Chapter 49
*Sydney's P.O.V*
Thoughts of utter terror and strikes of pain shot through my mind as I trudged through the muddy and marshy ground. I would keep my footing on the side walk but my brain just wasn't wired to keep anything straight. I tried everything and anything to hide and run away from what had just happened. As sick and debilitated as it sounded I never wanted to face him again. All the words that slipped from my mouth minutes ago weren't me. They weren't the same girl that had cuddled with him that morning. They weren't the girl that knew she was falling for him. The girl who knew her feelings were being avoided.
I wasn't that girl anymore.
I was a screwed over girl who was trudging through pouring rain, no clue where she was going. I wasn't crying anymore. There really wasn't anything left. All that came out where loud whaling sounds. I swore some one was going to call animal control any minute. My feet were stinging underneath my worn out VANS. I didn't dare to look back but I had gaven up on the whole running thing. Had I expected him to run after me?
Of course not, all boys are the same. He wanted to have someone that he could have sex with. Abbey was right. I know it.
I was clearly delirious, I was basically admitting defeat. If he REALLY loved me he would have ran after me. He would have. But my mind kept going back and forth to reality of this is not some glorious story or movie where the boy will come running after you and love you forever.
This is reality. Cold, harsh, and upsetting reality. It was like a shock to the face as my feet stumbled underneath my own weight. My body was entirely drenched, I clenched onto the little bag I had stuffed not all, but some of my belongings. I didn't know what to do. Who to call.
I couldn't just sit in this rain for hours, I would definitely get sick.
I crammed my face into my knee's sobbing now. I guess more tears were able to come. My mascara was smeared nearly everywhere and my lips were chapped from biting at them. My ears felt like they were going to explode as I remembered Niall's words.
'Promise me. That's all I want. Just promise that you'll never forget me. Tell me I changed you somehow. Let me know that I had an impact on your life. Promise me that you'll always remember me. Losing you is hard enough, but I don't want to go on knowing I mean absolutely nothing to you.'
I pulled at the strands of my hair and raked my fingers through the spots where hair was violently removed. I had never experienced something so harsh, nothing to the extent I felt like disappearing would be a better option. I knew this wasn't the end for me but I was just so damn confused. I wanted to be in his arms and hug him telling him everything would be okay once again. I couldn't lie to him, myself, or any one else anymore. There was no love between us. Everything was just a game. Even if my mind failed to recognize it we earned pure lust and confidence through our banter and affectionate motions towards each other. I hated to think about it. I tried to clear my mind by breathing evenly and focusing on the stop sign next to me.
It worked for a few moments before I felt the buzzing sensation of my cell phone in my pocket. I swore to myself if it was Niall I would scream and throw it into the road leaving it in shards.
I wiped off a few water droplets from the screen and squinted my eyes to read the small print.
Just an instagram notification.
I focused on the background of my phone, a few more tears escaping down the apple of my cheeks as I stupidly smile at Niall kissing my cheek. How could I ever think he was going to make me happy? How could I ever tell him so much. How could I let him carve my heart out in ways no one else has ever done. My heart panged against my chest making me cringe. Goosebumps were forming on my bare arms, my hair was still pinned up in a tight bun from earlier. It was hard to imagine myself happily shoving things into my grocery cart, ready to make dinner with him. Ready to have a nice evening where we would banter about random things and kiss, and talk about things I never even told Amanda.
"Why," I yelled into the empty street. I knew where I was, Niall had taken me down here several days to go to the book store or maybe just for ice cream. There was a small coffee shop down the street and not much after that. "What did I do to deserve this?" I mumbled out of breath from my constant sobbing. I was shivering now as I picked myself up from my human pile. I trudged down a few more blocks until I came to a fork in the street. Coffee shops and a few markets lined the empty streets. I probably looked atrocious. Much like a soaked and homeless girl who just got kicked out of her own home. Sounded pretty accurate.
I slung my back over my shoulder and opened up the door. It was warm inside. Smells of fresh baked bread and coffee beans overwhelmed me making my empty thoughts leave for moments. A woman behind the counter gave me a large grin which ended quickly as she took in my appearance.
"Wet out there?" She mocked wiping down the counter top. I simply nodded not having the energy to say anything else. I was sort of releaved for the rain, I had an excuse for my streaming make up and red cheeks. "Can I get you anything, sweet heart?" She inquired again. Her red locks were pulled back tightly in a pony tail. She was plump and her face had a few visible age lines. Her eyes never left mine as mine edged across the room. There were very few people here. A youngish man was sitting in the corner with a news paper, as was another girl who looked nearly my age.
"Coffee's fine," I mumbled. I didn't even like coffee, But any warm drink that would keep me from passing out would be great right now.
"Sugar? Creamer?" She spoke like I was a complete imbisle. She looked at me like I had just arrived from outerspace.
I wish, I thought.
"Black coffee, is fine."
"Alright, love." She shot me another smile before busying herself at the coffee machine. I lurched my back onto a seat in the corner of the shop where windows surrounded me. Very few people still ducked for dry area's. They were probably window shopping. My mind wandered to happy memories of Abbey, Amanda, Kailey, and I shopping in local malls near by. We would all try on the same pants or shirt and see who looked best in it. Usually Abbey won because of her incredulous bossy personality but I wasn't one to start a fight, back then. Now everything was broken. I smiled to myself remembering Amanda's face when she would watch me try on dresses. It was so youthful. She has always been a beautiful girl. But the last time I saw her I couldn't look past that horrible wall that stood between us.
It was called betrayal.
"One black coffee, for the pretty lady." She placed a small white tea cup of a black liquid. It smelled heavenly right now.
"Thank you." I half smiled picking it up in my fingers.
"Be careful, its hot." She warned before turning around.
"Hey um- wait." I muttered placing the steaming cup onto the glass table. She wipped her head around making strands of her feiry hair fall from her bun. She tucked them behind her ear as I fought for my words. "How much,"
"Oh, its on the house, sweetie." She plays with her fake nails on her left hand making me wonder how old she was. She dressed like my mother but the over all aura about her led me to think she was younger.
"No, that's fine. I can pay you." I reassure digging out my pocket book from my bag.
"You look like you haven't slept in days. Just drink it and say thank you." She spoke sternly before disappearing behind the counter to continue and clean. Her words reminded me of Niall. He said I had to stop making everything so difficult and stop and say thank you. The way her words bounced in between my ears made tears well up again. I blinked a few times and focused on the drink in front of me. The steam had slowed down so I picked it up in my hands to take a large swig.
The bitter taste made my mouth cringe and my eyes saunter. But it made my veins feel like something else surged through them besides sadness. A few teenage girls wandered at the window and waved at me with their umbrellas. I gave them a convincing smile and waved back. They seemed kind and understanding so they left me be. I took my phone from my pocket and distracted myself by buying some new music on ITunes.
What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts
Counting Stars - One Republic
Summer Sadness - Lana Del Rey
Royals - Lorde
I plugged in my ear buds and nodded my head to the beat of several of the songs. I never finished my coffee for the taste was putting my stomach off. A churching and wrenching feeling kept replacing the sadness. But either way, the churning felt better.
I hadn't realized how late it was getting until the lady behind the counter had to tap on my shoulder to interrupt my music. I pulled the buds out and faced her. I licked the sides of my lips getting rid of the dried saliva from my crying earlier.
"We're closing up in about twenty minutes. I don't mean to shoo you out but I just thought I'd let you know." She gave me a warming smile, but I couldn't reply with her one. I silently wrapped the ear phones around my phone as she eyed me carefully. "Do you have anywhere to go after this?"
"Not really," I whispered. My voice was harsh and raspy. My throat burned and I didn't want to even imagine how red and bloodshot my eyes were.
"I could drop you off at a hotel if you'd like," She suggested placing her hand on my shoulder. I didn't deserve her kindness. I hadn't payed her and now she was offering me a free ride. But somehow it was like she read my mind. I didn't have the money with me to afford a nights hotel in London. Niall had payed for most and I had been out of work for many months now. I didn't have many options.
"I'm going to make a phone call for a moment. But I may take you up on that offer," I try and smile back then quickly unwrap my phone from my head phones. I dial the girls number as quick as my fingers allow me too. My heart was beating rapidly and my knee began to jump up and down rapidly. The lady dismissed me by going back and wrapping up some left over bread.
"Hello?" Her voice dismissed my thoughts.
"Amanda," I whisper my thoughts going back to Niall.
"Syd, you don't even know how nice it is to hear your voice again," She yelps. I really hoped she wasn't crying. If she cried, I would cry. I already had enough drama and baggage for the day.
"Um could I, um." I mumbled biting on my finger nails. "Possibly stay over at your flat tonight? It will just be for a night. I've had a long day and I don't really have anywhere to stay tonight."
"Of course!" She responds a bit to forced and quickly. "I mean, yeah. Sure." I couldn't help but laugh at her attempt at acting cool. A small smile played on my lips as I was getting excited to see her again.
"You're a life saver. I'll be over soon,"
"Sydney? I don't mean to come across rude or anything but why are you even requesting this?"
"I think that should be discussed when I see you tonight,"
"Are you okay?"
"Not really," I mutter biting my lip.
She was silent for a moment. "Come as soon as you can, I miss you like crazy."
"Me too, Amanda. Me too."
"Bye, Syd." I said my goodbye's before asking the lady for that ride. She complied before grabbing her jacket and leading me out towards the parking lot in the back. It was a simple Cadillac. Inside were a few pictures on the dashboard of what looked like her and her kids.
I instructed her the directions for a fifteen minute drive. I had found out her name was Julie and she was happily married but couldn't keep a good job. She kept asking me questions about my family, where I went to school, and where I came from earlier. I gave her simple responses which were quite un needed considering her kindness towards me.
"I don't mean to be nosey, but where did you arrive from earlier?" She inquired again.
"The rain," I plainly respond.
"You remind me a lot like myself when I was younger," She laughed.
"How so?" I ask curiously.
"Confused, tempered, and reserved."
"You pretty much got me pinned," I confessed wrapping my hands around my bag.
"Was it a boy?"
"What?"
"Did a boy kick you out so you came wandering for some place warm?"
"What are you a mind reader?"
"I have teenage girls, I have too be." I sincerely laughed at that. She stopped at Amanda's driveway and looked over towards me and smiled.
"It was very nice meeting you, Sydney." She leans over for a hug which is a bit awkward and sudden but I feel comforted as her arms wrap around my frail and damp body. "Remember everything gets better."
"Thank you." I say slinging my bag over my shoulder. "For everything."
"Don't be a stranger. The coffee shop always needs customers," She says before I slam the car door shut. It still lightly drizzling, but its almost 9 o clock now. She waves goodbye and pulls out of the driveway. I'm alone, all alone. I stride cautiously up the front stairs and stand hesitantly in front of the door. I want to run and flag her car back down. I wish I had just stayed at her house. Even if she was a complete stranger, she got me. She reminded me of my mother. But my mother didn't even try to have a relationship with me anymore. I shake the thoughts out of my head and connect my fist to the wood. Its opened with a strong wisp to a small brunette girl who looks like she'll melt right in front of me.
Author's Note:
Next chapter will be in Niall's POV; don't worry about Sydney. Not every phase lasts forever just remember that.
YAAAY I HAVE A LONG WEEKEND X So a new chapter could be up soon.....
5 votes and 10 comments for next chapter before Sunday x
-Meredith