Edited
“I didn’t know you can sing! Let alone play the guitar!” Zayn exclaimed. His eyes shifted from my guitar then to me. He was stunned for a while, sitting on my window panel with one of his leg sticking inside.
My eyes widen as gawked at his figure in front of me. The blood drained from my face knowing the secret’s out. The only thought came running through my mine was ‘The cats out of the bag.’ I placed my guitar on the floor and stood up slowly. I stood there rooted to the ground because honestly, I was a little scared that he was mad at me for keeping something from him, even as little as this. How ironic is it when I’m already mad at him for keeping a secret from me. I’m such a hypocrite. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going home?” I asked, panicking slightly.
“I changed my mind,” Zayn took a step into my room from the window and sat on my bed as he looked at me. “You didn’t answer my question.” I sat next to him and shrugged. He started to play with his fingers as he waited for my answer. He had on his poker face so I can’t tell whether he’s mad at me or not. While I’m wiping my sweaty palms, I try to think of the right words to say to him.
“I don’t know. I just feel shy having to play or sing in front of people,” I squirmed in my place as I let my words processed in his mind. I just don’t feel like talking about this talent of mine to anyone. I’m just scared that if anyone knows about it, they will definitely want me to play and sing a song for them, which is what I don’t want because I feel like I’m been judge. I’m just shy about singing or playing, I can’t even socialise well! I turn to look at Zayn and he was just staring at his fingers, deep in thought. I sighed heavily as I waited for his reply.
“But, I’m your best friend. You shouldn’t feel shy with me. We’ve known each other since we were babies.” I smiled and lean my head against his shoulder. Silence surrounded us, but it was a comfortable one. He started playing with my fingers and I felt warmth all around me. At one point, we were just holding hands and our hands fit perfectly. Like a simple puzzle being fit together. My eyes were fixated at our lock hands and wonder, why couldn’t things be different and simpler.
I was deep in thoughts when I remember his little secret. I was a little afraid to ask him about it, and it would ruin our little peaceful moment we are having now. His secret irritates me to know end and it kept leading me to bad scenarios. I sighed heavily again and try to find the right words to ask him before I open my mouth. “Zayn?”
“Hmm?” He responded lazily, his tone of voice made me realised that he’s tired.
“Why didn’t you tell me you went on a date with Sally when you left me at Starbucks this afternoon?” He was quiet for a while, probably processing my words into his head. He sighed heavily and lifted his head. I followed his action and waited for his explanation. He covered his head with his large hands for a few seconds. Tension rose around us, making me regret for asking him that question. I should have kept my mouth shut! He removed his hands away from his face and just stared at the floor like it became interesting to him.
“How did you find out?” He asked.
“That’s not important, Zayn. I want to know why you think that’s something you can keep it from me. You can just tell me about it, you know. Just say like ‘Hey, I got a date with Sally’. It’s much easier for me.” I pulled my hands away from his and stood up creating a distance from him with my back facing him. I could feel his eyes burning behind my back.
“Why is it such a big deal?” He asked. I sensed irritation at the tone of his voice.
Anger rose in me. He just doesn’t get it, does he? I faced him while clenching my fists. I was boiling with rage as I shot him an icy stare. Moments like those, I wondered if he was blind not to see something so obvious or he’s just plain stupid.
“You don’t get it, Zayn! One secret from you means that you are changing! I can’t have that. You are my best friend. What I don’t get is that, why did you keep it from me? You can just say you are going on a date. It’s not like I’m not going to let you go. It’s not like I’m going to scold you because you just want to spend time with your girlfriend. It bugged me the whole day, making me think of possible reasons why you would keep it from me. Yeah, it might seem like such a small deal for you but to me, it’s not, okay? One secret may lead into more secrets and sooner or later, you won’t tell me anything anymore and that’s what I’m afraid of.” Finally, I get it off of my chest. Both of us aren’t talking but we just stared at one another. His eyes filled with realization and guilt. His mouth hung wide open as he realised what he had done to me. He was completely taken aback. He kept opening and closing his mouth as he trying to find the right words to say.
“I… I didn’t know you felt that way Lucky. I’m so sorry.” He took a few steps towards me before pulling me into a big hug. “I’m so sorry for not telling you. I’m sorry for not understanding you. I just didn’t want you to feel like I push you aside for Sally. I just don’t want you to get hurt.” I didn’t respond and just hug him tightly. You are already hurting me right from the start. But since you are happy, I’m not going to ruin that for you. We hugged for a few minutes in silence before, he opened his mouth and asked, “Who told you?”
“Alex saw you guys when he was on the way meeting me.” I immediately answered. He scoffed when I said Alex’s name.
“It seems that he can’t keep his nose out of someone else’s business.” My eyes widen when I heard those words come out of his mouth. I was taken aback by his rude behaviour. I knew Zayn wasn’t very fond of Alex’s company but I didn’t know he hated Alex that much. I pulled away from him and looked him dead in the eyes as my anger rises again.
“Zayn! If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have known that you went on your date with Sally. Alex was there for me when he found out you left me. In other words, you should thank him if not, I have been more hurt.” I looked down at my feet as if they are the most interesting I have ever seen. I just couldn’t look at him anymore. I felt a little disgusted at Zayn’s ridiculous behaviour towards Alex. It’s not like Alex did anything wrong to him.
“And why would you feel more hurt Lucky? It’s not like it’s the first time I left you to hang out with my mates. What makes this different?” He asked his eyebrows pulled together and forehead creased, indicating he’s confuse. UGH! I just wanted to pull my hair out!
“This time is different Zayn!” I exclaimed. “Usually you are just going to hang out with your mates but this time you left me for a girl! And it’s Sally! Someone that I feel that it’s now more important than me.” Tears appeared at the brim of my eyes but I blink them away, not wanting Zayn to see me vulnerable. If the minute I show him my vulnerable side, I will blurt out my feelings and I intend to keep them longer.
“Lucky, you know you are at the top of my list of ‘my most important people’. Sally doesn’t change anything between us.” He scoffed, probably at my childish assumption. I sighed in defeat and closed my eyes slowly to calm myself. I looked him in the eye before speaking.
“Then why do I feel that way, Zayn? Why do I feel like Sally is different from the rest of the girls you were with? Why do I feel at the back of my mind that she is someone special in your eyes? You don’t know how it hurts to have you leaving me for her. Yeah, it’s only one time but this situation can be repeated and I don’t think I can handle the pain anymore. At least Alex was there to lift up my spirits. He consoled me and cheered me up by bringing me to see his band rehearsal. I was having fun with him and I actually forgot about you and Sally for a while. Alex, somehow, just makes me happy.” Zayn stood right in front of me, just blinking his eyes, like he was stunned by my words. And I couldn’t blame him because I basically just told him that I prefer Alex more than him because he made me happy and made me forget about him for a while.
“S-So you like Alex more than me now?” He asked me softly, like it pained him to ask me that question. Like who likes to know your best friend someone else than their own best friend, right?
“I’m not saying that Zayn.” Gosh, why was he being so difficult? “Alex was there when I started to let myself think of the wrong things about you. He made me feel better.” I ran my hand through my hair nervously. I was getting frustrated with the whole situation and it seemed like I couldn’t get him to understand about this situation.
“So you are saying that Alex is taking my place now? My place as your best friend?!” He looked at me not breaking eye contact. His hazel eyes searching through mine as he tried to find the answer in me. Pained swarmed around his beautiful eyes as realization hit him that he’s being replaced. But I just couldn’t feel his pain when I’m already drowned in my own pain.
“He wouldn’t be with me if you weren’t too busy hanging out with Sally! Don’t you realise that we don’t spend a lot of time together now, Zayn? Just a few days ago, you brought her to the cafe where I work! Don’t you remember that you never ever bring a girl you are dating there because you feel that that the café is too special to just bring along some girl you only want to fool around with? Are you saying that you might love Sally? What does that make me, Zayn? Did you know it broke my heart to actually have to serve both of you? Did you know it hurts me when I see you with someone else while I’m just here sitting alone? Did you know it hurts me so much to see you with a random girl when I wish it was me in your arms?! Did you know, Zayn?! Did you? No! Do you know why? You were too busy fooling with other girls that you didn’t realise that someone in front of you loves you since forever. The reason I didn’t tell you because I don’t want my feelings to ruin our friendship because I know you won’t ever feel the same way!”
Before I knew it, my confession had poured out like water. I didn’t even realise it, till it was all out in the open. I was breathing heavily and I looked at him. Zayn just stood there, blinking his eyes several times. He was shocked and speechless. I couldn’t believe what I had just done. I just told him how I felt. My hands flew to cover my mouth and my eyes widen. None of us say anything for a few minutes, but it felt like years to me.
“Lucky.” He whispered my name. I just shook my head while tears are streaming down my face. I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT! Oh no! I just drop a bombshell at him and Zayn just stood there with his jaw dropped as he tries to process my words. I couldn’t even move so I stood rooted to the spot as thoughts rushed through my mind as I run through different bad scenarios of what he will do next. But what he did next do not even crossed my mind. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know…” He started mumbling. I didn’t know he was telling me or he was telling himself that. All I knew was that, I had just ruined my friendship with this guy, thanks to my big mouth. I just close my eyes and just soaked in the moment because I knew, things were never going to be the same between us.
I opened my eyes only to be blinded by the rays of sunshine and immediately close them again. Blasted sun! I pulled the covers up till it covers my whole body and snuggled in more. Such a nice day to be in bed. Thank goodness it’s Sunday. One more day before I’m back to that hell hole. I wonder if Zayn is free today. The minute Zayn popped up in my mind, I sat up fast. Memories of last night started playing in my head and I slapped my forehead with the palm of my hand. Oh shit! Did that just happened?! My eyes widen as I fully realised it was true. My cheeks flushed. Stupid me. Why the heck did I do that?! Why?! Why must I open my big fat mouth? While I was busy softly hitting my forehead with my fist and insulting myself, I saw a yellow paper on my table from the corner of my eye. I stood up from my comfortable bed and walk towards my desktop table and there it was, an A4 size yellow paper, sitting nicely on my table. Someone had written on it, or specifically, Zayn wrote on it. I can recognised his handwriting anywhere. I was so afraid of reading it. Sadly, curiosity got the better of me as I wanted to know the content of the paper. I took in a huge breathe and blew it out before taking a seat on my chair. With shaking hands, I took the paper and before reading, I thought ‘What a great way to start my Sunday, huh?’
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Hello lovely readers!Story for the long wait.I'm just stoked about this chapter because like FINALLY Lucky confessed her feelings but of course, not the way she wanted to but then, things don't go the way we wanted, right?
If you didn't notice, this chapter has been heavily edited by my new wattpad friend: xXRishXx <<<< Go check her out.
A lovely person and she has become my new editor so you just won't been in so much pain reading my grammar mistakes and spelling errors.
Have a good day/night!
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xoxoxoxo