Chapter 32-
"Any idea what you're doing during Christmas break?" Joshua asked our literature table out loud which consisted if only Joshua, me and Calvin today because Mason was already on the plane going back to Russia to visit his grandparents for Thanksgiving.
How lucky of him.
I played with the hem of my hoodie nervously, not knowing what to say because I truthfully did not know what I am doing for Christmas. Just last year, my parents would be preparing for this holiday since all my relatives would be coming.
I remembered that we would take days preparing together as a family since there was so much to make in such little timing along with buying presents.
But this year nobody would be coming since my parents divorced and no one wanted to look at me because everyone in my family household blamed one another for the innocent.
Last time I heard, mom said she'll be back for Christmas so there's that.
"I'm probably staying home over break with London and then work a bit as well to get some money," I decided out loud as I rolled the pencil from one hand to the other.
"You're not doing anything over break with your parents like you did last year? And the year before that? And that?" Joshua tilted his head to the side, confused by my response.
I wouldn't blame him since he was my best friend since middle school so he knew my parents liked to have a Christmas party every year and would invite all my friends to it.
"My parents are busy this year so we're not really celebrating," I confessed, not wanting to go too in details with my family issue.
"Seriously? Well then, Calvin, I insist you take her somewhere nice for Christmas!" Joshua demanded almost right away without even thinking about it.
All eyes were on Calvin now.
Calvin lazily opened one eye and glared at Joshua.
"Why don't you invite her somewhere nice since she's your best friend?" Calvin shot back.
"That's a great idea but I'm busy over break! Kyle's birthday is coming up so I have to prepare for it since I'm the older brother! You're welcome to come over whenever though since my parents know you guys," Joshua said with a goofy smile.
I glanced at Calvin now this time, not knowing if I should accept Joshua's offer since his parents are over the top when it comes to cooking and stuffing me full since they always think I'm too skinny and demand I eat a lot even when I'm full.
He looked calm and collected like always while his hand was holding up his head but he looked like it was ready to give out at any moment and fall asleep.
I wondered why he had little sleep if Erik wasn't home and he didn't have work yesterday?
Since this morning's incident, he didn't say anything to me or look at me for that matter. I was wondering what he was thinking all this time since this morning.
Was he going to yell at me?
Did something happen at home that he isn't telling me?
Break up with me?
Although one part of me wanted that to come true, another part of me didn't want that at all.
"What are you doing over break then Calvin?" Joshua said, breaking my train of thoughts as Joshua now stared curiously at Calvin.
"Nothing much either since I don't celebrate it."
"We should all get together for Christmas to exchange gifts!" Joshua said in excitement loudly.
"No talking!" Miss Bell said, making me jump from her sudden loud voice all of a sudden.
"It wasn't me!" Joshua said loudly making everyone laugh.
"Then who's fault is it?" Miss Bell challenged as she crossed her arms, expecting an answer.
"Mason's!"
"He isn't even here today,Joshua," Miss Bell commented making the whole class laugh even harder.
"Oh yeah," Joshua said in embarrassment as he rubbed the back of his neck.
Both me and Calvin rolled our eyes at his comment.
Only he would say that.
I stared at my textbook as I wondered what I should get everyone for Christmas. It was a few weeks away and I still didn't find the perfect gift. I tried my next to not worry about the fact that Paul was coming in a few weeks as well. Megan's gift was easy to think of since we had similar taste but it was Joshua and especially Calvin that I had a hard time with.
Afterward, the class itself ended quickly since we had to read in silence and hand in the discussion question at the end of the period. I managed to finish all 5 question before the bell rang while Joshua only managed to finish two. But Calvin was already done way before anyone else was.
Once we handed in our final discussion questions sheets, we were free to go.
Joshua told us he will see us during lunch since we had different classes leaving me and Calvin alone as we walked to our next class which was physics with Miss Rocco.
The walking there was pretty awkward as I followed behind him in silence.
He was definitely mad at me.
I was lost in my thought when I suddenly bumped into his back making me quickly step back in fear.
"Do you want to skip with me?" Calvin said without turning to face me.
I blinked once, then twice at his comment. Part of me was relieved we were talking while another part of me was shocked by his question.
"Excuse me?"
"Do you want to skip with me?" he questioned as he then gently pulled me by my wrist till I was not standing in the middle of the hall where everyone was trying to get through to where there next class is.
"Why?" I managed to ask as he continued to hold onto me.
"Because I want to talk to you," he simply stated.
"I don't think we're allowed to go out for lunch this early yet," I frowned because I knew it was true. I had memorized my class periods by now and knew that we didn't have lunch just yet.
"We can go to the roof," he argued and I shivered at that thought. I never really liked the roof since I almost saw Calvin try to leap to his death in September. Although two months passed, I still find it uncomfortable to begin with how there's no fences to keep anyone from falling by accident...
Or on purpose.
I debated for a while if I should skip or not. I'm not pretty fond of skipping classes because I wanted to do well. But then again I felt like physics was the easiest class compared to any other classes I had to take this semester.
Plus I wanted to explain to Calvin what happened last night and hear about his night as well.
Before I can change my mind, I nodded in agreement as Calvin led the way up to where the roof was.
At that moment, I felt like a badass.
He unlocked the door of the roof slowly and opened it for me to step in. I mumbled a thank you before entering first.
The sight of the roof was depressing compared to when I came up here in September. Many of the plants were dead, leaving nothing but crumpled leaves here and there. Since the degrees were dropping since winter was coming, it did make sense to see that but I couldn't help think this was where everything started.
This was where I met Calvin and our crazy journey started.
I heard Calvin closing the door behind us as I took a deep breath knowing we were all alone now.
"What did you have a nightmare about?" he said, determined to know.
I looked away.
"Is it about them again?" he seemed bothered and worried as he quickly looked up.
I nodded and I felt bad for lying to him but I couldn't help it.
Calvin was already possessive as he was and because he was still mad at me, I didn't want to add in anything about Paul since technically, I don't think I will see him during Christmas break. I managed to block him and also delete all my social media just so he has no way to contact me besides through Joshua or Megan but I highly doubt he would.
But why was I lying to Calvin?
It was because I didn't want to lose him after everything we've been through. I don't want him to one day find out that Paul was going to come back into my life even though I don't have any feelings for him anymore. I highly doubt that Calvin would believe me since we have been dating for so long and the only reason why I broke up with Paul in the first place was because I didn't want him to know.
But he knew now.
And he's coming back in a few weeks as well to talk to me about that incident.
But as long as I ignored him, then he should have given up by then.
Right?
"Reina?"
"Hm?"
"You okay?" he asked as he was finally done helping me change my band aids and put his forehead on mine making my eyes widened in surprise.
"I'm fine," I squeaked out nervously by his close we were.
"So answer my question then."
I blinked, "What was your question again?"
"I asked if you wanted me to sleep over again so I can help your nightmares if you get any again," he mumbled, almost shy that he even suggested it.
"No it's okay I'm fine. Plus you have to take care of your mom when Erik isn't here," I reassured him even though I did miss him being near me at night when I do get nightmares.
He seemed to frown when I turned down his offer but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to rely on him always just in case in the future, something goes wrong and we end up calling it off.
Almost as if he read my mind he replied, "I'm not going anywhere. Reina, you're stuck with me for a very long time even if you don't like it."
My heart skipped a beat when I heard him say that.
"How can you be so sure?" I replied with skeptism.
That's what I thought about Paul but look where I was now in terms with him.
Sometimes, fate loves to fuck up your life without much warning.
"Because you're the reason I'm breathing."
"Huh?" I said, dumbfounded.
"If it wasn't for you, I don't think I'll be here right now looking at you, angel."
I blushed harder and my heart was pounding harder then ever.
"Don't call me that," I mumbled, embarrassed by his nickname for me.
"Why angel?" he smirked when he realized it was making me blush.
"Because I'm far from an angel," I confessed.
I was more like dirt for being used.
Angels are usually pure and innocent and I was far from that.
"I think you're an angel. My guardian angel," he whispered before softly giving me a kiss on the lips.
Calvin always knew what to say in order to make all the pain and worry I have seem to go away. Whenever he was near me, I didn't feel the urge to cut myself.
I don't feel any hurt or pain.
Sometimes I wondered if I was just a ordinary girl, would I end up falling for Calvin sooner or later?
He pulled away from me first and I leaned in again, feeling daring even though my heart was ready explode.
He was making me feel emotions that I thought I'll never feel again and it felt weird.
"Another one," I whispered, shocked by how I sounded even.I felt him looking a bit shocked as well by how bold I was.
What was he doing to me in just so little time?
Calvin chuckled before his lips was on me now, pressing a bit harder.
This time, I pulled away after I felt the butterflies in my stomach was getting to me.
I looked at him looking at me and I sometimes wonder if this was okay.
Did I deserve happiness even though I was ruined?
Calvin lightly flicked me in the head making me frown at him.
"What was that for?"
"Quit thinking so negative," he said while I pouted at him.
"Stop reading my mind then," I pouted while crossing my arms.
"You're just easy to read is all," he shrugged as if it was true while he got up to stretch.
We stayed quiet for a few minutes, enjoying the surrounding around us. Although the plants and everything around us were dead, we looked across from the roof and realized just how beautiful it was either way.
We ended up skipping physics and just talked about everything that came to our heads. We asked each other what our favorite colors were, what we liked to do, and so much more.
It was weird to see that although Calvin and I didn't have many things in common, it still was nice to see how different opinions and thoughts can also bring people closer. The whole time through, Calvin was gently soothing my cut by rubbing it with his thumb slowly, occasionally stopping to kiss it.
By the time lunch was here, I got a text from Megan:
"Where are you?"
I quickly told her that we were coming down and that we would meet them in front of school before Calvin grabbed my hand and led me down to where Megan, Joshua and Andy was.
Megan and Joshua looked as if they were in a heated debate as I got nearer to them.
"I don't want to be the fifth wheel so break up with Andy!" Joshua said while Andy laughed, nuzzling Megan while shaking his head, laughing.
"Why in the world would I do that for your sake?" Megan shot back.
"Because I can't find the one and I don't want to be the fifth wheel!" Joshua said, this time falling dramatically on the floor. I made a face, knowing how dirty the floor was.
"Joshua, get up," Calvin said, giving him a light kick in the leg.
"Would you date me if I do?" Joshua said with a wink.
"Fuck off."
Joshua got up and brushed off any dirty things he might have gotten from rolling around in the floor while joking around.
"Any idea what you guys want to eat for lunch?" Andy questioned.
"It's too cold to think!" Joshua said with a sigh.
"Chipotle?" Megan suggested out loud.
"I'm craving Starbucks though," I voiced in my opinion.
"How about me and Andy get Chipotle for us? You tell me what you want to order and we'll get it and meet you back at the cafeteria? And then you, Calvin and Joshua get Starbucks as well. I'll get a vanilla cold brew, venti please," Megan said as we all nodded in agreement of the plan.
Since Starbucks was located literally in across from the school, it was an easy walk compared to Megan and Andy where they had to walk to the end of the avenue to even get Chipotle.
"So where were you too today? I went to physics to get you guys but you weren't there," Joshua said with a big grin on his face.
"Shut up Joshua," Calvin mumbled as I bit my bottom lip nervously.
"I'm just curious! Since best friends tell each other everything, I should know!" Joshua said in defense.
"I don't think best friend tell each other everything," Calvin counter.
"They do!"
"Do you tell each other everything? Like when you go to the bathroom as well?"
"Well obviously not but-"
"Then that's that," Calvin said as if he made his point clear enough to Joshua.
We ordered our drinks and while we were waiting, Joshua was still trying to get me to confess where me and Calvin went as I would ignore him completely making him more curious about why I was being so secretive.
After five minutes of waiting, Joshua was already trying to bargain with me and Calvin.
"If you tell me, I'll tell you who I have a crush on!"
"Taylor Swift," me and Calvin said in unison. We both already knew since that's all Joshua talked about when we asked who he thinks his soulmate is.
"I'll tell you who I think A is from Pretty Little Liars!"
"I don't really watch shows," I said while Calvin nodded in agreement.
"I'll buy you Starbucks!"
"We already paid dumbass," Calvin said looking at his phone to check what time it was.
"I guess I have no choice but to bargain my final offer. I'll tell you why I got suspended for a year," Joshua said.
This got my attention.
Joshua was always older than us by a year because he had to repeat a year but for as long as I knew him, he would never tell me the reason behind why he got held back for a year. And as his best friend, I would never push him because I know now that even best friends have deep, dark secrets that they don't want anyone to know.
I seriously debated if this was all worth it to finally be able to know why he got suspended for a whole year from school. Joshua was always the funny guy that got along with everyone so I never got to figure out his motive for getting suspended a couple of years ago to begin with.
Before I can decide on anything, Joshua laughed loudly and slapped me on the back playfully ,but with much force, causing Calvin to growl at him.
"I'm kidding! Take a joke Reina!" Joshua said while laughing while I continued to pout but I couldn't help but notice how serious he was about that topic though, even if it was for a couple of minutes. It felt like he really did want to tell us for a minute before he changed his mind.
Even people who were connected for a long time have pasts that no one knows about.
The same applied to someone as cheerful and happy as Joshua.
The same applied to someone as mysterious and quiet as Calvin.
The same applied to me as well.
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Reasons to Live: 32. "I now know that nothing in my life will change until I change the way I see my life and myself" - Iyanla Vanzant