I can fight the world
With a friend like you by my side
But I cannot fight the pain I feel
Every time you walk on broken shells without me
~ Annie
________________________________________________________________
I couldn’t move. My heavy heart made sure of that, all because Aryan hadn’t called me Pigtails! There was never ever an instance when he hadn't. Not until now. I was the one to tell him I was no longer his Pigtails, but never did I imagine the pain it would cause me if he ever stopped. The constant beep on the phone reminded me that he was no longer available at the other end.
Someone took the phone from my hand and I blinked. Annie stood in front of me with a few questions written clearly on her face, but her radiant smile was the one that caught my attention. I blushed and her eyes widened along with her smile.
“Ahem! So…” she teased, raising one perfect eyebrow; her eyes held a twinkle similar to her brother’s.
“So nothing, you liar!” I turned around and walked into my room. I needed the air conditioner to work its magic on my cheeks to begin with. The rest of me felt equally hot; I might need an ice-cold shower to cool down. Damn Aryan and his arrogance! That boy needed to be taught boundaries. I was no longer his bestie to behave with as he pleased.
“I didn’t lie. I just thought you should find out for yourself. You looked very very eager to.” Her eyebrows danced up and down with delight. “And it worked very very well.” Her self-satisfied grin broadened and stretched from ear to ear.
Cranberry red clung to her lips and I looked at the two tall empty glasses on my study table. I shook my head and smacked her upside the head.
“You ungrateful imp! You set me up and then drank my glass of juice too.”
“You were preoccupied with something more interesting, and it looked lonely, so I drank it.” She shrugged, but her eyes sparkled with unbidden curiosity.
“I should throttle you! Twice!”
“Ha ha! You wouldn’t! You’re terrified I’d haunt you like Algo does.”
She was right. They would gang up and make my life miserable. I shuddered.
“Ahem. So…” Her fake cough and raised eyebrows made me narrow my eyes, but the telltale blush I could feel blooming on my cheeks must have alerted her. She laughed lightly. “Come on Divi, spill!”
“There is nothing to spill.” I threw up my hands, exasperated.
“Of course there’s something; I heard the way you literally attacked him over the phone.” Annie followed me inside and jumped onto the bed, looking eager for me to spill the beans.
“I did not attack him!”
“Where are you Aryan? Tell me right this minute,” Annie mimicked me, sitting up on the bed with both the hands on her hips.
“I did not say it like that!” I glared at her, subconsciously following her example and placing both my hands on my hips.
She clutched her stomach, her eyes tearing up with uncontrollable laughter.
“Oh Divi! And what was that you asked him? Oh, yes! With whom?” She laughed like she had never laughed before.
Forget it! Even the air conditioner could not stop my cheeks from flaming up again, but I used the heat to glare at my best friend who was enjoying herself way too much at my cost. That was it! Someone was going to have their throat throttled for free today.
I jumped on the bed and sat on her legs, pinning her down. She continued to laugh. I sighed and straightened. It had been ages since I had seen her laugh this way. Typically, it was Aryan who could make us laugh like this, uninhibited.
“Stop it, Annie!” Looking at the seriousness on my face, she sobered up, immediately.
“You like him, don’t you?” Her eyes searched mine for an answer; I quickly averted mine and shook my head. I knew what she was asking.
She pushed me off her and sat up. “Look at me, Divi.”
I slowly turned and looked at her, hoping against hope my eyes would not betray me.
“Say ‘Aryan’.” My eyes widened at her strange request.
“Why?” I asked, worried she was losing her marbles.
“Just say the name, Divi.”
I hesitated and I did not understand why. It was just a name. Right when I was about to say it aloud, heat coiled deep inside my stomach and slowly spread through me. I could feel it reach my heart making it beat faster and I could see Annie observe me closely waiting for me to say it.
“Aryan,” I breathed out and I could feel color rush to my cheeks. I framed them with my hands as Annie sighed heavily and fell back on the bed.
“Oh my Goodness!” She said, raising herself on one hand and looking straight at me. “Do you realize you sound breathy when you say his name?” She fanned herself with her hand.
“That’s utter crap! I don’t.” I shook my head, my hair framing my cheeks.
“Yes, you do! Say it again.”
“What! No. This is stupid, Annie! All those Mills & Boons that you read have gone to your head.”
“Maybe. But I think I know my best friend well enough to realize she is interested in someone.”
That made me furious and I rounded on her. “Let me make this very clear – I am not interested in your brother or anyone else for that matter.”
I could feel her tense and she took a deep breath before she looked at me with those doe-shaped eyes of hers.
“Is it too much to expect my best friend to share her feelings with me?” She asked, her gaze challenging me.
“No Annie, it is not. But there are no feelings to share.” I couldn’t look her straight in the eye.
She stood up and walked to the door; her shoulders were hunched and my heart tore at me to spill not only my feelings but everything that prevented me from having any in the first place. I could not burden her with my scars, neither could I let her walk away disappointed in our friendship.
“Annie, please. I swear, I don’t-” She whirled around and the anger in her eyes stopped me short.
“Don’t lie to me, Divi. Not anymore.”
“I have never lied to you,” my voice sounded weak even to my own ears. “You’re making an issue out of nothing, Annie. Please let this go.”
“Like I let everything else go?”
“What does that mean?”
She walked towards me with a purposeful stride. When she was close enough to look me in the eye, she asked, “Do you know everything about me?”
I searched her eyes to understand where she was going with this, “Yes,” I said confidently.
“Do I know everything about you?” I was stumped. Her eyes imprisoned mine and I struggled to answer.
“No,” I whispered, guilt gnawing at my heart.
I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. Her brown eyes were coated with a film of tears and so were mine.
“We are best friends, Divi, and Aryan is my brother, the only person in my dysfunctional family I truly love. You figure it out, why this ‘issue’ would upset me so much.”
“I can’t have any feelings for him, Annie, if that’s what you’re asking.” I purposely avoided saying his name aloud.
“Why?” Did I mention how persistent my best friend was?
I sighed. “’Cos I just can’t. Reasons aren’t important.”
“They are important to me.”
“Why?”
“Why? Because I’m a romantic fool who wants two of my best people in the world to hook up and because you are perfect for each other.” A small smile slipped through her lips.
She was right about one thing. She was a romantic fool! I smiled back but it did not reach my eyes and she noticed it. “It is never going to happen.”
“Sorry for sounding like a broken record, but why?”
I looked at her surprised. Annie had never ever pushed me for reasons. She just accepted whatever I said in total faith. Suddenly both faith and our friendship stood on a shaky ground, and I was the reason for it. But I could not risk hurting Annie with the truth.
“Be careful what you ask for Annie. The reasons could hurt you badly.”
“I am not a little girl who needs protecting, Divi. I can take care of myself.”
“Have I ever said you couldn’t?”
“But you’ve always believed it.”
“That’s not true, Annie.”
“It is. You need to protect everyone Divi; all you have done since … since that incident is protect your parents, protect me. And you think you need to build a wall around yourself to do that. You don’t let anyone in, not even me. Now you won’t let Aryan in.”
“Why are you so adamant about this?”
“Why are you?” she retorted, standing head to head opposite me.
I looked into her eyes, stunned. We have never fought. Never! This seemed surreal to me. I was hoping to wake up from the nightmare anytime soon, just like I did for several nights through these years. But this was different because it had Annie in it.
“Annie, don’t do this. You are the only one I have let in these past four years, you know that,” I pleaded, my eyes tearing up and blinding me. How did this happen? Why were we fighting? What were we fighting about? I couldn’t remember.
“Really? You’ve let me in?” It scared me to see Annie this serious and determined about something.
She moved away from me and went to the low cupboards lining the wall. I was shocked to see her pull out draws at random. Not finding what she was looking for, she went into the bathroom. I heard the cupboards being roughly pulled open and banged closed which made me sweat. I knew what she was looking for, but for the life of me, I did not know how she came to know about it.
My fear was confirmed when she walked out with a small yellow bottle of pills in her hand. She looked furious, with her black hair cascading down her back, and her dark brown eyes darker than I had ever seen.
“What are these?” She asked, holding the bottle up in front of my eyes.
I tried to take them away from her, but she held on to it. “Annie, give it back. How did you know about them anyways?”
“Doesn’t matter! What are these for?”
I sighed and sat down on the bed. Annie did not move from where she stood holding the pills in her hand like an army general on a mission. I wet my lips and reached for a glass of water on the bedside table. I guzzled it down in one gulp, mentally preparing myself to tell her as much as I could without hurting her.
“Sit down, Annie.” When she refused to move an inch, I pleaded her to with my eyes. She sat on the chair opposite me with her back stiff as a rod. Her whole body tensed and her eyes were as hard as pebbles. For a minute, I saw a glimpse of her step-mom in them, and I visibly shuddered.
“They are anti-anxiety pills. I don’t take them as much as I used to before. But I have them around just in case I … it gets bad sometimes, so I need them to calm me down.” I said in a monotonous voice, looking straight into her eyes that softened for a bit before they hardened again.
“Are they prescription pills?”
“Of course.”
“Where are the prescriptions? I want to see them.”
“What? You don’t trust me anymore,” I teased trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t work.
“Do you trust me Divi?”
I nodded. “With my life.”
Her eyes softened again. “Then show them to me.”
I sighed and got up. I took a key from a box and sat down on my haunches. I used it to open the bottom drawer. It had two thick files and one thin one. As I took out the thin file, a mobile phone that was on top of it slid back into the drawer. I stared at the phone. It reminded me of the decision I had to make right then. How much to tell Annie? What to tell and what not to? Whatever pushed her to confront me, she had been through enough and I had to keep her in the dark about most of it. I took a long breath and mentally steeling myself for more questions from my best friend, I straightened and got up.
Annie took the file from me and opened it. As she read through it, her eyes widened. She would turn a page and look at me, then go back to reading it. She did this for a good five minutes as I sat opposite her, stone-faced.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked softly; the file lay open in her hands. She couldn’t stop staring at it.
I just shrugged, “You had too much on your plate, without me adding to it.”
She shook her head as if that was a lame excuse. “Three years Divi. You kept it from me for three years.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Aunty and Uncle know about this?”
I held her gaze for a long moment before I slowly shook my head. She let out a long breath, and I could see her getting angrier by the second.
“You didn’t trust me to help you through this, like any best friend would,” she accused.
“That’s not true,” I said. She sniggered.
“Why didn’t you tell me? There is more to that night than I know, isn’t there Divi?” She snapped the file shut and waved it at me. I kept my mouth shut.
“Why wouldn’t you tell me otherwise? Aryan just leaving without telling you wouldn’t put you in this state neither would what happened with your dad after….you are much stronger than that.” She stopped pacing and looked at me.
I sighed. “Don’t think too much, Annie. I answered your question, one of them. That is all you are going to get out of me today.” She was about to protest, when I stopped her, “No you are not. As a friend, you should also know when I have your best interests at heart. Whatever else you suspect, don’t doubt me on that.”
She clamped her mouth shut, but I could see her eyes convey so many emotions; I reeled at the naked assault.
I went to hug her, but she stopped me. “Stop mothering me, Divi. I don’t have a mother and I am okay with that. But I can’t stand not having you as my friend. That means, having someone who confides in me as much as I do in her, who shares her feelings instead of protecting me from them.”
My heart clenched at the raw vulnerability in her voice. I simply nodded because I couldn’t get my words through the clog in my throat.
“You’ll try!” She spoke the words for me and I hugged her tight on a sob.
I buried my face in her hair, sniffling like a two year old in her mother’s arms. “Why did you go all ninja on me like that?” I dragged the words out through my crying fit.
Annie pulled away from me and wiped the rolling tears off her reddened cheeks. “That witch! I heard her fighting with Aryan at four o’clock this morning. She caught him sneaking in and freaked out. She had the nerve to accuse him of staying with you the whole night.”
My eyes widened and I clamped my mouth shut with both my hands to stop the slew of curses waiting to explode.
“She was already upset that her beloved son chose to stay behind and look after you rather than take his mother to a clinic. And my idiot brother didn’t come home right away. In fact, he walked home at 4 am. You add two and two and see how my step-mom came up with 2000. She is dumber than I thought if she did not even see that he was drunk and had also gotten into a fight. I just set her straight. How dare she pull you into all this?” Annie ranted and my head spun with all the colorful details spilling out of her red cranberry tainted lips.
I continued to stare at her and she continued to rant, “That is when the stupid witch told me how I might consider you my best friend, but you would never think of me as yours."
“That’s ridiculous! And you believed her?”
“Sorry!” Annie slightly winced at the disbelief in my tone.
What the hell! “That bitch!” She had the nerve to mess up my friendship with Annie. Why the hell did that evil witch hate me so much?
What the devil was Aryan thinking getting into fights in the dead of the night?
My head hurt, my stomach clenched, and I puked all over my fluffy white carpet.
____________________________________________________________________
Author's Note: If you like it, please show it - vote, comment, and follow! :)