chapt 17
third person
"Hi Alex." Gerard said down the phone, he was trying not to sound like he was crying, but Alex could tell.
"What's wrong Gerard?" Alex asked, worried that Gerard would make the situation that he's in sound not as bad as it actually is.
"I tried to kill myself." Gerard answered, this time telling the truth.
"Right I'll be there in about five minutes, I'm guessing that you can't get Frank or Mikey up?" Alex asked by the time he'd finished that sentence Alex had a pair of jeans on and a t-shirt and was almost at his car.
"No, they sleep really deeply." Gerard answered.
"How bad is it?" Alex asked, now he had his car started up and was driving.
"I don't know, I'm terrible at judging how bad something is." Gerard answered
"Are they still bleeding?" Alex asked, he was almost there just a bit of distance left.
"Just a little, not to bad though." Gerard answered.
By this time Alex got there and he hung up the phone, Gerard was sitting on the stairs outside the house.
Gerard had a short sleeve T-shirt on and his arms were really bad, Alex had never seen someone cut themselves this badly.
"Why?" Alex asked.
Gerard lifted his tear stained face up to look at Alex, then he put his head back down.
"I had a really bad and messed up nightmare." Gerard said and started crying more because he was thinking about it.
"Want to talk about it?" Alex asked.
"I'd rather not, sorry." Gerard answered, he was trying to calm his crying down.
"It's okay, don't worry, and you're staying off school today." Alex said, missing Gerard's Tuesday classes wouldn't be to bad, Alex thought to himself.
Gerard nodded then laid his arms wrist side up on his knees that were almost up against his chest.
"Do you want me to bandage them up for you?" Alex asked after a while of silence.
"Sure." Gerard whispered.
"I'm going to get them from my car." Alex said then ran to the boot of his car and took out all the bandages and dressing from the first aid kit.
Alex came back and put the dressing on the cuts and then he put the bandages on to keep the dressing in place, then he done the same for the other arm.
"Thanks." Gerard said quietly.
"Want to go inside?" Alex suggested because it was freezing outside.
Gerard nodded and they went inside and into the living room, Alex had a glimpse at the clock and it was quarter to six, so only about fifteen minutes till Jack will be here.
"I seen my father in the nightmare, he made me watch him hurting Mikey and Frank." Gerard blurted out part of what happened in his nightmare to Alex.
"Don't worry, he can't hurt you or anyone else again." Alex said in a reassuring tone.
Gerard nodded and was about to say something when there was a knock at the door.
"I'll get it, it's probably just Jack." Alex said and went to get the door.
Jack came in after Alex quickly filled him in on the out lines of what happened and said he'd elaborate later.
"I'll try to wake up Frank then Mikey." Alex said and then Jack sat down on the sofa opposite Gerard.
"I know when people say this it sound like a load of bullshit, but honestly it does get better." Jack told Gerard and Gerard just nodded.
"Gee, you okay?" Frank asked when he got upstairs, Gerard changed his facial expression into a look that said, 'you know the answer, don't make me say it out loud.' and Frank nodded to say that he understood. "Want me to make you a coffee?" Frank asked Gerard, but he declined.
"Am I seeing things? Did he just say no to a coffee?" Mikey said in shock when he seen his brother say no to coffee.
Mikey walked over and sat next to Gerard. "Are you okay?" Mikey asked quietly.
Gerard noticed that no one was looking or listening so he answered, "No." In the quietest voice he could.
"Why are you saying no to the coffee?" Mikey said back to his normal volume.
"Coffee is a stimulant, and that gets your mind going and I'd rather not have that and need to think about much." Gerard answered quietly. Mikey nodded then went into the kitchen.
"Frank, are you okay with spending your day in the inclusion base? You can take the normal break and lunch times though." Alex asked Frank.
"Yeah sure, I'm cool with that, it's always quiet there too." Frank answered.
"What's the inclusion base?" Mikey asked.
"When your teacher thinks that you can't be in a class with other people you get put in there, it's almost like detention but you spend class times in there and you need to do the work given to you and you're ment to have a different lunch and interval time from everyone else." Frank answered.
"You sound like you know from personal experience." Alex joked.
"Yeah, there was this kid who really made me want to kill them so I said to a guidance teacher and then they offered me to stay in there the whole day." Frank answered.
After Frank and Mikey got ready, they left for school.
They got there with half an hour before the bell so they went down to the inclusion base for Jack to talk to the teacher.
They took their time in getting there so there was only 10 or so minutes before the bell would go.
When they got there Jack knocked on the door and the teacher gestured for them to come in.
There was a pupil already in the room, "What is it?" The teacher asked Jack.
"Could I speak to you just out side this room?" Jack asked, not wanting the pupil inside already to know.
The teacher got up and walked out side the room and seen Frank and Mikey.
"Do you want to talk more in privet?" She asked referring to the two boys.
"Oh, it's okay for them to know, they already know about it." Jack answered.
The teacher nodded for Jack to go on. "So, I'm one of Frank, Gerard and Mikey's social workers and due to an incident Gerard needs to stay off school and Alex their other social worker needs to keep an eye on him and because there is only one me and these two get escorted around the school, so I need Frank to be in the inclusion base the whole day, but because it's not due to bad behavior, that he has lunch the same time as everyone else." Jack explained.
"Okay, I'll just need to call the teachers that would have him and everything will be all sorted." She told them.
"Thanks, and see you at interval Frank, don't leave here by yourself, I'll come and meet you here." Alex said and then Frank went in with the teacher and he sat in the back corner at the wall.
Jack and Mikey went to Mikey's home room.
Gerard didn't really want to talk, but it looked like he didn't have much of a choice.
"Do you mind me asking why you started self harming?" Alex suddenly asked.
"You're going to write all of it in my file?" Gerard more stated than asked.
"Well, I'll have to put at least some of it in it, but not many people get to see the files." Alex said back.
"Okay... When I was 13-ish and Mikey was 11-ish or so, my parents Tied me down, that house had some fitted railings on the walls, and they held Mikey down and they made me watch them burning Mikey with a kettle full of just boiled water and after that they just left him, not able to move and I had to get out of the ties to help him, after it, every time I shut my eyes, I could see the look on his face, full of pain and hurt, and it was the first time I broke my promise to him, I told him 'I will never let anyone hurt you, not ever.'" Gerard said and by the end he was an emotional wreck.
"Aww come here." Alex said and moved to give Gerard a hug.
"Thanks." Gerard said once they stopped hugging and went back to sitting where they originally were.
Back in school Mikey had home ec and Ray was off sick with the flu.
"Can you cook stuff?" Mikey asked Jack because Jack had to help Mikey cook while Ray was off.
"Not to well." Jack answered.
"Well we're fucked." Mikey said.
By the end they had made something that probably shouldn't be consumed, but Jack decided he'd eat his.
"It's actually pretty nice, you should try it." Jack said.
"I think that you'll be chucking that stuff up later." Mikey said handing Jack his food for him to eat.
"Thanks and I hope not." Jack laughed.
After walking down to get Frank now that it's lunch time.
"I bet it's so boring in there?" Mikey said trying to jokingly annoy Frank.
"Nah, I get to spend the whole time not talking or having to interact with anyone." Frank replied slightly quietly due to his lack of interaction or noise so far in the day because he didn't talk at all during interval.
Gerard hadn't talked since his and Alex's earlier conversation.
"You okay? You haven't been talking." Alex said, there was only about fifteen minutes until Mikey, Jack and Frank would be home.
Gerard just nodded in response.
After a bit the door opened and Frank, Mikey and Jack came in.
Frank went straight over to Gerard and hugged him, Alex went over to Jack and Mikey just went to his room to practice bass.
Alex and Jack went into the kitchen and that left Frank and Gerard alone in the living room.
"Is it my fault?" Frank asked quiet enough so Jack and Alex definitely wouldn't hear.
"No of course no, what made you think it was your fault?" Gerard asked.
"Well, when I got up and seen the bandages and Jack had said that you'd tried to kill yourself, all I could think of was Sunday and then I though what if I made you have flashbacks." Frank said.
"Frankie, remember the first time we really done anything, we'd kept all of our cloths on, remember the conversation we had before we done any thing? Remember I said I was okay with having full on sex? I said that because I knew I wouldn't have any flashbacks or anything." Gerard reminded Frank.
Frank just nodded in answer and hugged his boyfriend.
Later on, they were siting next to each other on their bed, just cuddling.
"Can I ask you something?" Gerard asked quietly, not wanting to destroy the peaceful silence.
"Sure, what is it?" Frank asked in the same volume.
"Remember when we first met?" Gerard started.
"Of course, how could I forget the day that started the best thing that's ever happened to me?" Frank said happily.
"Why did you stop the jock, and get your self hurt over, some kid that you didn't know?" Gerard asked, slightly more seriously than the conversation had been so far.
"Well, it was a little bit selfish really, I hadn't hurt myself that night and, I just needed pain... And When I seen you, lying there almost unconscious, I just felt like I needed to help, and my mind was all like 'That guy is hot, and he looks like he might be gay... Now's your chance Frankie." Frank answered starting seriously then going into the more funny parts of it.
"You're so cute." Gerard said and ruffled Frank's hair.
xoxoxo
Alex and Jack came by and woke everyone up and when they were all sitting in the kitchen, Alex was talking to Gerard and Frank.
"Alex, I'm fine, I want to go to school." Gerard said after Alex said that he shouldn't go.
"That's proof you're not okay and Frank, long sleeves rule." Alex reminded Frank.
Frank was hesitant and really didn't want to take it off.
"How bad is it?" Alex sighed, knowing that Frank had hurt himself again.
Frank slowly started to take his hoodie off and then Alex made Frank show him his wrists.
They were cut, not as badly as Gerard's wrists but it was still bad enough that Alex didn't want them to go to school.
"I'm fine, don't worry about me." Frank mumbled crossing his arms loosely to try and hide his arms.
"I'll be back in a moment." Alex mumbled and walked over to Jack.
Alex whispered, "What should we do, if they go to school and someone pushes them over the edge..."
"And when someone says that they want to go to school it normally means their not feeling to good." Jack whispered back.
"You want to tell them?" Alex said and then Jack walked over to Frank and Gerard.
"You're not going to school today." Jack told them.
"I'm sure as hell not leaving Mikey alone for more than one day." Gerard said trying not to get angry, Frank grabbed Gerards hand and started to rub calming circles into Gerard's hand to calm him down.
"He'll be fine, I promise." Jack tried to reassure Gerard.
"I don't want to leave him alone again." Gerard said becoming sad rather than angry.
"What if you and Frank go to school, and people push one of you to the edge, what then?" Jack said.
"What if someone pushes Mikey to the edge?" Gerard argued.
"Okay! All of you just stay off then." Jack gave into them.
Jack walked back through to the living room and then Alex said, "How did it go?"
"I kind of said, 'All of you can stay off.'" Jack answered with a hand on the back of his neck and biting the inside of his cheek.
"It's okay, but you can come op with Mikey's excuse." Alex said.
"We could just say personal reasons for all of them?" Jack suggested and Alex nodded.
xoxoxo
Frank, Mikey, Gerard and Jack were all in Mikey's room. Frank and Mikey were playing Mario Kart and Mikey was winning by a little bit.
Then Frank got in the lead and crossed the finish line first.
"Another game?" Frank asked Mikey and he nodded.
The started and Frank chose Bowser and Mikey chose Mario.
"I will beat you." Mikey mumbled.
They were on the last lap and Frank was just in front of Mikey and, Mikey had a plan, Mikey was going to signal for Gerard to 'Distract' Frank from the game
"Gee." Mikey mumbled and then Gerard jumped into Franks lap and started kissing him heatedly, then they fell back onto Mikey's bed and Mikey won the game and then turned round to them.
"Guys not on my bed!" Mikey shouted and pushed them off the bad and they landed on the floor with a light thud.
"Ow." Gerard groaned, Frank had Gerard to break his fall but Gerard fell right onto the hard wood floor.
"Frankie, can you get off me?" Gerard said.
"But you're so comfy." Frank said and hugged Gerard.
"But you can lie on me later." Gerard groaned, then Frank whined but got up and sat on the bed again.
"I'm back!" Alex shouted when he got back in from the shops.
"We're in Mikey's room." Jack shouted back and then Alex ran up the stairs.
"Why's Gerard on the floor?" Alex asked when he seen that Gerard was still on the floor.
"We got pushed, but Frankie got back up." Gerard answered.
"Um, okay... I got more bandages and food." Alex said.
They left Mikey's room and went into the kitchen, they all sat down at the table except Alex who was putting their dinner in the microwave.
Gerard was standing in front of the sink, he started to unwrap his bandages slowly and once he was done he took of the dressing then done the same for his other arm and then he washed all the dried blood off then took the toilet roll they were using instead of kitchen roll and patted his arm dry and then wrapped the toilet roll round his arm like a bandage, just till after dinner.
"So, what did you do while I was out?" Alex asked.
"We played Mario Kart." Frank answered.
"And how did that go?" Alex asked.
"I won." Mikey said quietly.
"Only cause Gee kissed me." Frank said to Mikey.
"I still won." Mikey answered smugly.
"You all need to see your school shrink." Alex blurted out as fast as he could.
"Why?" Frank said, he didn't want to have to talk to a shrink.
"After your files were reviewed by the people that do that, they decided that you all need help, if it were me choosing I'd let you decide, but you don't have a choice, but you are all going to be getting the meetings at the same times... And it's during class time." Alex explained, Alex understood, he remembered when Jack had to go to the school shrink, he wasn't allowed to go in with him, and at that point in their life's, they needed each other to keep going.
"Do you know what the shrink is like?" Gerard said quietly.
"I'm not completely sure, I've not met them yet." Alex answered.
"I hope it's not that guy I had." Jack said.