"Where are you going?" A sharp voice called as I neared the edge of the town. Astrid.
I turned Toothless around, hovering in mid-air in front of her. "I'm going back to... my place of residence. I'll be back tomorrow."
She narrowed her eyes. "What is the point of this Hiccup? What is the point of all these lies? Of keeping your identity from everyone? Stop hiding, stop being a coward."
I curled my lip and lifted up my helmet and held it in my hand. I waved it around with a crude laugh. "You want me to get rid of this?"
Her gaze turned to ice. "Yes, yes I do. And I'm going to tell Stoick whether you like it or not. He deserves to know."
My brain rang with complications. They were hovering above town. In any other circumstance, he would shoot her down and either kill her or keep her captive until I personally wanted people to know my identity. However, I liked the peace I had with Berk. I wanted to protect the dragons, and they would be considered on my side if I went to war with the people below me. The dragon war would start up again. I was more powerful and brutal than them, no doubt, but fuck, Fishlegs didn't even have a dragon yet! I had taught them all nothing.
So say I let her tell them. That was like setting off the time bomb I feared from the start. One more harsh word, and I might just go crazy. More crazy than I already was. I relished the conversation I would have with Snotlout. I relished the gazes of surprise they would send me. The gazes of fear. I, however, already knew what disbelief would fill them if Astrid did say it. The disgust they would feel. I didn't know how I could deal with the glare of Stoick upon me again. If anything, that would destroy me. Perhaps it wouldn't change anything, but it could change everything.
Then again, I could avoid Stoick. I could kill someone else as an example. Re-make the lost fear. Say I just blew up an occupied house. They were just one person, but that would break the concept of a deal I had made with Stoick. My mind fluttered through all the concepts and I finally sighed, my gaze forming into a glare. I saw no easy way out, and I didn't relish shooting down Astrid. She was too smart to take down easily.
"Tomorrow. I'll tell them all tomorrow, okay?" The old hurt came back in a wave of anger. I didn't like this. I didn't like it at all. This would only complicate things. Astrid was honorable; too honorable.
She seemed to hesitate, but her eyes widened as Toothless growled and opened his mouth ever so slightly.
"Fine, tomorrow by sunset. Or I'll find a way to get to you, Hiccup. You have weaknesses like everybody else." She hesitated before turning away on her nadder.
"I could kill you whenever I wanted, Astrid." I paused, smiling ever so slightly in malice. "And if that isn't enough to intimidate the Astrid, I could just kill your parents instead." My voice grew in intensity. "Don't play with fate."
She stiffened and I could just feel her fighting every urge in her body to attack me. Instead, she uttered no response and dove towards Berk again, leaving me hovering on Toothless alone. I fought a smile, popped my mask back on, and flew back into the forest.
***
I woke with Heather on my mind. I hadn't yet contacted her. I assumed that she was with Fishlegs yesterday. That wouldn't be the best thing for information, but it would enforce the crush I'm sure Fishlegs immediately had on her. She had an intelligent aura, and she wasn't exactly ugly. At least he was a good friend to have, as a spy. Stoick respected him enough. His family had a little influence. In any case, he was a part of the group of teenagers. He would know things. More than Snotlout and the twins, at least.
The sun had just risen. Perfect. I turned to look at the razorwhip that slept behind Toothless and I. It- WIndshear- had behaved perfectly. She seemed to understand that Heather shouldn't be bothered. It made me wonder if they had to do things like this before. Toothless, for one thing, would never leave my side if possible. The seed of distrust in my mind blossomed, but it was towered over by the seed of trust. I ignored it.
(My mind wasn't a greenhouse, so whatever.)
I mounted my dragon and headed towards Berk. Today I would be teaching miscellaneous vikings about the dragons I had already trained. If I could figure out how to tame the dragons that were under the Queen's influence, I would let everyone train and ride, but I still hadn't figured out how to defeat her influence without capturing a dragon and waiting for the influence to wear off. And I definitely didn't have time for that. So today was just classes as well as parading the dragons around a bit to show they really weren't the beasts they once thought they were.
***
It was almost sunset. I set a few more scared but interested vikings back to their huts a few minutes ago. I wasn't pretending that the dragons were warm fuzzy creatures through the lessons. I was presenting them as they were, flaws and all. I simply was showing they weren't mindless killing machines. It was going to change a lot of things. Hopefully. To my luck there hadn't been a raid from the Queen recently. That would destroy everything I was doing.
She really, really was a problem.
Another female that really, really was a problem? Astrid Hofferson. I stood outside the Great Hall, staring at her in irritation. She sent me an equally intense stare. I still didn't really understand what she got from this, except it wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't as though I was lying. I simply wasn't blatantly stating the truth. What the public called me wasn't my decision.
Toothless growled at her as we walked in the Great Hall, but I flew over to Stoick and landed in front of him. I paused ever so slightly, watching as his eyes widened in surprise and maybe- just maybe- a little fear. his gaze quickly returned to normal.
"Hello, dragon trainer. What- ahem- could I help you with?" Gobber stood to his left, sending me a confused look as I didn't move a muscle.
After a few seconds of prolonged silence, I got off of Toothless. "I would simply like to discuss something, as miss Astrid Hofferson has insisted." Her and Stormfly were approaching as I spoke.
"Uh- yes. What is it?" The chief spoke with a surprising amount of nervousness. He seemed to be periodically eyeing Toothless. I didn't think he was truly scared of him because he was a dragon, but he was scared because he couldn't kill him.
I coughed slightly, awkwardly, my torso shaking. I pushed my eyes closed and curled my hands in fists, fighting the memories of hundreds of beatings and hurtful words. My breath was steady, as an anger for my father combatted every memory that came up. A world war was playing in my head between anger and sadness. The coals were on fire now, burning even stronger as rain attempted to put them out.
I pulled off my helmet, ran my hand through my hair, and threw the helmet to the ground. My gaze flicked up to my father's, green eyes meeting green eyes.
I expected anger, raging, or even surprise from him. What I didn't expect was tears.
His eyes filled with tears. Gobber stared in absolute shock, but he stayed stock still as Stoick took off his hat and approached me.
"H-Hiccup?" He paused, taking in a breath, "Son, you're alive?" He moved until he was only a few feet from me.
I crouched in a defensive position, my hand on Toothless's forehead. In that moment, the fire won. It devoured me whole.
"Don't you dare call me son! After all those years of alcohol being more important than your child?" I let out a cold laugh. "You aren't my father. You never will be."
His eyes widened in fear and distress as if he hadn't been expecting this reaction.
"You idiot! Fuck, consider yourself lucky I haven't killed you yet! You do anything and I will, no regrets." My face was pure. Pure disgust. Pure anger.
Stoick seemed lost for words. It was Gobber that spoke next. "Hiccup... This isn't you. This isn't you..."
I shook my head, ever so slightly. "You are the one who said to, what again? Stop being all... this. Well guess what? I did. I'm more than he ever was. More than he would ever have been. And if you treat me differently now that you know my name, if you act as though I am still the weakling you always saw, I will destroy you and take this clan as my own." I paused and mused for a moment. "Hail Hiccup... It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"
Astrid watched from the corner, her eyes as wide as saucers. No tears had fallen down her cheeks, but her eyes were glistening. Stoick and Gobber watched in shock. The other vikings in the hall stood watching the situation, confused and scared.
I let out a cold laugh at their expressions. "And don't say I'm insane. I know I am. And that, most definitely, is your fault." I turned to the vikings around the room and gestured to Stoick with a bemused but angry expression. "Anybody in here expecting a child? Yes? Well, you should really ask Stoick for parenting advice. He'll tell you how to ruin your children. Have fun!"
With that, I mounted Toothless and flew as fast as I could out of the hall. My eyes met Heather, who was watching at the whole conversation, standing by Fishlegs. Her eyes were cold, but I could almost see her sympathy. Sympathy for Stoick and I both. Her gaze, somehow, was so powerful that I almost felt a tinge of regret for all the vikings I left almost in tears. I pushed it away almost immediately, but the image of her gaze clung to my thoughts.
I was prepared to blast down the door as an exit, but someone opened it quickly to let me through. Toothless and I sped towards the edge of town. The minute I was away from public eyes, away from them, I started shaking. Memories and memories fell upon me in a wave as I landed. My legs gave way as I jumped onto the sand of the cove and I fell, weak, to my knees. A sob wracked my body as I fought phantom pains of a whip. I wanted to fight back, but I couldn't destroy what was in my head. The war of emotions started up again.
Strangled screams and tears filled my night.