a/n use or the f slur + stuff happens too fast & uhh this isnt proofread also reminder 2 self: rewrite this u jerk
wednesday
the past four days were uneventful in a way taehyung didn't quite expect; no texts, calls or signs of life coming from a particular gentleman he had a very unfortunate (lose the prefix) encounter with saturday morning.
they consisted of meddling with jimin (as per usual), looking for pokemon and almost getting ran over thrice (predictable) and sacrificing the lock button of his phone by checking it every ten minutes for texts from the same particular gentleman (he will never admit that, although he's already been caught by his roommate while blankly staring at his messaging app like a text would pop up if he focused hard enough).
on his way to class now, the blonde spots a group of people on campus frantically tapping away at their phones and the first thought that comes to his mind is fucking nerds.
and of course, he runs over to join them because he is indeed a fucking nerd himself, already pulling his phone out of his back pocket in order to open the infamous app.
but a certain notification makes his feet stop in their track and almost make him topple forward and onto a guy who's very determined to catch this snorlax and very annoyed that someone interrupted him in such life changing situation.
he promptly ignores the ugly stare and proceeds to take care of the matter at hand.
gukkie;
hey tae
it's like, really early but w/e
wanna grab some coffee later?
(he doesn't think twice before replying.
not like he'd been thinking about all the possible approaches jeongguk could have after saturday like, all day, of course.)
you;
u cnt buy my love with caffeine jeongguk
(good enough for someone with definitely not enough of that substance in his system this early in the morning. he thanks whoever's up above for managing to be so cool and smooth in the internet.)
gukkie;
i thought you were never gonna reply tae god
you;
yes that is me
and i was asleep u moron what did u expect
(yes, he did wait for two minutes before replying to not seem half as desperate as he truly is inside.
jeongguk, on the other hand, doesn't seem like he's attempting to play hard to get.)
gukkie;
do you want coffee or not oh my god
you;
i do indeed
but whats the occasion
i mean not like ive been expecting a confirmation that ure alive for lik two daysss or anythgin
(jeongguk takes his sweet time to reply this time. no smart comebacks? no reason as to why he left a very distressed taehyung hanging for seventy-two hours? the world may never know.
taking advantage of the kid's delay, taehyung attempts to catch the snorlax. succeeds, of course, because this is not a fucking game.
except that it is, and he's very good at it if he must say so himself.)
gukkie;
uh
you;
clever
gukkie;
we need to talk and stuff and why not do it over coffee
you;
need to talk about what jeonggukah 🤔🤔🤔
gukkie;
listen.
i'm walking you to ur dorm after your class ends i'll have boba & coffee & muffins
you;
dont dirty talk to me like that in public im finna bust a nutybjmn
gukkie;
i'll take that as an agreement see ya later
you;
cya! ;~)))
✲
what was expected in the span of these four days is how late taehyung is for his morning classes due to the one hour he spent on following a group of seven people he's never talked to– no, fuck that, met before with the promise of a raichu a few (that turned out to be several) blocks away from uni.
his teacher doesn't seem too surprised though, just hands him a few sheets of paper and continues to teach something related to renaissance taehyung can't quite focus on because he still can't get over the fact that jeongguk texted him first. shit.
he absolutely does not read over their last convo another time.
and definitely doesn't check his hair's situation on the unlit screen of his phone every ten minutes to see if he's presentable enough for a guy he shouldn't be this nervous over what the fuck– he saw jeongguk shitting his pants in 3rd grade, he's not that superior. kim taehyung shouldn't be this worried about his appearance. especially when the someone he wants to look good for might be pissed at him. what the fuck.
daydreaming ensues somewhere around michelangelo, taehyung's palms pillowed under his cheeks as he stares off into the horizon through badly tinted windows.
he thinks about the terrible, terrible ways jeongguk can react; telling him he 'needs time' or 'can't see him anymore' because well, it's not just bros being dudes at all, much to taehyung's dismay.
but it's also sort of his fault because it could've been a brojob, it really could have if only taehyung hadn't liked it so much.
(fuck, okay, fine, maybe kim taehyung isn't as heterosexual as he thought. but he's somewhat okay with that. okay.)
he heaves out a sigh, "i can't believe i'm–"
a large, warm palm on his shoulder startles him out of his thoughts, has him jumping on his seat and painfully knocking his knee against the underside of his desk.
"fucking shit–"
"tae?"
and there is is– that gentle, low voice that never fails to make the blonde's heart do a backflip within the confines of his rib cage and immediately forget about the dull pain on his kneecap.
gross.
"y- yeah?", taehyung inwardly curses himself for stuttering because this is not the time to seem helpless, looks up at jeongguk. "yeah?"
the dark haired boy has a warm smile on his face, wearing casual clothes and holding two brown paper bags with the logo of starbucks in each.
jeongguk hates starbucks, while it's taehyung's favorite.
he can feel his cheeks heating up.
"you okay?", he raises an eyebrow once he properly takes in taehyung's features, which have been stuck with a worried expression for the past hour due to those unwanted presumptions.
a tight smile creeps up the blonde's lips. "just some upsetting stuff about van gogh", he waves his hand dismissively, lets out a laugh. "poor ear, don't you think?"
"i thought it was a renaissance class?", jeongguk jerks his chin in the black board's direction, which has the topic written on it in colorful chalk.
"uh, listen– listen, who's the art student here, you dingus? don't doubt on my abilities."
"stop flattering me, now shall we?"
taehyung narrows his eyes in distaste but gathers his notes (mostly cat doodles, some things will never change) and shoves them inside his bag obediently nonetheless, grasping it tightly as he gets up from his seat.
ignores how fast his heart is beating beneath his sternum.
"after you."
✲
they walk to taehyung's dorm in uncomfortable silence, the tension in the air so thick the blonde feels as if he might choke on it.
okay, maybe only on taehyung's side, since the other boy hums along to some song as he walks in long strides because the coffee's gonna get cold if we don't hurry, yeah?
jeongguk seems oblivious in the glances he shoots at taehyung in their path, possibly failing to notice how awfully and unusually quiet he is and the way the corners of his lips twitch as if he's suppressing a frown. at the same time taehyung wants to break down and scream he wants to slap the naiveness right out of that handsome face.
(assuming what someone feels has always been one of his flaws, even though those are very few in amount.)
"here we a–"
taehyung slams the door shut, half for the dramatic effect and half because he's that frustrated.
"shut up."
jeongguk looks taken aback. "what?–"
"listen, listen, i need to let shit out", the blonde cards his fingers through his hair, licking his lips. "i just– fuck–"
"taehyung", jeongguk tries again, reluctantly wraps his fingers around the other's wrist to tug him towards taehyung's bed. "sit down and let's talk, that's what i promised, yeah?"
he lets out a shaky breath and nods his head in agreement, takes a seat beside jeongguk.
"i–", taehyung begins, "how can you be so cool with all this? how– why aren't you weird around me?"
"huh?", he furrows his brows, seeming genuinely confused. "why should i feel weird around you?"
the blonde wants to scream in agony. "jeongguk are you– are you fucking stupid? do you even realize what we did? and that you didn't talk to me afterwards like, at all?"
"i didn't know that would upset you", jeongguk replies, fingers clenching and unclenching around the paper bag in his hold.
"course it did!", he exclaims, "i thought i like, ruined our friendship jeongguk, of fucking course i was livid!"
"i needed some time to think, tae."
"and what the fuck took you so long?", taehyung snaps, voice raising one octave higher as an affirmation that his cool no longer exists.
"'cause i–", he swallows thickly, bringing a hand up to massage at his temples. "'cause i liked it, alright? 'twas far from the best head i've ever gotten but i did."
i liked it too, is what he wants to say, but the bet–
though ever since the day kim taehyung learned to form coherent sentences he's never gotten as speechless as he is with the other's confession.
jeongguk takes the opportunity given by the blonde's silence and continues as calmly as he can manage to. "maybe i liked it 'cause it was you?"
taehyung's chest feels tight.
"jeongguk–"
"fuck, i mean– shit, i couldn't stop thinking about how it would feel like to kiss you?", he blurts out, still unable to make eye contact with the other.
jeongguk isn't supposed to like him (back). that wasn't in the script of how this bet should be going, it fucking wasn't.
"my dick was in your mouth and i wanted to kiss you? i– i've known you for over a decade and it took me one slip of the tongue– one agreement to fucking unleash this kraken of feelings–", he gestures with his hands as if to indicate its size, breathing becoming labored, "–that didn't let me sleep 'cause fuck, i want to fuck my best friend? who's a guy? this isn't normal, tae, fucking can't be."
"please–"
"we're so close, so close and i just– i just don't know why i want you this much", jeongguk mumbles, voice barely above a whisper, "i should've said no to you that morning 'cause then i wouldn't be aware of how much i want you now and how– how wrong this is."
the words steal taehyung's air right from his lungs.
his voice oh-so fragile when he asks, "why do you think it's wrong?"
"i've always known i liked men, tae."
oh.
"oh", is all he says, like a quiet urge for jeongguk to continue.
"but i– i never let myself do anything with one because that way i'd be one hundred percent that being gay isn't just some– y'know, some fucked up hypothesis i made up when i was thirteen."
taehyung places a hand over jeongguk's, intertwining their fingers in a way he hopes is comforting. he can notice the other's frame tensing beside him, but his shoulders sag forward in defeat (or relief?) shortly after.
he usually doesn't feel reluctant to invade the younger's personal bubble but he just suddenly seems so fragile comparing to before taehyung flipped, and it breaks his heart.
"mom would tell me he supported gay rights", he says sharply as if still holding onto a grudge he has with the man in question, "tell me how gross other parents were when they didn't fuck with their gay kids, but when i didn't show interest in girls she would ask me if i was like– like that with this– with this disgusted look on her face."
"one day she told me i had to go out with girls– get a girlfriend or people would think i'm some fucking faggot, which i couldn't be, right?"
jeongguk lets out a humorless laugh and taehyung feels sick to his stomach.
"why didn't you– you didn't have to, jeongguk."
"i did", the younger shakes his head viciously, rubs a hand over his face. "you– if you saw how happy she looked– they both looked when i brought a girl home the next week you'd know how much i did."
taehyung lets go of his hand– doesn't give him time to question it before winding an arm around his broad shoulders, pulling him against his side. jeongguk immediately rests his head against the top of the blonde's, heaves out a tired sigh.
"i'm so sorry, jeongguk."
"don't be", jeongguk whispers back and would feel weird for doing so considering the fact that they're alone in taehyung's dark dorm, but he doesn't. "i'm the one who should apologize."
"for what, exactly?"
"for feeling like this", he closes his eyes as if to make it hurt less, "with you, i know you don't swing this way or– or even like me for that matter."
although finally coming out to someone lifted the heaviest of weights off his shoulders, the possibility of taehyung not accepting or reciprocating his feelings still has his chest aching.
"jeongguk", taehyung says, voice sounding restrained like he's about to burst in a fit of laughter. "jeongguk, oh my god."
the dark haired boy releases himself from his embrace, staring down at him incredulously. "what's so fucking funny?"
"it's funny 'cause", he wipes at the corners of his eyes with the pad of his thumb, unsure if those are happy or sad tears that threaten to spill. "'cause i want you too, gguk– why would i do all this shit if i didn't?"
"but– but all the times you were all, no homo all the bromo and the brojob bullshit?", jeongguk sounds genuinely surprised, "thought you weren't gonna react well when i came out to you, fucking hell."
taehyung shrugs his shoulders, the hilarity of the topic making him able (just barely) to ignore how guilty this tiny part of him feels for not spilling the entire truth much like jeongguk is doing right now.
"that was before it actually happened", he explains, "jeongguk, it's confusing, but i liked it too. like, a lot."
the younger seems relieved. "that's comforting, that's– that's all i needed to hear, really."
"yeah", taehyung nods his head in agreement, gives the other's shoulder a squeeze, "yeah, it is."
"so that means you're gay?"
"i was thinking about this earlier and nah, i think i'm bi."
"ah, cool."
taehyung all but smiles.
"but hyung", a pause, "just a question."
he raises an eyebrow. "yeah?"
"why did you start flirting with me out of nowhere?"
oh.
that.
taehyung's eyes widen for a fraction of a second in surprise before he regains his composure, laughing quietly as he reaches to pinch jeongguk's cheek. so naive.
"can i kiss you?"
"answer me, c'mon–"
the finger pressed against his lips cuts him off mid sentence, the blonde leaning in until his nose touches jeongguk's.
"can i?"
"yeah", he breathes out, "please."
"good."
*✲ﾟ*
boy howdy tht sure was something
jguks moms opinions were based on my own moms why is my jeongguk me. just. why
also ive been on my sfw twit more often these days if yall wanna hit me tf up there its twitter.com/sogoodmv
IM SORRY for how shitty this chapter was but i still hope yall dont give up on me thx