Zane gripped my hand harder as we stood to get our last glimpse of Will Angelo. It had been a week since his death, and since my father was arrested. Everyday I yelled at myself, there was no one to blame for his death but me. If I had called 911, he would still be alive. If I had kept the gun when Zane got stabbed, he would still be alive. If I had stayed out of Zane's life, Will would still be alive. There was no one to blame but me, and I took full responsibility.
I smoothed my black dress as I stepped forward, peaking over the casket. Will laid there, hands crossed over his chest. His skin was paper white, but other than that he looked alive. You could see the bullet hole in his forehead, but the others were covered by his best suit. I could feel my throat closing and the tears flowing down my face, and I couldn't take it any longer. I buried my head in Zane's chest, taking deep breaths of his sent to calm myself. Zane wrapped his arms around my shoulders, so tight I thought about squirming, but I didn't, I just cried. He placed his head on top of mine, and I could feel him shaking. I flinched as warm tears hit my neck, not mine but Zanes. Deep down inside I admired him for being able to cry, for not being one of those guys who are to "macho," but I was crying too hard to acknowledge it.
I ignored the people who were staring at us, or the people behind us who were waiting in line, and just cried. Eventually, Zane pulled away and grabbed my hand, leading me off the pedestal. We stepped into the sun, letting it warm our cold souls. Neither of us spoke, we just wandered through the grave yard hand in hand. We stopped under a cherry tree, which was coloring for fall. The leaves were a dark pink color, which I would've loved if I was in the mood. We sat on the cement bench under the branches, so close our knees touched. I leaned my head on Zanes shoulder as my tears stopped, I had nothing left to cry. After a week of crying I had no more tears, and yet it seemed like I needed to cry a thousand more.
"My..." Zane trailed off and looked at the sky, trying to calm his shaking voice, "My father wanted you to have this." Zane pulled something out of his pocket I couldn't see.
"Wh-" I stopped as Zane placed something around my neck that felt like cold metal. I looked down to find a necklace hanging around my neck, stopping just before the 'v' of my dress. The silver coin charm had a cursive 'D' carved into the center.
"It was my fathers mothers, her name was Dama."
"I...I can't take it." I could feel the tears rising to my eyes again as I fumbled with the clasp, but Zane pulled mu hands away.
"Please take it, he wanted you to have it." He looked like he was about to cry again, so I nodded, kissing him on the cheek, "Thank you." He whispered, pulling me into a hug, "We should get back." So we made our way back to the pavilion where Will was being buried. When we got there, I saw Emma. She was sitting in a corner by herself, crying silently. I could tell she was crying by the way her shoulders were moving up and down.
I ran forward, wrapping my arms around her neck, "I'm so sorry." I said, beginning to cry again, "So sorry." I felt her nod against my neck as she balled into my skin, soaking the top part of black dress. We sat like that for a long time, both crying and rocking back and forth. Eventually, Zane came and pulled me away and said they are starting the burring ceremony.
We all followed the parade to the site where Will was to be buried. It was under an oak tree - which was his favorite kind of tree - and in front of a tomb stone that read, 'Here lies Will Angelo, a teacher, preacher, and man of God. May he rest in peace forever.' I watched as the crane lowered the closed casket into the ground, hiding it from view. The men began to shove the dirt over the hole, burring it in the ground. I could hear someone speaking, but I couldn't understand their words. My head spun as more tears ran down my cheeks, seemingly of their own accord. I shut my eyes, trying to block out all the sounds, trying to make everything alright again, but it didn't work.
I opened my eyes again as I felt a pulling on my skirt. Aria was standing at my feet, holding her arms up. I bent down and swung her on my hip, doing my best to stop crying so she wouldn't see. She was to young too understand any of it, and in a way she was lucky.
"Demi, why are they burring daddy?" She asked, glaring at the men. I was baffled, what was I supposed to say?
"Don't worry, you'll see him again." I whispered, hoping my words were true. Just because I didn't personally didn't believe in their god or a world where you went to live after death didn't mean that I had to rip away her beliefs.
"When?" Tears were welling in her eyes now, pulling at my heart strings.
"When you go to Heaven." I smiled, brushing the wind blown hair from her face.
"Is that where daddy is?" I nodded, "When can I go?"
"When you're older." Zane said, pulling her from my arms and sending her to the playground. The ceremony was over, but people were still lingering, "Sorry about her." He said, pulling me into another hug.
"It's fine." I whispered into his neck, I felt him shiver.
"Here you go guys." Emma said, handing us each a white rose. Ian, Miles, and James stepped forward and placed their roses on the grave. I could here Ian sobbing quietly, and all were silent. The death of their father had really shaken them up, I wasn't sure if they would ever be the same again. Emma stepped forward next, placing her rose at the tomb stone and kissing the cement lightly. Zane let go of my hand as he stepped forward, dropping his rose in the pile.
It was my turn, and I knew it, but I could barely move. Slowly, I dropped to rose from my hand, bending down to the same level as the tomb stone. "I'm really sorry." I whispered, a single tear falling from my eye, that was all I had left. We all left silently, no one had anything to say. The family I loved was a mess, possibly destroyed, and it was all my fault.
------------------------------------------
I sat on my bed, crisscross apple sauce, reading my biology book. It was Thanksgiving break, and I had no homework, but I needed to do something. Sighing, I looked up at the clock. It said it was two AM. I was wearing a black tank top and black sweat pants, with a baggy red shirt. It hung off of my right shoulder, and on it was a black smiley face. I had my hair in a messy bun, which was on the left side of my head. I couldn't sleep, I was too upset. Suddenly, there was a knock at my door.
"Come in." I said, standing from my bed and straightening my shirt. Zane walked in, still dressed from the funeral. He had on a white dress shirt, which was now wrinkled, and black dress pants. He had removed his tie.
"Sorry to bother you, but I saw your light an-" I cut him off, running and jumping into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and legs around his waist.
"It's fine, I need someone to talk to, too." I heard him chuckle as he walked over to my bed, setting me down before laying down next to me.
"So you couldn't sleep?" He asked with what would've been an amused smile except for the deep pain in his eyes.
"Who can?" I asked, frowning.
"Aria and the boys, they were out like a light hours ago." I laughed slightly, scooting closer to Zane.
"I'm really sorry about you dad." He looked down at me, sternness filling his eyes.
"We've talked about this. We are all going to miss him, but it's no ones fault, no matter how much you think it's yours."
"But I-" He cut me off by kissing me. Gently at first and then he pressed harder before pulling away.
"No ones fault." He whispered, inches away from mine. I smiled and kissed him again, this time lingering on his lips a little while.
"Got it." I said, effectively distracted from my depressing afternoon. He smiled at me before laying his head down. I laid down too, letting out a sigh. Our bodies were only inches apart.
"By the way, we're leaving for a trip tomorrow." Zane said after a while, breaking the silence.
"We are?" I asked, propping up on one elbow. This is the first I was hearing of any trip
"Yeah, mom wants to go back to England to visit some friends, so we are." I sat up and looked at him.
"For how long?"
"Two weeks, I think."
"But we will miss school." I frowned, wrinkling his eyebrows. Even if I didn't exactly enjoy school, I was trying really hard to keep my grades up. If I didn't get good scholarships, I wouldn't be able to afford college. He shrugged his shoulders, swinging his legs off the bed.
"I guess she doens't care, but she really needs some of her old friends right now Demi, so please go without fighting." He smiled and kissed my forehead, "Try and get some sleep." And then he left, leaving me to pack my things.