-Niall's POV-
It's been a week since that night. The tour is officially over now.
I'm just so messed up. Even more than before. I haven't had a decent meal since then, and I've been cutting everyday.
I think the boys are getting suspicious. I need to work on my acting, or else they might see through my lies and then I'll be fucked.
"Niall!!" Zayn hollared.
"Oh, what?"
"You spacing out there buddy?" He laughed.
"Yeah," I laughed a little. "Sorry."
"It's cool mate." He assured. "So, are you excited for your date this saturday with that Kayla chick?"
"Mhmm."
"You don't sound excited."
"I'm just nervous is all."
"Don't be, everything will be fine. Just be yourself." Zayn smiled.
"I'll be sure to keep that in mind." I smiled back, but frowned inside. If I was to be myself, she would run away at the first chance she could get.
No one will ever like a freak like me.
Especially Louis...
----
We were at our house that we all stayed together in, from time to time, when we weren't on the road or at out own seperate homes. Not including our parents houses.
I was day dreaming, when suddenly my phone starting going off. I was getting a call.
I didn't recognize the number, but answered it anyway.
"Ello?"
"Hey, is this Niall?"
"Yeah.."
"It's Kayla."
"Oh, hey." I sounded nervous.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, m'fine. So whats up?"
"Oh, I was just wondering where we're going for our date on saturday."
"Oh, um- where do you wanna go?" I ask her.
"It doesn't matter," She says. "Hm, how about dinner?"
No.
"Sure. Sounds great."
Shit.
"Great! Do you want me to look up a place and then send you the info?"
"Sounds like a plan."
"Okay, see you then, Niall."
"You too Kayla."
I hang up and let out a deep sigh. I was in my room at the moment.
I think a lot when I'm alone. Even around the lads and other people, but when I'm alone, the thoughts are more heavy than usual.
They're more powerful. I don't know why, they just are. I feel alone, like no one can save me. Well I have one person in mind, but it's impossible for him to ever love me more than a friend.
Even if he did end up being gay, or bisexual, he would be with Harry no doubt. Everyone shipped 'Larry'. No one cares about me and my feelings.
I guess there is nothing special about me and Louis relationship. Maybe that's why I'm so broken and hopeless. Because I know that me and him will never be anything more than band mates, friends, and brother's.
But I see him differently.
I just wish he saw me the same way.
I got up slowly and made my way to my personal bathroom, and sliced open my skin.
Something I always did...
----
*Saturday*
"I'm so happy to finally meet you Niall!" Kayla said, excitedly.
"Me too." I smiled.
We got a table in the restaurant and had a seat. They waiter took out his notepad and a pen.
"So what can I get you guys to drink this evening?" He asked.
"Wine please." I said a little too quickly. Kayla gave me a look.
"Red or White?" The waiter asked.
"White please."
"And for you m'am?" He turned to Kayla.
"Same for me, but red." She smiled.
He wrote it down on the notepad. "Very good." He bowed a bit in courtesy, then left.
Me and Kayla looked at each other. She spoke first.
"So Wine, huh?" She said humorously.
"Yep!" I said popping the 'p'
She just laughed and smiled.
I tried to as well, but mine was lacking. It wasn't as believable.
We got our Wine, and started drinking it.
The silence was soon broken by her once more.
"Niall," She said calmly and sounded sincere, which got my attention.
"Yeah?"
"It's okay if you don't want to be here, with me. I get it." She said blankly.
"What? No, of course I want to be."
"Don't lie Niall, okay? Please."
I was about to protest, but I didn't even attempt it, only instead I bring my head down, ashamed.
"Niall, it's fine-" She tried to explain. But interupted, I think.
"No, it's not. I should have just told you straight up that I didn't feel like going out.. And tell Harry that I just wasn't ready or erm- yeah."
I sounded weak. What the fuck is wrong with me? Idiot!
"No, I get it. You're in love with someone else."
"What? N-"
"It's Louis, isn't it?"
"H-How did you k-know?" I stared at her and swallowed a gulp.
"I can tell by the way you looked at him. Even just the one time I saw. I can tell. It's a special thing I have. I'm surprised the boys haven't noticed, on the other hand, they are all stupid usually." She thought about it and laughed. I laughed with her.
"Yeah..." My smile faded slowly. "Oh.. but please don't tell anyone!!"
"I won't Niall. But why are you so scared for anyone to know?"
"Because it's disgusting."
"Niall..." She said with a sad tone.
"It's true!"
"No, no it's not. You shouldn't be ashamed."
"I am!" My eyes started to water.
"Niall, the boys will understand. They love you. I don't know if Louis feels the same but they will no doubt support you."
"They won't! And I don't think I'm gay though. Because I think I still like girls, but I don't like boys like that. Louis is the only one. That's why I'm confused." I started to choke back my own tears.
"Oh Nialler..." She said with pity. I hate pity.
"Stop pitying me.." I mumbled, enough for her to understand.
"I'm-" I stop listening to her, not on purpose, but I'm just focused on getting out of here.
I pull out some money and put it on the table.
"I'm sorry, I have to go.." She nodds and gets up with me.
She also puts some money down and leaves with me. It should be enough to cover the drinks since we didn't order any food.
We drive home. The ride is silent.
We get to my place and we stop the car.
"Sorry for ruining tonight." I lower my head.
"No, you didn't. It's fine." She smiles and rubs my upper arm in comfort.
"Thanks.." I mumble. I look up at her and give her a light smile.
"Have a good night Kayla." I say as I get out of the car.
"You too Niall." She says and waits for me to get to the front door before driving off.
I open the door with the key and go inside. I see the boys no where to be found. They must all be in their rooms. It's only about 10pm. Hmm.
I walk into my room and shut the door. I'm exhausted. Another day without barely any food. Cuts from the previous night still sting when something accidently brushes up against them.
I let out a sigh and fall onto my bed.
Waiting for sleep to swallow me whole.
----
We were shooting the Story Of My Life music video today.
"Okay everyone! Places!" Ben says. We get in place and start.
Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain
I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days
She told me in the morning she don't feel the same about us in her bones
It seems to me that when I die these words will be written on my stone
And I'll be gone, gone tonight
The ground beneath my feet is open wide
The way that I've been holding on too tight
With nothing in between
The story of my life
I take her home
I drive all night to keep her warm
And time... is frozen (the story of, the story of)
The story of my life
I give her hope
I spend her love
Until she's broke
Inside
The story of my life (the story of, the story of)
Written on these walls are the colors that I can't change
Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage
I know that in the morning now I see us in the light upon a hill
Although I am broken, my heart is untamed, still
And I'll be gone, gone tonight
The fire beneath my feet is burning bright
The way that I've been holding on so tight
With nothing in between
The story of my life
I take her home
I drive all night to keep her warm
And time... is frozen (the story of, the story of)
The story of my life
I give her hope
I spend her love
Until she's broke
Inside
The story of my life (the story of, the story of)
And I'll be waiting for this time to come around
But baby running after you is like chasing the clouds
The story of my life
I take her home
I drive all night to keep her warm
And time is frozen
The story of my life
I give her hope (give her hope)
I spend her love
Until she's broke (until she's broke inside)
Inside
The story of my life (the story of, the story of)
The story of my life
The story of my life (the story of, the story of)
The story of my life
It was finally over and we went back home, exhausted. Well I was, I always am.
-Liam's POV-
Niall seemed a little distant then usual today. Especially when we shoot music videos. Something was just off with him.
I worry about the little guy sometimes.
As soon as we get home, he heads upstairs, to his room I assume. I follow him and he goes to his room and closes the door. I wait a minute before going up to his door.
I knock. "Niall, can I come in mate?"
All I hear is water running, he must be in the bathroom.
I knock again, a little louder. Maybe he can't hear me.
Suddenly, the door flies open.
"Yeah?"
"Hey, sorry, I just wanted to talk to you for a minute."
"Can it wait? I was just about to get in the shower, Li" He says. I can hear the shower running in the background.
"Oh, um okay. Later then yeah?"
"Yeah, okay." He smiles and closes the door to his room. I sigh and walk away.
There's something going on with him,
and I want to know what it is.