“And the dreams vanish with the call to prayer – And the dawn extinguishes night.”
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For the 4th time, I put my alarm clock on snooze and turned on my side, feeling the warmth of my soft and comfortable bed. Slightly opening my right eye, I woke up with a startle. I could see the sun rays already visible on the horizon. Oh Allah! I barely had time for Fajr now. Still, I ran to my bathroom to make wudhu and catch my fajr prayer. Alhumdulillah, there was still time and I easily performed my salah.
As I was about to go back to bed, someone knocked on my door. I rubbed my eyes as opened the door to see my sister standing. “Are you done with your packing? Baba’s putting the bags in the car right now”, she said, peaking in my room to get an answer for her question.
I nodded. “Here”, I said, handing her the heavy black duffle bag. I watched as she struggled to carry it downstairs but I was too tired to go outside and help her. I scratched my neck and closed the door, making a run for my bed. I lay there still with my eyes closed. I could hear the birds chirping, my Baba talking and my mother’s and my sister’s endless laughs. Even though it was quiet and peaceful, I was still uncomfortable. Just the thought of leaving pittsburgh gave me the chills – I couldn’t even imagine actually leaving it at some point.
I checked my phone for the exact date. Today was the day. March 18. The day that had been giving me horrors since the day I found out the news. The day I started crying just thinking about the future. Today we move to new york. A total different town – a total different place. I just didn’t want to leave my little, quiet/peaceful town, full of memories and my friends.
My baba (dad) got an amazing oppurtunity in new york. They had asked him to serve as a manager for an oil and gas company and my dad couldn’t say no, even if he tried. Working as a manager has always been one of his dreams and new york was finally full filling it. But deep down inside, I knew this wasn’t the only reason we were moving. Even though me or my parents or Hafsa never talked about it anymore, the incident that happened 2 years ago still had a big impact on our lives. And maybe moving away was the best my parents could think of, to keep me from thinking about it every now and then.
My paternal aunt and cousins used to live in new york, but 2 months ago they, too, moved to england. New york is going to be whole new adventure – from the scratch. We were leaving in 2 hours, and still, I wasn’t ready to leave my hometown.
I went in my closet and put the last bit of accessories that were left, in my handbag. I had one last look at my empty room and then closed the door. Our house was pre-furnished when we bought it, so we didn’t have to worry about selling it or giving it to charity. The future residents will take care of the rest.
As I walked in the dining room, I saw my family already sitting down for breakfast. “I was about to call you”, my sister, Hafsa, said as she sat down. Still frustrated from all this moving hoopla, I quietly took a seat next to her and started spreading my favorite jam all over the white bread.
“Are you two done with cleaning your room? We have to leave right after breakfast”, my mom asked us both and we both nodded. She smiled and went back to her eating. My last day EVER eating on this dining table. Why was I even leaving?
We still had 30 minutes before we started boarding. We were sitting in the waiting lounge, watching as one plane landed and another one took off. It was quite mesmerizing to actually see a plane lift off and see the wheels close.
“I hope our flight doesn’t have weird bumpings”, I said, looking away from the planes for a moment. Almost every seat in the lounge was taken. And almost everyone around us either had a book or a phone in their hand. Talk about 21st century, I thought.
Hafsa laughed. “They’re called air pockets hamna. And inshAllah our flight will be very smooth”, she assured me. I smiled. I just hoped I find a cool and quiet place to rest when we reach new york. In my mind, new york was a fish market, where talking or loud noises never seemed to end. I was sure it had some quiet places and I was praying and hoping we get one of those places.
“Hey how come I don’t have a phone yet?” I blurted, completely out of the blue. Hafsa looked at me and smiled. She took her headphones out and very calmly replied “You did.. two years back. Maybe if you behaved and used it wisely, you would still have it.”
I sighed. She was right. I always blamed myself for the incident and I know secretly, my family did too. They knew it was my fault to let the girl become so close to me. I was never ready to forgive myself.
“Maybe if you remembered the words of Allah and the Prophet, we would still be living in pittsburgh”, Hafsa added meaningfully. She was absolutely right. I should have kept the words of Quran before making such a big move. I had absolutely ruined life for my entire family.
Two years back, I met a girl at my school named Maryan. Since that day forward, nothing went in the right direction. Infact, as time went by, situations got worst and at one point I wasn’t even ready to face my parents.
*FlashBack*
“My name’s maryan.. and yours?” the girl asked me politely. I could tell she was new in town and of course, in this school too. “Hamna”, I said, shaking her hand. She gave me a fainted smiled and left for her next class. I was glad to have made a new friend. I had friends. Tons of them. But there was no other person I could be open with. I couldn’t even discuss a problem with my guidance counselour. People had given bad reviews about him and I didn’t want to take any chances.
“What was she saying?” my bestfriend Yusra said, as we made our ways to our lockers. “Nothing. Just wanted to know my name”, I said, pulling my mind back to Maryan. She seemed innocent yet scared of somebody or something.
“Well ill warn you”, Yusra said. “I saw her chatting with the guidance counselor and that possibly cant be good.”
I gave her a suspicious look.
“You chat with the counselor”, I snapped at her. “Not anymore. After what happened with Cassey and Melissa, no one talks to him. Im surprised why they still havent fired him yet. He’s of no use anymore”, she finished, as if snapping right back at me.
I nodded. She was right. The guidance counselor was an evil man. Nobody knew this until 4 months ago, when Cassey was rumored to be murdered. People said there was no body found but really, that was because Cassey was never murdered. The guidance counselor had taken her to his house and did some unspeakable things to her. When she came back, she told her parents about it and they held a jury against the counselor. Fortunately, the counselor won the case with the statement that it wasn’t him. It was never him. Everybody knew it was the counselor. But even the school principal couldn’t prove anything so she didn’t have a valid reason to fire him. Nobody ever talked to him and im sure he was waiting for his next victim.
*Flashback Over*
I was suddenly bought back from my past by Hafsa and my dad nudging me. “Hamna, the boarding has already started. Lets go”, Hafsa said, handing me a hand carry and one of my own little duffle bags. I picked them up and made my way to the boarding station.
As we boarded in the plane, I saw about 2 people my age wearing a headscarf and a jilbab. I smiled at them as I sat down next to Hafsa, hogging the window seat. I looked out the window and had one last glance at my little hometown, before hafsa told me to close it. The seat belt sign turned on and the whole plane was filled with clicks and clacks as people put their belts on. I, too, put mine on and leaned back on my seat closing my eyes.
“This pilot’s muffled voice makes it really hard to understand what he just said”, I whispered in Hafsa’s ear. She gave me a glare as to shut me up and so I did. We were going to take off any second now. Plane rides always made me excited and I guess this one was extraordinary since we had our own individual tv screens.
My mind went back to what hafa had said to me at the airport.
“Maybe if you behaved, you would still have a phone.”
Why couldn’t I be just living a normal life at the moment?
*FlashBack*
It was a Tuesday morning and I had just gotten to school after staying at home for almost a week because of my allergies. Maryan I had become very close during the past month – so close enough that yusra and I had stopped talking.
Today when I came to school, I found Maryan and the counselor talking again. I stopped in my tracks and watched as they chatted vigorously among themselves. Yusra was right. They were close. Maybe closer than I thought. Pushing the thought away from my mind, I started walking to my next class. Just then I heard someone call my name. I turned around and saw it was Maryan. I smiled as she gestured me to come to her. I didn’t want to go. All because the counselor was standing right next to her. He always had the nischevious look on his face and it always made me uncomfortable.
*FlashBack Over*
I looked out the window and saw a heavy pile of clouds just 2 or 3 feets away from our plane. Clouds made me feel happy. I looked around and saw everyone fast asleep – even hafsa and my parents. I shifted comfortably on my own seat and tried to find a comfortable spot to put my head on. Soon enough, I was becoming sleepy as the air hostess’ turned the lights off and made the surrounding calm and comfortable. I smiled as I thought about new york and new home. Maybe this will be a new beginning after all. 2 years back, pittsburgh always gave me a happy feeling. Two years back.
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