SOPHIA
I am here today on the beach. I want to relax for a moment because I am so stressed of writing songs for my ep. I want to briefly unwind.
I never thought that its gonna be this hard to write your own songs. However, as my co writer said, it must come from the heart and from experiences.
I closed my eyes and feel the cold breeze.
I suddenly remembered that I brought him here when he's was too stressed. Damn it. It's still painful recalling what happened months ago.
I stood and walked closer to the sea.
I sit again and rested my head on my knees.
It's not really that easy to forget all that had happened. I've ran just to escape the pain and suffering.
But I am grateful that my parents understood that I must stay away from there and them.
I didn't moved back at Brooklyn. I stayed at Manhanttan. I don't want to bother and tell Cara what happened. She'll go nuts, knowing how paranoid she is. And give me insane advices but she knew that I'm here. We talk most of the time.
I lifted my head then look at the left side of the beach.
Suddenly my eyes caught two people laughing near me.
"Shawn.." I said softly.
He is with Hazelle. He looks happy and hassle free unlike me, I look like I caught all the world's problems.
Shawn caught my eyes. He was surprised and so am I. I stood because I got to get going.
I don't want him to see that im hurt.
I walked behind them because that part of the beach is where I parked my car.
Their eyes followed me around, but I avoided looking at them.
I have to get off here. I need to forget. I need to forget that I saw them.
I drive and went to the restaurant that I usually go.
I ordered a wine.
"Here's your order Maam" The waiter served my order and i just smile at him
I filled my glass of wine.
"Shit... shit." I cursed
I filled my glass again when I drained it.
I heard laughters of a group at the back.
"Sophie?" Someone calls me from the back
I looked at it and it was Cameron.
"What are you doing? Getting drunk, huh?" He says as he sits in front of me.
"I won't get drunk. It's just wine." I replied.
"How are you? You never contact me for 5 months. Im god damn worried about you" His voice were full of fuss
"I'm fine. Don't worry." I smiled to assure him that I'm alright.
"The boys missed you. I'm with them. Let's go to our table and leave your wine here."
I stood up and followed him.
They stopped laughing and stared at me.
"Hey." I greeted them.
They all pulled me and hug me. Oh my god. What's happening?
"Guys.." I coughed
"Guys. I can't breathe." They let go of me.
"We miss you. You abandoned us for months!" I laughed. Carter's still the same.
"I miss you all, too." I said and saw Hazelle at the side quietly gawking at me.
"Yeah. You always leave us! Aren't you coming home yet?" Aaron asks me
"Nope. Still working for my EP." I respond.
"Woah! We must be the first to hear that!" Jack J whinges
He really is still annoying. Haha.
Cameron sits beside me and we continued talking for 20 minutes.
"Hazelle. I forgot, this is Sophia. She is Hazelle" Cameron introduces and I just smiled at her and she grins at me.
"What did Shawn took so long?" Nash asks Hazelle
"I don't know. He said he'll just going to find something before he dropped me here. He'll be here in a minute" Hazelle explains.
No. I have to leave before he arrives.
"Uhm. I need to go..." I uttered
"What? Just stay for an hour." Cam says beside me.
"Please?" I just sighed and nodded.
I saw Shawn walking ahead of our table. I stiffen because of being uptight.
My hands started to tremble when he covers Hazelle's eyes using his hands.
No, Shawn. You don't do that to her. I usually do that to you before.
"Shawn!" Hazelle says cheerfully.
Shawn smiles and sits beside her. They both laughed and it just pierced through me.
"You okay?" Cameron asks in a low voice.
"Yeah." I replied.
"Hey, Shawn. Look who we got here!"
Jack G. Points at me but I looked away.
"Oh, hi."
I can't look at him straight to his eyes
"Hi." I greeted gently.
"So.. Aren't you dating someone yet?" Carter asks me. His brows were raised.
If I didn't know. He is just pissing Shawn. But not that good Carter. He already moved on. She got his girl beside her no need to do that.
"Nah. I'm quite busy" I grinned at him.
"Nash's still single!" Jack J. gag
Shawn cleared his throat and reached out for his phone.
"Shut up, Jack" Nash whines at him.
"I better get going.. uhm.. i have a lot of things to do. I'll hang with you guys some time" I picked up my bag and hurried out.
I didn't wait for their response.
I can't stay there for too long. I'll just kill myself slowly. Looking at them together tears my heart
I'm trying my best to forget him and move on. But it seem so hard everytime I see him or even just i hear his name.
I entered my car.
This isn't happening again. I did everything I could just not to cry almost a month now. No, I won't cry again.
For pete's sake. I shouldn't
I turn on the radio to forget but fuck if this isn't irritating me.
"You watch me bleeding til I cant breathe
I'm shaking falling onto my knees"
"YEAH YOU BASTARD WATCHED ME BLEEDING THERE SEEING YOU WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND YOU'LL JUST SAY HI TO ME LIKE THERE'S NOTHING? LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED? HOW CAN YOU DAMN DO THAT? CAUSE I FUCKING CAN'T FORGET. IT FUCKING KILLS ME SEEING YOU HAPPY WITH HER.." I break down and started to cry hard.
I keep bangging my car handle.
This is too much. This is hurting me so much!
"You left me with no word. You replaced me not informing me..." I stutter
"How could you do that? You said you love me! You promised me, right? You fucking asshole promised me!" I keep yelling at myself inside my car.
I was like that for an hour before I recovered.
I look at myself at the mirror
"No.. You won't cry again because of him" I said and I smirked.
I'll be having fun tonight. I don't deserve this heart break and pains.