At five I headed down the elevator to the basement and walked over to Nicks car. He was already inside. I opened the passengers door and hopped in.
“So, you’re moving in with my PA and the IT boys” Nick said softly
“Yeah, Josh has been really friendly” I noted pulling my seat belt on “He’s a nice guy”
“mmmhmmm. Well, he’s certainly a trier,” Nick replied “He’ll probably ask you out” he added sharply.
“If he does, I might say yes. He’s nice enough.”
“Sometime nice isn’t really what we need though is it” nick Murmured as he started the car.
I felt my face flush and remembered the rendezvous in the office earlier, the way Nick had touched me, the pleasure and the pain. STOP IT!!
“I think nice is exactly what I need” I said, not completely sure I meant it.
When we were back at Nicks, he parked up and after an awkward and silent ride up the elevator we headed in to the penthouse suite.
“I can give you a lift to your new place” Nick offered, placing his keys down on the bench
I shook my head and a small nervous laugh exited my mouth.
“I think they’ll all have something to say if I show up in the bosses car, thank you though”
“I suppose you’re right. Will you be alright to get there?”
“I’ll catch a bus or something, I’ll be fine. Thank you for everything Nick, and sorry”
I walked away quickly, toward the spare room. Once I was inside I was greeted by the evidence of hour morning tryst before work. The blankets on the bed were pushed to one side. I remade the bed, then packed my suitcase. I left the room and walked back out to the lounge, Nick was sitting at the breakfast bar, He’d changed into a t-shirt and shorts. I placed my suitcase by the front door and turned to look at Nick.
“Well, I’m going to go now. Thanks again”
Nick didn’t say anything, he only nodded in my direction.
Surprisingly tears threatened to well up in my eyes, but I didn’t know why. I turned around and opened the door and left.
I managed to find a bus stop and with surprisingly little trouble a bus that would take me near where I needed to be. When I reached my stop I hopped off and walked until I found the street number Joshua had given me.
I dragged my suitcase along the path to the house and up the stairs. I knocked on the red door and waited patiently. A few minutes later it opened and Janie greeted me
“Hey!” She exclaimed opening the door wider “The boys are out collecting stuff for dinner. Come in!”
“Hey” I replied with a smile.
“I’ll show you to your room”
I followed Janie down a long hallway. Funky art adorned the walls which gave the house a creative feel. Finally Janie stopped and opened a bedroom door.
I walked inside and smiled. The room was sparsely furnished, with just a queen bed and a set of drawers, but it felt homely.
“Put your case down and I’ll make us a drink, okay?” Janie questioned with a smile
I just nodded, praying that she didn’t ask me anything about Nick.
I put my case on the bed and followed her out, down the hallway and into the kitchen.
My prayers were not answered because as soon as I sat down at the table and Janie flicked on the jug she turned and looked at me.
“So. You and Nick” She asked, cocking her head
“What do you mean?” I replied playing dumb
“He’s called you in to his office twice in 24 hours, for extended periods of time. I can’t think of much else… Granted I’m probably just gutter minded”
“oh”
I couldn’t think what to say, lying seemed futile. Janie was at the front lines of Nicks office. She knew exactly how long I had spent in his office.
“I’m not just over thinking am I!” Janie exclaimed, clearly shocked by her own discovery. She poured the hot coffee into the mugs and then walked over to the table.
“It doesn’t matter. I guess it only happened because he missed his fiancée, and I let it happen because I am trying to escape my past.” I said sipping on the coffee Janie had placed in front of me.
“You don’t understand, Nick isn’t like that. He’s a one girl type of guy. Something major had to have happened for that to happen” Janie replied
“Either way, his fiancée is coming back early.”
“You’re not bothered?” She asked
“Not in the slightest. Like I said, it only happened because I wanted to escape my past, make sure I am capable of intimacy. So it’s fine. He can get married and be happy” I smiled, although it was a fake smile, designed to hide the fact everything I’d just said was a complete lie.
“scandalous”
“I’d prefer if we didn’t talk about it though, if you don’t mind”
Janie and I changed the subject and instead she told me all about Marc. They’d been “friends with benefits” for two years. It was clear to me that Janie felt more for Marc by the way she spoke about him though and I wondered how successful such an arrangement could be if one of the participating parties fell in love. The way she explained it, they weren’t exclusive, so they would go on dates with other people, but if sexual relationships were started with other people, Marc and Janie would stop. It all seemed awfully complicated, but refreshing at the same time.
I imagined doing something similar, to take control of my own body and shut the doors on the past, when my own body had been used as a tool of torture against me.
Finding a part time lover could be kind of ideal.
Around 7pm Marc and Joshua walked in the door with Chinese food.
“Hope you two are hungry we bought a banquet” Josh said placing two plastic bags on the table. Marc added another and then walked into the kitchen to grab some plates.
The four of us ate dinner and talked about work, and the weekends.
Afterward I headed to bed, exhausted.
I slept well, the bed was comfortable and it felt homely. When I woke up the sun peered in through the blinds as the alarm on my phone blared loudly.
I got up and walked out of my bedroom and down to the kitchen.
“Morning” Janie yawned as she sipped on a coffee
“Morning” I replied, pouring my own coffee. “I was meaning to ask if you know of a cheap store to buy some clothes for work? I literally only have one outfit suitable” I asked sitting down at the table in my pj shorts and shirt
“Of course, we’ll go there this weekend yeah? You can borrow some of my stuff anyway, we look to be about the same size” She smiled at me
“I’m probably just almost a foot shorter” I laughed
“You’re what, 5”5? I’m 5”9… its only a few inches. You’ll just have to were a skirt… or stilettos”
“I’m 5”5 on a good day, and I'd probably fall flat on my face in stilettos” I laughed.
We finished our coffees and then Janie ushered me to her bedroom. She grabbed a black dress and handed it to me
“You can have this. I bought it a couple of weeks ago without trying it on, and its too short. It’s suppose to sit on the knees, but it seems to sit almost mid thigh on me.”
I held the dress against me, it looked tight.
“I don’t know, I mean… Woah this cost $100!” I exclaimed looking at the tag
“It was on sale I got it for $50, which is why I didn’t try it on. Call it a welcome present.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course!!”
I thanked her then walked back to my bedroom and gathered clean underwear. Luckily the bathroom was free so I had a quick shower and got dressed, the dress sat perfectly against my curves, and a hint of cleavage peeped through. I tied my hair into a tight bun, applied some make up then walked back out.
“Come show me!!” Janie called out from her bedroom.
I walked down the hallway and in to her room.
“Wow! You look hot!”
I tugged at the dress, a little uncomfortable with the way the fabric sort of clung to me. Janie sighed at my self consciousness and grabbed my hand
“Look!” She urged as she dragged me until I was in line with the mirror. I cocked my head and shrugged. It looked alright. Completely not me, but perfect for work.
I thanked Janie and once the boys were ready we left in Marc’s car.
When we arrived at work, Marc parked in the basement. The four of us headed up the elevator and thus began another day of work.
Processing rejection after rejection was draining. With every click of a button I knew I was destroying dreams and it made me feel horrible. On my lunch break, I felt emotionally crushed.
Josh sided up to my cubicle like he had the past few days.
“Coffee?”
“Yeah sure.” I mumbled back in reply, unsure about how great I was going to be for company, none the less I picked up my wallet and followed Josh down the corridor. Marc met up with and we stood at the fork in the office, as we waited for Janie.
A few minutes later, she exited the office.
What followed behind her felt like a punch to the stomach and I felt physically ill.
Nick and Amelia Ann walked out, looking loved up and happy. Amelia had her arm looped through Nicks, and they looked at each other adoringly. It literally looked like a photo shoot had come to life in the corridor.
I looked away from them, and at Janie in an attempt to distract myself. Janie’s eyes caught mine and she furrowed her brow at me. As Janie joined us, Nick and Amelia kept walking past. Toward the elevator. I tried to think of an excuse to run back to my desk, to avoid riding down the elevator with Nick and his fiancée, but Josh playfully looped my arm through his to imitate the lovebirds before I could think of anything, and he began walking toward the elevator as well.
I cursed in silence, Damn elevators were going to be the death of me. For once though, I welcomed it, The sooner the better.
I partly hoped the other elevator would open, so I could steer us toward it, away from Nick. But only one opened and we filed in. Random thoughts filtered through my head as I stood up against the wall, staring at the floor. Did he act the same with her as he did with me? did he touch her the same way. Was I jealous?
I looked up and for a fleeting moment Nick’s eyes meet with mine.
A stab of something hit my chest and I felt winded. I prayed for the ground floor to hurry up and arrive so I could get out of here and breath.
When it did, Nick whispered something in Amelia’s ear and she nodded walking away.
I began walking with the others toward the café we’d visited the day before.
“Ms Jenkins, A word” Nick called out to me before I got very far. I stopped, and for a second felt literally frozen to the spot. I composed myself, told the others I would catch up and turned toward Nick.
“I wanted to thank you again. I really believe I made the right choice in Asking Amelia to come back early. I would have probably let things divide further and further” Nick murmured.
“So having sex with me, put your love life in perspective. Great. Seeya” I replied, a little more sarcastic than I normally would. I went to walk away but Nick grabbed my hand, and held it with enough force to stop me.
“You said lust wasn’t a good enough reason to end a love affair, I’m simply agreeing”
“Good on you, Mr Jackson, this is cutting in to my break. I really need to go” I said trying to yank my hand from his grasp, he only tightened it, my hand began to throb from his grasp and unlike yesterday in his office it hurt, but not in a nice way.
“You’re hurting me!” I grunted through clenched teeth.
Nick instantly let go of my hand, his eyes softened and he looked sorry
“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s fine Mr Jackson. For what it is worth, I am glad you have sorted things. Enjoy your day”
And with that I walked away, Things were cleared up. Nick and I were nothing and I’d helped him to see he loved his fiancée. So why did I feel so wretched. Why did my heart hurt? Why did I want to run back in to his arms and share an earth shattering kiss with him.
I quickened my pace and resolved to forget it all, forget the previous two days and give myself the clean slate Nick and I had attempted before yesterday happened.