Niall's POV
Harry had taken me home pretty much as soon as we had finished. The trip home was incredibly awkward. Regardless of the fact that we had just had sex, I felt as distant from him as I did before. It was as if there was a wall in between us, like I couldn't even bring myself to look at him properly.
I spent the whole drive home cursing myself and my lack of self control. Regardless of how nice the sex had felt, I knew that all it had done was show Harry that he can do whatever he wanted to me and I would not do anything to even try to stop him.
I wanted Harry to know that I was done with his stupid games, that he couldn't simply fuck me in order to fix whatever stupid mistake he had made. I was done being his little thing to mess around with.
Not only did I just show Harry that I was still easy for him manipulate but us going back to our old habits had only brought the feelings I had for him back to the surface, when the past few weeks had been nothing but me trying to forget about him. I wished that my resolve was stronger and cursed whatever part of Harry that seemed to make it impossible for me to resist him.
Without him in my life, there was almost lack of pain, everyone in my life treated me right. So why did I only feel complete when I had Harry there reminding me that he didn't actually care about me?
My relationship with Zach showed me that I could have someone there who actually liked me and I felt like I had someone who cared about me. Clearly, I didn't feel completely cared for unless I was around Harry, even though he was simply leading me on.
I was still so incredibly angry at him. I had calmed down after we had finished but deep down I still felt that urge to continue yelling at him. I wanted to show him that I wasn't weak, even though I definitely was, particularly when it came to him.
One thing that was going to make this situation even worse was having to go home and face my parents. All I knew that all that would do was make my mood even worse. Now I didn't even have the advantage of a boyfriend. God, I hated how dependent I was on other boys.
Saying that, I had no idea if going home and seeing them was much worse than sitting in Harry's car with him glancing at me every few seconds. Either way, I would be stuck in a painfully awkward situation.
~
"I don't see why you're complaining. It's not like you didn't have a good time with him or anything," Jade shrugged, laying back on my bed.
I went silent and glared at her harshly, causing her to lift her head from my mattress and give me a look.
"I'm being serious. He obviously wants you as much as you want him, otherwise he wouldn't have done it," she defended herself.
"That's the problem. He only sees me as someone he can fuck whenever he feels like it. Nothing more than that. I can't let him walk all over me anymore. It's not fair on me and I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing he can do whatever he wants to me. I don't want to be that person anymore," I sighed.
"I don't think he just sees you as that. He could sleep with anyone he wants to, it doesn't have to be you. There's obviously another reason he wants you around," she shrugged, giving me a grin.
"You're no help. I don't even know why I always ask you for advice, all you do is tell me the exact thing I don't want," I sighed, sitting down beside her feet.
"Isn't that was advice is supposed to be?" she asked, causing me to roll my eyes.
"Not unless it's helpful. All you're saying is allow that stupid, lying prick to come in and ruin my life again," I replied, causing her to roll her eyes.
"Look, Harry's a dick and what he did to you was in no way alright. I'm not validating his actions in the slightest. All I'm saying is that you should consider a second chance. You were much happier weeks ago when he was in your life," she told me.
"Things were fine before he decided to ignore me for no reason. He's made it clear, he keeps people in his life long enough to have some fun with them before he moves on to the next person," I let out.
"I get it but he might have changed his mind. Remember, Niall, people don't realise what they have until they don't have it anymore. Maybe Harry just needed a different perspective. Besides, you were the one using him to annoy your parents, so it's not as if you were with him for completely innocent reasons."
"Now all you've done is confuse me," I complained, burying my head in my hands.
"What are friends for?" she grinned. "Just think about it before you make any decisions."
Harry's POV
My life, much like everyone else's, was full of things that I didn't understand. Yet there was one thing I could understand and that was that I missed Niall. I wasn't sure what it was about him that I missed so much, but the minute he had rushed out of my car, I felt the emptiness return when he was no longer there with me.
The obvious thing I could say was that I missed his body. I could easily tell myself that I missed having sex with him and it was nothing besides physical pleasure and attraction that caused me to want him back in my life so badly.
Although it didn't feel right to think that. The real reason I missed him could have also been his unpredictable personality, maybe it was because he was the only person who didn't seem to worship the ground I walked on. His witty and sarcastic humour may be used in a way of hurting me but I liked it. I liked how he had this attitude towards me.
I wasn't a complete idiot. I knew that maybe I felt something for Niall and I wasn't going to deny it. Though I knew this was bad, seeing as Niall wanted nothing to do with me.
It was times like this that made me hate myself for knowing nothing about relationships. None of my relationships had ever been official, not even before Niall and I started hooking up. Though the reason for that was because Niall and I had lost our virginities to each other.
I was as clueless as ever and I knew that if I wanted a chance to sort out my messed up feelings, I would actually need to talk to someone who would understand.
~
I sighed, holding up my phone and pressing Zayn's name, listening to the ringing. I wouldn't really call someone over texting them but this situation was much easier to speak, as well as the fact that Zayn preferred calling anyways.
I heard someone pick up the phone but instead of hearing Zayn's deep voice, it was Gigi's softer tone.
"Hey, Harry. Everything okay?" she asked and I could almost see her frown in my head. I would have asked why she had answered his phone but I knew that neither of them had anything to hide from each other.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Where's Zayn?" I questioned.
"Bathroom," she replied.
I ran a hand through my hair, glad that she wasn't able to see my appearance, as that would definitely give away what had just happened.
"Are you sure you're okay? You sound like you've got a lot on your mind," she commented.
"It's about Niall," I finally sighed, shaking my head in disbelief. Never would I ever expect to be talking to anyone, much less Zayn's girlfriend, about getting feelings for Niall. Of course, Gigi was a nice girl but I had never really spoken to her. Not to the point of discussing important parts of my life.
"I figured. Didn't think anyone could manage to fuck with your feelings, I always expected you to be the one to have everyone else wrapped around your finger," she answered.
"Believe it or not, so did I. It's just...there's no one like him. I feel like there's no one else better than him and it's confusing, because we're supposed to hate each other."
"Are you sure that you're supposed to hate each other? What even started this in the first place?"
"I don't even know. I don't even think there was a reason anymore. I guess I just became this horrible person and Niall didn't like that. Even if we never hated each other, having feelings for Niall isn't any easier."
"What makes you say that?"
"Because he obviously doesn't like me. Any small hope I have of making things serious with him is useless. Niall clearly isn't into me like that."
"Are you sure about that?" she asked, causing me to frown.
"Course I am. If there was any sign of Niall actually having feelings for me, I would know. He can barely be in the same room as me without saying shit to me."
"Just because he acts like he hates you, it doesn't mean he actually does."
I obviously already knew that Niall liked me at some point but who says that his feelings hadn't changed over time?
"Thanks, Gigi. I'll try and figure this shit out."
"You're welcome, Harry. Remember what I said, okay?"
"Yeah, fine. See you later," I replied, before hanging up the phone.
It seemed as if no one knew what to do and talking to them was doing nothing but confusing me even more.
I guess I deserved to be a little confused.