Week 1
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It's been a day of silence. There was a woman who came to escort me away from my parents. They took my phone because apparently, I needed to focus on myself for the time that I would be here.
I have my own room. It's small and it's very weird. It's all white, and the bed is pressed up against the left wall. The room is so small that there would only be room for another bed in here and that's it.
It's lonely, and I want to go home.
~*~
A lady knocks on my door, and I get up to go get it. She's the same woman that escorted me to my room. She wears a white, button down, blouse with slick black pants. Her blonde hair is parted down the middle as her waves fall down past her shoulders. She looks incredibly professional, and that alone terrifies me.
"Hi Grace. I just needed to speak with you about your stay here. Will you take a walk with me in the hall?" she asks. Her voice is so sweet. There doesn't seem to be a single rude thing about her. That must be part of the job, dealing with people like me. She must think I am so fragile. That would explain the way she's speaking to me. Like I could break at any moment.
I get up from the bed and step out of the room and we begin walking down the long, narrow hallway filled with other rooms like mine.
"Grace. This is not a scary place. This is a safe place. During your stay here, you will be having one on one therapy sessions with one of the best in the business. Also, you will be having group discussions with people who are going through the same thing you're going through. You will eat in our cafeteria, you are free to join in any of our activities that we offer our guests. Those include reading in our library, movie watching in our theater room. Don't be fooled by the name, it's not much. And also we will have the garden available for you as well. The garden is always there if you need a minute to calm down. Do you have any questions?" she says to me.
I stay quiet for a moment, taking in all of the information I was just given until finally a question does pop into my head.
"How long will I be staying here?" I ask her, and it's so weird to hear my own voice after the hours I've just spent getting settled in. Alone in that room. No one to talk too.
"Two weeks. If our staff feels that you need more time, then it will be longer than that. Your stay here all depends on the progress you're making." she says to me, and I feel myself become completely silent. The lady rubs her hand on my back making me calm down a little bit more.
"You're going to be ok, Grace." she tells me and right now, she's all I have to believe.
~*~
I just got out of my one on one therapy with a kind man that made me feel really comfortable in there. He let me vent about all of my problems. At first, all of my problems were about the bullying, but then I told him all about Tyler. The man smiled at me when I stated gushing about him and he wrote down plenty of notes in his notepad. I don't know if I should be nervous or happy about that.
Now I'm off to the group session. This worries me. I have social anxiety for the first part. For the second, I hate people, but I have to look on the bright side. That's what the therapist said. He told me that I needed to start seeing the good in things, so I'm working on it.
I get to go talk to a whole bunch of people going through the same thing as me. That is something to look forward to.
I make my way to the room I was directed to. Room 221. I walk in, and I feel my face turn red as I realize everyone else is already here. I take the first empty seat I can find, and I sit awkwardly waiting for it all to start. For all of these eyes to turn away from me.
"Good," says the same woman I met earlier, "everyone's here. My name is Miranda. I will be running this session today and for the rest of all of your stays here. I want to start off with everyone going down the line sharing their name and story. We'll start from there."
"What do you mean by story?" asks a red head from across the room.
"She means how you got in here." says the brunette sitting next to her. Her voice is weak. Her face is now turning all kinds of red once she realizes that everyone heard her. Do I look like that? Is that how other people see me? Too scared of my own voice?
"That's right Jenna. Very good. Will you start?" she asks her, and I watch as the color drains from that poor girl's face. I want nothing more than to save her right now because I know what she's going through. I know that feeling, and it is far from good.
"I'll go first." I say without thinking, and I'm immediately regretting it. All eyes are on me, and I know my face is red, but the brunette, Jenna, gives me a thankful smile, and suddenly it feels worth it.
"Hi, I'm Grace. I'm here because I've been cutting for the past four years. I wouldn't be here if my mom didn't find out. She was worried about me, and I felt that I should be here. I need to get better.. for her.. and for me."
All of the people now look relieved. I think we all just realized that our stories aren't so different from one another.
~*~
The meeting was about an hour long. Now we're finally done and I start towards the door, but someone pops up next to me. It's that girl Jenna.
"Hi, I just wanted to say thank you for saving me in there." she says in a hushed tone.
"No problem. I've been there before, and I didn't want to see you go through it." I tell her and offer her a small smile. She returns it in a heartbeat.
"We weren't properly introduced. I'm Jenna." she says as she extends her hand towards me. I shake it and say, "Grace."
~*~
This whole week has gone by a lot faster than I thought it would. Between the group discussions and the therapy sessions, I actually feel myself starting to feel.. better. The weight on my shoulders is slowly lifting.
Today me and Jenna are hanging out in the garden. The two of us have gotten pretty close since we've been here. We are very much alike.
I told Jenna all about Tyler. I needed to talk about him to keep the memory of him very fresh in my mind. She said she wishes she had a Tyler. I guess I am pretty lucky to have him in my life. The only downside is that he doesn't even know how I feel about him.
Jenna and I sit on the bench in the garden, and I look at all the different colors. Bright red, dark blue, even yellow like the sun. All of it is so calming. This whole place is so calming.
"There's only one more week left." she tells me, and I turn my head to look at her. Her eyes are glued to the ground.
"You don't think you're gonna get out do you?" I say to her and she looks at me with her eyes meeting mine, becoming glossy.
"No, I don't. The therapist told me I wasn't making any progress." she tells me as her gaze drops back to the ground.
"Jenna," I say to her, "you have to want to get better. You've been holding back. I can tell. Get better with me so we can get out of this place together. Let go."
She starts to cry and my heart breaks for her. She's me. I see so much of myself in her. I see her pain. I see the way she looks when she's scared, and that right there is what drove me into wanting to get better. I didn't want to be weak anymore. That is not how I wanted people to see me. I will walk out of this place like a new person, but I want to walk out with her. I don't want to leave her here.
"You can do this, Jenna. I believe in you. I've been where you are, and I know for a fact that it does get better. Fight for your happiness." With those words, she looks up at me and dries her tears.
"Thank you, Grace." she says to me, and her voice is genuine.
"We can get better together. This place is a chance for us both to start over. Let's take it."
She looks at me and silence consumes the air around us. Until finally, she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes just for a second.
"Ok."
~*~
The next few chapters are serious!! I'm beyond excited for you to read them👇