Samaar's POV
Yusra was basically out of my view because we cut off connection for a full day. A full day? That full day was the longest day of my life. I missed her so much. I felt lost without her but in fact I was actually beginning to realize that I couldn't depend on her for the rest of my life. Today was a Monday and so... I decided to check of my university's *MSA. The Muslim Student Association I joined in high school was over the top. They might have actually ruled the school if the Student Association wasn't at work. The MSA held a lot of game tournaments, play days and even mini festivals. On regular days there would be group meetings involving the knowledge of Islam with jeopardy games and lectures. Well Yusra had a lot to handle, especially since she was balancing the job of a treasurer/secretary and her grade twelve studies at the same time. Have I heard of Conner? Nope. Simply because he and Yusra have been avoiding each other. They don't even say hi to each other, which I think is pretty normal in Yusra's case.
The last time I talked to Yusra I told her to check out the MSA at her university because I was doing the same. Like me, it was also difficult for her to make friends with other people in her class. She hated the idea of going to a random person and communicating with them. But once she had friends, she's as loud as she can get. It's the exact same for me. But making friends requires the process and in the end I just go with the flow. I honestly couldn't care less what type of people I was talking to as long as it's a girl.
I walked out of class and saw a bunch of hijabi's making their way to the prayer room. I had a habit of praying all my prayers at home so I always rushed home to pray when I was small. But now I have to rush home to the dorms to pray. Today I had a feeling I should just pray in the prayer area that our school had. I turned right and found myself in the bathroom. Before I realized it, I had already made wudu and I was already slipping my hijab on. I guess I missed out on a lot of sleep because it felt like I was sleep walking. Am I drugged or something? I felt a light stomach ache coming in. I started walking outside and towards the room. Behind the doors I opened I found a huge room divided into two. I saw another entrance door at the front. The prayer hall was amazingly huge. There were thick maroon curtains dividing the room in half.
It was crowded. After praying my zuhr salaah in that room, the curtains were drawn back and all of a sudden I was participating in an MSA meeting. Well technically I wasn't. But I found out that at this moment there was an MSA meeting going on. Before I could turn back and leave the room, two girls approached me.
"Assalamualaykum Sister! Is it your first time coming here?" One of the girls asked. I nodded. She was wearing a black huge loose abaya with a bright red hijab. Her hazel coloured eyes matched her skin colour and she looked beautiful. Her voice was soft and smooth. It made me feel comfortable talking. I was guessing she was from Egypt.
I smiled at her and nodded. "Walaykumasalaam. It is my first time coming here. I only came to pray but I didn't notice there was going to be an MSA meeting here." The other girl turned to me after looking through a bunch of papers. She smiled wide and said her salaam as well. She was wearing a navy skirt with a white shirt. She looked pretty busy.
"You're new this year too?" She asked, excited. "What are you majoring in?" She asked.
"English at the moment." I replied with a smile. Other than Aakifah it was the first time talking to Muslim girls at this university. I was happy, completely happy.
"You're gonna change it later on?" The busy girl asked me. She had nice dark eyes and I could sort of tell she was Afghan. But then again, I wasn't so sure.
"Probably. At the moment it's the easiest. And I want to be an honours student. So I'm just doing it for the heck of it." She laughed and so did the other girl.
"What's your name by the way? Mine is Khatira and she's Tasneem. We both came from the same high school. Except she's a year older than me. She's like an older sister to me." The busy girl said again. Well actually she now had a name. Khatira.
Tasneem did give off a big sister vibe and plus she was pretty too. I bet she and Aakifah would make good friends. "My name's Samaar. And you're a year older than us? That's cool! My older sister is the same age as you. You should meet her! Her name's Aakifah."
Tasneem and Khatira and I talked for another half an hour until we became more comfortable with each other. Khatira happily gave me her number and facebook ID and so did I. Tasneem on the other hand only had a phone. She deactivated her facebook because it was too much for her to handle. At that same moment, Khatira got me to sign up for the MSA.
"What's your role in the MSA? You look really busy." I asked her.
"I'm basically a promoter. Nothing big." She replied.
"Isn't that huge??" I asked. "I mean, you probably have the biggest job right now."
In the end I ended up joining the MSA thanks to Khatira.
When I went home that day I received a call from Yusra. It was still only Monday. But when I got her call it was 11:59PM.
"What's with you all of a sudden?" I asked her. A few minutes ago I was sleeping. "You're calling so late at night." The whole reason we couldn't talk was because she was studying for her Physics test that was supposed to be tomorrow morning.
"Well... Remember how I said Conner was in the same university as me?" She asked. I nodded.
"Yeah what about it?" I asked.
"And... you remember how me and you made a promise to check out our university's MSAs and what not?" I paused.
"Yeah... I do." I said slowly.
"Then you should also remember he has no religion... because he's an atheist, right?" She asked.
"Just get to the point!" I said, impatiently.
"Why on earth was he in our MSA?" She said, sharply.
"What? Are you sure you don't need glasses?" I asked her again.
"The last time I checked it was your eyes weakening, not mine!" She said. Right, I did complain about my eyesight in high school. Before I came to America I had an eye examination. But because my prescription was so low, the optometrist said I didn't need a pair of glasses at the moment. But now that she mentioned it... I really don't see so well anymore.
"This is Conner we're talking about. You can't possibly think that he's... Nope. I don't believe it. You're just exaggerating." I said.
I felt really puzzled now. With all the confusions in my life, this one was added to all of them.
"Okay, forget about it for now. How about Sheath? Did he tell you anything yet?" She asked.
"Hmm? Sheath? What was he supposed to... oh that. He said... he'd clear everything up on Friday."
"That means you'll be meeting up?" I nodded.
"I guess. Only for a couple of minutes."
"What a lie. He probably asked you for the full day."
"Not that I know of." I replied. She gave me a look, and smiled at the end.
"I can so tell when you lie... especially to me."
"Do I look calm to you?" I asked with my voice rising. "I'm freaking out!"
"I know Samaar. I know. Cuz first of all you don't understand whether it's fake or real. Second of all, your fantasies are going overboard and you can't concentrate on anything anymore. And now you'll continue to fret throughout the next few days." I sighed and she went on. "Listen, the next time you meet him, even if you have to choke the truth out of him, don't end that conversation without grabbing onto the truth. You might as well be living a lie and you wouldn't know it."
"What if... it's all fake? What am I going to do?"
"What if I kill you as you speak?" Yusra asked as she spoke with a glare. "You know instead of thinking about these things you should have some more confidence... well not as much though. You're a married woman even if it's in name only." She grinned. "I mean come on! What if it's all real?! Can't you think of the bright side? You were never like this before. If you ask me this marriage isn't helping you at all. The only thing it's helping you with is depression. And depression is a sign of weakness of the faith. Leave everything to Allah, and that's the best thing you could do right now and for all the times of difficulty to come."
That's when it hit me. My life at he moment was revolving around marriage and not my religion. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. I was paying attention to him. How am I supposed to start a married life without including my deen into all of our matters.
"I... forgot about that." I said under my breath.
"I'm going to study a bit more then go to sleep. I swear the first thing I'll do is call you after my test. Remember, leave it all to Allah and everything will be fine Insha'Allah." Yusra said smiling. I smiled back.
"Assalamualaykum." I said, waving through the laptop screen.
"Walaykumasalaam." Yusra replied blowing me a kiss and waving me goodbye as she smiled.
Before going to sleep that night I read surah ya-sin and right before I slept, my heart became lighter.