I was flipping through one of the old health magazines as I sat in the waiting room at the doctor's office. Zayn and I had our second ultrasound today, and it could have not come at a better time.
It had been three weeks since the whole incident back in Cambridge. My mom called me a few times to try and talk to me, but it ended with us screaming at each other. My dad even tried to talk to me. The only thing on his mind though was "kicking the shit" out of the boy that did this to his baby girl. Katlyn was even calling me, telling me everything she thought about Zayn and who I was as a person. None of them were even concerned about the baby. I knew they wouldn't take the news lightly, but they should at least understand that I'm not the only one being affected. I would gladly keep them out of my life if that is what is best. My entire family had turned on me with the exception of Aleeah. Ray was also there for me. She was the first person I told about the pregnancy and said she would help me through everything. My mom did call her though to tell her I was pregnant. Ray made the mistake of telling her she already knew, and now my mom is even more upset with everything.
Sabrina has helped me out a lot over the last few weeks. She knew the most about me out of the three of my best friends. I had been telling her everything about what was going on with my family, and she couldn't believe the way they were treating me. Even though I was in this sticky situation with my family, Sabrina reassured me over and over that everything was going to be fine.
As I was reading the magazine, I took a second to look at the other people in the waiting room. Thinking about how my family wasn't here for me only made me want to have that support system like the other pregnant women waiting here. I guess I did have Zayn. And Sabrina and Alexis have also been talking to me about how they are going to be with me the whole time. They even offered to bring me to appointments, and that they want to see an ultrasound. I told them I would think about bringing them, but as I thought about it, I kind of just wanted it to be me and Zayn doing these things. If I had to have someone come with me then I'd consider it, but for now, Zayn and I are going to share these experiences of seeing our baby grow together.
Zayn was going to be a great father. He was already so excited for this appointment to see how much our baby has developed over the last five weeks. I was already starting to show a little, and Zayn hadn't seen that yet. It wasn't noticeable when I had my shirt covering my body, but when it was off you could see a little bump starting to appear. He was going to be surprised when he saw me.
I glanced over at the clock on the wall to see that my appointment was going to start in five minutes. Zayn was late, and I was starting to get irritated by the fact that he told me he would be here fifteen minutes ago. I had to get out of my car and come to check in so I wouldn't be late, and I was starting to think I'd be doing this appointment on my own. That was until I saw a frantic Zayn come rushing into the waiting room. His gaze caught mine, and he quickly made his way over to me, sitting down in the empty seat across from me.
"Hey." Zayn said to me. He was out of breath, and he quickly ran his fingers through his hair.
"Hi." I had a bitter tone to my voice. "You're late."
"Rose, I'm sorry. I-"
"Rosemary Collins." I looked up to see a tanned, brunette nursed standing in the doorway with a file in her hands. I clutched my purse, and walked over to her. Zayn followed behind me. She took us back to a little area where she checked my height and weight. The nurse also checked my blood pressure, and then brought us back to an exam room. She left us there alone to wait for the doctor.
I sat silently in the exam chair, and started to pick at the skin around my fingernails.
Zayn decided it was time to break that silence. "You're mad." He pointed out.
"No, I'm not. Why would I be mad?" I glared at him. Zayn got up from the chair he was sitting in, and stood in front of me. He placed his hands on my shoulders, and looked directly into my eyes.
"I'm sorry, okay?" He sounded sincere, but it still didn't explain why he was late.
"Where were you?" I asked.
Zayn ran his hands down my arms, and rested them on my thighs. "I was with McKenzie."
"You mean you were fucking McKenzie?" I said through gritted teeth. I brushed his hands away from my legs. He looked at me with a shocked expression. "I'm not stupid Zayn. I could tell the second you walked in there." I pointed in the direction of the waiting room. "I may not be as experienced as most people, but I know messed up hair and misbuttoned shirts can only mean one thing."
"Rose. I said I was sorry. I just lost track of time." He tried to explain.
"How? I called you this morning. You said you didn't have anything going on today."
"She called me and asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I went over to her house and-"
"You screwed her instead?" I blatantly asked. Zayn gave me an are-you-seriously-doing-this-right-now kind of look.
"Rose."
"No. I don't care." I secretly did though. "I just hope you were smart enough to wrap it up. You don't want to have another situation like this one, do you?" I raised my eyebrows and cocked my head to the side.
Zayn chuckled before giving me a hug. "I am sorry." He said quietly in my ear.
"Wait." I pushed him away from me. "What did you tell McKenzie when you left? You obviously ran out of there." I pointed to the misbuttoned shirt he was wearing. Zayn attention was brought to his pastel blue button up shirt, and he began to unbutton and rebutton it. I couldn't help but look at his perfectly sculpted abs and tattooed chest.
"I just said that I had to call someone important and that I needed to be at home for it so I left." He looked me in the eyes. "She didn't suspect anything. I swear."
"Okay." I smiled. "She's going to be pissed though because you left. I'm sure she wanted to cuddle with you after." I teased him.
Zayn sat back down in the chair, smiling at me. "Shut up."
"Hey." I playfully swung my arm at him.
Zayn avoided getting hit by leaning his body away. "Careful. Don't hurt the baby."
I smiled at his remark. It was really cute seeing him so concerned for the health of our child. That reminded me that I had to show him how much I've grown in the three weeks since we've seen each other.
I jumped out of the chair and stood in front of Zayn. "Look at this." I told him. He looked puzzled for a second, but then I slowly lifted my shirt. I pulled down the top of my jeans so he could see better.
The biggest smile appeared on Zayn's face when he realized what he was looking at. Even though there wasn't much there, he could see the small bump starting to form. He brushed his thumb along the skin covering the bump.
Zayn looked up at me, still stroking the skin on my stomach. "I won't be late again." He promised. I tried to pull my shirt down but he stopped me. Zayn leaned forward and kissed my stomach before covering the bump. I sat back down and we quietly waited for the doctor to come in.
A few minutes later there was a faint knock on the door, and Dr. Mitchell came walking in. "Hello. Hello." Dr. Mitchell said with a cheery tone. "How are you doing Rosemary?"
I shifted my weight in the seat before answering. "I'm doing good. How have you been?"
"I'm fantastic." Dr. Mitchell sat down in front of the computer, and started to look at the things the nurse had written down on my chart. "How are you Zayn?"
I looked over at Zayn. "I'm good." He smiled at me. "Excited to see what's going on with," Zayn pointed at me, "the baby."
Dr. Mitchell laughed at Zayn. "We will get to take a look in a little while. I just need to talk to you about a few things, and ask you some questions." I nodded, signalling Dr. Mitchell to continue. "So first off, Rose, all of this," He pointed to the numbers that were scribbled on my chart, "looks really good for someone that is eleven weeks along. You've gained five pounds so far, and that is an excellent number. It shows that you are progressing along very well. I would like to tell you now that I expect you to gain about twenty five more."
My jaw dropped at his statement. "Twenty five more pounds?" That seemed like way too much, and I didn't want to look fat when this was all over.
"I know that sounds like a lot, but believe me when I say a lot of it is going to be because of the baby. Yes some of it will be a little extra weight, but a lot of it will be lost once you deliver. And gaining a few extra pounds won't be a bad thing. Especially if you are planning on breast feeding after the baby comes." Dr. Mitchell explained.
"Yeah. I was thinking about doing that." I told him.
"You were?" Zayn asked me. I kind of felt weird having him ask me that here. I'm sure Dr. Mitchell thought we were discussing everything together, when in reality we barely saw each other.
"Yep, but we can talk about that later." I gave Zayn a small smile before turning back to Dr. Mitchell. "What else should I know?" I asked.
"I'd like you to know you should be eating healthy. Take some prenatal vitamins to make sure you are getting the right amount of nutrients."
"So can I eat any junk food at all?" I questioned. I know I have to eat healthy, but junk food is a guilty pleasure of mine.
"Mostly east healthy food. Fruits and vegetables. You probably know that. Stay away from fish. You can treat yourself to something periodically, but don't make it something you eat regularly. Everything you put into your body will go to your baby, and you need to remember that. No alcohol which is an obvious one, and no smoking." I almost felt like Dr. Mitchell was treating me like a little kid. I knew what I could and couldn't do.
"I will stay away from all of that." I told him.
"Great. Now tell me, how are you feeling? Do you have any nausea? Vomiting?" He asked.
I thought for a second. "Yeah. Um, I haven't really thrown up that much. Just a couple of times when I first found out I was pregnant. I do feel nauseous though almost every day."
"Okay. That's normal. The morning sickness symptoms should go away soon. Probably in the next couple of weeks." Dr. Mitchell paused for a moment. " I always tell this to expectant mothers, but just know it isn't certain. You could be having nausea your entire pregnancy." He informed me.
"Well that just sucks." I joked. "Hopefully it goes away."
"I hope so too. I can't even imagine what it's like. Anything else?"
I thought for a moment of everything that has changed with me. "Yeah. I've noticed that I have to pee a lot more. Like all the time."
"That is also very normal." Dr. Mitchell informed me, and waited for me to continue.
"Also," I felt kind of weird talking about this next thing, "My boobs, uh, breasts," I didn't know what word I should use with him, "are so sore. I can't lay on my stomach, and even putting on a bra is painful. Is that normal?"
"Absolutely. Everything you are telling me is completely normal. These are things you should expect to see." Dr. Mitchell smiled at me. "Is that all, or should we take a look?"
I saw Zayn perk up out of the corner of my eye with the mention of seeing the baby.
"I don't think there is anything else." I was also getting really excited. I wanted to see how big my baby has gotten in the month that it has been since we last saw it.
"Okay. I'm going to try to do this from the outside instead of vaginally. We might have to switch if I can't see anything though, so I just need you to lay back and lift your shirt up." Dr. Mitchell turned to roll the ultrasound machine in place as I did what he told me to do. I lifted my shirt up so my stomach was exposed, and I patiently waited for Dr. Mitchell to continue.
Zayn scooted his chair closer to me, and took my hand in his. When Dr. Mitchell turned back to me he had a bit paper napkin looking thing that he tucked into the top of my jeans. He then took that gel stuff you always see and squirt some of the substance on my stomach. It wasn't as cold as everyone says it is. Dr. Mitchell turned on the machine, and took the ultrasound probe in his hand. He placed it against my stomach and started to move it around, spreading the gel all over the place.
Zayn and I sat quietly with our fingers entwined looking at the screen. It felt weird that we were being so intimate in this moment. I know holding hands isn't a huge deal, but considering he had just had sex with his girlfriend it just didn't feel right. I didn't stop holding his hand though. I needed him with me.
Dr. Mitchell moved the probe around for a couple more minutes, and then finally stopped. Zayn and I could see the outline of the baby on the screen. A smile spread across my face.
"There it is." Dr. Mitchell said. He pointed at the screen. "You can see the profile of the face starting to develop more. There are the arms and legs." He clicked a couple of buttons on the screen. Zayn and I watched as he did something else. "I'm measuring to see how long your baby is now."
As he did that I watched the screen. I saw something happen, and I got really excited. "Did it just move?" I blurted out.
"It probably did." Dr. Mitchell said. He was looking at the screen now too. I saw the same movement. Zayn's grip on my hand tightened, confirming that he saw it too. "Yep. It's moving." We saw it move again. "Like crazy. Someone must be happy." Dr. Mitchell chuckled a little.
"Why can't I feel it?" I asked. It almost made me upset that I couldn't feel the life inside of me move.
"You will. Right now it is just too small to feel any sort of movement. I usually tell patients that you can start to feel movement at the sixteen week mark. It might be a little later. It all depends on the person though. And, you will feel it before he does." He pointed at Zayn." I get that question a lot too. Fathers are always just as eager to feel their baby kick." Dr. Mitchell continued what he was doing before I interrupted him.
"I can't wait to feel it." Zayn said. It made me wonder how much he was going to be around me as I kept getting closer and closer to delivering. Right now we barely saw each other, and I didn't want it to be like that. I wanted him and I to be around each other all the time. I wanted to be able to wake him up in the middle of the night to tell him I felt a kick, and to have him instantly press his hands to my stomach to feel it. He said he was going to be there for me this entire journey, and he couldn't even make it to this ultrasound on time. I also thought about One Direction's schedule and how him having to be gone occasionally would affect everything. McKenzie worried me more though. She is the reason he was late today.
All I did was smile at Zayn because I knew if I talked I would say something stupid. Our attention was brought back to Dr. Mitchell when he sneezed.
"Bless you." I stated.
"Thank you." Dr. Mitchell typed in a few things on the computer before talking to us again. "So, I just measured the baby to see how long it is, and I'm happy to say it is a very healthy one and a half inches long. That's a good length for eleven weeks. Now, I'm just going to take a few pictures and we'll be all finished."
Zayn and I let Dr. Mitchell do his thing while we observed him. He told us a couple more pieces of information about our baby before sending us on our way. I left the appointment in such a good mood. I needed to hear everything was going well after the hell I've gone through lately. Seeing my baby move for the first time was what made me the happiest though. All of this was becoming more and more real, and I could not wait to see what we were having. Dr. Mitchell said that at our next appointment, we would hopefully get to find out the sex of the baby.
We walked out to my car in silence. When we got there I just opened my car door and climbed in. Zayn stood there, watching me situate myself.
"All set?" He asked me once I had finally fished getting everything where it needed to be.
"Yeah." I looked at Zayn. I didn't like that we came to these things separately, and left separately. It didn't make sense to me.
"Alright." Zayn stepped away from the car so I could close the door. "Uh, call me if you need anything."
He awkwardly started to walk away. "Zayn!" I called after him. He came back to the door. I fished out one of the ultrasound pictures from my purse. "You forgot this." Zayn took the picture from me.
"Thanks." He started to back away again.
"Zayn." I said once again. He stopped. "Why are you so eager to leave?"
He looked like he didn't want to answer that question, but he did anyway. "I told McKenzie I'd be back over once I was done with that fake phone call. She just texted me asking where I was. I should get going." My feelings were hurt for a second, but then I realized that he wasn't my boyfriend. He had every right to go see McKenzie, but I wished he wanted to spend some time with me.
"Oh. Okay. I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to ride together next time. Maybe since we are finding out the sex it would be nice to come together instead of just meeting up." I was hoping he was going to agree with me.
Zayn slowly nodded his head. "Yeah. I think that's a good idea."
"I really hope we can find out the sex. I'll be seventeen weeks next time we come in, so hopefully we will get to see something." I said, trying to keep him here as long as I could.
That didn't work because he looked down at his phone. I could see that McKenzie was calling him. "I have to go. I'll hopefully see you before the next appointment." He quickly leaned in and kissed my stomach. "Bye little one." Zayn waved at me before turning and walking away. I heard him say hello to McKenzie as he walked towards his car.
All I could do was start to cry. I didn't think these emotions were coming from all the extra hormones that were present. These emotions came from hurt feelings. I didn't know why it bothered me so much, but it did. I felt as if Zayn was slowly slipping away. I didn't want to believe that, but it was happening. He had McKenzie, and he was happy with her. Right now was a time where I wish I still had Bryden. He would hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. Then he would say something about how he'd never leave my side. How he would be there for me. In this moment, thinking about Bryden, I wanted him to be the one I was going through this with. I wanted him to be the father of my child. It took every ounce of sanity I had to not call him. All I wanted was to hear his voice, but my better judgment told me otherwise. He was gone now. Out of my life forever, and I couldn't change that.
When I finally got my emotions under control I drove home. I had so much to tell my roommates.
I reached our complex, but I didn't go inside yet. I did want to call someone. I didn't know how it was going to go, so I just sat in my car with my phone pressed against my ear, listening to the phone ring until I finally heard someone pick up.
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A/N: Okay. Here it is. The next chapter is finally done! I'll try to make this short.
First off, I'm sorry it took me so long to update. I know I said I was going to update this a few days ago, but I've been busy. School is taking over my life, but hopefully I will find the time to write. I need to find the time to write. I can't just do school. I will go insane.
Second, I've been really bad about dedicating chapters, and I like dedicating chapters to people that actually show they read. I'm going to steal an idea from someone because I think it's really good. If you want a dedication, leave me a comment. Best comment will get a dedication in the next chapter. Actually first comment will get a dedication on this chapter and then best comment will get a dedication on the next chapter. How does that sound?
That's all folks. I'm going to go watch football for the rest of the day and hope and pray to God that it stops raining. If you didn't know this about me, I live in Colorado, and it's flooding because of all this rain. I'm fine though. It isn't flooded here. I did see a couple houses under water a few days ago though. Crazy shit.
As always VOTE/COMMENT/FOLLOW
XOXO
~Nicole