Tears fell into my glass of Mascato making small waves as Lauryn Hill played lightly through my speakers touching my soul as she sang "When it Hurts so Bad." If I had to explain what I was feeling at the moment, this song gave the perfect explanation.
I loved real, real hard once...
But the love wasn't returned...
Found out the man I'd die for...
He wasn't even concerned...
I tried, and I tried, and I tried...
To keep him in my life
I cried, and I cried, and I cried
But I couldn't make it right...
Yes, Ms. Lauryn was speaking all kinds of truths at the moment. Today was my five year anniversary and I had been blowing my boyfriend Jason's phone up all night only to get sent to voicemail.
I tried reaching him again for the umpteenth time getting more and more frustrated.
"You reached Jay, I'm busy at the moment but you know what to do."
Beeeeepppp.
"Seriously Jason?!" I yelled into the phone. "I have called you over fifteen fuckin times! Whoever the bitch is that has your attention can keep it! I'm done with this bullshit!" I sniffled before hanging up.
I hurled my phone into the wall knocking down the picture Jason and I took at our senior prom six years ago. We were so happy then, how times have changed.
My house phone rang loudly stopping my trip down memory lane. I jumped up and ran to grab the phone from my breakfast bar hoping it was my boyfriend calling to tell me that something had happened and he was on his way home.
"Hello?" I answered holding my breath.
"Damn, don't sound like it's your anniversary over there. Let me find out." My cousin Amelia said through my phone.
I sighed before running my hands through my hair. Tears clouded my vision and fell messing up my perfect beat that I had stopped by MAC and gotten earlier today.
"Heelllooooo?" Amelia yelled through the phone. I sniffled trying to gather the words to say. "Tasia, what's wrong boo?"
I shook my head as if she could see me. I was so hurt. Never in a million years would I expect my Jason to do this to me.
"H-h-he never showed up Melie!" I struggled to get out. "It's our anniversary and he didn't call or show."
My chest heaved up and down as I cried harder.
"Damn Tasia, I'm sorry boo. Look, you want me to come over?" Amelia asked in a sincere tone.
For as long as I can remember it has always been Amelia and me. She was my cousin, sister, and best friend all wrapped up in one. My grandma raised us both in the same household so we were basically sisters. Both our mom's were too busy still living out their childhood to properly care for us, thank God for my Granny.
"It's cool, I'm good. You don't have to come over. I'm about to pack up my shit and leave. I'm so done with Jason's disrespectful ass!" I spat wiping my tears. Hell, I didn't even believe what I was saying, but it sounded nice.
At one point Jason was my everything and I was his. We had similar backgrounds and gravitated towards one another. It's like we were two fucked up individuals made for each other. There was nothing I wouldn't do for him and vice versa.
I guess money had changed Jason because when he got a little change and made a name for himself, he turned into someone I didn't know.
The late nights became more and more frequent, the arguing was an everyday thing, and his goals and dreams all faded to black. Yet I stayed because I wanted better for him, but I'm learning more and more that I can't make him want it for himself.
"You know I hate to meddle in your business cuz, but how many more tears are you gonna cry before you do leave his sorry ass?" Amelia asked in frustration. I looked at the phone and rolled my eyes. She had never been a fan of our relationship.
Amelia was dating Jason's older brother Josh. The two had a kid together but Josh got caught up in some bullshit Jay pulled and ended up being sent to prison. Unfortunately he wasn't there for the birth of his son, nor the first four years of his life. Amelia still held a grudge because of that.
"I gotta go Me!" I said hanging up the phone. I didn't need another 'leave his sorry ass' lecture. It wasn't as easy as people made it out to be. This man has my heart and he's all I knew.
I walked back over to my couch and sat down. Picking up an old photo album from my coffee table I flipped through the pages.
I had to laugh when I stumbled across a picture of Jason and I in the school cafeteria. This was the same day I found out his life was just as fucked up as mine when we called ourselves skipping school to have sex.
Jason and I stumbled through his front door kissing and groping one another trying to make it to the bedroom. He gripped my small waist as I hungrily sucked his bottom lip in my mouth. An involuntary moan escaped as the feeling of our bodies smashing up against one another got the best of me.
At this point the fact that it was noon and we were skipping school never even crossed my mind. All I was thinking about was finally losing my virginity to my crush.
The sound of our sloppy kisses bounced off the walls. We were grabbing at one another fighting for control. Me wanting him to take the lead, and him fumbling with the button on my jeans.
Truthfully, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I definitely wasn't going to ruin the moment by telling him I was a seventeen year old virgin. Not when I talked big shit about how I put it down.
Nope!
It was my senior year and I was determined to go out with a bang. Literally.
It wasn't until we almost slipped on a bottle that we noticed we weren't alone. I gasped in horror as his mom groaned from the the sound of me tripping over the bottle and bumping into the coffee table.
"Shit!" I cursed as low as I could.
I didn't know what was more embarrassing for him, getting caught by his mom, or me seeing her in this drunken state so early in the day.
"Um... I-I'm gonna go. I'll call you later." I stammered while fixing my clothes before rushing to the door.
Jason avoided me for two weeks after that. I had to write him a letter telling him that I wasn't judging his situation because my mom sure had her flaws. After that we were inseparable. We held off on sex until the night of our senior prom and I found out he was also a virgin.
Hearing Jason's car pulling into the garage, I looked at the clock and noticed it was 3 am. I hadn't even realized that the time flown like that.
Jason must have been trying to creep inside the house thinking I was asleep. He looked like a deer caught in headlights when he noticed me sitting on the couch.
He took in the scenery which was rose petals leading a trail from the door to the dining room where a lavish seafood spread for two sat cold and untouched. Half burned candles were slowly losing their flame as I watched Jason's head drop in defeat.
"Damn, Babe I-" Jason started. I held up my hand to stop him. I didn't need another excuse. I heard enough of them over the course of five years.
"Happy Anniversary." I said before getting up to walk to my room.
"Tasia." Jason called out grabbing my arm. I snatched it back and looked into his face with hurt filled eyes. Like a coward, he couldn't face me and just dropped his head.
I shook my head before taking the stairs two at a time. I felt the waterworks coming and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me shed another tear. I ran inside the bathroom slamming and locking the door before sliding down and bawling my eyes out.
I could have had any man I wanted, instead I chose him. I put my dreams on hold to help him reach his and what did I get? Spit to my face in return.
"Baby open the door." Jason said as he tapped lightly. I wiped my face and stood from the floor.
"Just leave me alone Jay! That's what you're good at anyway." I said through tears.
"Something important came up and I lost track of time baby. Please, just open the door." Jason begged. "Let me make it up to you."
This had become another issue. Jason thought that he could pamper me with gifts to make up for his bullshit.
"How Jay?! Please tell me how you're gonna make this up to me? Can you fuckin turn back the hands of time and show up for the anniversary surprise I put together for you? Huh?!" I yelled loudly. My face was now streaked with tears and snot. I was so fuckin angry I didn't even care.
"Baby you know I can't do that." Jason sighed defeated.
"Well that's the only fuckin way for you to make this up!" I spat angrily before snatching some tissue from the roll and cleaning my face. "Who is she?"
I saw Jason's feet shuffle in front of the door.
"Who is who Tasia? There is no she baby! I'm out here working." Jason said.
I snatched the bathroom door open and stomped to my room with Jason hot on my trail. I turned around and we were face to face.
"Working?! The shit you do is not work Jason! What happened to one more year and I'm done? Did you forget about that?" I asked pointing in his face.
Jason was supposed to be playing football. He had a full ride to Southern University and threw it away after turning to the streets to pay the bills that his mom neglected. My heart broke for him because football was his life.
I too had a scholarship but I never put it to use because I chose to stay behind and work to take some pressure off Jason. He paid his mom's house off, and everytime it was time for him to leave the streets he hit me with another excuse.
Once he handled the house, it was he owed it to his brother Josh to get him some bread up since he was the cause of him catching a case. Josh was being released next week and I can guarantee that he'll come with another excuse.
"Maaaannn you know Josh-"
"Stop it Jason! Just stop it! Enough already. Do it for you. Not me, not Josh! Stop because you promised you would. What happened to you?! You had dreams Jay. Who is this person? You even dragged me into this bullshit with you!" I spazzed. I was sick and tired of his excuses.
We had so many plans. Jason was gonna play football and I was gonna study fashion design and work on starting my own clothing line. Look at us now though.
"What you mean dragged you?!" Jason asked growing heated. "I never asked you for shit! You chose to put your life on hold and what did I say? I said nah Tasia, this is my problem, I got it. You insisted, so don't blame me for some shit you wanted to do! Fuck outta here man! This is exactly why I didn't want your ass to do it. Now you wanna blame me for your short comings!"
"My short comings?!" I screamed. "I did that shit because that's what a real bitch does! I'm supposed to hold my man down in hopes that we can reach for our dreams together! Instead you turned into this monster of a person!"
Jason walked into the closet and stormed back out with bundles of money in his hands. He threw it at me before shooting me a look of disgust.
"I can buy you a fucking clothing line and the store to put them bitches in! So don't keep throwing that shit in my face!" Jason spat.
I was throwed from him throwing the money at me, but what really got me was when he removed his shirt to head to the shower. I never in my life moved so fast as I jumped up and started raining blows on Jason's body.
"Man what the fuck?!" He screamed as he tried to shield himself.
"Five years! Five fucking years I gave you! This is what the fuck I get! You come home late on our anniversary with fucking hickies on your chest!" I screamed with spit flying from my mouth.
Jason said nothing as I ran into the closet and started snatching my clothes from hangers. I was throwing them all on the bed and cussing and fussing the entire time.
"Tasia, calm down man! This shit ain't nothing. I fucked up aite. But don't do me like that. I need you man." Jason said rubbing his hands through his nappy ass hair. I didn't even pay his ass any mind as I continued to pack up my shit. "TASIA!"
I looked over at Jason with pure hate in my eyes. I had never been so blatantly disrespected. Picking up my bags, I tried to leave out the room only for Jason to snatch my bags from my hands.
"Don't do this shit to me man! Just lemme explain aite." Jason said.
I chuckled. "Fuck it! You can keep that shit."
I ran down the stairs and out the door as quick as I could. Jason was on my trail but he wasn't quick enough. I jumped in my 2015 Audi A5 and hit the locks.
"Tasia, don't do this dumb shit man! Let me fucking explain!" Jason spat pulling my door handles. I started my engine as tears clouded my vision. "You're not leaving me!"
Jason stood behind the car so I couldn't back out.
"Move Jason!" I yelled through my cracked window.
"Get out of the car and talk to me man! You owe me that much!" Jason yelled.
"Owe you?! Nigga I don't owe you shit! Fuck you! How fuckin dare you!" I screamed punching my steering wheel. "YOU FUCKED UP! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I WAS OUT FUCKING ANOTHER NIGGA ON OUR ANNIVERSARY?! MAYBE THAT'S WHAT I NEED TO DO!"
I didn't even notice Jason move, but I heard my window shatter as he punched through the glass. Glass flew all over me as I felt myself being snatched out the car.
"WHAT THE FUCK YOU SAY?!" Jason yelled holding me by my throat. I had never seen him so angry before. "SAY IT AGAIN TASIA!"
Tears mixed with blood from being nicked by the broken glass fell down my face. I guess he snapped out of his rage when he noticed the blood.
"FUCK!" Jason yelled punching my roof. "I gotta get you to the hospital man. Your eye is cut."
I was shaking terribly as I got in the passenger seat and let Jason drive. I didn't want to alarm him but I could no longer see out of my eye.