"HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!" a voice called loudly as I left the car, hand in hand with Jasper. I turned to see Mike sprinting towards me.
The blond tackled me in a hug and twirled me around as I laughed.
"Thanks Mike," I smiled as he set me down, pressed against him for a moment more.
"So we rented a place and Tyler is picking you up at four, so be ready, we're partying late tonight!" he laughed.
"But--" I started, looking at Jasper. Alice was throwing a party at the Cullen's house and it was supposed to be my first time over.
"Don't worry, we've talked to Charlie, he's cool with that."
"Yeah, but--"
"We've also invited everyone from the rez. That Jacob guy, and this Paul dude-" I felt my eyes widen, "and Embry and Jared and Quil and the weird dude, Sam. They're all invited, man."
"No, but--"
"You can come too, Jasper, of course," Mike smiled innocently.
"I won't be able to attend," Jasper said calmly. "Alice organized something at our place for Bella and Ashley. But," Jasper looked at me for a moment. "Ashley would much rather party big, so... Go with them tonight," he prompted, "we'll celebrate quietly another time."
"Sure." I said, unable to hide my excitement now that I got an OK to have a party with my friends. I smiled at Jasper, kissing his cheek, before grabbing Mike's hand and asking him more about what I need to wear.
"Oh, and Ashley?" Jasper suddenly called, and I turned to him.
"Have a great time tonight."
"Thanks, you too," I smiled happily, before Tyler called us over, throwing me over his shoulder and cheering a stupid birthday song he's written by himself.
All good things come to an end.
►
"WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK DO YOU MEAN--" I exploded, when Bella shushed me. Our "long night" ended early when Jessica became completely wasted and started throwing up on everything, so at only forty five minutes past midnight, I was back home.
"Sorry," I took a deep breath, "but what the bloody fuck do you mean when you say Jasper lost control?!"
"I cut my finger," she started explaining. "And, then everything was a blur. He growled and fully intended on drinking my blood, when Edward stopped him and threw me over the table, and then everything was bloody and they all had to leave while Carlisle took care of me."
I looked at her, mouth agape. I felt guilt, for some reason, burning in the pit of my stomach.
"And... you? You're okay?" I couldn't help but wonder as I stood up from my bed and walked over to her. She revealed a bandage that was over her arm, and I furrowed my eyebrows.
"You could've died tonight."
"I haven't."
"But you could've."
"But I haven't."
"Just... shut up." I waved her off. She could've died tonight, and if I were there, I could've died too. I felt just what I felt whenever I thought of Paul, fear mixed with affection and sadness.
It was the world we entered, world that we had to love the danger, when we shouldn't.
"Jasper?"
"Alice said he feels awful," Bella said. "Maybe... Maybe you should go see him."
I looked at her like she was insane. I hadn't had the guts to do so, even if he asked me too. And like I knew him, he'd want to be as far away as possible from humans at the moment, no matter how much my blood interested him less.
"How am I supposed to do it when I know he almost killed you just a few hours ago?"
"But don't you love him?"
"I do," I told her, "but it scares me to no end, knowing he could crush me if I only do something wrong. Knowing he almost did it to you. That's why I tried to forget him, and tried my chances with Paul, until he turned..." I felt my voice disappear. "I love him more than I've loved any other guy, but he also scares me more than anyone has ever scared me.
"I'm not like you. I'm not total, not completely dedicated. I don't think through what I do, and I act on instincts and impulses and... I'm arrogant and I like to pretend that I'm not scared of anything, but the truth is that I'm just a coward.
"Do you know what I've done when Edward Graham stood in front of me?"
Bella stayed silent, watching me like I was a stranger to her. I guess she's never spoken to me like that.
"I was crying, and I stood behind Iggy. Iggy stood in front of all of us, and she taunted him and told him to go to hell, told us to hide until the police gets there. And I hid behind her, crying, not doing anything.
"I'm a coward, Bella. I'm fake, this is all an act, a ridiculous act trying to be somebody." I shrugged. "I don't think I love Jasper. I think I'm in love with him, I'm not ready to love. I'm just a kid in love."
☼
The next day, neither Jasper nor Alice were at school. Bella looked miserable, and I ignored everything supernatural, fooling around with Tyler as usual.
Bella told me that Jasper and Alice took a while off, Alice so Jasper wouldn't be alone and miserable.
Another day passed and the two still hadn't returned, and another, but I tried not to think about it. It was supposed to be normal, I expected that both of us would have to take some time off from each other.
But when I came home that day, Mike following me while singing horribly to Cake by the Ocean. I laughed at him, feeling at ease as I always felt when I was with either him, Tyler or Jake. My heart stung at the thought that once, Paul was in the list too.
"Dude, you're so stupid," I told him, laughing, entering the house. "Bells, we're home!" I called, not expecting an answer. Her car was parked outside, though, so she was ought to be there.
A while passed by, when Mike said we should ask Bella to join us, since we were watching a movie (that wasn't High School Musical). I agreed, and knocked on her door. I got no answer, so I cracked it open, finding her room empty.
I walked downstairs, and even tried the bathroom, when I realized she wasn't at the house, simple as that. I tried calling her phone, since she rarely left her car here when she left, but she didn't pick up.
"Hey, Mike, what's Edward's number?" I questioned, and he checked in the small book I had laying next to the bed. He read it out to me, and I called him.
"Hello?" the strained voice of Edward replied.
"Edward?" I wondered, "it's Ashley. Uh- I just wanted to know if Bella's with you."
"No, she's supposed to be home."
"Well, she isn't," I told him simply.
"Then she's at the forest next to your home. She's supposed to be right at the entrance, where I left her.."
"Oh." I said, confused slightly. "Okay, thanks Edweirdo."
"What?"
"I meant Edward. Bye." I quickly corrected, hanging off. That was slightly worrying, so I quickly got Mike to join me, looking for Bella.
I don't know at what point my mind fully understood what happened. Edward left, and Bella walked deeper into the woods than she was supposed to. It was starting to get darker, so I walked back home, not knowing what to do.
I called the first person I felt like I could trust.
"Sam?" I said, and I felt tears choking my voice. "I need your help, please. The Cullens left, I think." I spoke, eyebrows furrowed. "And Bella is deep in the woods next to our room. Please, get Paul and Jared and help me. Help us."
"Of course, Ashley," he spoke, confusion clear in his voice.
Mike entered the room again, setting down the phone. "Charlie is on his way."
I took a deep breath, wiping away the tears. It was more than just Bella, at least she got to say goodbye. I knew better by now.
He's gone.
I wiped off my tears, wiping my make-up in the process, but I felt some of the pain leaving, or maybe I felt myself getting number. Mike hugged me, and I realized that I don't have to look pretty next to him, so I allowed my tears to flow and my mouth to confront as I sobbed, and when Tyler ran towards me, I released Mike and allowed Tyler to soothe me.
He's gone.
They were all gone.
I was petrified of being alone, so I hugged Tyler closer to me as Mike started looking for Bella along with anyone else who arrived.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. And I heard the door open, the Pack arrived, Paul looking at me while Jared and Sam asked Charlie about what happened.
Paul gave me the smallest smile, and I couldn't help but smile back.
"It's okay, Ash," Tyler laughed. "Big girls cry."
☼COMPLETED☼
**book two: Ashes [Jasper Hale] [2] can be found in my profile