We didn't have time to see anything else besides a park and just walking through the streets. We didn't take Jared's car or bodyguards. I fervently said we would take buses or cabs or we would walk. I wanted to enjoy London without fancy cars and bodyguards come drivers surrounding us.
Jared spoke nicely to me but one could make out he was still grumpy. Yet, I was enjoying myself. I forced him to take pictures. The forced smiles on his face would indicate he was suffering from constipation for heaven sakes. I was getting my positive vibes again and having a blast.
London was awesome.
"We should go back now. Its almost 8:00. We need to have dinner, " Jared checked his watch.
"Yup," I said stuffing cotton candy in my mouth, "London is great. We didn't see anything almost. I would love to come here again with you," I said and realized a second later.
Oops.
"I-I um..." My ears warmed up.
Jared stared at me as if he was having an internal conflict in his mind, "Allison. No, please," He suddenly said, his face contorting into pain.
"Why not?" I stopped walking. We were at the park. Children were running around as adults sat down. All kinds of hawkers were present and the weather was cool. It wasn't very crowded. It was nice and calm.
It would have been totally romantic if Jared wasn't acting like a girl on her periods.
"Don't say stuff like that," He shook his head, "I beg of you."
"After what happened between us since last few months, I can tell that we are just not only in the professional zone. You clearly said that yourself. What's wrong, Jared? What happened?" I asked softly, lifting my hand and pressing it against his cheek.
His eyes closed as he let out a strangled breath and leaned into my palm. He brushed his lips against them before he slowly opened his eyes and looked at me clearly.
"Can I ask you something? You have to answer truthfully," He almost choked out the question.
"Sure. Anything for you."
"If we again go back together, if... would you lie and again hide something from me?" He asked, his eyes full of anguish.
I stilled. Why was he asking these questions? Whats the use? But again I had to tell him everything after my promise to Hailey and myself. If we were having a talk now, it was good. We were bound to have it someday.
"Of course not, Jared. I made a mistake and I won't do it again," I said truthfully, "You know that."
"Hmm," He mumbled deep in thought, looking away.
"Plus, I am still paying for that mistake. Thats why its a bit weird for us sometimes when we come close or anything," I said, chuckling awkwardly.
His eyebrows scrunched as the sad mask slipped off him, "What are you saying?"
"I mean you loved Alice once. So, its a bit weird for us when we come close. Though I don't think you love Alice anymore because I never see you speaking about her. I don't think you think about her either. I-"
"Alice? Why would I love Alice?" He asked, looking perplexed, a deep scowl marring his features.
"Jared, I know you were heartbroken. But you don't have to act. You loved Alice at one time. Don't deny it," I said.
Aarghhh, its still so painful thinking about them together.
"Dafuq, Allison. I don't love Alice. I never loved Alice. Why would you think like that?" He shook his head in disbelief, facing me completely.
"Because you said you love her," I said confused.
"When did I ever say I love her?" He suddenly shouted. I flinched.
"Of course you said it. Don't you remember at the engagement party of Hailey you told me after which I ran out. I was pretending to be Alice. And you said I love you Alice. So at some point, you always loved her," I explained.
Why was this happening now?
"Are you mad? I never loved Alice! I lo-" He stopped and took deep breaths. And then his expression cleared as if finally understanding something.
"Wait, wait, wait. Is that why you didn't say you were posing as your sister? Because you thought I loved your sister?" He asked, saying each word slowly.
"Obviously. I dressed up as her. Acted like her. So, you loved her. You loved the dressed up fashionable part of me i.e Alice. You were always gushing about her. Thats why I didn't say because you would get hurt which you eventually did. How would someone feel if he gets to know the girl he loved isn't the girl with him, but his sister whom he didn't love at all. If I went as Allison that day at the supermarket, you wouldn't have noticed me, let alone ask me out. You always would notice her though. Then the truth came out and of course you were heartbroken because you found out the girl you loved didn't love you back but your cousin.
Then, you went away without hearing what I had to say. If Trevor wasn't there I....would help you with Alice," I lied about the last part.
Or maybe not. Jared looked like he had just seen Madonna dancing naked on the streets.
"You wouldn't. Its not my fault you dressed up fashionably. I just fell in love. Glasses or not. Fashionable or not," Jared said slowly, his face all scrunched up in distaste.
At that point, I was too much deep in thought to realize he said he loved me. I never realized it.
And then Jared Grey went berserk. He started pacing around, clutching his head.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," He pulled his hair, his eyes as big as saucers now.
What was wrong with him?
"You okay?" I asked timidly.
"Are you blind?! Or you are really stupid! Couldn't you see? Arrrghh! You couldn't tell me? Huh?" He yelled, earning looks from people.
"What are you saying?" I asked looking around.
"This is all wrong! Fuck man! Fuck! If only you said this earlier! Why didn't you say so earlier?!" He bellowed this time.
"I tried! But you ran away without hearing me out! Anyway, what difference does it make now?" I shouted back.
"Everything! Bloody everything!" He crouched on the ground, burying his head in his hands.
"Listen, Jared, I am sorry Alice didn't love you and-"
"Alice! Alice! Alice! I am sick and tired of that name! I don't want to hear that name," He croaked.
Oh no. His eyes had turned bloodshot. His whole face was red and he was violently shaking.
"Its all my fault. Its all my fault. I should've listened to you before leaving. I should've listened and heard you explain. What have I done?" He shivered.
"Hey hey, its okay. I am there for you," I rubbed his back.
I had no idea why was he suddenly saying these things now.
"That day when I confronted you and you said you loved me, was it the truth?" He asked, looking at the ground.
Oh no.
"Does it matter?" I asked quietly.
"Please. I beg of you," His voice broke. He looked so weak and vulnerable. I felt pitiful towards him.
"Yes," I mumbled, "I meant everything I said ever. Even during that time. I told you before a thousand times but you didn't believe me. Honestly, I don't think you would believe anything I would've said at that time. You were too angry at me."
"Fuck," He put his head in his hands again, "You're right. I wouldn't have believed anything you said. But you never said anything about Alice or you having this stupid misconception that I liked her. You missed that point out."
"L-listen, its fine. Everything's in the past. Why are we even speaking about that time? We have now, the present," I said.
He laughed. A crazy psycho laugh.
"So naivë you are, Allison. So stupid. Can't you see anything? Don't you understand?" He asked, laughing wildly, head thrown back.
"Understand what?" I asked.
"Everything's over. I finished it," He laughed, a raw crude laughter.
"No it isn't. I am here, right?" I said, really confused.
"You won't be after few days when you get to know. You are going to hate me so much, Allison Marshall," He said, his lips wobbling.
Okay. He was talking in circles now.
"No, I won't," I said, utterly perplexed now.
"Let's go back. We have to leave early tomorrow," He said, getting up and trotting away as if nothing happened. I stood dazed for a few seconds before slowly following him.
I was missing several pieces of the puzzle .