It had been almost 6 months since I had been living in the gang house with Taylor. The experience was nothing like the way I had lived with them in the years before. Instead of feeling that familiar family bond that I once thought I had with these people, I despised them, as they did me.
They viewed me as a traitor. Which I was, no doubt. They wished that they would have just killed me when they had the chance. I didn't deserve to live in their eyes. I especially didn't deserve to live in the same circumference as them. Eating dinner at the same table as them, sitting on their couch.
But I had a relationship with Taylor, as much as they, and myself included, hated that.
My relationship with the leader of the gang had been a hard pill to swallow for the many members. They couldn't understand why Taylor of all people, the man who preached loyalty the most, could invite someone who had betrayed the entire gang into his bed.
I couldn't understand it either.
Taylor had some sort of sick infatuation with me. He had proclaimed his love to me many times in the months that I had been staying with him. I simply nodded my head in response every time.
I hated this man with every fiber of my being. I had tried to escape so many times I couldn't count them on both my hands. I guess you could say I got tired of being caught and beaten every time. My lip had a permanent cut and my cheek and bruise that was taking a very long time to fade away as a result.
It was either live with Taylor, or die. I choose the ladder of course but Taylor refused to let me go. He very badly wanted me all to himself. And that is what he got.
I had been hindered under his wing for six months and counting. I was rarely ever allowed out of his sight for fear that I would try to escape again, or possibly slit my wrists. I had thought of slitting my wrists more than once. Or perhaps taking a few pills.
Taylor didn't want to risk this at all, and therefore all drugs and pointy objects were kept out of my reach. Sadly, I wasn't creative enough to think of another way to get the job done. I could jump out of the window, but I felt I would just end up seriously injured in a few casts and on bed rest in Taylor's bedroom. That was something I definitely didn't want.
The last time I had been hurt badly and rendered immobile in Taylor's bed, he had taken full advantage of my helplessness.
Thinking of those few weeks was enough to make me shudder.
I peered out of the window of Taylor's room onto the grounds outside. There were a few flowers planted here and there, a bush or two growing. There were men standing guard.
I saw a sleek black car pull up to the house.
My throat immediately became dry as Taylor stepped out of the car. He nodded his head at the men before making his way to the house.
I attempted to mentally prepare myself for his entrance.
This was a one sided relationship, of course. Every interaction between the two of us was a strained act put on by me. I realized in my first few weeks here that putting up a fight against Taylor wasn't a benefit to me at all. That simply left me battered, and I wasn't sure how many more beatings my body could take.
I couldn't make myself feel an inkling of anything for Taylor except hate. I was astonished that I was able to keep up this act for six months. I didn't believe that I could do it for much longer though. I needed to think of a plan, and a good one, fast.
"Honey, I'm home!" Taylor burst into the room.
"Hi." I muttered meekly.
"Did you miss me?"
"Yes."
"Oh, baby, you don't sound to happy to me." His frown quickly turned back around. "But... I did miss you, and so I took it upon myself to pick up a present for you while I was out." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a rectangular velvet box. He crossed the room over to where I was standing. "Open it." It was an order.
I took the box from his hands and opened it after a second of hesitation. Inside lay a beautiful Cartier diamond bracelet. It sparkled in the sunlight raining in through the window. Had the present actually been from someone that I cared for dearly, I would have been rendered speechless. But a gift from Taylor simply made me hate him even more.
"Well? Do you like it?" His eyes stared straight into mine.
I tried to make myself sound a cheerful as possible. "Yes, Taylor, I love it. Thank you." I forced a smile onto my face.
He smiled, raising his hand to cup my cheek. "I knew you would." He placed a rough, forceful kiss on my lips. "How has your day went since I left this morning?"
"Fine, it's 4:30. You weren't gone that long."
"I rushed back home to be with you." His smile attempted to be sweet, but my hate filled eyes only saw it as menacing.
"Oh, great." I said blandly.
He took my hand. "Come, thank me for your bracelet."
I frowned. "I already said thank you, Taylor."
"That wasn't enough for me. Show me how thankful you really are." He lead me over to the bed.
I blanched but followed him.
We lay in a tangled mess on the bed, our limbs intertwined. Taylor had fallen asleep. Unfortunately, I was still wide awake. I could never fall asleep after Taylor's forceful love making. I had to get to the shower and wash off any remnants of him on my body.
I looked at the clock that hung on the wall. It was almost 6.
After finally untangling myself from Taylor, I headed for the en suite bathroom to take a long, hot shower.
When I emerged donning a towel 30 minutes later, Taylor was still sleeping.
I dressed quickly before heading out of the room and down the stairs.
There was about five people sitting on the living room couch watching tv, and every pair of eyes latched onto me.
I could practically feel the hate radiating from their bodies. Each and everyone one of them wanted to murder me right here and now, but they couldn't, under orders from Taylor. They were to treat me with the upmost respect and do as I asked. I rarely ever asked anything, and if I did, I would certainly be regarded with the opposite of respect.
I felt their eyes glued to the purplish love bites left on my neck from my previous session with Taylor.
I attempted to ignore all their dirty looks as I marched into the kitchen.
After a few minutes of looking, I found the stash of takeout menus. I settled on ordering pizza. Though someone would have to go pick it up.
I order three larger pizzas in an effort to account for all the people sitting in the living room who may want to share. The man told me it would be ready in twenty minutes.
I restored the menus back to their place in the drawer.
When I turned back around a girl, I think her name was Alicia, was standing on the other side of the kitchen. "Dinner?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.
"I ordered pizza. Someone will have to go pick it up in twenty minutes."
"Of course Taylor's whore can't go get the pizzas herself." She snorted.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me." She took a step forward. "Listen, none of us like you, and you don't like us. You fucking traitor. I still can't believe Taylor allowed you to live. And on top of that he's fucking you."
As much as I hated Taylor, using him as leverage was the only thing that would protect me from angry gang members like her. "You know, Taylor wouldn't be to happy to hear you speaking to my like this."
The girl laughed loudly. "I am so sick of you and how you just throw his name out there to protect you. You're so weak you can't even fight for yourself. I don't even understand how you could have made into the gang in the first place."
I felt my temper boiling. "Listen, bitch." She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "I can hold my own, don't worry about that. I can kick your ass any day of the week too."
"I'd love to see you try." She sneered. "Taylor's gonna fuck you for a few more weeks then toss you to the side anyway. All that shit he says about loving you, don't believe it." She took a few steps closer to me. We were less than a foot away from each other. "And when he's done with you, baby girl, we'll be waiting for you."
"If buying a Cartier diamond bracelet isn't love, then I don't know what is."
Apparently my statement angered her. Her hand has snapped across my face in less than a second.
My hand reached up to tangle in her hair as I pulled her to the ground with me.
We were a tumbling mess, punches and slaps flying and hair was pulled. I wasn't sure when we acquired an audience, but I was vaguely aware of the cheers in the background.
Just as I landed a good punch to her face, we were effectively ripped away from each other.
I felt dizzy as I was roughly placed upright.
I recognized Taylor's grip on me. His eyes surveyed me top to bottom, his face filled with concern. "Are you alright?" I nodded, though my face felt a little sore. I looked down at my hands to see my knuckles bruised. He looked at my hands.
He turned around with a menacing glare. I had once seen that look pointed at me. "Who?" He didn't need to utter any more words. Everyone there knew what he meant. "Who?!" This time his voice boomed throughout the kitchen.
No one answered, their heads hung low as they looked at the floor.
Taylor turned back to me. He cupped my sore cheek. "Sian, what happened?"
"I, I ordered pizzas. She came in and called me a whore. She said you didn't love me and would toss me to the side. And then she would find me. She hit me first."
I could tell he was becoming angrier. "Who was it?"
I peeked around his shoulder. I immediately saw my attacker. She was practically shaking in her boots. I pointed to her.
Taylor walked over to her. His hands gripped her shoulder. She yelped. "Alicia, I thought you were smarter than this."
"Taylor, I'm s-sorry. I was just, I don't know, I was upset be..."
"Shut up." He effectively cut her off. "Get her out of here." Two men abruptly appeared from nowhere and escorted the girl out. Tears streamed down her face. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime, bitch. I smiled to myself.
"As for the rest of you, if any of you ever disrespect Sian in any way, shape, or form, you'll get worse. That goes for every single one of you." They all nodded their heads. "Now get her some fucking ice packs and escort her up to our room." He turned to me. "I'll deal with the situation. I'll be up in a minute." He flashed me a smile before exiting the kitchen.
I was quickly escorted to the bedroom. I had ice packs for my knuckles and my face. After thoroughly checking that I had everything that I needed, the two men went on their way.
I perched myself on the bed, placing the ice pack on my battered hand.
Times like these I found myself getting deep in thought.
I pined over the events of the evening. A deep and dark part of me was pushing itself to the service. And that part of me was vehemently against my brain coming up with a plan to escape. This part of me wished to stay here with Taylor. This part also insisted that this was the best my life has ever been, and would ever be.
Unfortunately thoughts of Officer Lee forced themselves into my head. My experiences with him had certainly been the best time of my life. But that part of my life was over now. I would never see him again. There was no point in my reliving those moments.
And there was no point in me trying to pry myself from under Taylor's thumb. The task was impossible.
And tonight, for some reason, I had a revelation that maybe Taylor did actually love me. It was probably a sick and twisted type of love. But that was the only love that someone like me deserved. I could never get Officer Lee to love me. But Taylor... Taylor genuinely loved me. Didn't he?
I mean, I had no reference for what real love actually was. But as far as I was concerned the thing Taylor did were the actions of someone in love. Sex, presents, caring for my well being. Who has ever done that for me before? Not my mother or father.
Maybe if I stopped pining over all that Taylor had took from me, my life with Officer Lee, then I could accept his love and give him mine in return.
The door slowly creaked open and Taylor stepped in, cutting off my train of thought.
He paced over to the bed, sitting in front of me.
"How do I look?"
He smiled, "Not too bad, a little cut here." He touched above my eye. "A bruise and scrape here. Still beautiful though." For once, I let the sweetness of his words actually sink into my body. "I'm proud of you, though."
"For what? I got my ask kicked."
"For not taking her shit. You proved that I didn't bed a punk." In an odd way, this was Taylor's form of giving me a compliment.
"She's angry that you decided to bed a traitor. And so is everyone else."
He sighed. "I'm the boss. I don't give a fuck what they think. You got your punishment for your infraction, and you took it. As far as I'm concerned what's done is done. I won't keep beating a fucking dead horse."
"But," I spoke tentatively, "if I were anyone else and I had done what I did, would you have just said oh "what's done is done"?"
"Of course not. But who cares? They will respect you Sian. And if they don't, well I'm confident that you'll handle it." He smiled. "And then I'll step in and really handle it."
"One more question, please?" He looked angered, but he begrudgingly agreed. "How come with me, you don't care that I was a traitor?"
"Simple answer to that. Because I love you. And I loved you since I rescued you from your father." His words seeped in, becoming like goo between my bones. I felt his words as strongly as I could.
I took a deep breath. "I-I think that I, uh, love you too." The words felt foreign leaving my mouth. I uttered them a few more times, attempts to make myself fully believe them.
"Oh, baby." Taylor tackled me onto the bed, attacking my mouth with feverish kisses.
"Wait, wait, wait. Taylor, somebody has to pick up the pizza."
"It can wait, Sian." His hand roamed my body.
"But I'm hungry." I whined.
The look on his face was sinister. When Taylor was in the mood I was not to protest. I regretted bringing up the pizza.
"Fuck! Fine, Sian! I will send someone to go pick it up."
"Can I go get it please?" I whispered.
"What?"
"I would like to go get the pizza, please. I haven't been out of this house in six months. And I just, I don't really want to ask anyone for favors after what just happened in the kitchen."
"They are not favors, they are orders Sian. And they will respect and do as I say, which means if you need them to go ge..." I shushed him with a quick kiss.
"I know, I know. I would just like to get out of the house." I was thinking that my new found revelation and saying the l word for the first time would sway him.
"Alright, Sian. Just.. take my car. And hurry back, please."
I jumped from the bed in celebration. I grabbed a pair of shoes and slipped them on. I slid a light jacket on my shoulders.
Taylor stood up from the bed. "Wait." He grabbed my arm. He had taken my brand new bracelet from the box and placed it around my wrist.
"You want me to wear this just to the pizza store?" I asked incredulously. I was sure someone would attempt to snatch it off my arm.
"It's just a way to lay claim to you." He kissed me. "Go and hurry back." He said this sternly. I knew he meant this better not be a trick to escape.
I hurried down the stairs and grabbed Taylor's car keys from the front table.
I was giddy with the feeling of the cool night air on my face, blowing through my hair. I hadn't experienced the outside world in months.
I clambered into Taylor's sleek black car. I rolled the windows all the way down before pulling out of the driveway and onto the street.
I was driving way above the speed limit and reached the pizza store in less than 20 minutes.
I stepped inside. There was a line of three people. I patiently waited for my turn.
I played with a strand of my hair as I waited, humming a soft song in my head.
I felt a feather soft touch on my shoulder. I turned around to meet a pair of blue eyes that were blazing to turn almost white. The sight took my breath away.
"Sian?" His deep voice questioned.
The name came out of my mouth as nothing more than a choked whisper. "Officer Lee?"