Phil's POV
The weekend has come by in a flash, and I was now setting up for my first YouTube video. I was nervous to say the least, but Dan kept telling me that I was going to be fine. As for school life, things were normal, kind of. There were still confrontations, YouTube talk, vomiting in a toilet and trying to speak to a mirror, but life was still great.
Dan was sitting on my bed with his legs crossed, as I went through all of my clothes, questioning if it was suitable enough. I kept showing them to Dan, but he told me that anything would look great on me, and that it could work for a first video. I was clearly stressed out (Ayy..TØP). Dan sighed as he climbed off the bed and pulled out a simple shirt, jacket and paid of black jeans from my drawers and wardrobe, and then dumped them on my bed.
"Thanks" I responded, and Dan quickly left the room as that I could get changed. I suddenly could hear talking in the hallway, and I quietly eavesdropped on what was being said.
"Is Phil getting ready or the YouTube video?" Martyn asked.
"Yeah, he is. He seems really nervous about it. We spent ages trying to set up and pick out clothes, we even did a bit of cleaning" Dan replied. "But it is his first video, so he has every right to be nervous."
"That's true. Anyway, your Mum called the house phone since you wouldn't pick up, she needs to talk to you" Martyn informed Dan.
"Okay, I'll call her back when Phil's filming, so that it doesn't get in the way when we're hanging out after the video" Dan decided, and then thanked Martyn for telling him. I could hear Martyn's footsteps, followed by a door shutting, and then a knock on my bedroom door.
"Phil, can I come in?" Dan asked, and I said that he could. Dan then opened the door and told me that his Mum called and he had to ring her back.
"Ready?" He asked me, and I nodded my head. I turned around and sat in front of the camera as Dan quickly grabbed his phone, gave me a quick hug for luck, and then left the room. I was now alone. I reached out and turned on the camera, and began talking.
"Hey I'm Phil and welcome to my first video vlog which I hope y'all very excited to be a part of" I said, trying to sound as confident as I could. I slowly got the hang of it, as I grew more nervous every time I tried to think of something to say, since I had no idea of how to edit this video. I was really happy when I managed to show off my little lion, since lions are amazing. The video eventually came to an end, and I felt very proud of myself.
"Have a good Easter, incase we don't speak again, even though you're not really talking to me, but nevermind" I finished up, and then turned off the camera. I lay down on the carpet as I take in everything that just happened. I then sat up and connected the camera to my laptop, and within a few minutes, exported the video and posted it to YouTube, after watching it over a few times. Dan came in as the video was exporting, and I quickly showed it to him, feeling really happy when he gave me the thumbs up.
"So what did your Mum want?" I asked him.
"She said that she had worked out what she wanted to do, and that she wants to meet up with me to talk about it. She didn't say what, because she wants to tell me that in person" Dan answered.
"When are you meeting up with her?"
"Tomorrow at one, since she knows that I won't be up before ten. She said that you can come too if you want."
"Okay, I'll tag along. Maybe I could help."
"You've already helped Phil. You've helped us a lot, more than you realise."
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The next morning, I opened my eyes to find my arms around Dan, my hands touching his bare skin. He was topless, and I gulped when I realised that his arms were around me too. His presence was warm and inviting.
I looked at his eyes to find him still asleep, wishing that they were open. I realised that he was unaware of this, and he'd freak out if he saw us like this. I looked around to find a way to get out of this, and eventually removed myself away from him. I carefully placed his arms back down and realised that he was frowning. Was it because I moved? Did he know? Does he like me too?
That's impossible, he just sees me as his best friend, and he's asleep. He doesn't have any idea. I sat upright as I ran my hands over my face. I then carefully crawled around Dan and stood up and headed to the bathroom. Stopping in front of the mirror like I had been everyday since Connor found me in the bathroom crying, I focused on myself. Closing my eyes and opening them again. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth, but no words came out. I then tried again.
"I..I'm...I can't" I couldn't do it. No matter how hard I tried, I could not utter those words that would set me free.
"You can do it Phil, I believe in you" Dan's voice suddenly echoed in my brain, encouraging me, kind of sounding like he was near.
"I can't. I can't do it Dan. I've tried, but it never happens." I responded, even though the voice was in my head.
"You can, I know it. Try it again, you'll see. And even if you don't get it now, you'll get it soon. We'll still love you Phil, no matter what" Dan's voice continued to encourage me, sounding almost real. I sighed as I looked up into the mirror again and took another deep breath. My wild midnight black hair was a mess, and my blue eyes stared back at me. Was I really ready to accept who I am? I slowly opened my mouth and said,
"I...I'm..I'm Bi...I'm Bisexual, I'm bi" I clasped my hand over my mouth as I felt a rush of anger, confusion, shock, relief, happiness and sadness all at once as tears fell from my eyes.
"I knew you could do it" Dan's voice said, and this time, it was real, and close. I turned around to find Dan standing in the doorframe, smiling at me with tears in his eyes. He walked in and put his arms around me, and we both sank to the floor as my legs gave up on me and I let the tears fall out of my eyes as down my cheeks. I was lost for words, all these emotions were flowing through my body, and Dan, my best friend and the boy that had changed everything for me, heard me when I confessed, and kept encouraging me to do it when I thought that I couldn't.
"How did you know?" I asked through my tears.
"Because you did the same thing I did when I was trying to confess it to myself. I would stand in front of the mirrors for hours, and I'd cry so much afterwards because I could never say it. And whenever I heard that f word, I'd immediately felt sick. I mean, the first time I was suspicious of it, but it was happening frequently" Dan explained, and i felt sad picturing Dan trying to say the same words, but never having the encouragement or help or courage to.
"Connor found me the first time, that's why we were both a bit late" I informed.
"I kind of figured that one out as well, since he would go after you whenever you needed the bathroom" Dan replied. "But enough about me, how did you know that you were bi? You don't have to tell me if you're not ready?" I was a bit hesitant about this, but I felt like it was time that he knew about why I moved schools.
"At my old school, I had this crush on a girl for so long. I though she was beautiful. One day, she came up to me, and we became best friends, along with my other friend Jack, who was my friend since primary school. Over the years, my crush on her grew bigger, but so did the one I had on Jack. Carrie then one day asked Jack to be her boyfriend, I was heartbroken."
"What happened then?"
"They dated for a while, but then they broke up, and I became Carrie's pillow. She then one day whilst she was crying, kissed me like she was trying to get rid of the pain, and I kissed her back, since I really really liked her. She then started going out with me and I was over the moon, but something was wrong."
I stopped for a moment to wipe away the tears, but they kept coming. I then continued,
"I still had a crush on Jack. One night, we were with a bunch of kids from our school, and they had secretly gotten a little bit drunk, except Carrie and I. Jack was drunk and came over to me and started saying things that were secret, things that he promised to not say. He then said that he knew I liked him as well as Carrie, and even though I tried to say that I didn't, I couldn't help but wonder how he knew. Carrie then got upset at me because she thought I was using her when I wasn't, and she broke up with me. Jack then smiled and tried to kiss me, and even though I tried to pull away, I couldn't. I then told my Mum and asked her to get me out of there, and she did. And now I'm here with you."
Silence then followed as Dan processed everything I had said, and told me that he was sorry that I had to go through that, but I said that he'd gone through worse.
"Phil you've got to stop saying that. Yes, whilst my life hasn't been easy, everything goes through hardships, and that includes you" Dan says, and I didn't argue, because he was right. We stayed silent for a few minutes until we realised that there were no more tears to be shed, and he turned to me and said,
"Okay, now that is official, don't feel like you have to rush to tell everyone. These things take time, so if you're not ready to share it, then that's okay. And as for Kian and his friends, I'll make sure that he doesn't stop you from getting a good coming out experience, unlike mine."
"Thanks Dan. I truly don't know what I'd do without you" I said, and instantly questioned it in my mind about that sounded.
"I'm relived and honoured, now that I know that I have a purpose in life" Dan replied jokingly, and I laughed as I knew that he hadn't taken it the way I thought he might. But it was true. If it wasn't for Dan, I wouldn't have been able to do that, and he has changed my life, for good or for bad, I still haven't decided...
Dan's POV
We arrived at the little coffee shop below the apartment my Mum was staying in, and I immediately noticed her, sitting alone looking out the window. She finally noticed Phil and I, and we waved at her as we entered the shop and walked over to her. Mum stood up and threw her arms around me, and I hugged her back, feeling comfort and safety once again.
"Hey Phil, it's nice to see you. I want to thank you for being so helpful these last few weeks. It's been chaos and it was so nice of you to offer him a place to stay" My Mum said, turning to Phil and pulling him into a hug as he tried to tell that it was no big problem. After the hugs were over, we sat down, and Mum began to talk to us.
"So, I've decided on what we're going to do, and it took a while for me to finally come up with this, but that doesn't matter. What does matter, is that we're going to move into a new house. You and me, we're going to get away from that man for good. I've already arranged a date for the official divorce in court, which I'm really nervous about, but we'll make it happen. As for the house, you'll be happy to know that it is the house exactly behind Phil's. Basically you'll only have a fence separating the two houses, and you're welcome to come over whenever you like Phil. You can still walk to school too, and you don't have to worry about him seeing you" Mum announced. Phil and I looked at each other and smiled, things were finally starting to work out, and we weren't moving away, basically our houses were back to back, which made things ten times better.
"This is great news Mum, I'm so happy that we've finally worked this out. No more alcoholic step-father, no more abuse, and no more hiding. We're gonna be free!!" I exclaimed, and I walked around the table to hug her again, and she hugged me back, and I heard a little sniffle come out of her, but I soon realised that I was crying too.
"When do you guys move into the new house?" Phil asked as we sat back down.
"Two weeks. I still have to finish off some paperwork and buying new furniture, and then it should be good to go" Mum answered.
"You know, maybe we could make some sort of doorframe in the gate, so we don't have to climb over the fence" I suggested to Phil, and he said that he liked that idea. Mum said that it was okay, and that it would be cute to see us going back and forth through it. I found myself blushing in embarrassment and Phil put his arm around me as I calmed myself down.
"Anyway, how's school going?" Mum questioned.
"Fine. Kian and his friends are still the same, except that Joey and Daniel aren't with them anymore because they were secretly dating" I told her.
"No!! Are you serious?"
"Yeah. We actually walked into the bathroom once and caught them kissing. Connor got especially mad because they were together when he came out, and they didn't help" Phil added.
"I don't blame him, I would be mad too. Tell me, is Zoe and Alfie together yet?"
"No, no yet. It's still a work in progress. Louise is keeping us updated on everything, so if something does happen, we'll go to her and ask about it" I replied.
"Those two make a cute couple. Anyway, is Dean back yet?"
"Yeah, he came back a few days ago. His parents weren't that happy, but his Mum was a bit more understanding of his actions. Dean did have a black eye, and his some bruises here and there, but apart from that, he was fine. Jack really missed him" Phil informed.
"I see. I've kind of got a feeling that those two are joint at the hip. Are they together?"
"They tell us that they're not, but we can't help but feel like they are. We're still waiting for the day when they tell us that they're together" I said.
"Anyway, how is Connor and Troye, or Tronnor as I like to call them. What about Chris and Pj?"
"They're all good. Connor and Troye are still together, and Pj has been working really hard on his animations and drama skits. As for Chris, Chris is well, Chris" I said.
We had been there for at least an hour, and then decided that it was time to head on back home. I said a quick goodbye to Mum, with a hug. Phil gave her a hug too, and we then exited the coffee shop. As we drove off, Phil and I talked about how happy we both were about living so close to each other, and that Phil would help me decorate my room, which I appreciated.
"I really like your Mum. She's so nice and fun" Phil said and I smiled as I thought about Mum.
"Yeah, she is. It's been so long since I've seen her smile, it was nice to see her happy" I responded, sighing as I turned up the radio, and we both immediately got lost in the music which was Panic! At The Disco, the song being New Perspective.
"Stop there, and let me correct it. I wanna live a life from a new perspective. You came along because I love your face, and I'll admire you expensive taste and, who cares, divine intervention, I wanna be praised from a new perspective. But leaving now would be a good idea, so catch me up on getting out of here." We sang along to the lyrics, not caring about the strange glances we got from people in other cars, or worrying about our problems or the fact that we were both crappy singers. We just enjoyed living in that moment, and it'll be something I'll remember for a long time, because even though it is a little moment, it is still precious.
"It's not fair, just let me perfect it. Don't wanna live a life that was comprehensive. Cause seeing clear would be a bad idea, so catch me up I'm getting outta here. So catch me up on getting out of here." We arrived at Phil's house, and waited until the song ended. "Can we fast forward till you go down on me? Can we fast forward till we you down....." Phil then turned off the car and we both go out and walked up to the house, his arm around me and mine around him...