Iris
Vienna
I love these! _potatokitty_ made them!
Jonas~~
Seong-ho comes clean, and once he's done, my thoughts are left swarming.
I leave my cousins and siblings to continue asking their questions.
"Jonas, wait."
I stop in the hallway, hearing Iris's footsteps catching up with me.
"Please don't be angry with Jay-yeon—Seong-ho."
"It's—I—" I press a hand against my face and let out a sigh.
"I can't talk about this here." Though there is no one in the hall, I can't risk someone overhearing Seong-ho's secret. "I—follow me."
She bites her lip, nodding.
I lead us up to the roof, and though it's early afternoon and the sun is high overhead, the fact fall is almost here—the air cool with a light breeze—means the heat is hardly noticeable.
"Jonas?"
Around us the mountains stand tall, their trees full and green. Soon the leaves will turn colors, die, and fall. White will replace the green landscape.
"Are you angry at him?"
"I'm angry that I'm falling in love with you when it's useless."
Her eyes widen.
"Every smile from you, every laugh you brought out of me, every time I felt desire for you, I knew every single time that nothing could come of them, and I thought if I kept reminding myself of it that it would keep me from falling for you."
"What do you mean useless? Because I need to leave?"
I laugh, and it sounds hallow. "I wish." My hand tightens in a fist. "The Society is consumed with their traditions, their bloodlines. They want the eldest sons of the Order to become the new Order. And when children—sons or daughters—don't fit neatly on a family tree, they Society causes an uproar."
"The twins are girls. Can't they overlook—"
"I want my sister to be Tresais. Do you think I don't want my cousins' and brother's future daughters to be in the Order?"
"And"—Iris doesn't meet my eyes—"yours?"
"I don't know if I'll live to have children."
"Your family isn't going to let the rebels take you."
He shakes his head. "They're not who I'm scared of. There are traditions that apply only to the Preeminence of Elleany. We hide our Expiration Dates, and we ensure that the Amorian blood in us is always stronger than our human blood. And we do that by marrying an Amoris."
She blinks and takes a step back. "If you—if you marry an Amoris, they'll know your
Expiration Date. They'll—"
"It's hard to say what would happen. If they turn me in, they're no longer the wife of a Preeminence, but if they don't, they're betraying the Society. This was never supposed to be something I had to think about. I was going to die and then it would have been on Colton."
"So he was never really going to be able to marry Vienna?"
I shake my head. "We couldn't tell him." When I was born, my parents didn't know Colton would exist. They followed the tradition of keeping my Expiration Date a secret. I would at least be Preeminence for a few days. I don't know why once Colton was born, they didn't keep his Date a secret and reveal mine.
Maybe it was because of tradition. The first Preeminence of an Order is the only one who keeps the secret. If the Beta suddenly did so as well, everyone would be expecting the Preeminence's death.
It's a lot to ask one person to hide their Expiration Date while surrounded by Amoris. You can't ask twelve.
And I can't begin to imagine what it's like for Preeminences on Amoria.
"When do you have to be married?"
"Before next August. The rest of my Order shortly after that." To my left a car drives up the hill to the guard gate. I focus on it while I say, "I know you won't believe me, but I never intended to lead you on. Before Erik took you from the Estate, I didn't realize I was developing feelings for you. I thought wanting to spend every chance I got with you was simply because you were like me. It wasn't until we were on this roof that it came crashing down on me how much I wanted you. And then you were gone."
"And then I came back and decided to go to France."
I nod, feeling helpless. "No matter what happened with my feelings, you'd be gone. And I'd be left with the memories.
Iris looks down at her feet. "We were never supposed to meet. Never supposed to marry anyone. I shouldn't be alive right now to have the chance to feel angry."
But she should be angry with me.
"Did Erik ever tell you about the paths of fate?"
Her brows furrow. "No."
"It's how Amoris are able to know Expiration Dates. Everyone has a path that leads them to the end of their life. It's not something from which you can diverge. But since my Expiration Date, it's something I've thought a lot about."
A hint of a smile touches her face. "I didn't realize you were also a philosopher."
"To be fair the Order does have to study it extensively."
"And what did you philosophize?"
"Our paths are created, laid out based on who we will be throughout our lives. Maybe it's possible to veer off your path for a few seconds by doing something unexpected—out of character. Something fate couldn't predict."
"Erik's the one who pulled me away from the car." She shakes her head. "I didn't do anything."
"Maybe he veered off his own path." Neither she nor I tried avoiding our Expiration Dates. But if it was that simple, almost everyone would live past theirs.
She's silent for too long.
"Iris?"
"If our paths ended on our Expiration Dates, then can we save others from their Expiration Dates? Can we . . . kill someone before theirs?"
"I think we were only supposed to die on our version of our paths and that our paths end elsewhere in the fates of others."
"Then wouldn't your mother have been able to see different Expiration Dates for us?"
"When looking into our eyes, Amoris see the end of our path. They don't see our deaths through the eyes of others. For proof look at the attack. No Veil and, as far as I know, no rebels died in the attack. An attack Erik led to get me. He left the Society after overhearing us. In a way"—I hesitate—"we caused the attack. An attack that in any other country would have left people dead who didn't have Marks to say they weren't dying that day."
Arms crossed, she walks near the edge of the roof. "Before I came to the Estate and after my Expiration Date, someone attacked me. Erik, he . . . he killed him to save me. The Date was the same as the one that was Marked on his arm." A sigh rolls through her body as she
stares out at the mountains. "At least once I'm gone, I'll have some understanding of how this works." She rubs at her Mark.
I take a step toward her. "Please yell at me. Tell me I'm the horrible being you always thought me to be."
She looks over her shoulder at me. "Why would I yell at you?"
"Because I led you on."
She shakes her head. "Even if you had told me all this from the beginning, it wouldn't have changed how I've ended up feeling. I've known this whole time I shouldn't care about you, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. The idea of you with someone else makes me feel like there's a knife in my stomach, but we were fated for death and now you have a new fate. One with purple eyes." And not green. "And I'm destined for France. Maybe one day I'll be able to wish you a happy life with whoever you choose, I just can't right now." She heads for the stairs.
"Wait." I don't know why I say it. I just can't see her go.
She stops only a couple feet from the first step. "What's going to happen with Seong-ho?"
"I'm not going to punish him, if that's what you're asking."
"Is he going to have to keep hiding them?"
"It's up to him, but he's not going to be punished if he does. The punishment could only come from me, and if I say I won't give him one, the Society can only make their comments or go behind my back to punish him. But that would risk them receiving punishment from me."
My cousin went to Iris for help. Not one of us. Growing up, our bonds were tighter, but lately they seem almost nonexistent as if the only bond we have left to tie us together is the Society.
She heads down the steps and pauses at the door. "I'm glad you told me."
"I should have told you sooner."
"When? At the beginning when I knew nothing of Amoris? Or when you told me about them, and I was overwhelmed? I never expected to marry you. So, there's no need for you to worry that I'd be angry."
She leaves, and I remain on the roof. Up here, I can avoid my duties. I don't have to think about being married a year from now, worried my wife will reveal my secret. I don't have to accept that in less than two weeks Iris will be in France. I don't have to deal with Seong-ho's daughters or that he doesn't trust his cousins in the Order.
I close my eyes, clenching my hands. Maybe I can't avoid thinking about them. The thoughts consume me, threatening to plunge me down into them. If I've reached the end of my path, where do I go now when there isn't supposed to be another path for me?
I was interviewed by MNJGreenhill on her blog. http://mnjgreenhill.com/mnj/2016/04/12/mikaela-bender/ I'll also post a link on my wall after I update. I may talk about future plans for this story in it. But you'll have to read it to find out.
The other thing is that my short story, Vivarium, was published in SciKick 's The 1000: An Anthology on Wattpad. https://www.wattpad.com/245332040-the-1000-an-anthology-vivarium-by-mikaela-bender I will also post that link on my wall.