❝reality (pronounced rɪˈalɪti or ree-al-i-tee), noun
what is real or true.❞
Ryan prepared all the kids' beds. Spencer was going to share with Phoenix, and Robin was to share with Elle, in the music room. She had a couple of spare mattresses that she could borrow from her neighbours, thank goodness, and she and Hunter were staying in her own room.
As she changed into the shirt she wore to bed every night, a voice spoke from behind her. "So that's where that shirt of mine got to."
She spun around. "Oh! Erm-"
"It went missing after the last time I came to the UK," he said, coming closer and putting his hands on her waist. "I should've known, huh?"
"Well... you left it in your dressing room when you had to leave so suddenly, so I just... took it." She giggled. "It smelled like you."
"I must say, it looks wonderful on you," he said. "But I think it'd look better on the floor."
"Horny bastard," she said, making him chuckle. "You didn't even last thirteen hours."
"I'd have to disagree with you there. Three years. I waited three years, remember?" He chuckled, before kissing her. She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, kissing him back.
"God, I missed you," she mumbled against his lips.
He laughed quietly. "You have no idea," he muttered, before kissing her again.
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They lay there quietly, listening to the clock on the opposite wall ticking away the seconds. The seconds became minutes, then hours. Ryan seemed tired, but happy. "I still can't believe you're here," she said softly, tracing the definition of his chest.
"Me neither," he breathed. "You never told me you got tattoos."
"Of course I told you. It was only recently, but-"
"No, I would've remembered if you had." He moved the bedcovers down slightly, revealing her shoulder. "They're quite nice."
She touched her old bullet wound. "I hated looking into the mirror and seeing that scar. It just... it was a sign of weakness. I didn't like that. So I covered it up with something I actually wanted to see."
"A bluejay."
"Of course." She kissed him. "What else would I cover that up with, hmm?"
"What was the one on your leg? I couldn't see clearly, it was dark."
"A dove." She smiled slightly. "Do you like them?"
"I love them." He kissed her hair. "I'm so glad that you're... better. That you're happy again."
"Me, too."
He smiled slightly. "You're so beautiful, Ry."
She didn't respond, just lay there. "So... you're going..."
"On the twenty-seventh. Elle will get time to rest before her examination. If she doesn't, then I'm going to write a letter and explain that she's come down with something or other, give her an extension so that she can be prepared."
"Oh, I see."
He noticed that she had gotten quiet. "Oh, honey," he said softly. "Don't be upset that we have to go so soon. I'm sorry. I would stay for longer if I could."
"N-No." She smiled up at him slightly. "I'm glad you came at all. That means... well, it means the world to me, if I'm to be honest with you. I'm just so glad that you're right here."
"Even if it's only for a couple of days?"
"It's longer than all the other times. And this time you get to stay with me instead of in that damn tour bus."
"I'm sorry. I tried so hard to convince them, but..."
"I know. The company." She sighed. "They're actually like poison, Hunter. I'm not joking. They made you date that Vanessa girl when you and Lilly broke up, they forced you to marry me-"
"No one forced me to marry you. I'd've done that of my own accord, company or no company."
"Yes, but we would have been simply dating for a bit longer, rather than engaged and married on the same night."
"You don't resent me for that, do you?"
"Of course not. I just... I feel like you shouldn't be so willing to listen to them."
"I'm not willing to listen to them, Ry. But if I didn't, I'd lose my job."
She sighed again. "I know. I just don't like the idea of someone controlling you."
"No one is controlling me. Not anymore. I promise."
She moved closer to him, and he brought the blankets back up, covering them both. "Are you cold, darling?"
"A bit." She smiled, looking out the window at the shadows floating through the moonlight. "It's snowing. A white Christmas. How wonderful."
"Yeah. White Christmas." He moved closer to the window (the bed they were in was against the window), and opening it just slightly, making the cold air whoosh in.
Ryan shivered, moving closer to him. "What on Earth are you doing?"
"You don't already realise? I'm shocked."
She thought for a moment, then it struck her. "Are you purposely making the room colder so that I'll cuddle with you?"
"Hit the nail on the head," he said, kissing her.
"You're an idiot, Hunter." She kissed him. "You're my idiot."
"I love you, too." He laughed slightly. "Here's to hoping you don't get pregnant after tonight."
"Oh, God," she groaned, and he laughed again. "Let's hope so." She kissed him once on the neck, inadvertently making him shudder in pleasure. "I love you, bluejay."
"I love you, too, my dove."
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They sat at the breakfast table the next morning. Spencer had taken unusually well to Phoenix, and though Phoenix didn't talk very much to him, he was having a grand old time. Elle looked as though she hadn't slept a wink, and Robin was simply eating her breakfast quietly. Hunter glanced at Ryan, then said, "Kids?"
"Yeah?" asked Robin.
"Why don't I go with you, Nick and Spence, and we'll all go around London?"
Spencer nodded eagerly, and Nick gave an imperceptible nod. Robin smiled. "I wanna see Big Ben."
"Cool, we'll go see Big Ben, too. Ellie, you're okay with going with Ma today to the library?"
"Whatever."
"Good." Hunter stood up, taking Spencer's empty plate. "Is that all clear, everyone?"
"We're not making a freaking battle plan," mumbled Elle.
"Great, that's all good then."
"Shall I get the kids ready?" asked Ryan, smiling slightly.
"Yeah, if you could. I'll be taking a shower." He pecked Ryan on the lips, and she smiled.
Soon, the kids had left the house, and Elle remained. She pulled her hair into a braid, letting it hang down her right shoulder. "Ellie, are you ready to go?"
"Nearly."
"I'll be waiting in the living room, alright?"
"Yeah, okay." She went into the tiny little bathroom and started doing her makeup. She didn't wear a whole lot- she hated the way it felt on her face, all caked up- but she wore enough to make her look a little better than just ordinary. She hated how ordinary her looks were. Ordinary brown eyes, ordinary brown hair, ordinary light skin with a couple of ordinary freckles. Ordinary. She did her eyeshadow pink to match her hair a little, and put on the little spiked bracelet that Drew had gotten for her. It made her feel badass. She liked it.
She walked into the living room, hoisting her bag onto her shoulder. "I'm ready."
"Good. Let's go."
Elle followed Ryan out the door, and climbed in the left side. "It's so weird that y'all drive on the left side of the road."
She chuckled. "Oh, yeah, you guys go on the right, don't you?"
"Mmm."
Ryan glanced at her while driving. "How are you doing these days, honey?"
"Okay."
"How's Drew?"
"Alive."
She smiled slightly. "I heard Mel and Shaun had their first kid recently."
"Yeah. He's cute. His name is Dan, they made him his own Instagram page."
"That's sweet," said Ryan. "You know, I would have loved to have had an Instagram page dedicated to you four."
"Please don't. The Internet's probably already made one, let's be honest."
"Your Pa's fans can get pretty obsessed, can't they?"
"Yeah."
They were quiet for a bit, when Ryan said, "So, when's the tour going to be?"
Elle was quiet. "I don't know. Maybe sometime next year. Or the year after. Pa keeps making excuses for why we can't go."
She didn't say anything, and Elle looked up. "Does he really want his own daughter, Ma? Does he care? Because I feel like he doesn't."
"He does care."
"So why hasn't he gone yet? Why hasn't he found some place for Nick and Robbie to stay, and gone with me to find his daughter?"
"Do you want to find your family?"
She was silent, and Ryan looked at her. "Ellie?"
"No," she said softly. "I want to stay with you."
Ryan didn't say anything to this statement, parking in front of the library. "We're here, darling."
She nodded, and they stepped out, walking into the library. Though Elle pretended that she didn't like books anymore, she seemed wonderstruck. "It's... it's so beautiful."
"It is, isn't it?" said Ryan quietly. "I remember when I first came here with Spencer. He loves reading, just like you."
"What would he be reading? He's three years old."
"He loves Graeme Base books. Like 'The Eleventh Hour'. I read to him most nights, when he can't sleep."
"Hmm."
They found a desk to sit at together, and Elle began arranging her papers around her. "Ellie?" said Ryan.
"Yeah?"
"Why do you want to stay with us? Don't you want to know who your real parents are?"
Her eyes stayed on the paper, and after a moment, she responded. "You're the best parents I could ever have. And I hate knowing that you're not... not even close to my real parents. Whoever they are, they could never do what you two do. I'm... I'm so jealous. All the time. I hate seeing Robin and Spencer, because they came from your flesh and blood. You're both their real parents. And I'm just a nobody."
"That's not true."
"Pa always tries to include me and Nick, but it always ends up being... I always feel... angry. I just want to be yours. And he's always thinking about his real daughter, because I'm clearly not enough for-"
"Honey. Please, look at me."
She did. Ryan noticed that though her eyes were dry, they still looked full of pain and hurt. "Your Pa loves you so much. You need to understand that."
"So what if he does? He wants his real daughter."
"He knew that you weren't his real daughter a whole four years before you did, Elle. He loves you the same, no matter who you are."
She looked sad. "I know. That's why... well, that's why I started being a bad daughter. To kind of, y'know, give him a reason to want his own daughter back. What happened with him and Lilly? He never even talks about her."
"There's been a lot of things that Lilly has done. Not a lot of those things have been good."
"What do you mean?"
Ryan sighed. "Listen. You need to promise me that you'll not tell Pa that I'm telling you this. I'm only telling you so that you understand."
"Alright. Pinky promise."
"Lilly... was suicidal. She got pregnant a while after he proposed to her, but lost the first child when a group of jealous fans assaulted her when she had gone out to get some groceries. She was raped a short while after she and your Pa got married, and she lost the rapist's baby. She was... well, she was more than a little broken." She looked down. "She was like me, in that way. She had gone through a lot, and she needed an escape. My escape, originally, was... similar. I didn't want to live anymore. I didn't want to give Hunter a wife he didn't deserve, didn't want to give you four a mother who couldn't love the same way. That's why I left. But Lilly didn't survive in time to learn that that was what she needed. Time heals a lot of wounds, physically and emotionally."
"You were suicidal?"
"For a short while. Though I was a coward. I never went through with it. Every time, I sat there, and I realised I was terrified of the unknown. And so I never did it." She looked ashamed of herself. "I'm very thankful now, of course. If I had, poor Spencer... and you four, too. You, and Nick, and Robbie... and Hunter, too..."
"I'm glad you didn't."
Ryan smiled slightly, but it faded close to immediately. "Throughout her life, I don't think Lilly ever truly loved Hunter. It was more of an infatuation, perhaps a need to feel wanted the way Hunter wanted her. When he confessed his love to her, she outright refused him. But when he got over her, started seeing other people, she became jealous, and decided that she loved him. Of course, this is all just what I've heard. I never met Lilly, and I doubt everything I've heard about her is an accurate representation of what she really was, but that's how it sounds."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Hunter is... well, he's angry. He gave up a lot for her, and she repaid him by wanting to kill herself and leave him with two children he had no idea how to raise. She left him a video. I found the password for her laptop a day after I came to your house for the first time, and we found the video. It was very... eye-opening. She talked about how she felt like she had no choice, and it felt like she only cared about Hunter. And even then, it seemed so much more like... like she was only making it to get the guilt of leaving him that way off her chest. He told me once that the video wasn't made to show how much she cared about him. It was made selfishly. It was made so that it wasn't like she was leaving him for herself. She was doing it for him. For the twins."
"Do you think that's true?"
"I don't know if it's true, and I'm in no position to decide whether it is or not. But he's hurt. Hurt that she didn't care about him enough to want to fix her own depression. Hurt that she was so willing to leave him with a child she didn't want. More than anything, my darling, Hunter thought that she loved him, and that he loved her." She sighed. "I've no idea whether he means it when he says it or not, but he says that I was one of the first people he ever truly loved. Me and Lucky, when they were dating. I think it's because he found out that real love isn't just about arguing constantly, giving but never getting. He would constantly apologise for their arguments, even if she was in the wrong, and he seemed to be in love, not with her, but the idea of love itself. I don't think either of them loved each other. Either that, or what they once had disappeared over a short while, and when that happened, Hunter tried to pretend that it was still there. The remnants couldn't be salvaged. That's my theory. I don't think they could have been friends, but they certainly weren't suited to be lovers."
"That's..."
"Yeah. He's been through a lot, too. I think now, he's scared that this daughter of his will be like Lilly. Even if she's not, he's finally gotten past her, and he wants to stay that way. Lilly showed him a way of loving that wasn't healthy. She hit him once. Though she owned up to it fully, he said, it still didn't cancel out the fact that it had happened."
"Abusive?"
"Not just physically. Emotionally, too. She hurt him a lot. I'm really, really trying to be the wife he deserves. I don't want to hurt him the way she did so many times." She looked sad. "I regret all of the things I fought with him about in the few months before I left. And the times I fought with you, too."
"I forgive you."
"Do you understand, Ellie? Do you understand why he doesn't want to find his daughter? It's because he's scared that he's going to find Lilly again. It's the last thing he needs."
"So he's only going on the tour..."
"To find your family. And honey, if you don't want to, then you can tell him. It's okay to tell him that you'd rather stay. He loves you more than anything, and he'll listen. I know he will." She smiled gently. "Okay?"
Elle looked up, and for the first time since they had reunited in London, she smiled at her. "Thank you, Ma."
"I'll always be here for you. No matter what."
*A/N: VOTE, COMMENT AND FOLLOW!!!!!!
Nethii <3*