~Chapter 22 – The Race~
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Ok so I was a little more freaked out about today’s event, as I knew we all had a free period in the morning and not only that it was the weekend tomorrow. Moreover, I needed new clothing as my old ones were not fitting me no more, I don’t know whether to be happy or not.
Therefore, I was dressed in my lovely running gear, no not the cookie hoodie which reminds me I probably left it back home, and I needed it as it gave me comfort. However, this time I had my three quarter tracks with my now oversized t-shirt, which did a good job at hiding my size pretty well. I tied my hair back with a band and carried my school uniform in my bag.
I went downstairs slowly, I didn’t see the boys and I breathed a sigh of relief from last night’s problems to now, I didn’t need it. I needed to focus on not being an idiot. This is hard considering I was a fat idiot, and I need serious management with my anger issues.
I got a free ride with the butler today, no need to even ask him. Which surprised me as I thought he hated me, turns out from one of the maids I crossed, he likes me. I reminded him of his wife. Which I don’t know I should be flattered by or grossed out, that I now look very old and wrinkly that old men like me now, It was a hard decision so I took the flattered as my final thought.
However, once I was there, I saw how empty it was. For now that meant people were in class, and some were hanging somewhere enjoying some sun. Yes for once it was a sunny day, but I felt hot already in my oversized t-shirt. I was wearing and I didn’t even want to take it off. Nevertheless, I knew I will die if I didn’t, so I had a problem. I walked around to the track field, to see no one was here yet. I glanced down at my watch to see I was a bit too early about 45 mins more extra, so I went to the start line did my stretches and sat down.
No soul was here besides me, it felt eerie and I didn’t know what to do. So I looked at my phone and thought about calling my mother. I think it was about time to give me answers. Suddenly I was feeling nervous, if I fail, this not only was I making a fool of myself. But I was going to regret it, I know for sure. Moreover, I couldn’t back out now, stupid brain I knew I should have forgotten the idea I had a race, and gave them an excuse of being ill.
“Hey!” I heard and a slap on my back I winced and looked at Anthea
“Hello.” I replied rubbing my shoulders, it really hurt.
“I guess they’re not here yet.” I hear the suspicious tone in Anthea’s voice. “You think that punch you delivered yesterday made her run away?”
“Oh please don’t mention that.” I groaned it was my fault anyways. “I hope she does come, I just want to get this over with.”
“Yeah, even though, that was some bad ass punch you delivered.” Anthea started to giggle and I couldn’t help but laugh.
We kept on laughing; until we heard some footsteps. And I noticed not only Anthea was tearing up, but a pair of Reeboks coming towards us.
“Here it goes, lift me up.” I replied as I stretched my hands out so Anthea pulled me up, I rubbed off excess dust and look towards the mini group.
I noticed, among them was Mason and not even Jethro, I know I shouldn’t worry about it but it made me feel sad for some reason. After all, I was doing this race for him. Which irritated me in a way, I mean I hated the fact I was doing something for someone I barely knew?
“You ready” I asked the girl who had a pretty band aid on her nose which was bruised nicely
“You bet freak” She growled I was getting used to the swearing, so I shrugged my shoulders and we both moved to the starter line.
Everyone gathered around the sides to see both of us lined up, I was on the left and she was on the right. I looked towards the round circle around me and gulped, it was a big circle. Moreover, suddenly I felt queasy and I hope I didn’t break down right there and then.
“Ok, this is how it goes we run around the track twice. And whoever wins is the one who dates Jethro from now on.” Cara shouted as loud as possible as if everyone had to know why.
I mentally slapped myself; I can’t back out now. I needed to do this not for that boy but for me. To, show her I can do this with bullies like her. I was not going to show her my weak side, that was only for me and probably the boys, as they saw me break down at least many times I can remember.
“Ready!” I heard a brunette getting ready to whistle
We both looked at each other, and nodded as a nice gesture. This was ok with me. Then I froze, I saw the people piling up now. I felt pale and I was worried now. There was a herd of them coming towards us to see, and I wasn’t ready for a show. I was only fooling myself now, this couldn’t be happening, I knew right then I would fail.
I looked around the buildings that casted around us, and I saw a pair of eyes that I thought I wouldn’t see today at all. And I gulped he was looking at me, he was watching. Moreover, I didn’t know what to do wave? Nope I was a bit likely to be waving at a brick wall, if I planned to do that. However, I saw him his eyebrows crushed together in a curious gaze, I saw him bite his lip in a nervous jester he was worried, I saw it in his face and that made me happy for some reason.
I looked back at the girl and thought maybe it was time, to get rid of the fear of running away. All the time, maybe it was time to stand my ground. I felt more and more anticipated right now. I felt like I can do it, if I slowed my pace and does it right, I know I could do it!
“READY!” I heard the girl say
We bother went down; I felt the bead of sweat on my head already.
“STEADY!” the girl said again
We both stuck our butt out in motion and hoped it would set off; I know I won’t be as fast as her but I can show her who was boss.
“GO!” I heard the whistle right there
And that’s when my left foot left the ground and my body held itself up right, I was running I felt the breeze as it hit my face. I saw Cara ahead of me by 10 steps more and I was slacking this wasn’t good. I bent my head forward as I hunched my shoulders and ran with more force. I was nearly close to her, I was so close I could feel it in my bones. However, she breezed past me too quick and I nearly died.
I was running out of breath, I saw a haze of people’s faces and I felt sick. This wasn’t how I wanted a Friday to be, but nothing in my life was right anyway. I was still running as slow as possible I was running out of fuel, I cursed so many times. I passed Mason and saw his concerned face saw him, he was biting his fingernail and I couldn’t help but laugh. This was more intense than I thought, more over it felt enjoyable for some reason.
I saw Cara look back at me as I laughed; I couldn’t help it. This was just too damn funny for me. I was still sweating, beads of sweat made its way across my back. I felt it trickle down and I shivered. It was cool, but icky at the same time which wasn’t nice. But my face was burning under the sun, I was probably red as a tomato. And my ponytail was nearly coming out, we were coming closer to the first lane. And when I looked again I saw Cara rush passed it quicker than I expected.
“Come on Raquel!” I heard two girls shout my name ,and I saw Anthea and Sierra jump up and down I smiled
Ok this was it, this was our second lane we were nearly finishing, it felt to quick to even remember. I felt my knees nearly give me out, this wasn’t good. I was getting tired too quick even after all the running, I felt the need to remember how it was back when I was a kid. Always running from the bullies, the ones who pushed me, beat me, and did everything in their soul to hurt me. Moreover, the anger fuelled my body, the anger which I kept in for so long for something. I was trying so hard to let go, I saw myself running closer to Cara and finally was able to go next to her.
“Shit!” She cursed and I laughed “WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING THIS IS SERIOUS!”
“I don’t know but this feels real good.” I replied to her and edged further than her in a happy smile.
She was rushing towards me now; we were running as quick as possible. In addition, I found moving myself to the incredible beat of my feet against the floor. The angry pitter-patter of the soles of my shoes hitting the track. I was releasing my anger and that felt good and I was running like the wind, and that's exactly what was happening now I was elated. I was running and I was free. Free from them, free from people right now from my mother and family.
And that’s when it happened, as if I didn’t see it coming. When I knew deep down something as sly as this would stop me, I felt the nudge as hard as a rugby player I dropped. I rolled and I felt myself scrape my knees, It felt as if time had stopped right then. Moreover, I coughed an breathed raggedly then I got up, miraculously it was if I wasn’t controlling my body, it was someone else that few minutes of rest did me good.
And I ran up to her I caught her and looked at her shocked face. I was ready for this I knew it I wasn’t always like this, but today I felt brand new. I felt like me again in such a long time I felt like I wasn’t hiding any more. My heart was pounding every step to the beat of my feet, racing over the hard ground that felt light under me. Sweat beaded my forehead my body, causing my hair to cling to it. As my throat ached for air, more air, I coughed harder it was parched. The delicious rush of wind past my face cooled me down, my muscles stretched, pushed harder than I ever knew it could do. My pace evened out, and my legs making it easier for me to dash.
I was there; I could feel the intensity of peoples gazes to them. This was a race between two girls who were fighting for a guy, but to me this race meant me leaving behind everything. I knew that wouldn’t hurt me no more than it did now. We were so close, so damn close to the finish line. The track blurred below me, as I felt a surge of adrenaline. The steady thump of my footsteps echoed in my ears, and I felt a bead of sweat roll down my eyes rolling down to my chin.
I saw him, I smiled this wasn’t the first time nope. This could’ve been a millionth time that he has been, secretly there cheering me on. Moreover, I passed it by an inch, my body hit the ribbon as I tugged it flying towards strong open arms, I coughed, I laughed and I was being held by someone who cared for me.
“I can’t believe you did it!” I heard Anthea scream as she hugged me
“You were amazing!” Sierra joined in
I felt three people hug me to hard, and I couldn’t stop laughing. A lot of people were cheering, it was if this game was a death match, for them to be happy over with. Who cares, I saw the people fade away slowly, and I felt my heart slow down now. I was still hugging him. This was amazing I’ve never won anything in my life, and for someone else this was an accomplishment.
“You can let go now Mason!” I laughed and felt him hesitate then let go
“Sorry got too excited” He blushed
“No problem!” I replied squeezing his hand.
I let go off them and laughed a bit more, as I looked back to see Cara on the ground hitting her fists hard. I rushed towards her and grabbed her hand, what in the world is wrong with her, was she crazy.
“Hey what are you doing” I shouted and she looked up and I noticed why she was doing it
“I hate you!” She whispered
“Why-Why are you crying?” I whispered harshly this wasn’t fair, I deserve to be happy for once, I cannot feel guilt.
“I can’t believe you won, how and why” Cara breathed crying
“I don’t know, but this isn’t fair I won fair and square!” I replied back my voice cracking dammit me and my emotions.
“I really love him!” She replied back and I knew right then that she really did.
What was I suppose to say? Too bad, he was mine, he wasn’t even mine, why did I have to make someone else suffer as well as me. Doing something that I had no faith in, why? Because I was too stupid to realize that, it didn’t always affect only me. It did with other people. In this case, it affected Cara like a thunder strike. Who would’ve thought I would win. I know I didn’t I made myself. Nevertheless, with her she probably had high points thinking I would lose I didn’t blame her.
I saw her crumple, she really did love him. Is this how people are in love? I know this is something new to me, I was never in love. Therefore, I don’t know anything, even though my job was to assist two couples together for a lifetime presumably. However, this time I was as clueless as a duck. In addition, what did I do to soothe her pain, I sat down in front of her held her face between the palms of my hands, and made her look at me.
I wanted to laugh, she looked funny with the snot nearly coming down. And her lip quivering, this was a sight for sore eyes. Her hair was messed up too. But right now, she was revealing her inner most desire. And that was to be with Jethro, winning this race meant a lot for her. A stake she had to battle with, and I won it. Someone who doesn’t even love this boy. who doesn’t even have any connection with him, besides being a lodger at his house.
“I am not going out with Jethro, Cara” I whispered she stared at me hard and wide eyed. “I never was I don’t love him, I may have won this race but right now you probably won something more.” I declared
“So you’re saying this race was just nothing!” She nearly screamed
“No it was something, I did this for him and for me and not for love, something else.” I replied
“I don’t understand so you don’t love him” She sniffed
“No way, he’s an ogre believe me, I think he wants to kill me secretly” I laughed and she looked at me like I was crazy. “Believe me I don’t ever think I will love him” I replied back smiling.
What was that? My heart just twisted slightly. Was there something wrong with me?
“So that means I still have a chance” She whispered back looking me dead in the eye
Even when I was holding on to her cheeks like my mum does to me, she manages to still look pretty when she cries. Why? Why was everything so unfair all of a sudden what do I do? Should I just let it all go, I think I deserve too right.
“Yes.” I whispered back with a smile. “And I will personally help you if you want or give you chances to kidnap him or something.” I giggled and let go of her face.
It was quiet; I watched Anthea, Mason and Sierra talking giddily, well more like Sierra was talking to mason animatedly. While Anthea was laughing away, It felt nice to have friends for once. True real ones, which don’t leave you for boys or just want to be friends, because you have this stupid gift of making people come together. When in reality it wasn’t me who does this.
I felt a pang in my chest again, when I Sierra and Mason hug. What was wrong with me? Am I ill? What is this? All I feel is just hollowness, like there’s nothing inside me. I was never this depressing before, I think I’m going crazy.
“Are you ok?” Sniffed Cara as she placed a hand on my arm which surprised me
“I am fine, moreover are you ok?” I replied as I dug out a handkerchief and gave it to her.
“I am thank you.” She whispered and blushed which made me laugh she was a funny character.
“That’s good.” I replied and got up dusted myself
“Raquel.”
“Yes” I looked back at Cara who looked more nervous
“Are you sure you don’t love him” She asked
“I am a 1000 percent sure I do not love him.” I replied back
“Can I you a question.” She asked with a serious face
“Sure shoot at me.” I replied back worried by her face
“Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or have never loved before?” she asked
Moreover, I froze, what kind of question was that. I never came across to something so serious. Did she really not trust me when I said I didn’t like him, I really didn’t love him what made her think I do.
“Cara, don’t tell me you think I actually lied to you about what I said, I don’t love him” I replied shocked shaking my head in dismay.
“Answer me please.” Cara begged and looked at me, with woeful eyes if she really wanted to know maybe I should just answer it.
But how do you answer something so serious like that? What do you say back? I can’t say I would choose true love because I don’t what love is. What is love? I am just 18 years old barely understanding my own life, and misfortune. What makes her think I would know what love would be? In addition, heart break I faced many before but they weren’t due to love no, so it’s hard to even understand what to say.
“I would choose to have never loved before “I replied back to her I felt my throat constrict this felt painful to say for some reason.
“Oh” She breathed and suddenly looked pale under her tanned skin
“What’s wrong” I replied coming closer to her
“Nothing, see you later.” She whispered and walked away I watched her retreat, and felt a sudden ache in my chest.
And that was it, the race was over with. I had a lovely odd chat with a girl who I thought seemed to hate me. Probably does, I don’t know yet to early to decide. And I have a slight disturbed feeling, that she thinks I have a thing for ogres. However, I don’t of course, she seemed ok but overall it was a weird experience.
The three of us and Mason headed to our next class, I had a lot of hello’s and stares from people thinking what kind of race I did. I mean they all know I did it for Jethro, but in reality, I didn’t. I was helping him; I don’t think it meant anything but people could be fooled. In addition, they were right now so I needed to make sure Jethro told people, I am not going out with him!
The classes went on by, it passed like flying colours art was the only time I was being me, carefree and my conscious was elsewhere relaxing. I was still out of breath and I kept having some stitches here and there. I kept thinking was it worth it? It hurt a lot and I could barely hold my paintbrush for the pain was intense. Running was never in my genes, playing games was never in my genes, I wasn’t ever athletic. I sucked at everything; artistically I was only good at painting or art in general. I was just those typical students, who were just ordinary.
It was an ok day, so far I mean. However, it didn’t end so well. That was for sure and I don’t even know how it started. One minute it was ok to talk, then next there was like shouting and screaming between the two I was really shocked. I mean I know everyone was gone by now, and I was just standing by the gates walking as slowly as possible, as I was really tired but I didn’t expect this.
I saw Mason and Anthea arguing, she was about to cry. I could tell from that but he was really angry and I don’t know why? What was going on? Would it be bad if I interrupted? I felt so cautious to know what was going on, I mean I know they have been hiding something. However, I wanted to know what and it doesn’t help that I feel like an outsider to this. I was pretty upset at that idea, and I didn’t need anything to help me realize how sad it is.
“Hey what’s going on?” I ran up to them they looked at me like I had to heads before they shut up.
“Nothing” Mason growled his indigo eyes sparkled and his lips were shut in a tight line something was up.
“Come on its not bad is it.” I urged
“Raquel please, don’t interfere!” Mason shouted and I looked at him no more like glared at him what a rude person
“Ok then, I’m heading home.” I replied I didn’t look at Anthea and him I turned around and walked away
Like hell I needed treatment like that after what I did. I could just find out for myself if I wanted to anytime. That’s a lie, I didn’t know anything but I could always ask around. I was that famous now. I saw Cara walking and I ran up to catch up to her.
“Hey!” I shouted she looked back
“Yeah!” she replied back way to start a conversation
“Are you ok now? Do you understand that I do not like Jethro?” I replied shaking her jokingly, she laughed
“I get you; I just wanted to know that’s all.” She replied
“Ok good, I hope we can be good friends.” I replied almost willingly hoping that she would
“Of course” She replied and got into her car that caught up with her
“Cool.” I smiled and waved goodbye to her
I headed home, it was once again empty I think this time I should set up my schedule for teaching them. I mean it’s not like I had anything to do I mean. It was dark already by the time I was home, so I made myself a sandwich as I wasn’t hungry. In addition, looked at the books I laid out. All the questions and answers for the pop quiz next day, I just hoped it helps them in a way or else I was a failure at everything.
I wrote the questions down and the answers, I just hoped or probably wished they answered them or did them in fact. They owe me.
I stared at my phone and thought how I needed to call that person again, not now I wasn’t emotionally ready. I saw the flash and I knew that person was calling again, I still remembered his voice in my head the worry in it? Or was it anger, why was he calling us again? Or me? I dashed my phone on the table and lay down on the sofa.
It was all a jumble it always was, I never got answers I was always left in the dark. I never understood what they wanted from me, or what they will get in return. I was always alone and I never once had complaints, I was always worried for no reason. And I never ever got any apology, heartfelt ones that actually made me want to forgive them. I always made my feelings clear but people always had to be sneaky with me, I hate this.
I fell asleep on the sofa for a good hour or so, I woke up when I heard someone talking on the phone. I stretched my eyes open and tried to see who it was, I saw Jethro sitting on the table staring at my phone, and I shot up wondering what he was doing.
“What are you doing?” I asked him
“Nothing, answering the call.” He replied
“From whom” I replied snatching my phone from him
“From the man you are avoiding” He replied back calmly, as if it was the everyday thing I was so angry now.
“How dare you even touch my phone?” I shouted he looked a bit freaked, but I didn’t care “You had no right!” I screamed
I got up and threw the blanket that was on me on top of him, and walked away he tried to stop me, I tried to shake him off as much as possible it was futile.
“I don’t understand what was bad about it.” He muttered
“EVERYTHING YOU IDIOT” I screamed he was really taken back now and about to cry
This was a man I always wanted to avoid, after what he did after what I went through. I couldn’t handle this, not all at once no. One by one was ok; this was just horrible I stared at him breathing hard.
“Everything is wrong now so wrong” I breathed raggedly staring at him with unshed tears that were threatening to fall.
Moreover, walked away, I didn’t care if it made me cry right there. I just wanted to get away, this was unfair to be treated like this. What right did he have to answer that man, the man who ruined my life; I was in hell I tell you.
It was just pure torture, as I walked into my room and shut the door; I flopped on to my bed and screamed as loud as possible.
And I fell asleep again.
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