Olivia
"Are you okay?" Harry asked for the hundredth time. "I'm fine" I lied, also for the hundredth time.
"You can do this." He tried to be encouraging, but he only made it worse if I'm being honest. "I know Harry" I snapped, "I've done this for the past three years, it's nothing new."
He sighed, overlooking my terrible disrespectful attitude. "As your boss that would get you fired, but as your friend, I know this is tough okay?" He placed a hand on my shoulder.
I looked down at my feet, the nude heels I was wearing were slightly scuffed on the side.
"The one person I want to be in this reading isn't here, and I know it." I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Harry looked at me sympathetically. "You don't know that Olivia, there's over two hundred people in that room right now, he could be somewhere."
I looked up at him. His green eyes were full of sorrow and hope. "Rosalyn and I will be on the front row." He stated, and I perked up.
"Rosalyn is here? What about your unnamed baby?" I joked and he smirked.
"She's with my mother, at home, in our house." He grumbled, but quickly shook it off. "and she does have a name now for your information."
"Oh yeah, what did you finally decide to name her?" I asked expecting something old fashioned like Harriet, or Glenda.
He furrowed his eyebrows as he glanced at his phone, "It's time for you now, you've got to get on the stage in less than two minutes."
He ushered me from the back, and I took a quick peek into the room.
It was packed. That wasn't unusual, these yearly readings were always full. The press, the people, our coworkers, but something thick was in the air for this one, I assumed it was just my nerves.
"I'm going to introduce you, and that you'll be reading on behalf of Lola, as always." Harry began to drone on with his instructions like he always does, however I was scanning the room.
I didn't see him, as a matter of fact I didn't see anyone I knew, other than the press of whom I had grown accustomed to from the last three readings. Lola was their favorite.
I spotted Caileigh and Niall front and center, and I smiled. At least I had their moral support.
"Ready?" Harry's hand felt heavy on my shoulder, and I bit my lip, nerves flooding through me for the first time in years.
"Yes." That one simple word, yet it had so much power, and instilled so much fear.
Harry walked out on stage, like he had done for the last hour, introducing, and joking, and being a good boss and promoter of his business.
"And in conclusion, we know this is the one everyone's been waiting for." There was a loud murmer that went through the crowd.
Journalist grabbed their notepads, obviously preparing their questions, and others scooted to the edge of their seats in anticipation.
In the far back I spotted Jacqueline, and I chuckled to myself, she was quite the little firecracker.
"—Reading on behalf of Lola, I have one of my top columnist, and my most dedicated article writer and employee Olivia Rhea."
That was my cue.
I walked out on stage, my head held high hopefully showing no signs of my complete inner turmoil, and anxiety of this disaster waiting to happen.
For some reason as I shook Harry's hand, fake smile plastered across my face, I thought of my mother, and how she of all people, was the one who encouraged me to do this specific article.
Harry left the stage, taking his seat by Rosalyn, who gave me a very enthusiastic double thumbs up, and I gave her a soft smile.
I cleared my throat, the room was dead silent, the only sounds were the shuffling of the article in my hand, and the deep breaths of the reporter for one of our sister magazines on my left hand side.
"It's okay to fall in love again." I read the title, and scanned the room dramatically one last time before I delved into what could make or break me.
Then looking out in the crowd I saw my mother.
There on the third row, looking sour as always, sat Carol. However, when we made eye contact the smallest of smiles graced her features.
She didn't tell me she was coming, but for some reason I was glad she did.
"When I was a child, the world seemed brighter, life seemed better, and love seemed a lot more real and in reach." I started.
"Then you grow up."
"The older I get the more I realize, just because you're getting older doesn't mean it's getting easier." I took a deep breath, then threw all caution into the wind.
"My name is Olivia Rhea, and I am the power behind the pen name Lola."." I read clearly, then looked up. There was a vast amount of murmurs in the crowd. All of my colleagues and coworkers.
My eyes scanned the huge conference room, not finding who I wanted. So I continued reading.
"I created Lola as an escape. Someone who I wanted to be. She was a master of breaking hearts, and a jack of all trades when it came to love and romance." I took a deep breath.
Harry gave me a nod of encouragement.
"However her articles and advice, while helpful, and most of the time true, the moment the published print came to light you could see Lola could stomach being alone. However, being lonely was not her forte."
"I'm not going to waste your time talking about Lola, I'm actually here to talk about me." Everyone was on the edge of their seats, the press were quiet, waiting.
I cleared my throat. "No names will be mentioned, under the discretion of keeping their lives private."
My eyes met Caileigh's on the front row, Niall beside her. They were smiling, proud.
"Someone very important to me once said, 'you're not the only one who has ever been hurt, lied to, or cheated on.'"
I read those words hoping that Louis was somewhere in this room. "Not only were they right, but they opened my self-centered and selective eyes."
I chuckled nervously. "I was in a very serious relationship during a crucial and important time in my life."
I replayed the memories in my head urging myself to keep going. "In college you're figuring out who you are, you're having fun, you're falling in love."
I scanned the room again, coming to the conclusion he wasn't here, but I pressed on anyway.
"I thought I had it all figured out. Graduate, marry my longterm boyfriend, raise a family, grow old together, you get the picture."
One reporter was listening so intensely I thought she might run up on stage.
"But life happened, he found someone else, and all I could wonder was, why me?" I took a deep breath.
"So I made a vow, that if I pretended I didn't have a heart, no man would ever break it again."
I smiled sadly "That worked, for a little while at least. I became a robot. Wake up, go to work, give relationship advice, but make sure they know where you stand, repeat."
I felt my mouth twitching in the corners. "You would think after so long I would get over myself and find a new boyfriend, not all men are the same right?"
"I knew that in reality, but I liked putting them in a box, a safe box where I could decide if they could hurt me or not."
I felt the crowd murmuring silently.
"Then I met someone."
The mummers got louder, and I continued reading even though I basically knew this by heart. I talked about Louis, revealed my insecurities, and overall poured out my soul to this room full of people.
"Now that you know a little bit about me, Lola would never end an article without a few steps to accomplish your goal."
I felt a lot lighter, like things were off of my chest. "So I have completed three very affective steps that may help you, when it comes to being okay with falling in love again."
I read this line over enthusiastically on purpose and the crowd laughed, calming my nerves.
"Step one. Make a pros and cons list." I could feel the audience's confusion, but I looked at Cails and saw the admiration in her eyes.
"It may sound very juvenile, but I promise it works. Step Two," I continued on, not wanting to waste time.
"Don't get caught up in the past." My eyes scanned the room again, desperately, he really wasn't here.
"Things didn't work out for a reason, don't hold onto the pain in hopes it'll make you feel safe, like my mother once told me. 'It's okay to not be okay.'"
Murmurs again, and Harry was smiling, wide. I glanced at Carol, and she was looking at her hands, If I was correct she may have been crying, who knows.
"Step three, last but most importantly, and only to be attempted if the first two steps are complete." I got a laugh out of that one.
"When you do meet someone, whether your first time ever, after an inconvenient breakup or a difficult time in your life. Maybe you have been on two hundred and forty dates before them."
"If you feel something for them, tell them. If you really like them, tell them. If you don't like them at all, tell them."
I looked up before I read the last line, I had everyone's attention. "However, if you are still afraid, which you will be. Maybe you're not completely healed, which you may not be." I sighed.
"If you do know, that you love them." I did one last scan around the room, knowing he wasn't here.
"Tell them before it's too late." I concluded.
There was thunderous applause. People were standing and my cheeks were red. The press were screaming questions, and everyone was in fits.
Harry joined me on stage, calming the sea of people. "Olivia will be taking a few questions, please raise your hand and act accordingly."
I gulped.
"You in the pink." I pointed to a woman on the second row. She stood announcing her name and business.
"Do you have your pros and cons list? If so may we hear it." I felt my stomach knot as I brushed my hand across my notebook.
"Yes, I do." I opened it flipping to the correct page. "I'll only share a few, wouldn't want to keep you here all day." The crowd laughed.
I read through a few earning some laughs, and a couple of chorused aww's. I took more questions, many refereed to Lola, my writing style, other things.
"Are we good with questions?" Harry asked, obviously ready to conclude this meeting. The room fell silent.
Just as we were about to say farewell a lone hand flew up from the back of the room. "Yes, one more question," I addressed and they stood.
"Umm my name is Stewart." My heart thumped loudly in my chest. "I'm an intern here for the tech department." His voice shook.
I felt like my mouth was made of cotton.
"What's your question?" I croaked, and he shrugged.
"Did you tell him?" He asked and everyone turned to look at him.
"Did you tell him that you love him?"