused. Justin makes me want to rip my hair out. I just want to go home and scrub my mouth out. No, I want to go home and forget this ever happened.
Stephanie is talking to me. I hear the hum of her voice over my own thoughts. I tune back in just in time.
“You’re not even listening!”
I take a deep breath and turn to her, “I just need to be alone right now.”
She puts her hands on her hips and begins to say something but I take off in a sprint before she can. I run full speed down the few blocks to my house, letting the wind whip through my hair and the cool air bite at my skin. I know I’m going to get crap for ditching her, but I just need some time to think. Not that I’m thinking much while I’m running home. When I finally get home I’m panting. A cold sweat lingers on my skin as I make my way up the steps and into my house.
My dad is sitting in the kitchen when I go inside. I study him for a moment before I officially join him in the kitchen. He’s sitting on the counter, his head bent forward so that his head doesn’t hit the cupboards and a carton of ice-cream in hand. I can’t help but crack a grin as I step into the kitchen with my hands on my hips.
“So, that’s where all the ice-cream is going!” I say casually while leaning on the island.
He looks up guiltily, his mouth half open and a spoonful of chocolate ice-cream poised in front of his mouth. I smirk.
“It’s not what he looks like.” He winks and slides off the counter while tossing the spoon in the sink.
“Well, it looks like an already fluffy man is scarfing down all the ice-cream we own.” I say with a chuckle.
He sighs, replacing the lid on the container. Opening the freezer, he shoves the carton in then turns back to me.
“Where have you been, you look like a mess.” He gasps, “Please tell me you weren’t doing anything illegal, you look like a punk.”
I frown, “I was at The Lunch Box with Stephanie.”
He processes this, while surveying my appearance.
“What were you doing at The Lunch Box?” he asks, still skeptical.
“Um, well, there’s actually something I need to tell you…”
“Who got you pregnant?” he explodes.
“No! Dad!” I giggle, “I’m in a band! I’m not pregnant, I swear!”
“You’re in a band?” he asks, quirking an eyebrow, “Since when?”
“Last week, it’s a long story, trust me. The important thing you should know, however, is that I’m one of the lead singers.”
“I’ve never even heard you sing! How did I not know about this?” he asks, looking genuinely surprised.
“Dad, I really don’t want to explain. I just want you to know that if you hear crashing and a lot of screaming coming from my bedroom in a few minutes don’t be concerned. I’m going through a phase.” I say wistfully and walk past him to the staircase.
He watches me, unsure of what to say.
“Um, am I allowed to know the name of the band?” he asks when I’m halfway up the stairs, poking his head around the corner to ask me.
“Heartbreakers.” I sigh.
“These guys?”
I look over my shoulder and find my dad staring at the flyer from last week’s performance. The one my mom made me go to.
“Uh-huh.” I say, watching his face.
“It’s a boy band.” He says thoughtfully.
“Not anymore.”
“I don’t like it.”
I scowl and take a few steps down, “What?”
“I don’t want you hanging around a bunch of boys all of the time. I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just don’t trust them.”
Smart guy.
“Well, I’m positive one of them is gay, possibly two. Two of them are pretty close to being like brothers and Justin…it’s complicated.”
“I still don’t like it.” He reminds me.
“I’m not an idiot, Dad. I can handle myself.” I say.
He nods, “Just let me know when I have to bust the shotgun out.” And with that he disappears around the corner.
I exhale and slowly make my way up the stairs. I turn into my bedroom and change into sweatpants and a t-shirt before I turn to the bathroom and splash icy water over my face. Now, I’m left alone with my own thoughts. That could prove to be trouble.
I walk back into my bedroom and flop down face first onto my bed and scream into the comforter.
Just say this whole thing is a dream and when I wake up none of this will have happened! Justin kissed me! Why did he kiss me? He can’t like me. He said he hated me. You just don’t kiss a person you hate, that has to be in a manual or something!
I groan and roll over in bed so I’m facing the ceiling. Covering my face in my hands I let out another half-hearted scream.
This isn’t happening! Stupid! You deserve an eleven on The Stupid Scale! Settle down, at least you stopped him. I can’t settle down when I can practically still feel his lips on mine! Oh, you are in trouble!
I kick my feet and roll back over onto my stomach and bang my head into the mattress multiple times.
Justin is going to be the end of you! Just look at the state you’re in!
“Stop thinking about it!” I order myself and push myself up.
Sitting on my knees I wear a pout on my face. Just act like this never happened. Maybe if I pretend it never happened everything will stay the same. I shake my head at the thought. Things will never be the same after tonight.
~*~
I don’t even bother to skateboard to school the next morning. To be honest, I can’t even look at the thing. I don’t even want to go to band practice this afternoon. I don’t have any means of getting there now that I’ve decided to ignore my skateboard, anyways. I just hope practice is cancelled. I don’t think I will be able to stand being around him anymore. He just had to go and complicate things didn’t he?
My eyes stay trained on my sketch while I sit in my seat waiting for literature class to start. It’s a meaningless sketch. I’m not really drawing anything but a bunch of randomly connecting lines. My heart thumps in my chest loudly. I can feel it in my ears and it’s causing my hand to shake.
Please skip class! I think in my head.
Just because he’s difficult he shows up. I don’t look up, but I can tell he’s arrived by the hushed giggles of girls filling the classroom. Then, the chair screeches as he drops down into the desk beside me. My grip tightens around the pencil in my hand, my breath hitching.
The bell rings, the sound cutting the tension for a split second. Miss Myers goes to the front of the class and begins asking questions about the chapters we were supposed to read. I listen but find myself zoning in and out, unable to concentrate due to the boy sitting beside me. He hasn’t said a word to me yet, I hope it stays that way. No, I hope things return to normal.
My mind is assaulted with the replay of the short lived kiss repeating itself over and over in my head. His lips had smashed against mine only briefly before I pushed him away. Still, it makes the heat rise to my cheeks even thinking about it. It meant nothing.
Justin clears his throat beside me. It surprises me that he hasn’t said a word since class began. It surprises Miss Myers as well because she comments on how good we are today. Part of me wants Justin to say something cocky just so I can pretend last night wasn’t real, but he doesn’t. I bite my lip, staring at the pointless sketch sitting in front of me, my leg bouncing nervously under the desk.
The rest of class was just plain awkward. So awkward you could have probably cut the tension with a knife. As soon as the bell sounds both Justin and I fly out of our seats, racing for the door. We meet there at the same time and I stop. He does too. For a few seconds we stand there, unsure who should leave first. I hesitantly raise my eyes so that I look at his face for the first time today. Our eyes meet for half a second before I hurry out the door. He didn’t look too happy.
~*~
I drag my feet from my locker to the front door of the school. I’m hoping practice is cancelled. How would we even be able to function after what just happened? I readjust my backpack on my shoulders as I turn the last corner and see that the band is waiting for me. Justin is leaning against the wall, not bothering to look at me. That’s okay, I don’t want him to.
“Where’s your board?” Sean asks, nodding to my empty hand.
“Oh, um, I forgot it I guess.” I lie. Oh great, band practice is obviously not cancelled and now I have no way of getting there.
Sean cocks his head and sends a quick glance over at Justin before meeting my eyes. I give a slight nod to which he sighs. He pushes his thickly framed glasses up the bridge of his nose before shrugging.
“You can ride double with me then.” He announces.
Justin’s head jerks up and glares as Sean. I scowl. What’s it to him?
“Thanks.” I mutter and follow them out the door.
Justin dawdles behind us, only brushing past when Sean stops to allow me to step on his board. I do and place my hands over Sean’s when he puts them on my waist. His head ducks down to my ear, his breath blowing against my neck.
“Justin’s ticked.” He whispers.
“So am I.” I tell him. Turning my face to him I see he’s frowning.
He just shakes his head and kicks off the ground, causing me to jolt backward into him. He mutters an apology but continues forcefully kicking off the ground in an attempt to catch up.
When we arrive at Justin’s house, Justin opens the garage door slowly and steps in with us following close behind. When we are all inside, he crosses his arms and reluctantly turns to face me.
“I think it’d be best if you left the band.” He says, his face blank of any emotion.
I freeze, my whole body tingling with paralyzation. Leave the band? What? Is he kicking me out? He can’t do that! How could he be kicking me out? Is this because of the kiss, because it was his fault, not mine! He is not kicking me out!
“What?” I say in barely a whisper. The whole room explodes in protest. Everyone seems to be yelling over one another.
“What! You can’t do that!” Austin argues, taking a few steps toward Justin.
“Yes I can, it’s my band, remember?” Justin sneers back.
“Hold it. It’s not your band.” Sean scowls.
“Yeah!” Austin remarks.
“Yes it is! I’m the one who plans our gigs and sings. It’s obviously my band.” Justin claims.
“So what, we all have a part! It’s not just yours!” Alex chimes in.
“I think I have a right to make this decision. We never had problems until she joined!” Justin says, his voice raising several octaves.
He is blaming me for everything! How could he! This is all his fault! This could have easily been prevented is he wasn’t such jerk. Ugh! I’ve had it!
“It’s all your fault!” I yell, stomping up to him and pushing him back.
His face whips toward me, a deep scowl etched in his face. He looks me up and down before replying.
“No, none of this would be happening if you hadn’t sung at our gig.” He comments, backing away from me and pointing accusingly.
“Oh, so now it’s our band.” Kris frowns, crossing his arms. His face twists in confusion.
Justin throws his head back, clutching his hair in frustration and growling.
“No-it’s just-ugh!” he stammers, “Reese, just leave!” he orders, pointing at the open garage door.
“I’m not going anywhere!” I retort, putting my hands on my hips. I bite my lip to prevent myself from saying anymore.
“Get out!” he roars, grabbing my upper arm and throwing me in the direction of the door.
I stumble forward and trip on my feet, barely catching myself. Turning, I open my mouth but Sean’s voice speaks over mine.
“If she goes, I go.” he hisses.
Justin and him lock eyes and stand there looking at each other in disbelief. Sean doesn’t want to leave, I know he doesn’t. He’s just trying to help me.
“You’re bluffing.” Justin mutters.
“I’m serious, Justin. I’m sick of all the crap I’ve had to put up with for the past year.” Sean tells him, balling his fists.
Justin’s mouth drops, his face slightly pained, “Sean-come on!” he pleads.
“No, she deserves to be here just as much as you do!”
“I made this band!”
Sean shakes his head, his fingers clutching the bridge of his nose, “I’m done.” He mutters and strides over to the exit, tugging my arm with him as he passes. I allow myself to be pulled away. I turn my head, though, and look at the others.
“I’m done too.” Austin says suddenly, his head turning to Kris.
“Austin!” Kris begs.
Austin exhales and shakes his head.
“Sorry.” He murmurs and begins to follow us, but he stops to look over his shoulder, “You guys coming?” he asks Alex and Kris.
Alex looks from him to Justin.
“No.” he answers, “You don’t bail on friends.”
“I’m sorry I thought I was your friend, then.” Austin’s voice catches. He now turns to Kris.
Kris looks torn. He doesn’t know what to do. He looks from Justin to us.
“I can’t.” he finally says.
Austin’s face drops and he looks down at his feet. Hope drains from his face.
“Fine.” Austin forces out before letting out a deep breath and jogging to catch up with Sean and I.
“Austin.” I whisper. He’s biting his lip, forcing himself not to turn back.
“No, it’s time.” He sighs.
“You don’t have to do this, really.” I tell them.
“No, we see how he really feels. Quite frankly, I don’t know why Alex and Kris aren’t coming with.” Sean reassures me.
“You heard Alex, you don’t bail on friends.” I mumble, hugging myself.
“Well, that didn’t stop them from bailing on us.” Sean says spitefully, his eyebrows knitting together.
Austin looks at me. My eyes roam his face, finding that he’s hurt. We just broke up the band and he had to leave his best-friend behind, a best-friend he has feelings for. I reach out my arm and pull him in for a side hug, burying my face in his hoodie. He squeezes my shoulders as if telling me he’s alright.
“Goodbye Heartbreakers.” Sean says half-heartedly, looking over his shoulder and waving.
I pull away from Austin and look over my shoulder, turning slightly and waving to the half empty garage.
“Goodbye Heartbreakers.” I repeat under my breath.