People often hate pain, whether it's emotional or physical. They don't like the tightness that's constantly forming in their chest, their heart aching each day, or their body feeling totally numb. Pain is one of the worst feelings, and unfortunately, everyone experiences at some point in their lives. Despite how awful pain is, I appreciate it. Pain means you're alive. It's part of your humanity. Once you lose something that causes you pain, and you choose to cope with it correctly, the pain will only make you stronger as a person.
Nearly 18 years ago I experienced the worst pain and I thought it would tear me apart. I had my heart broken by my best friend. With the help of my three guy friends, I learned that I shouldn't let one heartbreak be the end of the world. They taught me to live life to the fullest. They made me believe in second chances. And one of them made me fall in love again. I learned from my mistakes, and it shaped me into the person I am today.
But what happens when the pain returns again and it becomes unbearable? When the tightness in your chest becomes too much? When the tears never stop? When the hole in your heart feels like it'll never be whole again? When the numb feeling takes over your body and you feel like the world around you doesn't exist because fate dealt you with cards you never thought you'd experienced all in one lifetime.
What do you do then? Do you give in to the pain and numbness? Or do you simply give up? No matter how much I want to cave into the darkness, giving up wasn't an option, and it still isn't today. It's not what my guys would want for me and letting them down is not what I want to do.
"I want to thank you guys for flying with us today and we hope you have a wonderful stay in Beacon Hills," the flight attendant's peppy voice echoed from the speakers throughout the plane.
It's hard to believe it's been 18 years... No, scratch that. The last time I came to Beacon Hills was 10 years ago, but I didn't even stay for more than 4 hours before I flew back home to Paris. Technically, it didn't count as coming back.
Besides, Beacon Hills isn't a place I called home anymore. Paris was home and when people asked why I moved to Paris, they often thought it was stupid that I ran away from home at the age of 17 over a broken heart. I didn't think it was stupid, to this day it was the best decision I ever made despite experiencing one of the worst days of my life.
I've had three 'worst day of my life' days and those worst days were followed by some bad days. Eventually and slowly, I've fought through those bad days to earn some of the best days of my life. It wasn't easy but we all know life isn't easy. Life will continue to throw you curve balls and you'll probably catch most of them before they hit you. But sometimes, a few of those curves will slip past your catcher's mitt and hit you with another bad day. Today marks the fourth worst day of my life.
"Y/N?" Jackson nudged my elbow, pulling me from my thoughts and from looking out the window. "We're here."
I swallowed the big lump forming at the back of my throat before I nodded my head. "Okay," I whispered.
I stood up and reached for my carry on bag from the bin above our seats and exited out the plane. Walking into the airport, my body turned on to autopilot as Jackson's hand rested on the small of my back leading the way towards baggage claim. The airport was loud and filled with unfamiliar faces, almost like bees swarming around a hive filled with honey. In a matter of seconds, the buzzing began to fade and everything and everyone around me was going in slow motion.
It was an 11-hour flight. 11 long hours. 11 stupid hours of making my mind wonder with endless deliberations.
If I had come back home earlier, would it have made a difference?
Was he home alone when it happened?
Who found him and did they make it on time or was it too late?
Was it painful?
Was he happy before he...
I closed my eyes shut, pushing that thought away as I froze in place and the pain in my chest began to ache more. Jackson's arm slid around my waist and pulled me close to him as he shushed me. "I'm right here. You're going to be okay."
I shook my head, forcing myself not to cry. Don't cry in the middle of the airport, Y/N. Do you know how embarrassing that would be? Because you know once you start, you won't stop, you told yourself.
I took a deep shaky breath, ready to continue the rest of the walk towards baggage claim, only to realize we were already there. I slipped my hand into Jackson's, feeling his wedding band against my skin as the gold band burned a hole through my ring less wedding finger.
"Where's Parker?" My eyes looked around the crowd who were also waiting for their luggage.
"He's getting the rental. We want to get you home as quickly as possible." Jackson squeezed my hand.
"Right," I whispered.
"There's our bags," Jackson pulled me with him. He could have left me alone for a few minutes, but I was kind of glad he didn't. I didn't want to be more alone than I already felt.
"I got the car," Parker stood behind me, making me jump. "Sorry, Y/N. I didn't mean to scare you."
"Prefect timing," Jackson rolled one large suitcase towards Parker. "Take this with you."
Parker nodded. "I can take another one, since we have so many bags."
Jackson grabbed another suitcase and rolled it over to Parker. "Take those two and bring up the car will ya? There are still four more bags. We should be out by the time you pull the car to the front."
Parker walked out of the airport with a suitcase in each hand. I turned around and looked back at Jackson and two suitcases in front of me. That's all of my four suitcases. All we needed were Jackson and Parker's luggage. In a matter of seconds they finally turned up and Jackson pulled them out of the carousel.
"I'd take all four but that seems impossible."
"That's fine," I took one in each hand. "I don't mind helping."
"I should be helping you, Y/N."
"You are," I gave him a sad smile. "Not for being here for me but for coming home with me. You and Parker, both. It's helping more than you might think."
The car ride home was silent as Jackson drove and Parker sat in the back of the car. I looked out the passenger window, seeing Beacon Hills in such a blur. My entire childhood was replaying in front of my eyes; Mrs. Patty's bakery shop where I'd always go after school for a snack while I waited for my dad to pick me up from work, the high school where I have countless memories with friends who I now consider family, the local 24-hour diner where I would buy Isaac a stack of pancakes to comfort him after having to deal with his abusive father, and the park around the neighborhood where I'd spend all my time with Liam in a merry-go-around. That used to be my life before I ran away and never looked back. And right now, these memories and flashbacks are adding more agony to the pain I already had.
My breath hitched as Jackson pulled up the old familiar driveway. My eyes scanned the dark two-story house. It looked so much sadder if that was even possible. I couldn't help but want to change that as I walked up the front porch and through the front door. I didn't need to flip the light switch because I remembered where everything was in my memory. So I wasn't surprised when Jackson flipped the light on and noticed everything is exactly how it was before.
Parker and Jackson were talking but I wasn't paying attention as I walked down the hallway, my fingers brushing against the blue-green wallpaper dad had to replace after Hayden and I ruined it with our fight over Liam. My eyes scanned the photos hung on the wall; every single frame held the same photos I last remembered seeing. There were several pictures of the both of us throughout the wall, one with Liam and the both of us, and another one with the both of us with the pack. Of course, at the time, he didn't know we were a pack of supernatural creatures.
I walked back to the living room and noticed the new mantel dad added about 5 years ago and on the mantel held new pictures. I instantly recognized the first one. It was one of my favorite pictures and it was one I hadn't seen in a long time. It was a black and white photo of Isaac and I kissing under the Eiffel Tower. He was in a nice suit, while I was in a simple white dress, as Jackson and Parker were in the background throwing rice up in the air above us.
My eyes averted to a picture of Jackson on his wedding day with his beautiful bride, Isabella, and by their sides was Parker, and me wrapped around in Isaac's tight embrace with Isabella's wedding bouquet in my hand. A small smile tugged on my lips looking back at the memory of the night I caught the bouquet and everyone believing Isaac and I were next to get hitched.
I took a couple of more steps and my eyes landed on a photo I had never seen before. In the middle of the photo were a set of twin girls I've never met before or even heard of, but I recognized my dad on one end and Liam on the other end. Liam looked the same with his blue orbs bright and soft and his short chocolate brown hair. He just looks a little bit older than the last time I saw him at the age of 17.
I turned around and stood in the middle of the living room, taking in all the memories that were filled between these walls. I realized it wasn't just the house I missed, but my childhood too, one that was constantly filled with my dad.
"It's so great to see you again." Jackson's voice broke my train of thoughts.
"I've missed you so much, kiddo." A familiar voice echoed in my eardrums. "I'm sorry we have to see each other again under these circumstances."
"I know. She's in the living room."
The visitor's footsteps padded against the wooden floor as her heartbeat increased with each step towards the living room, making my heart rise as well. I turned around to see the only woman I considered a mother in my motherless life, standing at the living room entrance. Her hair was shorter but still black and wavy with a few grey strands of hair. The lines on her forehead were deeper than before, and her eyes were filled with sadness.
I bit my lip, hoping it would fight back the tears. "Melissa!" I ran towards her and immediately wrapped my arms around her.
"Shhhh," she cooed as her arms tightened around my waist and began rubbing my back. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry." Her condolence only reminded me why I was back home in the first place, which caused the tears I was holding back to escape and dampen her blouse.
I closed my eyes shut and held on tight. "I can't believe dad's gone," I let out a shaky breath.
"It's going to be okay. I'm right here." Melissa tried to comfort me.
I felt Jackson's chest pressed against my back and his arms snake around my waist just under Melissa's arms. "I'm here too."
"Me three," Parker followed Jackson's actions and completed the group hug.
In life, you're going to lose people and no matter how much time you spent with them, how much you appreciate them, or how much you love them and told them so, it'll never seem like it was enough. Losing someone you love will alter your life forever. The pain will eventually ease, there will be new people in your life, but the gap will never close. The hole in your heart is the shape of the one you lost and no one can patch it up. That's something I already learned 10 years ago and even though I've already experienced losing someone I love, the third one doesn't hurt any less, but I know I can get through it with my support system.