Ghosts don't exist. She didn't want to believe it. It wasn't being indenial; it was being sensible. It was supernatural. If ghosts could exist the world would be crawling with them. The 'population' would be tripled, full of dead people's spirits. As far as Lucy could tell, it wasn't.
She had to keep reminding herself this; whenever she started any thought of doubt entered her mind.. She couldn't work out whether she should tell her best friend or, as to not freak her out, keep it to herself. Being able to talk to Victoria about 'Jon' was important to her, but it didn't feel like the right thing to do. It felt risky.
Victoria was sat opposite Lucy, her teeth nervously nibbling away at her fingernails. She was anxious, worried that if she left Lucy alone, she would be putting her in danger. Responsibility was clinging onto Victoria like a scared child. She felt pressurized to protect her friend.
"Lucy, come and stay at mine, for a few days," Victoria suggested to her, Lucy could see the concern filling her eyes.
Lucy shook her head, she didn't need protecting from what was or wasn't in her house, "I'll be fine here, thanks though."
Victoria sighed, "I'm scared Luce. What if you faint again? I don't like you being here alone," the look on Lucy's face gave Victoria the impression that there was no way she would win this battle, "At least come to mine? A few of us are going to watch films and stuff, you can stay over if you-"
"Alright! I'll come over, but I'm going to sleep at mine tonight, tomorrow night and for the rest of the week," Lucy made herself clear.
Victoria's doubts were still playing through her mind. She bit her lip, thinking of an alternate solution to Lucy's problem. She seemed more scared than Lucy was. Although the only thing Lucy seemed to show was stubbornness. The only other way Victoria had found to figure out what Lucy was truly feeling was through her eyes. She could see straight through Lucy's act by her eyes, they gave away her biggest secrets, things even Victoria didn't know about her own best friend. Over the last few days, they became empty and glazed over, precisely how they were when she was having trouble with her step father.
Victoria's dubiety was not important to her best friend though. Lucy's stubbornness was starting to takeover. In fear of having a repeat of earlier and upsetting her even more, Victoria completely backed down, letting Lucy succeed in getting what she wanted. It wasn't an unusual thing to happen with the two girls.
Lucy had more control, not just over Victoria, over most people. She had almost two sides to her personality, if you got too close or didn't agree with her, she'd turn on you at the click of a finger.
"Vicky, do you believe in ghosts?" She inquired, the level of stupidity that Victoria thought the question was on didn't bother Lucy. She needed a friend's insight without telling her what actually was going on.
"I believe that having contact with a ghost or spirit is inevitable, because they are always 'with' you, in your memory and heart and maybe they will give you help or support in a physical way, but I don't know, personally it's never happened to me, but I've not had a great experience with deaths," Jon's face flashed through Victoria's mind, reminding her of the horrific event that took place recently, "What sparked that question, Luce?"
"I..er...was thinking about my dad, I figured if ghosts were real than he would have stopped my mum's partner from hurting me, I just wondered what you though about it," Lucy lied, avoiding eye contact with her, in case she noticed she was plainly lying and started to ask her questions about why she really asked.
Victoria thought about what had been said, "You're dad had no way of stopping the abuse you was receiving, he couldn't physically protect you. Maybe he felt it wouldn't have benefited you as much as you dealing with it yourself. Think about it, you're ten times more independent and you're out of that house and not near your step father. Maybe if your dad had got involved, you would have had a worry free few months, then he would go back to abusing you. I may be wrong, but, personally, I believe they will only physically show themselves to you if they have a reason or have to, otherwise it would freak the person out or cause situations to escalate."
Lucy nodded, deep in thought, there was nothing more she could say without creating difficult questions in Victoria's head or raising her suspicious that there was something she was hiding.
Reluctantly, Victoria left Lucy alone in her apartment so that Lucy had time to get ready and sort herself out before heading over to Victoria's.
The sharp pain in Lucy's head had faded to a small ache around the area that she suspected she had hit her head. She was thankful that it was easing off. The pain she experienced when she first regained consciousness was horrific and not something she wanted to feel ever again.
From her bedroom, she could hear someone cluttering around in the kitchen, opening and slamming cupboards and draws. Not at all trying to be careful and quiet; trying to draw attention to whoever was downstairs. The noise slowed right down then completely faded and Lucy was left in the silence of her own, empty apartment.
"Lucy!" A male voice called from next to her bed. She was facing sideways on to where the noise came from, up close to the mirror, putting mascara on her eyelashes.
She jumped at the sound of a voice in her room. She lived alone, no one should be there. The jump caused her to prod herself in the eye with the mascara brush. She shrieked in pain. Today didn't seem to be her day, she was having injury after injury.
Lucy didn't even need to look to see who was in her room. Unless someone had broken in, it could be no one but Jon. She stared into the mirror, looking at the reflection of the mirror on the unit behind it. It enabled her to see the whole of her room, just by looking in two mirrors. Lucy hated mirrors. The deceive your eyes, making you think you've seen something that isn't there.
On more than one occasion, in her mum's house, Lucy was sure that she had seen her dad when examining her bruises in a mirror and attempting to cover them up from her mum. It gave her a glimmer of hope; to not let her step father win. Deep down, she knew it was her eyes playing tricks on her, showing her what she wanted to see the most; her dad.
It was like he was stalking her. Showing up whenever she was alone or busy. Desperation was one thing, stalking was another.
"What do you want Jon?" She snapped, aggravated by his apparent following.
"You know what I want."
She spun around to face him, trying to hide the smile forming on her face and prevent the laughter from showing, "You realise how creepy and threatening that sounded?"
"Ahem! That's the first time I've seen you properly smile all day, success," he fake celebrated in attempt to get her to smile again. He adored the real smile she held on her face everyday at school. The smile she held on her face to cover up made him want to be there for her. Something was troubling her and he wanted to help her.
Lucy's only reply was raising her eyebrows. She returned to putting makeup on her face, disguising up her tired, worried eyes.
He walked over to behind her, coming in the view of the mirror so that she could see him whilst doing her makeup, "Lucy, have you thought about it? Will you help?"
She put the mascara brush back into the pot and fastened the lid, "I have thought about it."
"Well?" He encouraged her.
"You was there, I wasn't. You know who killed you, you know how they killed you and you know why they killed you. Why don't you just tell me everything and give me a way of how I would know and then you're murder is solved and I'm not really involved."
He thought about what she had said. He did know how he died, but it was important for Lucy to uncover the mystery herself. "I don't remember it, everything just went black and then, well, here I am," he carefully lied.
It was too much for Lucy. The stress and impossibility of this was overwhelming her. Her solving the crime, single-handed, was impossible, never going to happen. A quote from a song popped into her head, 'It's only impossible because it's never been achieved again.' It was incredibly true. She knew if she tried hard enough, she could work with Jon and work this out. However, she didn't want the involvement. There had to be a reason she couldn't remember this guy properly.
"Look, I'm going to be late, I need to go to Victoria's," she bluffed, needing an excuse to leave. She didn't ask to be a part of this and she didn't wish to be either. It's over and done with, finished, solving it wouldn't erase the past, it would infuriate his friends and family. It would spark up the want for revenge, something the world really could do without. His parents had already accepted the fact that their son was never coming back. The case was being closed, the killer to get away with it. Lucy didn't think his parents needed the case being reopened, it would cause them more pain. It wasn't fair on them.
She grabbed her jacket and phone and walked out of the house, texting Victoria to find out if her coming over sooner was alright. She needed to get away and was seriously considering agreeing to stay over, just to avoid the ghost of Jon.
Lucy's mind flashed back to something her mum had told her when she was about twelve. "If you ask them to leave, they have to." She always recalled seeing a girl standing in her room in front of her wardrobe when she was younger. It terrified her and she would quite frequently refuse to enter her room. Her understanding of the spirit world was limited.
Countless times she could ask this girl to leave, but she refused. She'd stand there for hours, but no one else would ever see her. At the time, Lucy believed the girl to be twelve like her. They were alike in many ways, age, height, hair colour, eye colour. But she was angry, rude and snappy. On the other hand, Lucy would never be impolite or nasty. Everyday Lucy would see the evil sneer burning into her skin.
Her mum barely believed she was there. She just played along, figuring it was an imaginary game Lucy wanted to play. Her relationship with her mum was never strong, eventually it faded away altogether.
The girl left when they were both fifteen. A few days after the mysterious death of her dad. That, too, was never solved. The police assumed it was suicide. Her dad was happy. He would never kill himself. It was bizarre, two deaths, neither explained and one was Lucy's family member, one was someone who sought Lucy's help.
She tapped on Victoria's front door, feeling self-conscious in case Jon was following her. She felt like she was running away from a murderer or something. It scared her and she couldn't work out why.
The door swung open a few seconds later. Victoria had been waiting for her. Lucy was greeted by her best friend, grinning her face off and a guy she'd never seen before with his arm around his waist.
Lucy ignored the guy next to her and greeted her friend, stepping in to the cosy house.
"Are you staying over?" Victoria asked, hoping the answer would be 'yes.'
Lucy shook her head, smiling at Victoria's attempt to protect her. She raised her eyebrows at the guy with his arm wrapped around her.
"Oh, Luce, this is my boyfriend, Simon," she introduced him.
She laughed, holding her hand out to shake his. He pulled his arm away from Victoria for half a second, to be polite and shake Lucy's hand.
"Boyfriend, eh? How come I've not been told about him yet?" Lucy joked.
Victoria looked uncomfortable, "Er..I didn't really know how to tell you, I..er..figured it would be easier if you met him today instead, sorry."
Lucy playfull punched her best friend's arm, laughing at how quickly she had gone from talkative to awkward.
She couldn't stop thinking about what Jon had said and how he needed her help. She wanted to brush him completely out of her mind and life, but something was preventing her from doing so. She felt guilty because she left him when things got too much for her. She didn't even know why she didn't want to help him. It was like someone was interferring with her thoughts, convincing herself that she didn't want to help him. She did want to help him though, deep down.
"Lucy?" Victoria waved her hand in front of her face, trying to get her attention. She had spaced out, deep in thought and debate with her own mind about whether she should help or not.
She shook her head as she came back to reality, "Sorry, what?"
"Are you feeling alright?" The worry from earlier was filling her eyes again.
She saw this as an opportunity to escape, helping Jon was a priority, hanging out with a bunch of people could wait, "Actually, no. My head hurts, I think I might go home and sleep it off, I'm sorry, Vicky."
"It's alright, if you feel better you can always come back, text me when you wake up so I know you're alright or if you need anything," She hugged her tightly, saying goodbye. Victoria often treated Lucy as if she was her mother, caring for her like her own mother never did. It was sweet, but sometimes it was too much.
When she reached her house she immediately called out for Jon. She received silence. He had left when she had.
She waited hours for him.
There was no sign of Jon, he hadn't bothered to come back. Even he had lost hope in her.