CHAPTER SIX
Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts.
- Henry Rollins.
Juliette
I know it shouldn't, but it feels weird when my family and I sit around the table for dinner. We haven't been together for so long, and these last few days have been surreal. Watching Dad and Law hang out and talk about cars. Watching Cas trying to torment me, or Perry idolising Sebastian. Watching Sebastian and Cas together again, like best friends reunited at last.
It's all so strange. It's become weird, even though it used to be normal.
But the sad thing, is that it's different as well. They've all grown up, all learned new things and had new experiences. And even Cas and Sebastian – who were practically identical – have drifted apart.
But what saddens me the most are the two empty chairs at the other end of the table. One for Zak who none of us have seen for months, and one for Mom who none of us have seen for years.
It's like there's a big, heavy rain cloud over the dinner table as we sit down and eat. Threatening to break and rain over all of us. Everyone's aware of what happened at school, and Perry and I are completely ignored until Dad's cutlery clatters onto his plate and he runs two hands through his hair, pulling at it in frustration.
We all stop eating and wait to see what happens. Dad grips his hair, and I'm not sure if he's angry or frustrated. Either way, the future doesn't look promising for Perry and I.
"Try and help me understand," He looks over to Perry, blue eyes steely. "When you saw that boy, tell me what went through your head. Tell me what the hell you were thinking!" I haven't seen Dad angry in a long time, maybe because we haven't seen the main Hayes family in a long time.
Instead of flinching back in terror like I know every instinct is telling him to, Perry straightens himself and tips his chin up.
"I did what any of us would've done in my pos-"
"Don't give me that," Dad snaps, hands clenched into fists on the table. "That's not an answer." The strain of being head of the Soren Clann has really taken its toll on my Dad, though I don't see it until times like these, when he's not acting like himself, and instead like a leader of hundreds and hundreds of people.
"He's right, Grant." Sebastian speaks up from his practically horizontal position on his chair. He swirls his fork in his mash potato, staring at the plate. "It doesn't take much imagination to conjure up Heath taunting him. He's a bully, like his brothers. Perry just lost it, it's understandable."
Perry's lips tilt upwards at the support.
"It was really damn stupid, but understandable."
Perry frowns.
He's a bully, like his brothers...
Is Heath Hayes a bully like Eric, Jakub and Ben? Or is he quiet, smart and calculating like Sam and Adam? Could Jakub even be cast as a bully, when in reality, he's smart and calculating as well?
Dad finally nods, but he doesn't seem happy about it.
"I know it's not like you to fight, Peregrine, which is why I was so surprised when your principal called me. It's not in your nature." I wonder what Dad thinks is actually in Perry's nature. And what does he think is in mine? "But if this ever happens again, I'll ground you until college."
That threat was a lot worse when we were ten, now Perry just shrugs.
Dad then wheels on me, while my brothers watch the spectacle. I don't get in trouble often, usually it's just the boys. And, even if I did do anything considered bad, Dad would be lenient. He treats me like fine China, after all, I am his little girl. His "Cupcake", however condescending the nick-name is.
But, in this family and every other Soren family world-wide, you can't be lenient when it comes to the Hayes'.
"Explain to me why you felt the need to punch him, Juliette. Why did you hit the kid?"
Even though he is one, Heath is well over six foot, so hearing anyone call him a "kid", is strange.
And for all my talents at English – the only thing I'm remotely good at, academics wise – I can't seem to come up with a better or more eloquent excuse, other than;
"To prove a point."
Cas grimaces across from me, while Sebastian dramatically blesses himself.
Dad's eyebrows shoot up, and I know he's going to become as sarcastic as Sebastian.
"Oh, to prove a point, really?" Sarcasm drips from his words, and I have to tell myself not to laugh at how much of a teenager he sounds. "What point?"
I clear my throat, searching for that confidence I had earlier, when I strutted up and punched Heath in the face.
"They think they're better than us, they all do and I... He thought we were going to leave, that we'd just leave because they were here and I couldn't let him think we were a pack of cowards so I... I..."
"You punched him in the face." Perry supplies, popping a carrot into his mouth. "It was pretty awesome, I'm not gonna lie."
And with that confession, comes the eager questions from Cas and Law and even Sebastian and Dad.
"Damn, I wish you had caught it on camera!" Cas exclaims, and Law nods his head with disappointment.
"Little Runt beat up her first Hayes and we weren't even there to see it." Sebastian jutts out his bottom lip.
"And she beat up her own Hayes," Law adds, slicing into his steak. "That's even more impressive."
My own Hayes.
It's been so long since we saw that particular Hayes family, it's been so long since we've even mentioned them to each other, and I've forgotten how we all supposedly have our "own" Hayes. The one we hate the most and who hates us the most.
Law's Hayes is Jakub, from their earlier meeting, that's obvious. Zak's is Eric and Cas' is Adam, while Perry's is Sam and Sebastian's is Ben.
This brings the terrible news to mind.
"Ben found his Blood Bound."
The announcement is met by the thumps of cutlery to the floor and a gasp or two. It's almost comical, their reactions. But, even in our world – where soul mates and curses are real and proven – it's still a shock to find your soul mate. To a family who has never experienced a Blood Bound, the concept seems foreign. Almost as if we're human.
But we're not. I remind myself, sternly. We're not human and every one of us will find our Blood Bounds one day.
Even Dad, who has waited forty-seven years for his.
Because, no matter how much he wished, my mom was just another Blood, born into a human family and destined to have her own soul mate. But he wasn't Dad.
It's hard for me to really grasp that my parents weren't meant to be.
"Shit." Law hisses, and Cas rolls his top lip up in disgust.
"What the hell did he do to deserve something like that?"
"Not something," I object, affronted. "Someone. She's still a person."
"Won't be for long." Law mutters.
"She'll turn as toxic as their mother." Perry predicts, and Cas nods his head in agreement.
Dad looks at us all, looking helpless. "Kids, we should still be happy for them." Ah, I momentarily forgot what a big softie he is. "They've found each other. Do you know how many people would kill for that?"
"Yes, Grant, I'm sure we all know how many people would kill for that. All of us would gladly kill for what tha-" Sebastian stops, taking a deep and shaky breath. I can only imagine what he feels inside. His Hayes has found his Blood Bound, while Sebastian is still soul mate-less.
Throwing his cutlery down, Sebastian runs a hand through his perfectly styled, white blonde hair and stands up. Once again, his expression is that of cold detachment. He clears his throat, shaking the anger off with a shudder.
"I'm going out. Arrangements to make, promises to keep." He gives us all a quick upward tilt of the lips and then stalks out of the dining room.
We hear the front door open, but not close. Then we hear him call out;
"You coming, Cas?"
And just like that, Cas is out of his seat and flashing us an embarrassed smile before bouncing out to Sebastian, both of them heading out for the evening.
"I don't know what's going to happen when one of them finds their Blood Bound," Dad grumbles to himself as he spoons some potato into his mouth. "It'll tear the other one apart."
And it will, because Cas and Sebastian have always been number one in each other's lives. They've been best friends since birth, but one day one of them will find their soul mate. And that'll be the day that one of them gets left behind.
And no matter how horrible I feel about it, a huge part of me desperately hopes that Sebastian finds his Blood Bound first.
Because, if Cas did leave him behind in favour of his own soul mate, how would Sebastian react? How could Sebastian get any worse than he already is?
I don't want to ever find out.
Eventually, conversation drifts away from the topic of abandonment and Blood Bounds, and switches back to the Hayes'.
As Dad heaps his fork with potato, he looks to me. "Do you know what Heath's curse is?"
I shake my head, remembering all the sleepless nights I had worrying over that little fact. The nights I'd be crammed in a room brimming with my cousins, and Heath would be down the hall in a room filled with his. When we were kids and I was terrified every second I was at a Clann event, wondering if Heath would appear out of no where to torment me.
When I remember all this, I pause, wondering how I could forget the fear that accompanied me to every Blood event just a few years ago. Looking back on it, I had always down-played it, but Heath genuinely terrified me.
And that makes me feel weak, meek. Something I don't ever want to feel again.
"Well, I'll see if I can find out. The last thing we need is him putting you in a coma or lighting your hair on fire in class with his mind." And Dad looks worried at this, his appetite suddenly gone as he pushes his plate away from him.
"Whatever it is, it's better than mine." Perry grumbles to himself, toying with the food on his plate.
"Don't say that," I chide, wishing I had his curse instead of mine. "Your curse is amazing."
Chlorokinesis: The ability to mentally manipulate plants. To him and my brothers – at first, when we started researching it when it came to light when Perry was around seven, the usual age for curses to show up – the curse was lame. Useless.
But now, seeing everything he can do with it, I'd trade my curse with his in a heartbeat. He can do so much with it, he can make flowers bloom or vines move, he can make plants burst up from random patches of soil and he can speed up the growth of a tree in milliseconds. On a small scale, my brother can control life and death. He can grow plants, and he can kill them with nothing more than a thought and a click of his fingers.
He rolls his eyes at me. "Amazing." He shakes the compliment off. "It's so... Girly."
"Yeah, Perry." Law agrees. "Because this is the only thing metro-sexual about you."
Perry shoots him a glare while Dad and I try not to laugh.
"At least you can control it." I mutter under my breath, when Law brings his plate out to the kitchen.
Perry's eyes flicker over to me, knowing I'm talking about my curse. It's no secret in my family that I can't control my curse, at all. I can't use it when I want to, only when it wants to.
And, believe me, this is not the kind of curse you want in the wrong hands. And the wrong hands seem to be my inexperienced ones.
"See, I don't understand that," Perry turns to me, pushing his empty plate away and looking genuinely curious. "Your curse is a part of you, like an arm or a leg, how can you not control it?"
I just shrug.
Dad watches us from the end of the table, and even when Perry and I get up to put our plates away, his eyes follow us. And I know what he's thinking. He's wondering the exact same thing Perry is; how can I not control it? Why am I the only one in this family that can't keep a lid on their power? I'm like the royal scew-up. I'm not the smartest or the best looking or the funniest in the family.
I'm just kind of... Here.
Always messing things up for everyone.
And I have a feeling it's only going to get worse.
_________
I expect the knock on my bedroom door after dinner, so it's no surprise when Dad walks in as I struggle with my homework.
"Hey, Cupcake." His voice is soft and tentative. He doesn't want to fight, he hates fighting with any of us. Except, maybe Sebastian. Sometimes, I think he likes that Sebastian hates him.
Which must mean I'm crazy for thinking that.
I push my books away as he grabs a chair from under my vanity table, spinning it backwards and sitting down. He puts his arms on the back of it, leaning his chin down and giving me a smile. He looks like an older version of Cas and Zak combined. Cas shares Dad's floppy blonde hair and crinkly eyed smile while Zak shares his dark blue eyes and broad chest.
"What's up?"
"Nothing, just wanted to hear about your first day at school." He gives me a tired smile, but I know he's fishing for information. Trying to figure out if I'm settling in as well as he thinks I should be.
So I give it to him.
I tell him about my day, mentioning my Chemistry partner – Maia – and the guy from the school newspaper – Parker – and how they were really nice to me. He smiles at that, looking hugely relieved that I'm not a social outcast. I sugar-coat everything, of course. Telling him how nice everyone was, when in reality most of them ignored me.
And when I get to finding Heath in the cafeteria, his face morphs into a troubled expression as I recount the details. How I had to rip Perry off him, and how both of them had cuts and were bleeding.
At that, he stiffens.
"Nobody saw anything." I'm quick to assure him. "Hayes had his nose-bleed under control before the fight was even over, and I took care of Perry's lip."
Dad shakes his head, slamming his fist into the chair. "Idiots. The both of them."
I can't help but agree that Perry's an idiot, but Heath is in a whole other league.
"If anybody saw that blood..."
"Nobody did." Thank God. "I took care of it, I promise."
He stares at me for a second, looking me over, before he nods and relents. "Okay, Cupcake. I trust you."
"I should go," Dad sighs as he stands up, towering above me as he comes to plant a kiss on my forehead. "I should leave before I take my anger out on you." He pats my head like all my brothers do. "It'll be okay tomorrow, if you see that boy, just ignore him."
But even as he leaves, I know he knows I won't be able to ignore him. You can't ignore a Hayes, least of all Heath. They're not annoying little flies you can bat away. They're like worms that can dig into your skin, crawling underneath and staying with you forever. Anything they say is designed for you to never forget. Because none of them ever want to be forgotten.
I don't know if they realise they do it.
I hope they do.
It just makes hating them that much easier.
I leave my homework undone and lie down, staring at my white ceiling. My mind whirls with thoughts of my family, the Hayes', my curse, my Blood Bound. And it throws me back to three and a half years ago when I was a stupid thirteen year old who cried because of the slightest thing. Back to when Heath was a normal occurence, to when I had to see his family every few weeks for Blood events. To when I'd cry myself to sleep wondering if I'd end up like Nana Warren, – an Old Blood who had never found her soul mate – alone and old and knowing that there was so much out there. A boy made for me.
And it's cruel. Letting anybody – especially a romantic of a teenage girl – grow up knowing they have a soul mate. How can you live with that uncertainty? That unbelievable happiness that can be crushed over time. I can't count how many hours have been wasted just staring at a wall and turning over all the possibilities. The happy life I could have with some gorgeous hero who whisks me off, or the life without him that wouldn't be a life at all.
And I shouldn't be like that. I shouldn't be that girl that needs a boy to be happy.
But being a Blood, I know that that's what I'll be.
But I accepted that long ago, I resigned myself to a fate where I'll either be immeasurably happy or immeasurably sad.
There never seems to be any in-between with Bloods. It's always extremes.
But even now, when I've grown used to being lonely, even when I've got a boyfriend or am surrounded by friends, I still have those moments when I stop whatever I'm doing and my stomach fills with butterflies and I think about him. This boy that I've been designed for and is designed for me. And I start to wonder what he'll be like and if he, somewhere, in the back of his mind, knows that I'm out here.
And then I start to wonder about bad things. I wonder if he has a girlfriend, if he's ever been in love, if he's in love right now and will hate me for taking him away from it because of what our blood says. I start to wonder if he'll hate me, if he won't find me funny or smart or pretty enough for him. I wonder if maybe I won't be good enough for him, even though I've never met him. And all the little insecurities I try to keep buried away, rise to the surface with a vengeance, telling me that I'm not good enough for him already.
But most of all, I just wonder if he's okay.
If he's alive and breathing and happy and safe.
As I stand up and start getting ready for bed – washing my face, moisturizing, brushing my teeth – my mind wanders back to what happened at school. The rush of adrenaline tainted with anger that made me lash out and punch Heath in the jaw. It's something I've wanted to do for as long as I can remember. To wipe that infamous smirk off his face with my fist. When I was younger and before I joined taekwondo, I was a bag of bones. Too skinny and all sharp and pointy angles. If I ever had the courage to punch him, it wouldn't have done anything. Heath was a stocky, pudgy kid but has seemed to have lost all his baby fat since the last time I saw him, when we were fourteen. I never had the chance to inflict any real pain on him, like he did to me.
My brothers were always too concerned with everything else to notice. Whenever we'd see the Hayes', we would always be surrounded by hundreds of people from other Clanns. Which meant we had an endless supply of other kids to play with. Which meant my brothers had more important things to do then come to my rescue when Heath was around.
It wasn't until he pushed me down a set of concrete stairs at Joyce Cross' wedding when we were thirteen that my family finally started to notice that maybe there was something wrong.
Of course, every Clann kid has been victimized by a Hayes at some point, whether it's been by Heath, one of his brothers, or one of his relatives, it doesn't matter. It's almost natural now, like an initiation ceremony that they'll taunt and tease you at some time in your life. So, when it started when we were kids, nobody paid any attention to it. Yes, it was kind of weird that Heath had picked me – a skinny little blonde girl who had a whole Clann full of men to protect me – but I guess even then, at that age, he kind of knew that he'd be able to get away with it. Most of my cousins resent me for taking away the "Brotherhood" title, and my brothers were boys, they had other stuff to do rather than look out for their kid sister.
Maybe, if things had been different and Heath wasn't such a cocky, little bastard, we could be friends. Both the youngest, both from single parent families, both a little different from the rest and both in the Clanns, we have a lot in common. We could've gotten along.
But then I shake my head. Both a little different from the rest? My mind snorts. Heath is a carbon copy of every other Hayes there ever was. He's got an ego the size of Texas and is pure evil.
And maybe you're thinking my judgement is a little harsh. Surely, someone can't be pure evil. Maybe he just wants to fit in with his brothers, or does it to get attention.
Maybe he hurts me because he likes me.
But this isn't kindergarten, and Heath isn't as stupid as Ben.
Nobody saw the way he used to look at me. The unfathomable hate that was in his eyes, and that's really what scared me the most. How can a kid have so much loathing in him? I had never really done anything bad to him, nothing I can remember. Just one day... He hated me. Maybe it was the first day, the first day of everything. He used to look at me with narrowed eyes and a horrible smirk and I'd know that he was going to do something wicked. I never knew what was in store for me until it happened, and I was like a frightened rabbit for a good few years.
But the older we got, the worse it became, and I barely slept that summer before he pushed me down those stairs. My grades had suffered throughout that school year and food tasted like cardboard. We used to see the Hayes' at least once a week, Dad hauling the family to a Blood event all the time that summer. We saw all of our cousins and friends from different Clanns as well, but Heath used to always zone in on me. I used to hate being alone, but at some point – throughout the wedding or funeral – I'd end up by myself and then, out of no where, Heath would appear and make my life Hell.
I can't remember what he did, exactly. Pushing me over, calling me names, humiliating me in front of the other kids were his favourites. And when someone calls you "stupid" and "unwanted" enough, you kind of start to believe it.
He used to love bringing up Mom leaving my family.
But after Joyce Cross' wedding, when I ended up leaving that Blood event in an ambulance, Dad caught on to what was happening. He couldn't say anything to Olivia, Heath's mom, because what would she do? She probably told him to pick on me. So we just kind of stopped going to Blood events. For a long time, we didn't see the Hayes', or anyone else. It wasn't until after Christmas of that year, when I turned fourteen, and I had done taekwondo for a few months, that we started going to weddings and funerals again. But Dad was very selective which ones, and he has been for a while. Somehow, he's able to pin-point which events the main Hayes family – Heath's family – go to, and they're the ones we don't go to. We only go to the ones where Heath isn't, and sometimes I feel bad about being so much trouble, but I think it's been good for the family. Dad doesn't seem half as agitated as he used to, and my brothers are way more relaxed.
It's so weird to think just how badly that family affected us.
But I can't blame all of my problems that year on Heath, as that was also the year my curse decided to show up. Usually they come when you're around seven, maybe a little after. But I was thirteen and I had no curse, so everyone assumed I was a "late bloomer". It's the term given to a Blood who won't get their curse until they meet their Blood Bound. It's also a guarantee that they'll meet their Blood Bound before they die, as it's a universal rule that you have to have a curse. A late bloomer basically gets a free ride without a curse for a while until they find their Blood Bound and they can both figure it out together.
My brother, Zak, is a late bloomer. Sometimes I think he's jealous that he doesn't have a curse like the rest of us, but most of the time, I think he's just relieved that he'll definitely find his soul mate.
Then again, he could find her on his death bed.
He tries not to think like that.
When you get your curse, you change. Your appearance can change, your personality can change and your outlook on things can change. It all depends on what your curse is. Some curses can make your life a million times easier, while others are like a handicap, a disability in life. Then, there are some that can just be hidden, and don't really help you or harm you.
The last ones are the ones every Blood wants.
It's not mentioned much – if ever – but for those of us who have curses that are a "little too much", we're taken away. I don't know if we're dragged away in some dramatic scene where family members are screaming and crying and you're fighting your way away from some of the higher ranking Bloods – the ones who protect and look after Old Bloods -, but I do know that you don't have a choice in the matter. If your curse is too extreme - something like mind reading, predicting the future, killing someone with a touch or a click of your fingers - they "have no choice" but to take you away. Where they take you, I don't know. What they do to those kids or teenagers or adult Bloods they take, I have no idea, which means I also don't know if they live. But I do know that I don't want to be one of them.
I think it's one of the main reasons we don't openly flaunt our curses, it's partly because of shame – why do we have them? Why are we different from humans? Can we not all be the same? - and partly because if it's decided we're unstable for them, or they're too big a burden for anyone to handle, we're taken away.
We don't see those Bloods ever again.
I try not to think about that.
So, you can understand the panic that accompanies any young Blood when they get their curse. No kid wants to be ripped away from their families and tossed into the unknown, especially if it's for something completely out of their control.
And a curse is completely out of our control at first, which definitely isn't good. Just imagine a kid running around the house with the ability to hurl things across the room with his mind. Imagine those tantrums.
But then you get the serious curses, the lethal ones. You have seven, eight, nine years olds toddling around the place being able to blow stuff up with a thought, crush cars with a nod or control lightning. I mean, it's insane that anyone can do anything remotely supernatural, let alone kids.
So, when nothing happened to me, when I was just your average thirteen year old, I began to accept I'd be a late bloomer like Zak. I was glad about it.
Then one random day as I was walking around my room, telling Sebastian all the reasons why I so didn't have a crush on his friend, Aidan, (I did, but I was thirteen and Aidan thought of me as nothing but a little girl) it happened. Sebastian made one his usual sarcastic remarks, this one carrying a lot of heat and anger considering how pissed he was that I liked Aidan.
So, he made an angry come-back (this was when Sebastian actually could be angry, back when he had, or at least showed, emotions) and I was his furious little sister who knew that I wouldn't get my way. I was the teenage girl having serious mood swings and was irritable at best. So I glared at him, something I do often. Something everyone does. My emotions were tumbling around inside of me, making me want to stomp my foot and hammer on his chest with anger, but all I did was glare at him and clench my hands into fists.
But that seemed to be enough.
I don't know how it happened, there wasn't this big explosion or some kind of eureka moment. My ears popped, there was a slight whoosh sound, like I was beside a waterfall, and then Sebastian's eyes bulged and his jaw dropped open as he tried to breathe, gagging on dry air. I thought he was joking for a minute or two. But, his skin went white faster than I've ever seen, almost comically so. All the blood just drained out of there, making him as white as his hair. He struggled on his back, trying to flop over and clawing at his throat like a turtle, but he couldn't move, all of his limbs spasming and lashing out for no reason. All I heard were dry, painful sounds emanating from his mouth, like backwards sobs.
I just stood there, my jaw almost as slack as his as his his limbs, one by one, stopped moving. First his arms stopped from their awkward, spasm waves, and fell on his chest, causing him to squeeze his eyes closed in pain. His body still wriggled around, legs still kicking out and mouth still gaping open. When his eyes flickered to mine, big, blue and terrified, my brain switched back on and I leapt into motion.
Screaming for Dad or for anyone who heard, I sprinted over to my brother, springing over the end of the bed and crawling over to him, I hovered over him for a moment, unsure what to do. When a perfectly healthy teenage boy starts spasming and looks like he's having an epileptic fit, what do you do? My hand grazed over his chest as I stared at him in horror, his legs suddenly going as slack as his face and falling to the bed.
My screams started up again, now losing words and just being noises. They were loud to my own ears, and I'm sure if Sebastian could, he would've told me to shut up. Instead, his eyes rolled to me, no longer bulging and instead just staring at me as his body went creepily still.
Finally, after what felt like years, footsteps thundered up the stairs and Dad burst through the door. Taking one look at me, still shrieking and above Sebastian's still body, Dad almost lost it. Luckily, he's seen a lot of things in his life that had prepared him for something like this. His long strides brought him to us fast, and he grabbed my upper arm and pulled me off the bed, causing me to stumble back to into the wall, staring at Sebastian as his eyes rolled over to Dad.
"Sebastian?" He said, bending down and shaking him. Sebastian's body was slack, no response, only the movement of his blue eyes.
"What's wrong with hi-"
Dad spun around, grabbing my wrist and pulling me down on my knees beside him. He took my shoulders, looking me hard in the eyes.
"Your pupils are dilated." He said, he accused. As if I had control over that fact.
"I-"
His eyes narrowed, looking between Sebastian and I, darting between us. The whole stare down felt like hours, but couldn't have been more than two seconds.
Sebastian couldn't last longer than that.
I don't know how Dad knew, he tells me it's a "parent thing", that he just had a feeling, but I think there's something else. Because somehow he knew. Somehow he just knew what I was doing, even though I didn't even know.
"Take a deep breath." Dad ordered, but I shook my head, my breathing ragged. I was about to have a full-blown panic attack.
"What abou-"
"Take a deep breath and calm the hell down before I knock you out."
My mouth snapped shut, my body recoiling from him. I swear he's not a violent person, but if you have one child having a seizure beside you, you're not going to remember your manners regarding your other one.
So I did as he asked, and I took some deep breaths and I scuttled away from him as he hovered over Sebastian. But after five terrifying seconds, nothing changed and Dad's worry and anger grew. He smacked his hands on his forehead, tangling his fingers in his hair. Before he could say anything, my head whipped forward, the wind being knocked out of me as the sound of an elastic band being snapped chimed in my mind.
And then, Sebastian took a deep breath and passed out.
So that was the day when I found out I wasn't a late bloomer. There was no guarantee that I'd meet my Blood Bound. And the chance of me dying without ever finding him was as high as it was for any other Blood.
I cried for a week straight after that.
I don't know how to describe my curse, and I don't know for sure what it's aim is. All of my family – the only people who know – agree that its effect is to kill. That if I had just stood there and watched Sebastian without listening to my dad, he would've died.
I don't have any proof to say that's untrue.
But with a curse like mine, it's not as if I can just start practicing with it like all my brothers can. I can't sit beside a plant and see if I can make the leaves grow, like Perry. I'd need a willing participant. A person who'd be okay with me using a killing curse on them with no idea how to use it. It's like giving a toddler a gun with the safety off.
It's not going to end well.
I change into my pyjamas, shaking those thoughts away. Thinking about my curse upsets me, which is what I should be trying to avoid, as my curse seems to feed off my negative emotions. If I get a little too angry or sad, someone's going to go down. It's happened a good few times, when I get into fights or moods and the people around me start stumbling around and bumping into each other. Zak compared it once to someone flipping your vision over, your feet falling over each other before you stumble around for a minute or two and fall to the ground. That's when they start seizing or convulsing like Sebastian did.
Sebastian's never described it to me, whether it's because he doesn't want to make me feel bad or live through the memory, I don't know. All I know is that I can see the early signs of my curse setting in, and that's when I pull it back before I accidentally kill someone.
I wander over to the bay window in my room, pushing the empty, flattened, cardboard boxes out of my way and grabbing a pillow as I sit down, tucking my knees under my chin. The street is lit up with lights, casting a yellow glow on the other white-washed houses. The only movement down below is from the bushes and trees swaying in the wind. No one is outside and the streets are empty.
Everything is calm, quiet.
I was used to calm and quiet. I was used to complete silence outside our house back home because we were so far away from everyone else, but this is different. We aren't isolated here, we're surrounded. There's no way we can hang old portraits of long dead family members, or ornaments handed-down from Before Christ, because we're being watched. Maybe not consciously, and maybe not very well, but this is a tiny town, and we are new. So as we drive to school, or walk to the grocery store, there's always eyes on my large family. A house full of boys and one girl just moving in is strange in this town, that's clear. So we're not going to do anything out of the ordinary, and we're not going to decorate our house like our old one, or have large groups of family around, or try to make this house a home.
Well, at least, we won't try to make it our home.
The normality of it makes me want to vomit.
I clutch the pillow to my chest, resting my chin on my knees. I know I should go to sleep, tomorrow is my second day of school and I'm not exactly high on the food chain. It's obvious that Heath Hayes is some sort of god there, so publically stating that I don't like him is going to have some repercussions. Whether it's from him, his friends, or some of his followers, I don't know.
I just hope I'm able for whatever they're going to do.
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