Hey, people!
How have you been? I’m tired, like always. Lol.
Edited by ilovepancakes. Thank you so much, Claudia. :)
And another amazing banner made by silverangelwings12. Thank you, again!
Chapter 33
Vicky
I woke up with a huge headache. The room was still dark and I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t have the strength to. I cried myself to sleep last night. I couldn’t stop thinking for a second about this mess; about me and Adrian.
I never thought I would actually get the scholarship. I was scared. I had no idea what that would mean and what would become of us. I know that Adrian said he would come with me, just like I thought he would, but things are more complicated than that.
My life has been every girl’s dreams. I don’t have a father, but I never really missed him and I have a great mother, who understands and respects my wishes, a wonderful best friend and the perfect boyfriend.
Adrian’s my rock. I can’t even imagine what would be to live without him anymore. I know seven months isn’t a long time, but it changed my life. What would it be like not having him leaning on my car every morning, sometimes even holding a rose for me, waiting to give me a kiss? What would it be like not having him with me when there’s a storm out there? Not to feel his hand in mine or his arms around me? I can’t even begin to describe how much I cherish all these little things.
But it’s all about to change. I’m moving to Chicago and I know there’s no way out of it. I just don’t know what is worse: trying to maintain our relationship even with all the distance between us or letting Adrian move to Chicago with me and leave everything behind. His job. His family. All because of me.
The later would be worse I guess. There are just so many reasons why it’s a bad idea. I knew that moving to Chicago with Adrian would be wonderful. It would be selfish of me but I needed him. I wish he could go with me so bad that my heart ached whenever I think about the chance of him not going. If I talked to my mom I’m sure she would let me share an apartment with him, since I don’t have to stay in the dorms. I would wake up beside him every day. Oh God, how much I wish I could let him go. But I can’t. I just can’t.
His life is here. His future’s here. He didn’t even go to college in another city so he wouldn’t be away from home and now it’s even worse because his father expects him to stay and work with him.
Leah told me how important it was to their father. He was hoping that Adrian, being the intelligent and dedicated professional he is, could take care of a few things so that he and his partner, Daniel, could relax a bit and work less.
At first I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just pick one of the guys who already work with them to do this job, but it didn’t take long for me to figure it out. There’s a lot of money involved, a lot of responsibilities and you just can’t trust anyone with that. Besides, the older engineers have their own way of dealing with the problems they find. Adrian, on the other hand, was fresh out of college and could learn exactly how his father and Daniel wanted to deal with their compromises. That’s why Adrian was already working there during the afternoons, so he could be trained.
So, after all that hard work how can I let him throw it all away? He’ll have a great position there and a brilliant future ahead for him.
Adrian’s dad is counting on him and so is Leah. I saw how disappointed she was when she told me Adrian would want to go with me. She’s my best friend, I can’t stand her looking at me like that, knowing that I was the reason of it all.
And if it wasn’t enough, there’s Mrs. Haynes. She’ll be devastated. Adrian was always around, but now both her children were moving away at the same time? I can’t do that to her. She was always like a second mother to me. I just couldn’t be so selfish.
About the other option, well, it’s not really an option. Everybody knows long distance relationships don’t work. Either the boy or the girl cheats on the other or just stops loving them. Not that I think I could ever stop loving Adrian, but how could I expect him to be here alone when we could only see each other every other month or so? I think I could take it, I’d do just about anything just for one minute with him, but it’s too cruel for both of us just talking over the phone knowing we’d both miss each other. It’s not only about sex, he’d miss physical contact of course but he’d probably miss the closeness we have the most. What if he fell in love with someone else while we were still together? That would kill me. No. If we were to stay apart I couldn’t do this to him, to us. He deserves the option of being with someone. Even though it hurts just to think about it.
Besides, let’s face it. Adrian’s almost 5 years older than me. What if he wants to move on with his life? He has never talked about marriage, but if that’s what he wants? I can’t marry him any time soon. I need to finish college and start thinking about my career before starting to think about marriage. I know he’s willing to wait for me now, but what if he was free? He has friends that are already getting married, like David and Julie. What if he wants to follow their foot steps? Should I ask him to put his life on hold while we were so far away and barely seeing each other?
I always thought we would get married someday. Now I only wish… I don’t even know what I wish. Should I wish he’d meet someone who was better for him? Why are both choices so painful? I don’t want to do this, I want to be with him, now and ever, but I know I can’t.
The same way he won’t let me stay because he knows it’s best for me to go to Chicago, I know it’s best for him so stay, so I won’t let him go.
There was only one thing to do now…
My mom chose this moment to knock on the door. I groaned, wanting to be left alone.
“Hey pumpkin…” mom trailed off as she realized the room was all dark. “Honey, I know it’s Sunday, but it’s almost eleven! Come on, it’s time to get up. Why don’t you call Adrian, he was really upset last night,” Mom said as she drew the curtains, letting the daylight flood the room.
When I came home last night, the first thing she did was yell at me for disappearing just like that, then asked if I had talked to Adrian. When I said yes, she assumed we talked about him moving to Chicago with me and that I was happy about it. Why can’t people see what it’s going to do to him?
“I’m going shopping. Do you need something?” She asked.
“I need to stay here mom, I don’t wanna go to Chicago,” I told her one last time. If only she would let me stay I could try to convince Adrian.
“Vicky, don’t be such a child. I don’t know why you’re complaining so much, Adrian’s going with you anyway. I won’t let you miss this opportunity and you know it. Stop asking,” my mom said sternly. “Now tell me, do you need something from the mall?” She questioned.
“No Mom, thanks.” Adrian was I that I needed, but I knew I couldn’t have him for much longer.
“Ok, but if you change your mind, call me,” she added. I nodded and she walked out of my room.
When she was gone I went down to the kitchen. I wasn’t hungry, and I seriously doubted I would be able to eat anything any time soon. I thought about doing some homework but then I remembered I didn’t have any. The classes were almost over so the teachers were going slower than usual.
In truth I was trying to delay what I was about to do. This is going to be the worst day of my life, I thought as I grabbed my car key and walked to the driveway. The first thing I noticed was that Adrian’s car was parked in front of his house. Good, he was home.
At first, I didn’t know where to go. I thought about the cliff but then I changed my mind. I only had good memories of that place, I couldn’t do it there. I needed privacy. The sky was cloudy so the park wouldn’t be crowded. After some hesitation, I drove there.
When I parked the car there, I couldn’t take it anymore, I broke down. I started crying. I cried for what I was about to do, for what I was about to lose. I cried for the pain that I was feeling, but most of all, I cried for the pain I was about to cause.
All my thoughts and the last events kept coming to my mind, but I needed to hold on to the idea that what I was about to do was for the best. I was doing the right thing.
But why did it hurt so much then? I couldn’t even breathe.
After a long time I finally stopped crying. It took some time, but eventually my face wasn’t all red anymore, so I took a deep breath and picked my cell phone to text Adrian. ‘Meet me at the park whenever you’re ready’.
In the next moment, I got a reply ‘Are you ok? I’ll be right there. Love you. XX.’ I almost started crying again when I read that. Does he have to be so sweet? Things were difficult as it was. I didn’t bother answering his question, though. I was far from okay but there was nothing either of us could do about it.
I finally got out of the car to find some place where we could talk without attracting too much attention. Just as I predicted, a few kids were playing near the swings, but that was it. The rest of the park was at completely peace. I walked a little but if I continued Adrian wouldn’t find me, so I chose a tree and leaned against it. I put my hands in my pocket and waited, trying to keep my mind blank.
Fifteen minutes later I saw him. He smiled when he spotted me and began walking in my direction. I felt my heart stop in my chest. I almost forgot how beautiful he is.
“There you are,” he said smiling wrapping his arms around my waist. I didn’t know what to do. When he bended his head to kiss me, I started to pull away but then I realized this was probably our last kiss, so I threw my hands around his neck instead, trying to get closer. I ran my finger thought his hair for a few moments feeling it between my fingers, while our tongues collided in our mouths. He had one of his hands on the small of my back and the other on my neck, our bodies fitting perfectly against each other.
I needed to memorize every inch of him. It was my last opportunity and I knew for sure I would never feel for someone else what I felt for Adrian. It would be last time I would feel the familiar butterflies in my stomach and his hands on my body. I blinked back tears as I cupped his face with both of my hands and caressed his skin with my thumbs. Next, I moved my hands to his neck and shoulders, moving them down to wrap them around his waist and touch his back.
How am I supposed to live without this. Without kissing him or making love to him? God, I’ll never have a chance to make love to him again. More tears threatened to fall but I didn’t let them.
My hands returned to his face as I kissed him even more passionately, desperately.
I was shaking slightly and I guess he sensed it, because he pulled apart, letting his arms around my waist. “What’s wrong V.?” He asked alarmed.
I looked into his blue eyes that I loved so much but couldn’t say anything; I couldn’t hurt him like that.
“Talk to me V. Are you still worried about your scholarship?” Adrian sounded concerned. I nodded. It wasn’t a lie. “There’s nothing to worry about. There’s so much I need to tell you, I was waiting for you to call me so I could explain what I have in mind, but everything is going to be okay, I promise,” he told me rubbing his hand up and down my back. What does he have in mind? Probably plans about us in Chicago. How much I wish they could become true.
I love him so much, but I have to do this. “It’s complicated, Adrian,” I mumbled, not sure of what to say.
“It’s not, V. I’m coming with you!” He said cheerfully. He thought I was going to be happy about it. If the circumstances were different, I definitely would be. Nothing would make me happier than to be with him.
“No!” I said desperately. I wouldn’t and couldn’t destroy his life. I loved him too much to see it happen.
I could see the hurt in his eyes as soon as the words were out of my mouth. He thought I didn’t want him to go because I didn’t want to be with him and I hated it. I hated to make him believe that. He didn’t know I was trying to protect him and I needed to leave it like that. If he finds out the truth, he’ll change my mind, I’m sure of it.
“You don’t want me to go?” Adrian asked quietly, as if not believing what he just heard.
“Like I said, it’s complicated,” I repeated. I couldn’t hold my tears for much longer. My chest was hurting like hell and I was sure I was going to melt if I looked at his sad eyes one more time.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Do you want me to go or not?” He asked, this time angrily. I’ve never seen him like this. Maybe this is good, the anger he feels will cover the hurt.
“I don’t want you to go, okay,” I said not meeting his stare. I never spoke more agonizing words. I’m breaking his heart and I can’t stand it.
Adrian was staring at me completely broken when I finally had the courage to look up at him. Neither of us said anything for a few moments, but he was the one who broke the silence. “Are you going to explain why you don’t want me to go with you?”
“There’s nothing to explain, Adrian,” I lied.
He nodded grimly. “Do you have any idea of what you are doing to me?” Adrian asked coldly and I felt like I was being stabbed. Yes, I had an idea because I was feeling the same, but my only response was to look away. My only thought was that he didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve any of it. “So this is it, huh?” This time he was being sarcastic, but I don’t blame him. I still didn’t move. I was too ashamed, I just wanted to vanish. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Another sarcastic comment from him when I didn’t say anything. “I gotta go,” he finally said after my silence, breaking what was left of my heart.
I stood there, as still as a statue while he walked away. After a couple of minutes I could hear his screaming tires while he drove away.
I fell on the floor wrapping my arms around my knees, crying my heart out. I knew it was going to be difficult, but it was unbearable. I didn’t have the strength to move, so I stayed there for a couple of hours. I couldn’t stop crying and every time I closed my eyes I saw the hurt in Adrian’s face. Knowing I was the one who caused it was just too much.
When I finally stopped crying, probably because I was out of tears, I got up, trying to figure out that to do now. My head ached just as bad as my chest, though the pain was slightly different. I was still feeling disoriented but I knew I couldn’t stay here forever, so walked toward my car.
At first I hesitated, not knowing where to go. I needed to be alone, I couldn’t face all the questions, but then I remembered my mom was shopping, so I headed home. I hesitated again when I saw my mom’s car but frankly, I didn’t have anymore physical strength to drive. Adrian’s car was there as well and I prayed that he wasn’t at my house.
To my partial relief, my mom was alone watching TV on the couch. She usually spends a lot of time shopping, so I must have been gone for a while now.
“Hey, honey,” she said but when she looked at my red eyes, she came rushing to me. “What happened, Vicky?”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Oh, God, this can’t be happening, it was my worst nightmare. “Adrian and I are not together anymore,” I explained, remembering that I couldn’t exactly say that we broke up. I broke up with him; he didn’t have a say in this.
“What, why?” Mom asked shocked.
I would be shocked too. “Mom, please, I can’t talk about this right now,” I said, my eyes suddenly tearing up again.
Mom studied me for a few seconds, but finally nodded. “Sure honey, but I’m here if you need me,” she said pulling me into a hug.
“Thanks,” I replied trying to walk away to my room. “And Mom,” I paused when I reached the stairs, “Leah may show up, but could you tell her…” What? Tell her what? That I’m sick? She’s not going to believe it anyway, so what’s the point? “Just tell her I can’t talk right now.”
She nodded in response but I was already moving again. When I was in my room, I locked the door and collapsed on the bed. I managed to take off my shoes but that was it. I couldn’t even get myself to change. Actually, I don’t think I moved, I just lay still letting the tears flow.
I received a text from Leah and she didn’t seem happy: ‘what did you do?’ I was quite sure she was here like I predicted, but she didn’t knock on my door. Mom probably told her I didn’t want to talk. Great, hurting someone else I love. I couldn’t face her yet.
The next day mom was working, so I didn’t bother going to school. I was still in the same clothes, so I took a shower and got in some pajamas.
My stomach made some noises indicating I should eat, but I didn’t want to. Even if I swallowed the food I knew I’d throw it up later.
When Mom came home she knew I skipped school so she gave me a lecture. I could tell she was more worried than angry and she was trying to understand what was going on. “Vicky, you can’t just miss school like that as if it was nothing! I understand you’re upset, but that doesn’t mean you can live like a zombie!” She said when I opened the door.
I didn’t say anything. What could I say that may possibly start to describe what I was feeling? I lost the love of my life and even though I knew the pain would get a little more bearable, I was never going to forget him. The least I could get was some time to grieve.
It has just been a day but I already missed him like crazy and I had the feeling I always will.
“Did you eat today?” Mom asked. I think she was talking ever since she came home, but I wasn’t paying attention.
“I don’t know, mom. I don’t know.” I mumbled. I haven’t eaten anything in two days.
“Oh my God, Vicky. I’m gonna fix you something,” she said and disappeared, probably to the kitchen. She came back ten minutes later with some buttered toast and a glass of milk.
“Here, pumpkin, eat up,” she handed me the food and sat down beside me on the bed. Oh no, here it comes. The big question. “Vicky, what happened? Why did you break up with Adrian? Or the other way? It’s obvious you love each other, so what went wrong?” Mom asked but I just shook my head, glad that my mouth was full and I couldn’t voice an answer.
The next days were all the same. My mom would try to make me get up to go to school, but I refused. I wasn’t missing anything important anyways, it was our last week. Eventually, Mom gave up.
I hardly ever ate and cried a lot. Leah texted me every day asking me to talk to her. I knew I had to, I owed her that much. But I wasn’t ready yet. Not yet. I couldn’t even think about Adrian and not cry. Once a tear fell, the rest came down like a waterfall.
Friday was supposed to be Leah’s and my graduation, but how could I go? How could I sit in front of all our parents and pretend that I was happy about finishing school if that was exactly what caused all this pain? Besides, Adrian was going to be there and there was no way I could stand to see him again. Not without begging him to forgive me because I couldn’t stay away from him any longer, but that would be selfish of me. I can’t think about what I’m feeling now, I need to remember that it’s the best for him.
No, I’ll be just fine here, safe in my room, alone with my pain.
A/N: So, she’s not pregnant. Lol.
But the chapter was sad don’t you think? I was crying while a reread it… But don’t worry, there’s one more chapter and the epilogue. I hope you like the ending.
Let me know what you think and don’t forget to vote, please! :)
Just one more thing, guys. I want to recommend a story and not only because it’s well written (I only read the first 5 chapters and I’m loving it. It’s very, very well written), but especially because of the message it passes. It’s an antibullying story, to show those who are bullied and made fun of that they aren't alone. It's trying to show the world the negative effects of bullying. It’s called “True Beauty” and you’ll find it on “something_beatiful” account. You can also go to my library to get the link.
Thanks people, for everything.
Claudia